Dia sighed, a smile on her lips, as Kanan and Mari left the classroom together.
Mari was holding onto Kanan's arm, the two talking animadetly.
They had asked Dia if she wanted to come along and grab something to eat for lunch, but she had declined politely, feeling like maybe the two of them would want some time for themselves.
As they had disappeared, Dia's smile wavered and she lowered her gaze, recalling the painful sting in her chest she would get ever so often when seeing Mari and Kanan so close. Admittedly, she was surprised that they had asked her to come along.
Sometimes, Dia felt a bit... ah, but she didn't dare finish that thought. It was just her being childish, probably.
You stood at the other entrance of the third year classroom, eyeing Dia unsure if now was a good time to approach her. Didn't she look a bit down?
You tried to muster up a smile and walked over to her. "Dia-san!" she brought the noirette's attention to her, signature smile on her face.
"Ah, You. What brings you here?" It was unusal to see You on her own, even more so around the third years. Chika was the one that was close to Kanan anyways.
"Riko finished the new lyrics and I wanted to bring them to you guys. Are Kanan-san and Mari-san not here?" You looked around, but she had already recognized that the two were missing, of course.
"Ah, yes, they're buying lunch. Thank you for bringing the lyrics, I will hand them over to Kanan and Mari as well."
You seemed to perk up at that and as she handed Dia the lyrics, the noirette felt a bit uneasy suddenly, the sensation came like a lightning, short and intense, and Dia felt almost numb for a second afterwards.
Wasn't this... the first time she and the second year talked alone? Just the two of them? How strange.
"Anyways... where are Chika and Riko?" Dia tried to keep a conversation going.
She was supposed to look after the younger members after all, wasn't she? No time to get worked up over insignificant things.
You suddenly looked a bit nervous herself. "Oh, yeah, they're also eating lunch, umm..." You avoided the other girl's eyes.
"...Are they leaving you behind?" Dia asked and she scolded herself inwardly for sounding so strict.
"No! That's not it at all, it's more like... It's just that lately..." You looked around one more time. "Don't you think they really like each other?", she whispered.
Dia looked at the second year in confusion. Just one moment later, blood rushed to her cheeks as realization hit her.
"You don't mean..:!" she jumped up, her voice loud, You seemed startled by the sudden outburst and Dia sunk back into her seat, embarassed, clearing her throat.
"I see. So that's how it is." "Yeah..." There was a short moment of silence and Dia wondered when her childhood friends would return.
"Um, so... Dia-san... what about Kanan-san and Mari-san...? Are they leaving you behind?"
The sting in her chest returned for a moment and Dia lowered her gaze, almost as if she was ashamed of her feelings.
"No, actually I'm a bit surprised. It seems Chika and Riko are gaining a similar relationship to that of Kanan and Mari's." You's eyes widened. "Are they-?!"
Dia avoided her eyes. "Well, they didn't say anything but... I'm almost sure."
"Hmm... now that I think about it... they really are like a married couple! So you're trying to give them some time together?"
Dia flinched and avoided her gaze once more. "I guess you could say that."
You noticed the older girl's weird behavior, of course. She really wanted to ask if something was up, but she didn't know if it would be alright.
They were both members of Aqours... but they weren't exactly close, were they?
"Dia-san... is everything alright? You seem down." A pang of guilt struck Dia as she looked at the second year who wore a clearly worried expression.
Wasn't she supposed to look after the others?
She mustered up her best smile, the one she always used to reassure Ruby. "I'm fine, just a bit tired. I'm sorry for worrying you."
You didn't seem convinced, but Dia really wasn't either. It was so easy to put on a smile for Ruby, for Kanan, for Mari. Why not for You? Because she wasn't someone she was looking after, not her childhood friend, not her sister... but just another girl like her?
You thought about her conversation with Dia as she was walking home. It was the first time they talked like that, wasn't it?
You had always seen Dia as the student council president, a caring and responsible girl to look up to, someone who loved idols with all her heart. She still thought of the older girl that way, but she had never considered that Dia must feel burdened as well.
Once in her room, the second year pulled out her phone. They had an Aqours group chat but she had never messaged Dia in private before.
[18:04] Hey, Dia-san... um, sorry saying strange things before. Are you really okay?
She then slumped down onto her bed, staring at the ceiling.
Thinking about it, You wasn't that close to most girls in Aqours, even though they spent everyday together. She was closest to Chika and Riko – but even they...
Dia returned to her room after having taken a bath. She looked at her phone and was mildly surprised to have received a message from You.
Dia didn't text much, not even with Kanan and Mari. Even in the group chat, she mostly talked about organizing and otherwise didn't reply much. She didn't know how to act when texting and she honestly preferred phone calls.
[19:36] Don't worry about it. I'm fine.
Wasn't that too strict? Didn't it sound rude? Dia sat down with her phone in both hands, waiting for the younger girl to reply.
[19:37] I see, that's good then :) But you can tell me when something's up!
[19:37] We're friends after all!
The noirette was surprised about that message.
Of course they were friends, right? What else?
"Friends"...Dia sighed. She felt like... just a little bit...
[19:38] Thank you very much.
You felt embarassed. Did that come out wrong? She really couldn't tell what Dia thought of it since she had a very... direct way of texting.
Did she think You was ridiculous? Did she find her strange? Of course she and Dia were friends, right? All of Aqours were friends... right?
The next days of practice were uncomfortable for both Dia and You.
It was as if something unspoken was in the air between them. As if they wanted to say something.
Of course neither showed their feelings and instead did their best to act normally, even though they both wondered if the other girl experienced the same kind of feelings in Aqours.
You couldn't help but watch Dia closely. Dia, Kanan and Mari, to be exact. Wasn't something off?
Even during weekend practice nothing new happened, but on Monday You felt she wanted to talk to Dia, so she waited for her in front of the student council room after school. When Dia was done with her work and left into the hallway, she wasn't surprised to find You standing there, but she wasn't enthusiastic about it either.
"...The sun is going to set soon. Why are you still here?"
You flinched as she hadn't noticed the noirette exit the room.
"Ah- I was waiting for you, Dia-san."
Dia didn't reply. "I wanted to talk."
The older girl sighed. "Alright. What is it?" And at the same time she cursed herself for sounding so rude once again.
"Dia-san... you told me you weren't down... and that Mari-san and Kanan-san are dating so that's why you're taking your distance from them... but is it really you taking distance?"
Dia's eyes widened as she stared back at You, whose eyes were filled with determination.
"Aren't you... even if just a little..." You clenched her fist. "Aren't you feeling left behind?"
Sometimes, Dia felt a bit... ah, but she didn't dare finish that thought. It was just her being childish, probably.
"I don't feel left out! Chika and Riko are close, but we already talked about it once. It's alright. But did you and the others talk?"
Sometimes, she felt a bit...
"I... I can understand if you don't want to talk about it, but I want to help you and I also...!"
She felt so...
"To be honest... I was a bit happy. Because me and Chika and Riko talked it out, but sometimes I still feel like I'm just not as close with them as they are with each other. Sometimes I wonder if the others in Aqours see me as a close friend and when I think that... I feel lonely."
She felt lonely.
There were tears in You's eyes now and as Dia had just kept staring at the younger girl, she herself had started to cry as well.
"Dia-san... don't you feel like that, too? Don't you... feel the same?" Dia sucked in a breath, tears rolling down her cheeks.
"I do!" and her voice was loud and she was sobbing, but she didn't care.
Dia was trembling as she stretched out her arms and You looked at her in surprise.
Kanan and Mari were always hugging each other. Of course, being the way Dia was she didn't really do things like that with anyone.
But just this once... wouldn't it be okay? You sobbed and ran into Dia's arms. She felt so connected to the older girl. You hadn't thought someone else would feel those kinds of doubts. Dia thought she had to suck it up when she felt sad.
After practicing so much together, standing on stage together... they were still like strangers, but they were so close.
Wasn't that kind of sad? Wasn't that... kind of beautiful?
They stood there for some time, hugging and crying.
As the tears started to fade, the two girls tried to calm down and grabbed their bags that had fallen to the ground in process.
"...I'm sorry." Dia said and You looked at her in confusion.
"For not being honest and for troubling you."
You smiled at her, it was genuine. "I feel a lot better now, Dia-san. Don't worry."
"Considering the circumstances... it would be alright if you just called me Dia."
The younger girl seemed surprised at that, but quickly lit up with another smile. "Wow, okay. Thanks... Dia."
The noirette returned You's smile and played with a strand of her hair almost nervously.
"So, umm... we don't know that much about each other... do you maybe wanna walk home together?" You suggested and Dia smiled, genuinely and kind, and it made You's heart beat just a little faster.
You was a happy and nice girl, energetic and usually composed, honest and kind, she wasn't immature but could get excited when talking about things she loved.
Dia appeared strict and composed on the outside, she was a mature and intelligent girl, but she was kind as well, always looking out for others, she could get even more excited than You when talking about things she loved.
Even on the following days they would walk home together, holding hands.
And as You looked at Dia, thinking about Chika and Riko...
And as Dia glanced at You, thinking about Kanan and Mari...
They understood her friends a little more...
because this...
wasn't this...
...what it felt like to be in love?