“It's 7 pm. Nasaan ka na?” I heard Aria's voice on the other line. Sinuot ko na yung earphones ko, just so I could answer her call while keeping my eyes on the road.
“Papunta na, langga. Late lang gawa ng na hold back sa trabaho saglit. I'm sorry.” I apologized.
“Hindi ka pwede kahit half day? We talked about this yesterday.”
“I know, I tried. I'm sor— AHH!” Napasigaw ako as I stepped on the breaks hard, biglang may nag cut sa harap ko.
“Cameron. Hello? Are you okay? Cam?” I heard her voice.
“I'm okay. May nag cut lang bigla sa harap ko. Anyways malapit na talaga ako..” Tumigil ako sa pagsasalita because when I checked my phone, the call had ended already. Ayun na nga, tampo na ‘to. Susuyuin ko mamaya.
7:00 pm.
Sa site sa Cavite pa kasi ako galing. Tapos may sarado pang roads. I have to take a longer route. Eh may dinner ako with Aria by 7:30 pm. It's our 7th anniversary. Napatingin ako sa nasa passenger’s seat. Bumagsak na yung box, pati yung bouquet sa sahig ng sasakyan. I sighed.
Maayos nga muna.
I quickly parked into the side, putting all the things that fell pabalik sa upuan. Then I started driving again pauwi.
7:20.
Patay. I am still at least one hour away sa resto. I tried to get out as quick as possible, kaso ang daming tinapos. Nagpa sahod pa.
“Sana hindi sya mag no.” I whispered to myself. I want to propose to her today. I even have the ring in my pocket already. 2.00 carat, just like her dream ring. I wanted to take leave of absence kaso hindi pinayagan gawa ng on site daw. Although I was given an option for a one week leave the following week. So I was planning na if ever she says yes, I’m planning to take her for a vacation. Babawi talaga ako sa kanya because of this day.
8:45 pm.
I’m very late. Nakakainis. But I arrived at the restaurant. Agad akong pumasok, in a rush. But I can't find her. I looked for each table, pumasok ako sa restroom pero.. wala talaga.
Tinawanan ko sya ng paulit ulit. Texted her a bunch of times. Hindi sya sumasagot.
“I messed up.” I whispered to myself. Bumalik ako sa sasakyan, rushing to go home. Set aside the engagement muna, I have to make it up to her. Nakarating na ako sa bahay, finally. I walked in cautiously and.. I can't find her.
“Aria? Langga? Hello?” I called. Pero walang sumasagot. Kinakabahan na ako because the least I want is an angry Aria in our anniversary. I don't want to disappoint her yet I did. Hindi bale, pwede naman akong bumawi.
Umakyat ako sa taas, baka nandun sya. I saw the door open kaya pumasok ako.
“Langga.” I called her, pero hindi nya ako pinansin. Mukhang galit talaga. Ganun kasi sya, eh. Hindi ako pinapansin kapag may nagawa ako. Although understandable naman talaga, kasalanan ko.
“Ga..” I sat on the bed, next to her. “I'm sorry I came home late. Sorry hindi na tayo nakapag date. I didn't mean to. I just got caught up with work but I know it's unjustifiable. Babawi ako, please? Pansinin mo ako. Say something. Kahit magalit ka, okay lang. Please?” Pero hindi sya umimik. Bigla syang nagpunas ng mukha.
Wait, she's crying?
“Langga umiiyak ka? Hala sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry..” I attempted to wipe her tears pero bigla syang tumayo. Patay, galit nga. But she's crying.. I hate that she's crying. Umalis sya ng kwarto at lumabas. Sumunod naman ako agad.
“Langga let's talk.” Sinubukan kong hawakan ang kamay nya pero dere deretso lang syang lumabas ng bahay. May sasakyan na naghihintay.
Kanino yun?
Sumakay sya dun na ikinagulat ko.
“Wait! Langga saan ka pupunta!” Hindi na naman ako nakahabol. Kaya pumunta na ako sa sasakyan ko para sundan sila. I really wonder who this person is. And why is she leaving? Minutes after minutes. Parang malayo layo na ang narating nya. Then there goes. A hospital.
Bakit sya nandito?
Bumaba sya as the car parked. I was desperate. Hindi ko na na park ng maayos ang sasakyan ko. Wala namang pumuna sa akin kaya dere deretso lang ako sa ospital para masundan sya. I got more confused when I saw policemen, na agad nyang pinuntahan.
“Ma'am kayo po ba yung kausap namin sa phone?” He asked.
“O-Opo. Ako nga.”
“Langga. What are you doing here?” I asked her, pero parang wala syang naririnig.
“I'm sorry, ma'am. She passed away at 7:20 pm, after the accident. Dead on arrival po. Condolence.” He said.
“Sinong patay?” Tanong ko, pero parang wala namang nakakarinig.
“Halika miss, sundan mo kami.” The police walked, Aria following behind. Syempre, nakasunod ako kay Aria. She was led into a room, I'm assuming it was a emergency room. A person was on the bed, covered by a blanket.
May namatay na syang family member?
“‘Ga alam kong magagalit tayo but.. let me comfort you.” I was about to hug her but then she removed blanket and..
Fuck.
My knees weakened. Bigla akong bumagsak. Tears fell in my eyes as I desperately tapped my face.
“Gising.. Cameron gising. Gising!”
I was taken aback with Aria's cries. She was sobbing. Nakita kong may inabot na singsing ang mga pulis sa kanya.
“Ma'am, nakita po namin sa bulsa nya.” Sambit nya. Lumakas ang pagluha ni Aria. She recognized it, alam nya kung para saan yun.
“Condolence po ulit.” Then, the policemen left her to grieve.
“Langga.. bakit mo naman ako iniwan?” My heart sank.
Ako. Ako yung pinuntahan nya. I'm gone..
Kaya pala hindi nya ako kinakausap. Kaya hindi ako pinapansin.
Hindi nya pala ako nakikita.
“We're supposed to celebrate. We're supposed to be happy. We're.. we're supposed to..” Her voice broke. “We're supposed to be happy today..” Lumapit ako, then I hugged her. I hugged her tight.
“I'm sorry. I'm sorry, langga. Pasensya na kung hindi ako nakarating.” I was there with her as she cried, pero wala akong magawa. Hindi ko sya mayakap, hindi ko sya mapatahan. Wala na, hindi na ako makakabawi kahit kaylan.
How do I tell her that I tried? I tried my best to come home to her. That I did all I can just so we could be together? How do I tell her that I didn't want this?
Ayoko pang mamatay. Plinano ko lahat. Planado na ang kinabukasan naming magkasama. A future that is never to pursue. Dahil wala na ako.
“I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry.”
“Langga.. paano ako mabubuhay ng wala ka?” She spoke. “Paano ko kakayaning mabuhay na hindi ka kasama?”
All I could do is watch her helplessly. Because she can't hear me, wala din naman akong magagawa.
Wala na, huli na. Kung alam ko lang, sana man lang nasabi ko kung gaano ko sya kamahal.
But there's no chance for me to ever tell her that.
“Mahal na mahal kita.” I said, kahit pa hindi nya na naririnig.
Patuloy kitang mamahalin kahit pa sa kabilang buhay.