Asriel tugged at the damp sleeve of his knitted jumper, strands of wool curling like tassels where he had pulled apart the fabric, and contemplated his ultimate fate.
He could suffer eternally in loneliness, amidst the crepuscular shadows of the sickeningly purple Ruins that had always made him feel ill with longing to be around, even as that cursed flower. Alternatively, he could suffer eternally with his family, amidst the sunlight that would bless each crevice and abyss in each of his golden petals.
In all honesty, he felt acephalous. He could not help but remind himself (as he had had the determination to control timelines himself that his decision would not matter regardless of what he chose; Frisk would reset soon enough, he knew. The knowledge was a burden that consistently made him bitter, but he could not hate them for what he too wanted.
Asriel released a long, shaky breath he didn't realise he had been holding in that quivered and hung in the thick air. Truthfully, he had lived for many years, but he had died a child and so a child he remained innately.
And, as a child would, he missed his parents.
For a little while, all of Asriel's concerns in the world faded. They dispersed, skeletal butterflies with trembling wings, fading in to the sillohouette of a staring moon. For the first time since Chara had been not-sociopathic, Asriel felt a lingering serenity that settled deep within him, despite knowing that it would have to end and that his perfect little family was more imperfect than anybody would like to admit. Toriel and Asgore did not love each other, and Asriel, no longer as naïve as he had once been, understood that Toriel would have left if not for the constant presence of him and Frisk, which bounded her with uncomfortable restraints to Asgores home.
Yet, as all good things tend to do, it had to end.
Asriel asked Toriel and Asgore to sit with him, and took those deep breaths that Alphys had recommended, although they had rarely seemed to do much to help him in the past.
"Mum...dad..." Asriel managed, each letter a stitch made across his lips as he struggled to find what to say. He thought he had planned this well, yet the words were torn and scattered amongst the gentle breeze that was tickling Asriel's shorter hairs.
"What ever is the matter, my child?" Toriel asked, her voice gentle and soothing, trying to coax him out of his awkward state. Despite these efforts, Asriel only felt ever more anxious; he was being forced to recall his childhood, a childhood that Toriel and Asgore would soon have no physical form to associate that collection of memories with.
"I- I... I don't want to have to say it," Azriel admitted, tears brimming at the corners of his large, glossy eyes, "golly, it'll only make it all more real, not all better."
"Do not be afraid, my child," Asgore assured, "whatever the issue is, we are here to support you." Asriel forced himself not to mention how they could very well support him individually, but there was no 'we' for the two of them anymore.
"We only want you to feel happy," Toriel said, and waves of guilt flooded Asriels lungs.
"But that's just it," Azriel sniffed, "I can't be happy. I can't be anything positive. Not for much longer. I have to give these souls back, it's not fair for me to keep them. It's selfish, and I don't want to be selfish. Besides, it... well, it hurts, holding on. I have to let go. I have to accept that I am Flowey."
They understood that their son could no longer be their son better than he could have ever of asked for. Toriel made butterscotch-cinnamon pie that night.
Alphys stared at the flower pot on one of her lab tables, and was rapidly overwhelmed.
Coming to terms with the mistakes she had made in the past was something that Undyne and Papyrus and been quick to attempt to aid her with, but Flowey was one creation potentionally so much worse than the Amalgamates that she could not forgive herself for. In the end, the Amalgamates never intended to hurt anybody, and had the opportunity and fortune to live happily with their families. In contrast, Flowey had been sadistic, and couldn't feel love, thus could hardly be called by his true name- Asriel Dreemurr- no matter how determined he was.
"Doesn't it make you hate yourself?" Flowey asked, though it seemed to have more in common with a statement, and Alphys flinched although the remark had seemed more sympathetic than angry or mocking.
"W-wuh-well, I-I suppose s-so," Alphys confirmed, her brain swirling and dancing through fogs of self-hatred at her stuttered response.
"Me, too," Flowey agreed, "I say, wouldn't it be neat if we could travel all the way back and change this."
"But you'd be d-dead," Alphys argued, forcing herself to ignore the simmering excitement that the fantasies Flowey had alluded to had inspired.
"But you'd be happier," Flowey replied, and Alphys did not deny it. There was little point: she knew that Flowey had enough intelligence to know the truth despite anything that she may claim, and, besides, Alphys had promised herself that she could not lie anymore. She would honour that if it was the last thing she could do. "I'm practically dead, anyway."
"Happiness i-is fluid. I'm n-not always s-so sad," Alphys argued.
"If you count fluid as on a scale from anxiety-ridden to plain suicidal," Flowey snapped bitterly, his mouth set in a wry line. "I thought talking to you might help me accept myself, but I suppose not."
"Y-you're wrong," Alphys promised, although she was aware that it was more likely that he was attempting to console and convince herself, "I'm in love. Things h-have never been b-better."
"The bar was never set high."
"And there is no reason to lower it."
Alphys left her laboratory for the day shortly after this conversation, her mind plagued with consistent swarms of doubt.
With the barrier shattered, Flowey had the freedom to travel underground with minimal difficulties, and he took full advantage of the situation. Chara had always been quick to remind him of how cowardly he was, and while he desired to have the valiance that every fallen human had had, he knew that it was something he could never achieve, even without love and compassion weighing him down.
After all, how could you have something worth fighting for if you didn't even have a soul? Bravery is, in the end, derived from your ability to care for others or situations and how far you would take that.
And so Flowey hid with no seeker, wondering how long it would be until Frisk showed him the mercy of resetting.
"I'm j-just such an- an idiot, you know?" Alphys told Undyne, a throw blanket that had been made scratchy and uncomfortabke with age tossed clumsily over the pair. "I- I can't b-believe you think that I'm d-different now than I was th-then."
"I know, okay? I don't care who you were then, because I know you, Alphys, and I know that you wouldn't hurt anyone, even if you would've before. Okay?" Undyne said, although any agitation present in her sharp tone was a mere façade to encourage her girlfriend.
"O-okay," Alphys replied, but both Alphys and Undyne were aware that the word was not weighted with honesty but with desperation to escape the situation. Together, they could forget the harsh reality as, to them, their relationship was almost a fairytale. It seemed to implausible.
Undyne was attempting to show Alphys that she supported her, but it was difficult to adjust to when Undyne had always had to prove her own self-worth. She could not call herself narcissistic- the word better suited Mettaton- as she was, in fact, undeniably selfless, but she had to admit to being possibly even worse with words than Alphys.
Perhaps that was why they got along so easily.
Mettaton, similarly to Undyne, could not say he was the best source of comfort that Papyrus could find. Still, he considered it his duty, and so, as dedicated and patriotic as one could be, Mettaton threw his arms around Papyrus and kissed his cheek(bone).
"How are you, darling?" Mettaton asked, and it was less of a strain to not mention himself first than people may have expected.
"I, am, as usual, absolutely great!" Papyrus replied, a particular hollowness to his voice that Mettaton did not appreciate the existence of.
"Papy, I do hope you remember that honesty is the best policy. I am not in any place to judge you," Mettaton said, his voice, and he decided to add in a "I love you" for good measure and good luck.
"Of course I remember!" Papyrus said, less scandalised than he was typically. "But you're just so clever and perceptive and I- I couldn't even tell that that flower was never my friend! And now he's back and he's meant to be good, but I don't know! I'm meant to know everything!"
"His betrayal was unexpected. That can not be called your fault, I promise. And, tell you what, I could never betray you. You're too good for that," Mettaton encouraged, and flinched as he noted that these were words he had recounted to himself countless times before a mirror id any reflective surface that he had been able to grab.
As Mettaton had hoped, however, flattery seemed to boost Papyrus' mood.
Alphys gave Undyne's hand a brief squeeze, begging and praying for any luck that could be offered. She needed confidence more than she wanted it, because she would surely faint when she encountered Flowey.
"You'll do fine," Undyne swore, her words heavy with sincerity, "you managed to confess to me, in the end." Alphys smiled at her, but it was a small, scared smile that barely flitted across her face before disappeared faster than an ordinary monster's soul at death. Still, she appreciated the guidance, and the words were especially sweet when they came from somebody she treasured as much as she treasured Undyne.
Closely behind them, Mettaton obnoxiously tugged Papyrus along behind him, but Papyrus seemed to lighten each time he saw the despair that was the very portrait of love on Mettaton's face.
Toriel opened the door when they knocked, her eyes red-rimmed and a filthy apron tied over her dress.
"Oh! Hello! I am sorry, I was not expecting you! Frisk is out at the moment, but you c- oh, no, no, silly me! You must be here to see Asgore! Well, he's- uh, I am not sure where he is. It has been diffi-"
"We're here to see Flowey," Undyne said plainly, interrupting Toriel's hysterical ramblings with a name that risked at making them worse.
"Oh, oh of course," Toriel replied, her tone flat and dry.
She led them to a room at the end of a dimly lit hallway, where Flowey, in his pot, looked through the window, unaware of their presence. Toriel opened her mouth to speak, before closing it and leaving hurriedly, while still trying to pretend she was not running away.
"Mum?" Flowey called out eventually, his voice carrying around the room with a certain tenderness that was only Asriel's- except it was Flowey's, too, and that was what all people needed to understand. He twisted around to face the four, and he was too surprised to mask how taken aback he was. "Oh, howdy! Why aren't you lot off having fun?"
"I-I needed closure," Alphys explained, "as d-did Papyrus, and U-Undyne a-and Mettaton thought this w-would be most e-e-eff-effective."
"Right," Flowey replied, his tone almost, but not quite, apathetic, "you know, I envy you. You lot are so lucky and you don't even know. You get to have love. You all love each other a lot. How does it feel to love? I've already forgotten?"
Not one of them denied it, because he was right. How could he deny it while Alphys leaned in to Undyne's hand and Mettaton rested his head against Papyrus' shoulder blade? But it would be okay.
It would be okay as they told Flowey that he was still a part of their over-sized, raggedy family. It would be okay as they reminded him that they loved him. It would be okay as Flowey was remembered as Asriel, not as a villain. It would be okay as both couples got married. It would be okay as Toriel and Asgore finally stopped trying to make it work for their children and accepted that it just couldn't happen. It would be okay as Frisk refused to reset and as Chara did not harm anyone. It would be okay as they all passed away and after death Flowey was still Flowey because that was who he had accepted himself as. It would be okay as the world became a better place and Flowey became a better monster with it.
It would be okay.