Chapter 15
Lena should have been used to it by now. The heavy feeling in her heart leading to a sleepless night, the puffy red eyes with the big bags underneath the next morning and the mood swings she's gonna have all day. After all, she had years of practice with Veronica. But she was wrong. This was something new, something different. When Kara left her penthouse, She broke down and cried. She cried her heart out all night, replaying their conversation, having all those what if this and there in her head. The first thing she usually did during times like this was be with Kara and drown her sorrows through alcohol. When Kara wasn't there, She'd go to Mike's Bar and drink by herself. Kara and Booze had always been her go-to during times like this but neither was there last night.
For a moment, she had thought about going to Mike's and drink her pain away like she always did. But she didnt. Yes, She may have done that before but not now. Not anymore. Now, She would not drown her sorrows with alcohol knowing it's a temporary fix. She doesn't want the easy way out anymore. Lena decides she's gonna buckle up and take it all in. Because Lena too had somehow learned and grown these past months more than anyone give her credit for. She is not the same Lena Luthor she had been months ago. She tells herself that she's gonna handle this heart break or anything life throws at her as the more mature and stronger version of herself that she had become over the months. Lena Luthor would not be backing down like she did before. She decides she'd face everything with head held high.
So she smiles though her heart is aching. She puts on her glasses and busies herself at work first thing in the morning.
"Ms. Luthor" Her new secretary says shyly. "A Miss Veronica Sinclair is here wanting to talk to you without an appointment. Should I-"
"Let her in" Lena says, looking up thru her glasses wondering what Veronica is here for. She hasn't seen her ex for quite awhile now. They had never really kept in touch after their break up.
"Lena" Veronica smiles as she hugs Lena.
"Veronica" Lena gestures the seat in front of her table as she sits, giving Veronica a smile in return.
"Youre probably wondering why I'm here. I want to return this personally and not through our lawyers. For old time's sake. " She hands Lena a check. It was the investment Lena had given her ex girlfriend for their supposed business together that they halted last minute for obvious reason; their break up.
"Thanks. I forgot totally forgot about this. How are you and Leslie?" Lena asks Veronica about her new girlfriend. They hadn't kept it touch that much but she hears things. They run in the same circle after all. It was an innocent question. Lena wasn't bitter or anything at all. She's happy Veronica gave someone the chance to prove to her that it's okay to love. Despite everything, she still cares about Veronica's well - being and wishes her the best.
"Great. Her kid loves me. Can you believe that! Anyways, How are you and Kara?" Veronica asks, raising an eyebrow due to Lena's reaction. "Not that great, huh?"
Lena lets out a chuckle wryly, shaking her head. Veronica's quiet for a minute, waiting for Lena's response but she gets nothing.
"Fine but I won't ask if you're okay. I know you're not."
"hmm. So youre saying youre a psychic now?" Lena teases.
"No." Veronica laughs, knowing how good her ex girlfriend was at pretending she's fine. "Im saying that you are wearing your glasses now instead of contacts." She points at Lena's glasses. "You do that to hide the fact that you've been crying."
"And those too. There's a reason why they're there." Veronica jerks her head, showing Lena the tissues in the trash bin.
"I..um..Thanks V... For everything" Because despite all the cries and heart aches Veronica had caused, they had some ups too and Lena was grateful for that.
"I was paying attention too, you know. contrary to popular belief." Veronica winks, teasing her ex girl friend. Lena just smiles at this, not really knowing what to say. Veronica doesn't want to push it. It's unusual enough that she's having this topic with her ex. They are, after all, broken up for a reason. So Veronica bids Lena goodbye, saying it was good to see her again.
Before Veronica could get to the door however, Lena blurts something out.
"She's leaving." Lena says with a hint of sadness in her voice. "maybe right at this moment. i dont know. but she's moving away"
Veronica pauses, smiling to herself. "The way you look at her."
"Huh?" Lena frowns, not understanding what Veronica means.
"That's how I knew"
Veronica turns her back to face her ex girl friend. "That's how I knew you were falling in love with her. Madly. Deeply. Even though you didn’t realize it yet, I knew. You... You never looked at me that way. You never lighted up that way when I entered the room or when you get a text from me. But with Kara, you did. You do."
Veronica takes a few steps closer but still maintaining the distance. "Yes, you loved me Lena. But as hard as it is for me to admit, it's different with Kara. It's way much more. You look at her and I see History in your eyes. Longing. Passion. Friendship. Trust. Love. How could anyone ever compete with a foundation as strong as that? "
"Veronica.. I-"
Veronica didn't let Lena finish what she was trying to say as she smiles sadly because even though she's happy with Leslie now, she still couldnt help but feel nostalgic of what she had taken for granted. "It took me a long time to realize what's in front of me Lena. I was too late and I lost something that could have been beautiful. Dont make the same mistake I did."
And with that, Veronica starts to head out but something Lena says stops her once more.
"You're wrong." Lena whispers with tenacity in her voice as she stands from her chair. "I didn't realize it too late. I know what I have right now, V. I'm not making the same mistake. Oh believe me, I see what's right in front of me. I let Kara go because I see her and I see her worth now more than ever. And I know someone like Kara Danvers deserves better. She deserves so much more than what I can give her. She deserves more than a Lena Luthor. She deserves the world, V. Not someone who had hurt her. Kara deserves every bit of happiness the world has to offer. She... she deserves... MORE."
"I wasn't talking about her" Veronica turns to face Lena again, making sure those emerald eyes are meeting hers. "I was talking about you, Lena. You know Kara's worth but do you know yours? Have you ever looked at the mirror, see yourself and realize what's in front of you? Realize your worth? maybe the problem is that you don't know your value Lena. That you too deserve what you think your best friend deserves."
"what do you mean?"
"Letting the person you love go isn't some grand gesture, Lena. It isn't romantic. It's tragic. Because you say Kara Danvers deserves all these and that but who are you to say that isn't you? Isn't that Kara's choice to make? You say she deserves more than what you can give. You say she deserves the world. Happiness. But aren't those things YOU for her? Those things you say she deserves are exactly what you can give her. Yet... Here you are."
Veronica lets out a deep breath, sighing as she shakes her head. "god, your best friend annoys the hell out of me but we couldnt deny that Kara Danvers deserves someone she's in love with to love her back. And I know you do Lena."
Veronica heads out the door, proud of herself for finally doing something good for Lena, that maybe... just maybe she had opened Lena's eyes and had been a contributing factor for Kara and Lena to be finally together after all these years.
"The question is... Does She?" Veronica whispers before she walks out the door, leaving Lena something to think about.
Lena was taken aback by Veronica's rhetorical question. By Everything her ex had said actually. And oh God! No she doesn't. Kara doesn't know. Veronica's words are now sinking in deeply into her mind and oh how much she had messed up. Is her ex grilfriend right? Would everything be better if she had realized her own worth? Because now, Lena is starting to think that she should have.
Because more than knowing what other people deserve, there is herself too. And it is important to remember what Lena deserves as well. She should have remembered that she too deserves love. Lena had focused too much on the wrong things she had done in the past that she had cut herself short. She had dwell in the past too much that she had failed to remember to love herself. Thus making her think she doesn't deserve it.
Maybe that's what was holding her back back in saying those three words, that she couldn't completely give herself to Kara, that she chose to sacrifice her feelings thinking she couldnt make Kara happy. Because You couldnt give something you don't have. Lena couldn't give the love she didn't have for herself in the first place. But that was before.
Lena knows over the past months, she had somehow changed. And she had learned to love herself. she had learned how to be independent, how say enough is enough. She had learned to take care of her heart. She had realized what really matters. And in the process of all these, she had fallen in love. The kind of love that isn't toxic or abusive. The kind of love that Kara Danvers brings. The kind that makes her remember her self-worth. Oh god. Veronica Sinclair was right for once.
And with all these realizations dawning upon her all at once, She knows by heart that..
KARA MATTERS
KARA HAS ALWAYS BEEN THE CONSTANT IN HER LIFE
THAT SHE IS IN LOVE WITH HER BEST FRIEND
SHE IS IN LOVE WITH KARA
AND KARA DOESN'T KNOW
AND KARA IS LEAVING
BUT KARA HAS TO KNOW
EVEN IF IT DOESN'T CHANGE A THING
KARA HAS TO KNOW THAT SHE HAS LENA'S HEART
AND SHE WOULD WAIT FOR HER
SHE WOULD WAIT
SHE WOULD WAIT AND HOPE
BECAUSE HOPE IS ALL LENA NEEDS
HOPE THAT MAYBE ONE DAY, SOMEDAY...
so Lena gets her keys and heads out. She drives like a maniac not really caring. All she knows is she has to get to Kara. All she wants is for Kara to know how much she loves her. Her Best Friend. Her Soulmate. The love of her life. Because Kara is. She may not have been her first love but She is Lena's one great love.
/// They say the waiting rooms in the hospitals are worst. Lucy Lane thankfully never had the chance to experience that but this is surely close enough. She is pacing at the boarding gate area as she waits for Kara. Kara hasn't talked to her or texted her today. She was really anxious Kara wouldn't show and she really doesn't know what to do if that's the case. God, where the hell is Kara? She feels more anxious when it was announced that the boarding gate is going to close in 15 minutes. She sighs as she closes her eyes praying Kara would be there when she opens them.
The moment she does, She cant help but smile. ///
///Lena knocks on the apartment door frantically. She really wasn't sure what time Kara's flight is. No one is answering the door and she's anxious what if Kara is not even here anymore. What if she had left already. She closes her eyes, sighing while her heart is beating rapidly, hoping when she opens her eyes, Kara would be there.
The moment she does, She cant help but smile. ///
///Kara hasn't slept all night. All she could think about is her situation with Lucy. With Lena. Her mind and her heart are contradicting each other. Fighting each other. But Kara asks herself how does she know which one to follow? How does she know whichever she follows is the right one? Kara's tired. She's exhausted. And She's so frustrated. How does she know she wouldnt regret this? She decides anyways. She's here at this very moment. She closes her eyes as she lets out a deep breath, hoping and praying when she opens them, everything would be better somehow.
The moment she does, She cant help but smile. ///
*** to be continued ***