See You Later
Carmilla stands staring over the coffee grinder, crushing the left-over ground coffee beans, along with the multiple red and pink confetti hearts scattered amidst them. She takes some of the hearts and crinkles them in her heart, seeing her miserable reflection in the shiny ones especially. This is how she feels right now. She kicks herself. This was as dumb and as useless as these stupid beans. She’s about to go and lift her hand from the strainer and a hand runs over hers smoothly. Immediately, she scrunches her face in disgust. Who’s the asshole trying to make moves on her on this godforsaken day this early in the morning.
“Laura?” she says in awe.
Laura looks regretful as she answers despondently, in a low voice, “Hey.”
Laura’s Night Before
In bed, Laura shifts restlessly. Her insomnia kicks in as she thinks of Carmilla. She can’t help but shove her face into her pillow. It isn’t that Carmilla isn’t amazing, in fact, she’s too amazing. A sigh escapes her lips as she’s exhausted from the mental heart-breaking loop she’s been in. She doesn’t want to put herself in this situation again, giving all of herself in the relationship only to have it ruined. Isn’t it kinda soon? She doesn’t know anymore. Her eyes keep getting heavy as she tries to sort out a solution. But she can’t; it’s too soon to say.
That day with Carm under the stars was amazing. It wasn’t supposed to be so amazing, a day of her wildest dreams. Carm’s so dark-brown-black hair flowed across her in her hands, how she wanted to hold Carmilla’s face and kiss her. Hold her close to her. And to talk all about philosophies that she didn’t know and stars she couldn’t name just yet- but wanted to learn for Carm. She never wanted these things with Dani. She never even thought about these things with Dani. She can’t believe she’s comparing the two, but she is. Is she really ready to move on? Her heart still somewhat belongs to Dani, but she can’t help falling in love with Carm.
Carm makes it so easy. Everything felt so natural that night. So seamless, and natural and easy-flowing. She didn’t have to overthink over anything until tonight. She can’t stop thinking of Carm, how amazing she is. She’s not even her girlfriend.
Laura squeezes her pillow nearly to death. Out of fear she tells Carm she can’t hang out with her. She doesn’t want to commit to a façade when everything felt so real to her. She wants more. She doesn’t want it to be fake anymore, she’s having real feelings for this girl for crying out loud! Her hands cover her face and runs them through her hair, exhausted, having just rejected the girl of her dreams.
Present
For the time being, Carmilla forgets all her sorrows and is just happy that Laura’s around her again. Her heart skips a couple beats before immediately pushing it aside with a dismal, “What are you doing here?”
“I felt bad for the other day… I was wondering if I could make it up to you.” She looks at Carm for semblance of a sign that she still has a chance. She continues on a limb, “I mean… I’d be making up for what I did as your girlfriend of course.”
There’s a good while of the dingy sounds of cups rattle and bounce off the cliché decorated walls, before Carmilla answers. The tinsel and dangling spirals seem fitting as Laura feels as twisted up in her feelings too. She watches Carmilla move slow as a sloth. Alas the broody, brown-haired girl finally speaks up, with a prominent stare pointed at Laura that is less playful and more serious.
“So, are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Carm eyes her suspiciously.
“Only if you say yes that is,” Laura looks at her expectantly with a smile and twinkle in her eyes, “in which case I’m a hundred ten percent serious.”
Carmilla cleans the mugs with a tattered, beat up rag. Squeezing the handle and sliding the rag atop the rims of the multi-patterned tacky themed cups for the lovey-dovey day. Another reminder that today would be the day that Carm would be meeting her parents today.
Somehow, Laura manages to keep on speaking despite Carm’s silence. “I don’t think I want to keep on being pretend girlfriends. I know I just got out of a relationship with Dani, but you just make me feel so different than her Carm…I was scared.”
Now Carmilla can’t look away as Laura seems to get lost in her own words. Laura looks off slightly into the distance while talking to Carm about her feelings. And soon enough, her Laura begins rambling again. Carm’s catches herself smiling again at how cute Laura is.
“…and after all that happened with Dani, I expect this to be different. But, I don’t know it’s just like last night with all that happened I feel so bad I just didn’t want this to be fake anymore-“
Carm’s heart catches, getting caught in a bunch as she casts Laura’s doubts off.
“Hey, now Creampuff. It’s okay.” She smiles. If anything, it’s reassuring that she wasn’t the only one scared. She starts to trace her fingers over Laura’s hand absentmindedly.
Laura looks at her attentively. Finally, with a slight sigh and hesitation, she musters a “I forgive you,” to Laura.
She decides to tell Laura how she feels too, “It’s okay. You’re not the only one scared, you know?”
Laura can’t keep back a grin as she looks up at Carm now, leaning her head on her shoulder. They sit there for a while, barely two feet apart because they’re gay. They were always magnets, drawing nearer and nearer. It never felt like much could’ve kept them apart.
When Carm talks to Laura, it’s very quietly. She’s not one to let on her emotions to someone so soon. But for some reason, Laura made her feel more comfortable than most people. She felt like she could tell her a lot of things, especially knowing that someone would listen to her. Whenever she talked of the stars, philosophy, or even a boring day at work, Laura would be listening to her and smiling. It was soothing and comforting. When Laura would be laughing at what she’d say, that also gave her butterflies. Even after Laura had hurt her last night, she never felt once, as though she couldn’t be honest with Laura. Laura was continuously here to listen to her in and outs of the day. So this wasn’t necessarily any different.
“Well then,” she looks at Laura’s lips as she says this not even her eyes, she can’t help it, “Don’t you know? I’m an absolute sucker for you.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes.”
“Really?” Laura leans in to whisper to Carm, “I didn’t…” she bites and sucks on Carm’s neck a little, “know.” She moves away slowly, smiling when she sees the dazed look in Carm’s eyes.
“So can I take you on that date then?” Laura asks.
“The pleasure would be all mine.” Carm says sleazily.
“Trust me,” she says, smirking knowingly with a wink, “It will be.”
Carmilla stares longingly at Laura walking out. She rearranges the confetti hearts into one big heart, and messes them all up again as she accidentally leans on the pile of them. They scatter on the floor, waiting for Carm to sweep them up, but they’re swept aside by the many customers walking in and out of the store. Impatiently, she waits to see her Laura again.
That without a doubt, went better than she hoped.