Chapter 7
Kara heads to the kitchen, fully changed in her skirt, white blouse and a yellow cardigan. Lookin like the Sunny Danvers she is. She finds Lena there sitting on the stool, waiting for her, somehow fidgeting, feeling nervous.
"Hey."
"Hey"
There was an awkward silence for a while.
"Kara, I'm so-"
"Let's forget it, Lena. The topic gives me heavy feelings. Um, uh and Can we just not talk about anything related to.... Her"
Kara prefers not to talk about it. Right now, she's okay and she wants it to be that way. Kara doesn't know if it had always been like that or just years of practice keeping what she feels inside, not really letting it out. Other people may think she is all bubbly and sunny but really, it's just something that masks all the issues lying underneath the facade.
"Of course." Lena smiles handing Kara the cup from Noonan's. "Coffee?"
"Uh, no. You can have that." Kara shakes her head, not really feeling it. She wants to go back to how she and Lena used to be but it wasn't as easy as she thought. "I don't really drink coffee anymore."
"Oh." Lena was surprised by this. Kara couldn't function even for just a few hours without taking her morning coffee first. Kara not wanting some is out of this world.
"But thank you for the coffees every morning though. It was kind of you. Do you want anything?" Kara says, opening the fridge to get some water.
"Mint Pistachio ice cream would do" Lena beams, missing the Ben n Jerry's Kara always had in her fridge.
Kara closes the fridge. She sighs, putting two bottles of water on the table for her and Lena. "I, uh, I really don't eat that anymore either"
"Oh" again, Lena wonders about this since mint ice cream were her and Kara's favorite since they were young.
There were a lot of things Kara used to do that didn't anymore after she and Lena fought. She used to love her coffees in the morning but it only reminded her of Lena so she stopped. She used to love mint pistachio ice cream but it's only because it was Lena's favorite so it became hers too. She used to have a never ending stock of those ice cream in her fridge but it's only incase Lena comes over crying and in need of comfort food. She used to go listen to cold play but only because it's Lena's favorite band. She used to love sushi but only because Lena always brought her to Japanese restaurants. So when they fought she stopped doing all those things. The coffee was replaced by green juice. The stock of ice cream became a stock of beer in case Lucy or Winn would come over. The Japanese food turned into Chinese food. There were a lot of things she did because and for Lena but now, there are things she turned upside down for no one but herself. She hadn't exactly notice this until now. Maybe she is changing. Maybe she is not. Maybe she's just really growing as a person. Whatever it is, she's okay with it.
"I really have to go, Lena." Kara starts heading towards the door. "You can stay if you want. You remember how to close up, don't you?"
"Yeah.. Yeah.. I do" Lena says, still feeling the awkwardness in the air. She runs toward Kara. "Kara, waait!"
She hugs Kara and the blonde stiffens at her touch. "Thank you."
Kara returns her embrace.
"Baby steps. One day at a time, Right?" Kara whispers, pulling away as she leaves but not before giving Lena a smile .
Lucy reads the text from Kara. Her heart beats faster not knowing what Kara meant. What does she mean by doing it? Forgive Lena? Or give Lucy a chance? She didn't reply to Kara's text but those three words have been bugging her all day long. She couldn't take it anymore. So that night. She knocks on Kara's door.
kara, her hair messed up in a bun and clothes covered in paint, opens the door and immediately smiles when she sees her. She pulls Lucy for a hug. Kara was surprised Lucy was there but she didn't mind. It was always a good time around Lucy.
"Lucy! What are you doin here?" Kara pulls away realizing the paint in her hands were all over Lucy now. "Oh god Luce, I'm so sorry. I uh. The paint. Oh Lu-"
Lucy laughs as she enters Kara's apartment. "It's okay Kara. I have few other clothes, you know. What are you doing anyway?"
Kara and Lucy heads to the living room where the canvas and paint were all over the floor above the tarpaulin Kara laid out to not ruin her apartment tiles. Kara used to love painting. It was her stress reliever back then. There was something about art that soothed Kara. She stopped when she reached college. Life just got busy and there were lot of things occupying her mind. She doesn't know it But Kara is one hell of an artist.
"Um, uh, I know its just a bunch of colors and all to you. Maybe it doesn't even make sense. But to me, it portrays meaning and-" Kara nervously explains. She thought Lucy might find her abstract work ugly. Lucy thinks Kara really is a marshmallow. Even a little criticism affected her. But Kara was wrong. Lucy can see the beauty on the unfinished art.
"It's.. Its beautiful Kara"
"Oh. Wait, What? Really?"
"Yeah. I can see the emotions. The dark colors convey sadness, sorrow, maybe confusion. But theseee" Lucy sits on the floor, gesturing to the bright colors. "Thesee are something else. They bring out hope despite the despair. They like remind you the sun would rise after the storm settles. They kind of remind me there is always a tomorrow. They remind me of.... You"
Lucy looks at Kara as the blonde kneels on the floor, sitting on her legs. Kara didn't speak. She was just looking at the Canvas.
"Oh sorry, Kar. I mean that's probably not what you meant. Sorry I just assumed-"
Kara shakes her head. "No, no, Luce. That's exactly what I meant. I just... I just can't believe you understood this. To some it's just a mixture of colors."
"Well, I recognize beauty when I see one" Lucy smiles as she whispers, meeting Kara's gaze.
Kara blinks. In that moment, her heart skips a beat, feeling something unfamiliar. Lucy had asked her a chance. But no she couldn't do that to Lucy. Not when she's not sure if she's still in denial. She couldn't give Lucy a chance if she hasn't completely moved on from Lena. Not partially but it has to be completely. Because that's what Lucy deserves. Lucy deserves a love that is complete and not just some left over. She wouldn't want Lucy to hope for something that is uncertain. Something that might not happen. So she blinks and brushes whatever she's feeling because though she may be confused right now if she had really moved on from Lena but she knows what she's feeling at this moment isn't love.
"Thanks Luce. Here let me show you"
Kara hands the paint to Lucy. She lays out a new canvas and encourages Lucy to just put anything her hearts feels like on it. They talk and laugh at silly things as they splash colors to the canvas that doesn't really make sense. The next thing they know, both of them are splashing paint at each other, giggling like five year olds. Lucy runs after Kara, trying to put some paint on Kara's face.
"Lucy, your putting paint on the walls." Kara says, laughing and running behind the couch.
Lucy runs after her pushing her to the couch. They both fell on it. Kara and Lucy stop laughing, realizing their faces were too close to each other's and Lucy was on top of Kara. They both hear each other's breathing clearly. Lucy's heart started to raise. How she wishes she and Kara would stay in this moment forever.
She sees Kara with this messy hair and messy clothes but all she really sees is the person she is probably starting to fall for. The person she wants to hold. To keep safe and protected.
"Luce" Kara whispers.
Lucy cups Kara's cheek with her right hand with paint on it while her other hand it trying to maintain the balance to make sure she doesn't crush Kara under her. She leans closer, wanting to kiss Kara. She hesitates for a moment but she sees Kara closing her eyes so she leans forward, kissing Kara. Their lips meet and it was everything Lucy used to complain about kisses in the movies. She would always complain why the movies keep portraying you'd feel fireworks when you kiss someone. She didn't believe that. She never did. Not until now. Until she's kissing Kara and everything Lucy feels seemed to intensified. She's kissing Kara and it means everything to Lucy.
She pulls away as she hears Kara trying to whisper her name. She sits up and Kara does the same. Because no matter what she feels for Kara, she wouldn't do anything the blonde would not want.
"Luce, I'm sorry. I cant... I can't do this to you." Kara says looking down, fidgeting.
"It's okay Kar" Lucy squeezes her hand.
Kara doesn't answer.
"Kar... did you... Did you forgive her?"
Kara nods. Lucy doesn't have to say a name. She knows she's talking about Lena. It's always about Lena.
"I know you still feel something for her, Kar. But if you're willing to give me a chance, maybe I could change that."
Kara sighs, shaking her head. "I can't do that to you, Luce. I care too much about you. I don't want to hurt you. I could never forgive myself if I do the same thing to you that- "
Lucy tilts Kara's chin up. Her eyes stares at those blue eyes. They were so beautiful. "If you think you're going to hurt me, don't. I know what I'm getting in to, Kar. I just want a chance and i know you feel something. I don't care if it's not love or not as strong as you feel for... Her. But it's something, Kara. And that's enough for me. Everything starts from something, Kar. Look into my eyes and Tell me honestly, you didn't feel something when we kissed. Tell me and I'll walk away."
When Kara didn't speak, Lucy leans in closer again to kiss her. And this time, Kara kisses Lucy back.
Lena still visits Kara every morning and still sends the girl home-cooked Lunch. They were starting to get back to normal like they used to but Kara still seems to put a gap between them, a big wall separating the two. They can still both feel the awkwardness whenever they're around each other but that didn't stop them from trying. They really wanted to go back to the way they were but some things can't just stay buried.
It was a busy day at work. The lights keep flickering and the whole building is experiencing a power difficulty. Snapper has been acting like a jerk to Kara and everyone else and all she really needs is a break. She smiles as she sees Lena heading towards her. No matter what happened between them, she is glad Lena is still in her life.
"Well this is a surprise. I guess my deliveries already expired" Kara smiles, noticing how there was no food box delivered on her table today.
Lena laughs and waves her hand off. "Please. I was meaning to ask you for lunch. Wanna head out?"
"Umm." She was about to say no as she looks at her computer and the unfinished article she is supposed to rewrite. But then she hears her belly grumble and thats all it took for her to agree. Kara beams, grabbing her bag. "Let's go!"
Lena and Kara enters the empty elevator in front of them. They stand beside each other, a gap clearly evident between them. Lena presses the elevator button.
"So, where do you wan-"
Lena was cut off when the elevator shook and suddenly stopped. They both try to hold on the walls to maintain their balance. The lights inside the elevator keeps on flickering.
"you've gotta be Kidding me!" Kara says, nervously as she fixes her eye glasses.
"What's happening?"
"It's the power. Our maintenance team can't seem to have a handle in it"
There was a crack in Kara's voice. She was fidgeting and her heart starts to beat rapidly. She was sweating and all she really wants is to get out of this elevator. The flickering lights doesn't help. It makes her nervous. All this time, she had thought she had outgrown this phobia. She was wrong.
"Kara, you're pale. Oh gosh, Kara sweetie, Relax." Lena pushes the emergency button before she puts her hands on Kara's shoulders, letting her sit down on the floor. "Hey, hey, it won't take long okay. They're gonna get us out of here"
Lena's eyes widens as she remembers something. She searches for it in her bag frantically and puts the asthma inhaler in Kara's mouth. It wasn't useful though. Kara was having a panic attack and not an asthma attack. Lena's eyes widen as she figures this out.
Kara was still panicking. She couldn't breathe. She feels like she's dying.
Lena holds both of her hands and squeezes it. She makes sure Kara is looking at her.
"Hey, hey look at my eyes, Kara. Just stare at them. Can you do that?"
Kara nods, still finding it hard to breathe.
"Okay now.." Lena squeezes Kara's hands. "Now, follow me alright? Like you used to before"
"Breathe In, breathe out" Lena demonstrates as Kara does the same.
"Inhale, exhale, in, out, breathe in and out"
Lena rubs Kara's back, soothing her with her right hand, her left hand still holding Kara's hand. Kara starts to slow down her breathing but she still feels like dying.
"Okay. Now count with me Kara. One Mississippi, two Mississippi..."
Kara follows Lena.
"Okay, breathe like this." Lena forms an O with her mouth. "You're okay, Kara. You're okay"
Kara finally calms down and breathes normally. She didn't realize that she was crying until Lena wipes her tears and pulls her for a hug. It was the closest they've gotten since Kara forgave Lena. They both adjust their bodies to sit comfortably on the elevator floor beside each other.
Kara laughs nervously. "Thank you, Lena"
"No worries, Kara. I did that all through out high school remember? You do remember I was always the one people call and search for when you have panic attacks in school right?"
Kara smiles at the memory. "Yeah. I can't believe you even yelled at our coach once when you found out he didn't let me have a break in one of our soccer game. He was really scary but you were waaaay scarier!"
They both chuckle, remembering the look on coach Whitey's face. "Hey. In my defense you were asthmatic too! And he wasn't supposed to let you play for more than 10 minutes, remember?"
"I can't believe you still carry an asthma inhaler though" Kara teases Lena.
"Well we can never be too sure, can we? You were the one who told me its an essential"
They both laugh, remembering the day they bought probably more than ten inhalers to put in each of their bags. Different bags to be exact.
Kara turns to face Lena beside her. She sees her best friend smiling. And that made Kara smile too. Seeing Lena happy makes Kara's heart warm as always. She slowly stops laughing as she leans on Lena's shoulders.
Lena slowly stops laughing too, feeling Kara's head on her shoulders. This was the first time it felt like the Kara-Lena dynamic again after they fought. She didn't want to do anything to mess this up. She feels like all she did was mess up and she doesn't want to do that anymore.
"I... I miss my best friend, Lena" Kara whispers with a sad tone.
Lena leans her head on top of Kara's on her shoulders. "I miss you, too. Kara. I really do"
They stayed like that for a while, not talking. Just pure silence. but feeling more connected than they've been for the past few days. It was a comfortable silence. Like an unspoken understanding between them. The kind they always used to have. Not the awkward silence they've been having lately.
Their moment was interrupted when the maintenance staff finally opened the elevator doors.
"Sorry for the inconvenience" the man apologizes.
They both stand up, fixing their selves. Kara smiles at the man.
"No problem." She says at she heads out the elevator, feeling happier and free than before she got in the elevator. Somehow the heavy feeling she had was gone. Its amazing how being trapped in an elevator when you're claustrophobic can result to good outcomes too.
Lena smiles as she sees the sunlight. Of course Kara heads out right away. She was claustrophobic after all. The cell reception finally coming back, her phone beeps and she looks at the message.
Veronica Sinclair ❤️
Wanna come over for Lunch? My parents are here. They wanna meet you.
Lena smiles. It was the first time Veronica offered to meet her parents. They've known each other for a long time but she never asked. It was a big step.
Kara turns to face Lena who was still in the elevator, smiling, looking down at her phone. She knows the text is only from one person.
But Kara had told herself she'd accept things already. And she has. She's giving Lucy and her self a chance now. She might be happy. Plus, she wouldn't let a text ruin what happened in the elevator. She misses her best friend and for a moment she had her back there.
So she brushes away all the negative feelings. She focuses at Lena, smiles and asks her even if she already knows the answer. Veronica probably needs Lena so as usual she'd go but Kara was surprisingly, now accepting with it. It stings a little but it didn't hurt as much as it used to.
That's actually what confuses Kara the most. She has been so used to burying her feelings. Not just for Lena but for everyone else. Kara had always put others first, disregarding her own self. So whenever she felt something, she hid it not wanting to be a burden to others. For years she has been Bottling everything up that sometimes she doesn't know anymore if those feelings are really gone or there are just there deep down, hidden and waiting to burst when something triggers it.
"You coming?" Kara smiles, motioning outside.
Lena hears Kara. She looks up and sees Kara's happy face. She looks down at the text again, then at Kara. Normally, she would grab the chance to be with Veronica especially since she had wanted to be introduced to her family for so long. But somehow, that didn't matter. Somehow, she didn't feel the urge to get out of here and be with Veronica. And she was perfectly okay with it. So she looks back down at her phone And types something.
Veronica Sinclair ❤️
Can't V. Sorry. I'm with Kara. Something important came up. See you Later though.
Kara was prepared to have lunch by herself. What she was not prepared however, is Lena's response.
Lena looks up to meet her gaze. She smiles and starts to walk out, clinging to Kara's arm like a best friend would.
"Of course. So where to for Lunch?"
Lena hadn't notice but Kara did. For the first time ever when given the choice between spending time with Veronica and Kara, Lena stayed. For the first time ever, she chose to stay. For the first time ever, she didn't put Veronica first. For the first time ever, Lena is happy even though she's not with Veronica. For the first time, Lena didn't drop everything to come running to Veronica's plans. For the first time ever, Lena didn't mind.
Kara's heart beats rapidly. She stares at those green eyes. It feels like she has her best friend back again. And Kara wasn't gonna complain.
***