The Gutters
Erin didn’t know what she was doing. Well, she knew, but she didn’t want to. She tried to pretend that she didn’t know the reason why she called Holtzmann over to fix a chip that had been there for two years. Why she was currently stalking around the house, searching for something else—anything else—in need of repair.
She wanted to see Holtz again, that much was clear. Needed to see her again, more like.
It was wrong. She kept telling herself that. She couldn’t deny her growing attraction to the handyman, and that in itself wouldn’t be so horrible…but she was engaged. Of course, she’d always had a bit of a problem with flirting with attractive people while engaged—Kevin was the obvious example—but she’d never gone so far as to invite someone to her house. Never asked someone to have coffee with her.
The fact that she only saw Phil once in a blue moon wasn’t helping matters. Maybe if he was around, this wouldn’t be so tempting.
Or maybe, the little voice in the back of her head told her, regardless of his presence or lack thereof, the fact that she was so easily swayed by other temptations was indicative of something.
She was scared, though. She’d gone a long time thinking she’d never find someone who’d want to settle down with her, and she wasn’t about to throw that away just for a chance to be with someone new. What if things didn’t work out, and she was right back where she started, alone as ever?
***
“Cleaning gutters isn’t my favourite, but sure, I can do that,” Holtzmann said, staring up the side of the house.
“I can keep you company while you work,” Erin said.
Holtz shot her a look, and there was a hint of pain in her eyes. “You don’t need to do that.”
“I want to,” Erin replied quickly.
There was a long pause.
“I’ll go get my ladder.”
***
Erin kept up a steady conversation from her place on the lawn while Holtz worked her way around the perimeter of the house. She was learning more about Holtz, from her interests and hobbies (so all over the place that it made Erin’s head hurt) to her favourite colour (eggplant).
“So, you’re gay,” she said finally.
Holtz stiffened, her back to Erin and her arm buried in the gutter. “Back to that, are we?”
Erin shrugged, then realized Holtzmann wouldn’t be able to see it. “It’s not like we talked about it much.”
“What’s there to talk about?”
“I don’t know,” Erin said. Then, casually, “Do you have a girlfriend?”
Holtz chuckled. “Getting personal, now.”
“Is that more personal than telling me about your relationship with your father?”
“Touché.” She paused. “Guess not.”
“So?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“Just making conversation.”
“Riiight. Well, in that case, no, I don’t have a girlfriend. Discuss.”
“Interesting.”
“Is it?”
“I don’t know you well, but you seem like quite the charmer. Would’ve taken you for a real ladies gal.”
Holtz glanced over her shoulder. “Who said I’m not?”
Erin let that sink in. “Ah. Can’t be tied down?” Why did she feel so disappointed?
Holtz shrugged one shoulder. “Never found durable-enough string. Got any pointers?”
“Sorry?”
“I mean, you managed to snag someone for good. What did he have to do to land you?”
“Why, you looking for advice?”
“Get your mind out of the gutter,” Holtz retorted, giving the gutter beside her a hollow smack.
“How long have you been sitting on that one?”
“Since I got here,” Holtz admitted. “Seriously, though, how does one go about landing a girl in this town? Am I doomed for failure because of my gender? Has it finally slowed me down?” She pretended to weep.
“For starters, you could tone down the drama. And no, there are plenty of queer women around, as I’m sure you’ve found out. You just need to look for us.”
Holtzmann peered down at her. “‘Us?’ Interesting.”
“You sound surprised.”
“Surprised you told me, maybe. But Erin, darling, you’ve been flirting back since the minute I met you. You could work on your subtlety.”
“So could you,” Erin shot back. Her heart started to speed up. They were heading into dangerous territory.
Holtz climbed spryly down from the top rung of her ladder and jumped to the grass with a muted thud. She faced Erin and crossed her arms. “Hey, I’m not the one with a lot to lose. You’re the engaged one, not me. And you should know that I don’t play that game. Not about to play the lesbian mistress who lets you escape from your passionless marriage, or whatever that godawful trope is. I swear, one of these days I’d like to turn on Netflix and find a gay movie that doesn’t have an affair, secrecy, and drama. No thanks.”
That stung, even though she was right. “Calm down. It’s not like I’ve made a move on you. It’s not like I’ve asked you out.”
Holtz gestured around. “Haven’t you?”
“You provide a service, and I am paying you for that service.”
“Kinky,” Holtz said dryly.
“Holtzmann, be serious. Are you honestly suggesting that I’m coming onto you?”
“No, I’m not suggesting that. What I am doing is inviting you to take a close look at what you are doing, and I’m warning you that if your intentions change, I’m outta here.”
“I’m not looking to have an affair, Holtzmann. Not now, and not any time soon. I’m not that kind of person. If you’ve mistaken this for something it’s not, that’s your problem, not mine. You’re welcome to refuse a job anytime you like.”
She was being unfair. She knew that. She couldn’t stop the words from coming out, though. Who was she trying to convince?
“Noted. Now that we’re both on the same page, can we move past this bullshit and be cool again?”
Erin exhaled. “Yeah, we can.”
“Good. Now shush and let me get back to work. This gutter isn’t gonna clean itself.”
She swung back onto the ladder and got back to work. Erin’s heart was still pounding. The conversation didn’t feel finished, but it seemed like Holtz had moved on. She was already scooping out gunk as if they hadn’t just been talking about affairs a minute prior, like she did this every day.
What was Erin supposed to make of that?