Nervous? Of course I was. I mean this wasn't just the head of the legal firm I was working for that I was going in to see.It was also my father. The man who had given me the opportunity to work in his prestigious firm ; a stepping stone to a ,financially at least, very fulfilling career.Not that I hadn't deserved the position . I mean if I say so myself being a straight 'A' student and top of my year at University must have meant I had some sort of potential and ability. And yet I'd found the legal world an unrewarding one.Boring even. Case followed case followed case. I wanted more . Something that would really get my juices flowing. Make me feel that I was doing some good.Be able to actually help people and not just those who could afford it.To see tangible results at the end of my efforts. Anyhow the meeting with my father went better than expected. All he asked were two things ; one was that I would promise to return to the law firm at some stage ; and secondly did I know where these philanthropic desires that I had would take me.The answer to the latter I already knew.I'd seen an advertisement for the post of peer worker and rehabilitation officer at the all womens Wentworth Correction Facility. I felt that this was what I wanted . To assist women who had probably never had a chance given to them in their lives before ; who possibly through no fault of their own or maybe having not known any better had ended up in prison. I was certain that somewhere I would find a rough diamond. Someone who had real talent and ability and who I could steer and nurture in the right direction.As things have turned out that someone was in there and our worlds were to collide almost as soon as I started in my new job.
Day one at Wentworth and I'm handed a pile of prisoners files to work through. One by one they turn up at my office and we sit and chat ; well actually I chat , they just sit and listen looking bored, wishing they were anywhere else but here. A few of them show a bit of interest in the education plans I have moving forward. Many however have had only a very rudimentary learning with the result that basic things such as reading and writing will need to be covered. I start to despair that my "ruby in a mountain of rocks" as Meatloaf put in is not out there. I have one more prisoner to see that day. I open the file . Her name is Francesca (aka Franky) Doyle.I read the brief biography prepared about her; a desperate and troubled childhood with an alcoholic mother and a father who simply got up and left because he couldn't cope. I've read a number of similar sad stories that day but for some reason this one gets under my skin. I somehow feel that this could be it .I'm standing, thinking, staring out the window when I hear a knock on my office door.
"Come in " I say . The door opens and Franky Doyle walks into my life.
Immediately I'm drawn to a pair of mesmerising eyes that seem to lock onto me like a laser guided missile. Just for a brief second my mouth goes dry before I regather my senses, hold out my hand and introduce myself.When skin meets skin I have the weirdest feeling of butterflies in my stomach. Suddenly I'm the nervous one.I'm the one on the defensive.For some inexplicable reason I feel that I want to impress this woman.That I want her to like me. We start to talk and immediately I can tell she's as sharp as a tack. The atmosphere is relaxed and the conversation flows easily between the two of us as if we were old friends meeting over a cup of coffee. When I (reluctantly) have to tell her that our time is up she just sits in her chair for what was probably only a few seconds and stares at me . I start to feel myself blushing so quickly rise and shake the hand she's offering . My stomach repeats its little butterfly sensation and as the door closes behind Franky as she leaves I sink back into my chair blowing out my cheeks.I realise of course that this had been no ordinary meeting but to where it would eventually lead , how could anyone have possibly known.
As expected Franky was my star pupil. Her work was of a consistently high standard as she studied conscientiously for her HSC qualification. I remember how much I looked forward to our time together ; how I would spend that little bit of extra time in the morning getting ready; that everything was accessorised ;making sure that my make up was just so. How our conversations would inevitably veer off Franky's studies as we got to know each other that little bit better.However one thing I was not prepared to discuss was my private life outside of Wentworth. At the time I was engaged but I deliberately removed my ring before entering the institution.I felt that the less that I gave away about myself the easier a ride I would get.I was aware that Franky was gay but I found her mild flirting easy to bat away. She would compliment me on a new pair of shoes I wore or compared our tutoring time together with dating; little comments which though nice for my ego had, so I thought, little effect on me .All that though was about to change.
An unbelievable happening. An accident? A tragedy?A tragic accident maybe. Whatever way you want to put it a new governor was required at Wentworth. And boy did I want that job.Would have walked over hot coals, broken glass, whatever to get it. I had all these great ideas (or imagined I had) about how I was going to revolutionise the place.My new position however meant that my relationship with Franky had to change. The informalities had to go. The one-to-one tutoring was over for the moment. Have to say that I missed our sessions. Clever, incisive,penetrating conversation was in short supply at Wentworth and Franky had provided me with that.Although I was reluctant to admit it I missed the flirting. Hey , what girl doesn't like to be told how well she looks or how gorgeous she smells.At home I was taken for granted; I needed to come to work to be complimented. Her comments up to that point I'd seen as a little game she was playing with me - as a challenge even. But when I asked her to speak at the "Our Journey" event I'd organised I was not prepared for the lavish praise she directed at me in front of the chosen audience. As she spoke she was looking straight at me.Her eyes as ever were burning into me. Words such as "got me,saw the real me, gave me a hunger,helped that she was hot" I alone knew that these weren't being used to amuse or embarrass.This was a raw Franky Doyle telling me in a public setting how she felt about me. I realised that I was blushing;squiming in my seat;Holy fuck I was getting wet.What the hell was happening to me ? Was I starting to have feelings for Franky?
Sex had always been something of a complicated subject with me.You know what I wanted from it and what I got.Ever since I'd visited The Velvet Curtain Club to do some legal work for my father's firm (actually I volunteered to go) and saw a different, seedier , naughtier side to sex I was fascinated,turned on even, by what could be possible.But who do you tell that to.Certainly not my fiancee.Typical male. Thought he was God's gift between the sheets when in reality he was a two nights a week, same conventional position boring guy and I was supposed to go along with this and accept it.And then along comes a stunning brunette who starts to challenge me on my sexuality ;who pushs all the right buttons but with a person who's in absolutely no position to act on them. My increasing conflict wasn't helped by the fact that I started to have hot erotic dreams about her in which she's asking what she wants me to do to her. When we next met to discuss her study plans going forward I was all over the place. Could hardly bring myself to look at her. The realisation was dawning on me that I wanted this woman and knowing Franky as I did that she would be able to spot this. She agreed to carrying on with her education but only on the condition that I would be her tutor. No way I said .Too busy I said. No time I said.It was my real Shakespeare moment . You know the bit 'The Lady doth protest too much me thinks' Of course she didn't buy these excuses for a moment. She saw through me as always. Couldn't trust myself was the real reason. The powers that be insisted that I found the time. At that stage Franky was the golden girl who had to be accommodated.And so I found myself 'trapped' with her for an hour a week.It may not sound much but when she's in your waking thoughts every minute of the day close proximity can be one hell of an ordeal. We were due to meet in the library so at least I felt that this would offer me some degree of safety ; that Franky would, for want of a better expression 'behave herself' with other people about.Well how naiive was I. First chance she got she was all over me like a rash. Told me her sexual history; first the traditional, boring, expected of her thing with men and then the joy of really good satisfying sex when she'd starting doing it with women.Could hardly believe my ears . She was describing my experiences exactly; the ones that I'd had and the ones that I so (with her) wanted to have. But how could I admit that to her. I was the Governor of the jail in which she was an inmate under my control.Problem was if I wasn't careful soon I'd be totally under her control.I already virtually was. When she was out in the yard fooling around with Kim I found myself wishing more and more that was it was me out there with her.More than once when I felt I could get away with it my hand would go up my skirt as I tried to relieve myself of the heat that was burning up in my centre. What alternative was left to me? Only one that I could see. I would have to be a real bitch to her. Put as much distance between us as possible.Build as many barriers as I could.I would be living a lie but it was my only means of hiding my true feelings and protecting myself.
Suddenly everything that caused a problem at Wentworth was placed at Franky's door. I was being incredibly unfair. A local TV station ran a vindictive report on my methods of running Wentworth . There had obviously been a leak of information and I allowed myself, against my better judgement, to believe that Franky was the source. I challenged her about it in the office. She looked directly at me and said that it wasn't her. I believed her without a seconds doubt . However with Franky being Franky she had to push it just that little bit further. Claimed our relationship was such that she would never do such a thing. I spat back that that was her ego talking. She responded I was in denial. By that stage it was pointless my arguing . She was right.And what made it worse was that she knew that I knew she was right. My position was starting to get desperate. I had to put even more space between us.Another day another situation. This time drugs had been found and Franky was accused of bringing them in to the prison.This time I let my head rule my heart. My confused, frightened , mixed up head that is. Channing my useless, good for nothing boss got involved. Pulled Franky into my office and started to tear strips off her. And I'm ashamed to say I just stood there and let him do it until I could listen to no more of these unfair and selfishly motivated accusations ( at least on my part) against Franky.I knew I'd be giving myself away but I had to put a stop to this. "That's enough " I yelled. Channing stopped but I knew he was fuming . Franky, I couldn't even begin to look at. I may have shown her that I cared but that didn't mean I was even close to being ready to let her back into my life. Not knowing what else to do she was slotted for five weeks. Fat lot of good that did .Like a lovelorn child I sat in my office and watched her on the security cameras. Every now and then I would find myself stroking her face on the screen wishing I could go down and comfort her.Tell her I was sorry.But how on earth could I .The Governor and a prisoner. I mean you read about these things but they all end the same way. Disastrously.Career ending. Humiliation.Unemployable. Is this really what I was prepared to risk ? Shit it was turning into a real mess.Two options that I could see. One was to move Franky out but that would be beyond cruel.And even the situation I'd gotten myself into wouldn't allow me to do that. The only other option was to ride it out. Prove that I could survive in her company. That I was tough enough to withstand her . So when I went to the slot to tell her that she was being allowed back into general circulation I wore my engagement ring. The first time I'd worn it in her company.Thought it was the right thing to do. But when I saw the look on her face when she spied it I realised I'd got it all wrong - again.I knew I'd hurt her which honestly was not my intention. But she didn't see it like that .Unfair accusations , weeks in solitary , and now me flaunting my engagement ring in front of her. Well, how would anyone feel ? Now she really must have thought I had it in for her. That all my feelings towards her were ones of dislike when, well lets be honest about it , they were the complete polar opposite.
So that's my story so far. I haven't seen Franky for several days now let alone be in a room when there is just the two of us. But I can't keep avoiding her.It's just ridiculous. I'm the Governor of the prison for fucks sake. So, I've sent one of my officers to bring Franky to my office. We're just going to talk .I need to ask her something and if she doesn't want to tell me then I'll have her taken straight back.No danger in that surely. There's a knock on my door . The officer escorts Franky in and asks me if I want them to stay. I say no, that I'll call when I need them. And Franky? Well she just moochs in and slouches into one of the chairs. Not sits, slouches.Looks like she's got a chip on both shoulders. She's definitely got issues with me and she's brought them with her. 'Stay calm Erica ' I tell myself. 'Just say your piece and if the response is not what you want then shut it down . Don't get involved'
"I need proof that Jacs has a vendetta against Bea "
"Now you want to talk to me"
Not exactly what I wanted to hear but I'll give it another go
"If you want to help Bea this is your chance"
"Why , am I here?"
Shit , she's no intention of helping me. I should really end this now but....
"You're here because I want to make this prison a better place for the women"
Oh Erica I tell myself. Is that the best you can up with ? What a load of crap. She's never going to buy that . And sure enough....
"No why am I really here?"
Warning bells and alarms start going off in my head.This is going badly. End it
"Look if you don't want to help me just go"
But of course she doesn't go. She just keeps on pushing
"You don't care about the women"
Danger signs increasing rapidly. Lets try the exasperated approach . Show what she says doesn't matter
"Oh, here we go"
"It's all bullshit. You're hiding in here with us.You get off being in here."
Fuckkk! What the hell was I thinking . Franky is way way too smart for this.She can read me like a book. Get her out now Erica
"Get out "
"And the thing that scares you the most is that when you're fucking him you're thinking about me"
Bullseye !How the hell could she know that .I've totally lost control of this. My mind is foggy . I'm not thinking straight. All I know is I need her gone.I snarl out my last reply
"Get Out!"
But she's not leaving. She's come up behind me like a caged animal that's just escaped. Her face is a mixture of fury and lust. She's got her hands on my waist ,leading me over to the corner of my office , out of sight of anyone. She's pinning me to the wall and , oh my god , she's starting to kiss me. Resist Erica. Fight back . This can't be happening . Not here . Not in your office.Anyone could walk in. But fighting back is futile because her lips taste so good . I've wanted this for so long. Now my hands are holding the side of her face and I'm kissing back as quickly and as physically as I know how. All other thoughts and worries for a few seconds magically disappear. Then suddenly the kiss is over. Franky moves away. She stares at me with a 'I told you so'look on her face. We both know she was right all along. And then in a blink of an eye she's gone. I'm left standing in my office with a feeling of shock,surprise , horror and yet also a kind of euphoria at what has just happened. I put my hand out against the wall to support myself with the over riding thought going through my mind.............What the hell do I do now? _