Years Past
!TW! SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, ATTEMPT, AND SELF-HARM
2002
Lena had spent her entire life for the past three months in either her apartment's garage or her lab at work. There was no one to go home to. There was no one to cry to. She was alone.
The sunset was beautiful. Lena genuinely smiled for the first time in weeks as she watched its colors blend together and fade away. The empty feeling in her chest returned when stars replaced the vibrant pinks and oranges of the sky. Again, her focus fixed itself on the paperwork in front of her. Everything and nothing ran through her mind all at once, until she looked up and was reminded of her only solution. The full bottle of pills, next to her little metal box of shards of glass. She opened the medicine, then what used to be a container for mints, setting out her glass and enough pills. She held a shard in her hand with trembling fingers.
She didn't want to die, she just wanted it to stop hurting. This was the only way.
Lena hovered the glass above her forearm, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. The glass dug into her skin, burning as she dragged it up her wrist. Blood hit the ground in little droplets. Again, she paused before pressing the glass to her skin.
Alexx: Hey, Len. Gave ur Snapchat to my sis. She'll text soon. Tell me if she doesn't.
Sobs escaped Lena's lips.
MeSolumRelinquitas: Why
That's what the Lena Alex knew would say. That Lena wouldn't be here. She would've moved to National City much faster.
Alexx: Because you're both single and lonely
She had no idea how true that was.
MeSolumRelinquitas: Sure we are. I'll tell u if she doesn't text.
Another empty promise. She picked up the glass and held it between her fingers for just a second, then pressed it to her other arm. She reached for the pills, but her vision blurred, her mind went fuzzy.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Lena woke in a hospital bed, her arms in restraints. She groaned, attempting to free her wrists. She wasn't crazy, just sad. Lena winced at the sharp pain from her wounds and dropped her arms in defeat.
"Oh, for fuck's sake!" She laughed, rolling her eyes. Of course she had to end up here. Just her luck. "Let me go!"
"Look who's up." A doctor sighed, flipping through Lena's chart.
"Can you take these off?"
"No." The doctor stated simply, shutting the chart and hanging it on the foot of Lena's bed.
"How long have I been here?"
"Since about midnight last night."
"And what time is it" Lena huffed. For a doctor, this woman was not very smart.
"One o'clock."
"In the morning?"
"No, the afternoon. I need to check your bandages." The doctor's voice was dry and emotionless, and Lena couldn't help but miss Alex.
"Then take these off." Lena tugged again at the restraints, wincing.
"I have to wait for psych to clear you. Anyways, I'm Dr. Tsung. Psych is on the way. Bastards take forever."
"Can you get me my phone so I can call my friend?" Lena sighed.
"Sure. How are you going to do that?" Dr. Tsung raised her eyebrows, a smirk on her lips.
"If you'd just take these off, I could. What the hell am I supposed to do, jump off the bed?" Lena asked.
"Fine, but if my superior comes in, you freed yourself."
"Deal." Lena smiled, taking her phone eagerly when her wrists were freed. She speed dialed Alex, excitement bubbling in her stomach. Her thumb hovered over the call button. Was she ready to tell Alex what happened? No, she wouldn't, and that was fine.
"Hey, Lee! Did Kara text?" Alex chimed.
"Well, no, but I missed you." Lena smiled against her phone's cold screen, Alex's voice sending memories through her mind.
"Aww, I miss you, too! How's Deleware?" Alex giggled lightly.
"Um..." Lena trailed off, unsure of how to reply. Denying things wouldn't help her case in here if she wanted to get out, but Alex would freak out. "Something happened, but I'm fine." She replied simply.
"What? What happened? Are you okay?" Alex asked frantically.
"I'm in the hospital, but I'm okay and definitely do not fly here." Lena blurted out in a rush.
"Why are you in the hospital? I'm going to book a flight right now." Alex sighed.
"No, don't, I'm fine. I just needed to hear your voice." Lena lied.
"Okay."
"Promise! I just did something stupid trying to experiment for Biomax. It didn't work out."
"Dumbass. Be careful, okay? Maggs is here, and we're going to lunch. I love you."
"Love you, too. Bye." Lena sighed as she hung up, emptiness setting in again.
"Biomax?" Dr. Tsung asked.
"An experiment I've been working on for years. It malfunctioned." Lena faked a smile, setting her phone on her side table.
"If you were experimenting, why do both arms? And why wouldn't you have a plan in place, just in case something went wrong?"
"Biomax has been so successful that I didn't have any doubt it would succeed." Lena shrugged. She was good at lying herself out of situations she didn't want to be in.
"Sure." The doctor rolled her eyes as the door opened, revealing a man in a long white coat, holding a clipboard. He looked depressed himself, a grim frown in place on his lips.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Lena walked out of the hospital less than an hour later. She stopped at home first, to change into a long-sleeved top and scrub the dried blood off of her garage floor, then stopped in at work, lying about some emergency with Lex before picking up Jack's lab reviews for the day. She rolled her eyes at the little hearts in the margins, and ignored his dorky attempt at flirting as she made her way out.