see you on a dark night
The loud banging echoes through the apartment. It’s been going like this for a few minutes and all hope Marina had of it stopping is slowly dissolving. The knocks only increase in force and volume that she has half a mind to wonder if the person is intending to ruin her door.
With all the reluctance in the world, she makes her way to the front of her apartment, stopping short of the door without checking to see who is there. She holds her head high and channels all of her frustration into a tone that she has no doubt will scare the shit out of whoever is on the other side.
“If I wanted you in my apartment then I would have let you in by now. Fuck off before I come out there and make you regret it.”
The banging stops.
She smiles to herself and while riding on the high of the small victory she turns to walk back to the couch; she only makes it a few steps when a soft sound stops her in her tracks.
“It’s me.”
Even through the muffled barrier of the door she can recognize that voice. She could probably recognize that voice anywhere.
She glances at her watch. It’s late - too late for whatever this visit might entail - but curiosity wins out in the end and she takes a glance through the peep hole. Julia is standing there, looking directly into the lens as if she just knows Marina is looking back.
She opens the door a crack and leans against it, enough smarts to know she should block the entrance. Just in case.
“It’s late.”
“I know. I couldn’t sleep.”
Marina smiles, free and playful, despite the feeling of dread that’s been hovering over them the second she opened the door. It’s far too late for anything good to come of this visit and they both know it.
“So you thought you’d come wake me up. Oh, how I do love the way you think, Julia.”
Julia shrugs, but the crossed arms and defiant stare can’t hide the bags under her eyes. It tugs somewhere unfamiliar in Marina’s chest.
“Doesn’t look like you were sleeping.” Julia is looking past her shoulder before meeting her eyes again, all the markings of a bad idea held in one look. “Let’s have a drink.”
“Although I have no doubts that Stanley would open his bar to me at any time of night, I’m not really in the mood.”
It’s Julia’s turn to smile, though it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Who said we had to go out for one?”
Marina shifts her position against the door, trying not to sigh. “Julia, you should leave.”
“Why?”
She’s closer than before, Marina unable to ignore the space between them any longer. The anger is back, smoldering beneath the surface. Caged and waiting to be released. Marina can practically feel it off of her.
It’s all too much to deal with, so without the decency of a response she shakes her head and moves to close the door in her face. Julia reaches forward in time to stop her, slamming her palm against the door and holding it open.
“Stop.” It’s a warning, but whether she intended it for Julia or herself she isn’t sure. “Julia, I’m serious.”
“Don’t be a bitch.”
“And don’t be a fucking inconvenience.”
There’s more pressure against the door, but Marina is hardly putting in the full effort to stop her. The look on Julia’s face after a moment shows that she’s put the pieces together.
“You’re strong enough to make me stop.”
“I am.” Marina jaw sets. “But I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Sure you do. I see the way you look at me. So just do it.” Julia spits it out like a challenge, searching Marina’s eyes for any sign of weakness, but Marina just sighs in response.
“Julia, what did you come here for?”
There’s no easy way to answer that - if Julia’s silence is any indication - so she gives her the space to continue. It isn’t until something in her expression cracks that Julia answers.
“There’s no one left. Q is stuck in Fillory. Kady is,” Julia lets out a laugh that sounds like nothing is funny at all. “She’s God knows where. Everyone is - they’re all-”
She stops mid sentence, like the thought of even breathing another word will somehow make it more real than it already is. It forces Marina to open the door a little more, letting her step a little closer. If she’s close enough Julia might not have to say those words at all.
“Please.” The softness seeping through Julia’s voice feels wrong in a way Marina never thought possible, but it does enough to stop her from looking away. “Help me forget.”
“That kind of magic - I don’t know if I can do that again-”
“I’m not talking about a spell.”
Julia presses into her a little further, with a bit more purpose this time. It’s enough to make contact, Julia trailing her hand along Marina’s waist. Marina stares at her, torn between the voices in her head screaming at her to move away and the pull in her stomach moving her even closer. She closes her eyes as she feels Julia’s other hand grasping at her hips.
“Julia," she hopes her voice sounds more convincing than she feels. “Let go.”
That look of defiance has shifted into a plea and Marina knows that if anyone is going to put a stop to this it has to be her. She has to be the sensible one to keep some sort of order between them.
The only problem? She’s never been one to play by the rules.
Julia’s lips are fire and ice against her mouth, pressing hard and fast. Like the moment will collapse at any second. Like Julia will collapse at any second.
She wants to be gentle but old habits die hard. Her teeth are like knives as she finds herself biting down on Julia’s lips, instantly drawing blood. She imagines it matches the shade that has been painting her hands lately. All of her mistakes always there for her to see. All the ways she pushed Julia away. All the ways she let Julia down. All the ways she had a hand in allowing this to happen.
Sometimes she wonders if she’ll ever be able to wash her hands clean.
Before she can focus too much on the guilt, Julia pushes them inside the apartment and she decides she can worry about clearing her conscience another day.