Exs & Ohs

Kara had arrived in the sky outside Lena’s balcony just in time to have her heart broken. She doesn’t mean to listen in, she really doesn’t, but the way Lydia is holding Lena’s hands, the way she leans in…

 “I shouldn’t have left you.”

 Kara sees their lips touch and she nearly falls out of the sky. Her hands curl into fists and heat wells in her eyes as she fights the urge to cry. She watches Lena kiss Lydia back for a moment before she can’t take it anymore. She flies up and away from Lena’s office. She can’t fall apart now. Not here. Right now, she’s not Kara, she’s Supergirl.

 Pull yourself together!

 Kara flies a few quick laps around the building, doing her best not to listen in on Lena and Lydia any further. At last she manages to rein in her emotions, pushing her jealousy and hurt and anger down into a safe place. Supergirl wasn’t allowed to feel such things. But inside Kara was already trying to decide what flavor of ice cream she would cry into later that night. By the time she lands on Lena’s balcony she’s confident that her face betrays none of her sorrow.

Lydia sees her first and Kara watches as her face lights up with wonder, with hope. And Kara hates it. Hates the expectations she see in Lydia’s eyes. She has to go in there and be brave and strong, she has to try to be this woman’s hero, when all she really wants to do it throw her into the sun.

Lena turns slowly, using her thumb to wipe at her smudged lipstick. There is no surprise on her face, no awe. For a moment, Lena looks terrified to see her and Kara feels the sting of guilt for not coming to see her sooner as Supergirl.

Kara had been busy like she’d told Lena, but somewhere deep down Kara couldn’t deny the jealousy she’d felt for the way Lena looked at her alter ego. Lena’s eyes would always linger just a little too long on Supergirl’s lips, her arms. And Kara hadn’t wanted to have to compete with anyone for Lena’s affection, not even herself.

Her guilt is quickly chased away as she watches Lena school her expression, quickly slipping into CEO mode. Lena walks over to the balcony door, beckoning Supergirl inside.

“Supergirl, please come in.” Lena’s tone is controlled, but she pointedly avoids Supergirl’s eyes.

“Hello, Ms. Luthor.” Kara manages to stay composed as she has to step close enough to smell Lena’s perfume as she enters the office.

 Rao, I can’t possibly handle this.

 Lydia quickly steps forward, a genuinely friendly smile on her face, and holds out her hand.

Kara is immediately reminded of the day they met in the chinese restaurant when Lydia had been reluctant to shake Kara Danvers’ hand. She fights the urge to imitate the gesture, instead reaching out and taking Lydia’s outstretched hand, she gives it a quick firm shake.

“I’m Lydia Tate. Thank you so much for coming.” Kara nods to her, suddenly reminded why she’s here. Whatever was going on between her and Lena or Lydia and Lena wasn’t important right now. Marshall Tate was fighting for his life and Kara couldn’t allow her personal feelings to put him in further jeopardy.

“Of course, Ms. Tate.” Kara offers a reassuring smile. Lena comes to stand beside Lydia, crossing her arms over her chest.

“You understand the situation?” Lena’s defensive posture makes Kara’s chest tighten. Again Lena makes a point not to mention Kara’s supposed friendship to Supergirl. Kara takes the hint.

“Yes, I’ve been briefed. How is your grandfather?” Kara takes a step back and focuses her attention on Lydia. The other woman fidgets nervously, wringing her hands, and the smile shrinks from her face at the mention of her grandfather.

“He’s not getting any better, and my doctors are at a loss.” Kara is impressed by how steady the blonde’s voice is even as her hands shake.

“What can I do to help?”

Lydia’s face washes with relief, as if she thought the heroine might turn her away.  She walks back over to her purse, which she left by the drink cart. While Lydia’s back is turned, Lena leans forward and whispers shyly.

“Thank you for coming. For helping her.”

 Kara’s face crinkles in confusion.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Kara asks carefully.

Lena’s eyes narrow and she looks like she wants to say more, but Lydia turns around before she can speak. Lydia hands Supergirl a thick folder.

“This is his recent medical record, since...it happened. All his test results are in there. And this is…” Lydia hands Kara what is unmistakably a vial of blood. Kara takes it carefully, knowing how fragile the glass is in her hands. “This is a fresh blood sample. I had it flown in this morning.” Kara nods, giving Lydia a sympathetic smile.

“I’m gonna do everything I can for him, Ms. Tate. I promise.” Lydia looks at the folder and blood vial in Kara’s hands like she wishes she had more to give, then she forces a sad smile, and gives a shaky nod.

“How soon do you think you’ll know something?”

Kara looks down at the file, she needs to have Alex go through it, and have Winn search the DEO database for Marshall’s symptoms. But the answer would most likely be found at the Fortress of Solitude. Kara could use the blood sample to search through the records there in no time.

“I should have news by the end of the day.” Kara watches Lydia wrap her arms around herself, hope flashing across her features.

“How do I contact you?”

Kara takes a few steps toward the door, eager to get started. Eager to get away from the two of them. “I’ll come to you.”

Lena steps forward suddenly.

“Supergirl, wait.” Kara halts, scrutinizing Lena whose expression is strange, somewhere between frustration and fear. She turns back to Lydia.

“Lydia, can you give us a minute? I need to speak to Supergirl privately.”

Kara stiffens. She doesn’t want to be alone with Lena right now. Not when she’s Supergirl and not Kara Danvers. Not when Lena was kissing her ex just a few minutes ago. Not when all Kara wants to do is tell Lena the truth, about everything.

Lydia’s eyes dart between Lena and Supergirl, a small smirk teasing at her lips. This is the Lydia Tate, Kara recognizes. Always looking for an angle. Kara straightens her posture under Lydia’s scrutiny, lifting her chin, daring Lydia to see through her. Lydia either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care.

“Of course.” she says. She gathers her things and offers her hand to Supergirl again.

“It was lovely to meet you, Supergirl. I only wish it were under better circumstances.” Kara shakes her hand.

“Likewise.” Lydia nods.

“Lena, I’ll see you in the boardroom.”

“Yes, I’ll be there in a minute.” Lena tells her, but her eyes are glued to the floor. Lydia goes and the door closes behind her with a soft click. Lena and Kara stand awkwardly for a moment before Lena finally looks up. She studies Kara timidly.

“Is everything alright, Ms. Luthor?”  It takes way too much effort for Kara to keep from fidgeting under Lena’s emerald gaze.

Lena steps forward carefully, like she’s afraid of scaring Supergirl away.

“You tell me.”

Kara looks away, anywhere but Lena’s eyes. She doesn’t trust herself to respond.

 Can she really read me so well?

 Lena takes another step closer. Kara can still feel her eyes on her.

“Is everything okay, between you and I, Supergirl? Are we okay?” Kara’s brow crinkles in confusion, and she finally meets Lena’s eyes. She’s surprised to find such insecurity there. Kara relaxes slightly, seeing Lena’s vulnerable expression.

“Of course, Ms. Luthor. Why wouldn’t we be?”

Lena’s eyes widen in surprise and she shifts uncomfortably.

“I just haven’t heard from you...since…”

 Oh.

 Now Kara understands, Lena is concerned Supergirl is still upset about their last conversation, before the Medusa virus.

“I know the last time we talked I…” Lena hesitates, looking away ashamed “I said cruel things. Untrue things.”

“Ms. Luthor…” Kara steps forward, placing a timid hand on Lena’s shoulder, but Lena won’t look at her. Lena shakes her head.

“I was angry and afraid, and I took it out on you, Supergirl, and I shouldn’t have. I should have trusted you.”

“Lena.” The brunette finally looks up in shock at the sound of her name. Their eyes meet and Kara can hardly fight the urge to embrace her.

“Lena, I’m not angry with you.” Kara’s voice shakes a bit, she tries to push down the memory of Lydia and Lena’s kiss. She is kinda angry about that, though mostly with herself for thinking she could compete with Lydia.

“That night...You never have to apologize to me for wanting to believe the best in someone, Ms. Luthor. Especially someone you care about.” Lena’s green eyes shine, and she glances away, nodding gratefully.

“Lillian Luthor is a lot of awful things. But at the end of the day she’s still your mother. And I understand how hard it must have been for you to stand up to her.”

Lena takes a few steps back, composing  herself, but she smiles shyly at Supergirl.

“You just kind of disappeared and I thought...Well, I was afraid you were angry with me.” Kara shakes her head.

“No, not at all. I’m sorry for not coming by sooner.  I...a friend needed my help so I was away for awhile. But, you saved everyone that night, Ms. Luthor. When I wasn’t fast enough, strong enough, you saved everyone. And for that...I’m so grateful to you.”

Lena blushes slightly.

“Well,” She says growing serious, a fierceness to her voice. “I never want anyone to be hurt because of my family again. The Luthors have done enough damage to this world. No more.”

They are quiet for a moment.

“I should go now, Ms. Luthor.” Kara says gently, hesitant to break their silence. Lena seems to snap out of her thoughts.

“Yes. Yes, of course. Marshall needs you.” She nods and steps away. “I have a meeting.” Kara nods too, stepping toward the balcony door.

“I’ll let you know as soon as I have any news.”

She steps outside and takes off. But as she leaves she just barely hears Lena whisper

“Goodbye, Supergirl.”

-----------

Kara drops Marshall Tate’s medical records off at the DEO along with a small blood sample for Alex to analysis. Winn is quick to get started searching the DEO’s database for possible solutions to Marshall’s illness. But Kara is still upset about Lena, and of course, Alex notices.

 “Hey, are you alright?” She eyes Kara carefully, as if searching for injury. But as usual, all of Kara’s hurt is on the inside, just out of reach.

 Kara straightens up, avoiding her sister’s eyes.

 “Yeah, I’m fine. Just alot on my mind.” This reply doesn’t soothe Alex’s worry. She gently pulls Kara over to the side.

 “Did something happen with Lena? I know, your date got kinda cut short last night, but before that...How was it?”

 Kara shakes her head sadly, Because their date had been lovely. It had been amazing, hadn’t it? Lena had been so at ease and flirty and open. The way she’d smiled at Kara, the way she’d touch Kara’s face and leaned in...

 I want you. She’d said.

“I don’t know, Alex. It was…” It was a long shot. Kara thinks. “I’m not sure what Lena’s feeling right now. I think, I was right. The timing isn’t right.” Alex frowns sensing that there’s more to the story. But she doesn’t push.

“I’m sorry, Kara. I know, you really care about her.” Kara nods, giving her sister a small smile.

 “Yeah, well, that hasn’t changed.”

 Alex looks like she’s about to say something. Ask a question, Kara doesn’t want to answer. So Kara swiftly steps away, hands on her hips.

 “Look, I’ve gotta get going. I have to fly to the Fortress to test Marshall’s blood. And Lena is still expecting Kara Danvers at L-Corp today so…”

 Alex lets it go.

 “Okay.” She says, “I’ll get to work on Marshall’s files. Let you know if we find anything.”

 Kara turns away and lifts into the sky, heading North.