never not
“Mind if I join you?” Wonyoung’s sweet voice pulls Minjoo out of a reverie of thoughts.
The spring nights were still fairly cool off the back of winter but tonight it was pleasant, even in her blouse and skirt. They’re standing on the balcony of the hotel, overlooking the city where people looked like ants below and where the moon looks bigger and she felt closer to the stars.
Minjoo nods and turns back to admire the skyline as Wonyoung takes a spot beside her, leaning into the ledge of the balcony. She clasps her hands together and takes in the sight in front of her. “It’s a beautiful night isn’t it?” she says.
Minjoo nods her head in agreement.
In a few hours Wonyoung and Yujin will be married. Tonight however, is the final rehearsal dinner before the festivities tomorrow. Contrary to the name, it has little to do with rehearsals but simply a gathering of all of their closest family and friends as a formal thank you. Minjoo’s been invite - but of course she is.
“I realised that we haven’t had a proper conversation between the two of us in a while…” Wonyoung says. “...Or ever.”
Wonyoung and Minjoo rarely ever had conversations when without Yujin around. Their conversations thus far have been more shallow and surface level type conversations - how are you? How’s work? We should catch up for dinner...with Yujin - kind of conversations.
Except Minjoo suddenly thinks back to this morning when she was awoken by Chaewon, coaxing her out of her dream-like state and it makes her tense. She wasn’t sure what had happened but she remembers the tension in the atmosphere. It was the way Wonyoung had her back to her, barely acknowledging her in the room and how Yujin could only offer a wary smile.
Even Chaewon seemed tense. The way she spoke was more reminiscent of her customer service voice than the one that she had grown accustomed too over the past few days. Playful with a bit of teasing in her tone.
“I just wanted to say thank you for coming. I know how important you are to Yujin, even if I’ll never be able to understand it.”
To be honest, Minjoo barely understood their relationship as well - especially of late. She often went along with what Yujin always classified them as. They were best friends, known each other since college, stuck together through thick and thin - until Minjoo up-ed and left for another country.
“You know, she was having the worst day ever the day that you finally told me you’d come and play. When I told her it’s like all of her problems melted away in an instant…” Wonyoung’s gaze travels down the streets below as she twiddled with her fingers and gnawed at the bottom of her lip. “You made her so happy.”
Minjoo dwells on the thought and curls her finger around the empty champagne glass she had been nursing. “Actually, you did.”
She remembers the constant messages and emails from Wonyoung asking her to come. When she didn’t reply Wonyoung started sending her gifts from overseas, little trinkets, little gestures and acts of kindness to butter her up. It wasn’t until months later that Wonyoung called her directly to ask her. It was easy to ignore the messages and e-mails. Easier to dance around the topic through messages that she had spent hours writing and rewriting.
Hearing her voice on the phone however was different. On the phone Minjoo lost all her nerve and caved into Wonyoung’s request.
“You were the one who got me here, basically bugged me and buttered me up so that I couldn’t say no. You’ve done more for Yujin than I ever could. If it wasn’t for you - I’m not sure I would’ve had the courage to come…”
“Why not?”
“It’s a bit complicated…”
“Was it the reason why you moved overseas?” When Minjoo doesn’t give her an answer Wonyoung probes further. “Was it because of Yujin?”
Minjoo snorts, “You know that nothing ever happened between us right?” Minjoo turns her body to face Wonyoung.
But there’s something blooming in the darkest corner of Wonyoung’s mind and she doesn’t like it. It started this morning when she walked in on Yujin caressing Minjoo’s face. It’s something unpleasant and something that she shouldn’t be thinking about especially the day before their wedding.
It’s doubt.
“Nothing?” Wonyoung gulps. She’s looking for assurance in Minjoo’s eyes which Minjoo confirms with a slight nod of the head - bright eyes twinkling so brilliantly. “Why not?”
Minjoo throws her head back and lets out a loud laugh, “Did you want something to have happened between us?”
“No! That’s not what I meant. I’m just trying to understand how you guys are so close and yet nothing ever happened. You should hear about the way Yujin brings you up sometimes. Minjoo is a really good pianist, Minjoo and I used to visit this really good burger joint, Minjoo and I went on a hike once and almost got lost...”
Wonyoung had never thought much about it till now but Minjoo often lived like a fictional character in their relationship. Yujin would tell her so many stories about her and Minjoo and they sounded like the typical best friends who took on the world. Everything that Wonyoung knew about Minjoo was through Yujin and by the sounds of it there’s a lot that Wonyoung has to live up to.
Which begs the question as to why the seemingly most perfect girl in the world never dated someone like Yujin. Was there something wrong with Yujin? Was there something wrong with Minjoo?
Wonyoung knows that she shouldn’t let herself get carried away, but the idea had been festering all morning. Then again maybe Wonyoung had always suspected it and this morning’s incident was a trigger. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard for her to simply ignore the thoughts floating around in her mind.
Minjoo reaches for both of Wonyoung’s hands and cups them together in her hands. “Yujin is loyal. She’s like a giant puppy, not just in the way she looks like one but it’s her personality as well.” Minjoo can feel Wonyoung’s fingers looping around her own in search of support, “Yujin is loyal…” she says again, “She picked you, so trust her.”
+
“What do you think they’re talking about?” Yujin leans on the counter and draws Chaewon’s attention to the silhouette of the two women standing outside on the balcony.
She had been observing them for ten minutes, unable to clearly see the expressions on their faces from the way they had their backs against the room. It’s causing her to really worry.
“What else would they have to talk about?” Chaewon rolls her eyes.
“Should I go out there and explain?”
“Explain what, exactly?” Chaewon crosses her arms and taps her foot impatiently against the footrest of the chair. She wasn’t sure why she was so riled up at the image coming back into her head. The one of Yujin with her hand on Minjoo’s cheeks whilst she slept. Wonyoung had been polite enough, or naive enough to ignore it but Chaewon knows better, knows more about the history between them to let it slide so easily.
“Unnie…” Yujin looks at her squarely, noting how her eyes were avoiding her. When Chaewon doesn’t flinch at her reaction Yujin continues with her explanation, “You know I’m as blind as a bat, I thought it was Wonyoung. Sorry if my first natural instinct is to assume that the woman lying next to me is my fiancé.”
Chaewon wants to ask her why she couldn’t differentiate the two based on the proximity alone in a brightly lit room. Especially when they looked nothing alike. But the questions are inflammatory and have no tangible evidence to support. She would only have Yujin’s words to go on and the trust they have between each other and tonight isn’t the best night to test it.
Chaewon knows Yujin’s heart. She thinks.
“Sure,” Chaewon says, tone short.
“You don’t believe me?”
The notion hurts Yujin for a multitude of reasons but mostly because it’s simply just Chaewon. Chaewon who’s always protected her. Chaewon who she’s looked up to since she was a kid. Chaewon who’s meant to be standing by her side tomorrow as she married Wonyoung.
“What can I do to prove to you-”
“Do you love her?”
Chaewon asks, eyes slowly rising to meet Yujin’s gaze. Yujin’s seen this look a few times before. Whenever the barista gives her the wrong order, when some creep steps out of line, when people are being rude, or unpleasant towards her. Point is it’s not a look to be taken lightly.
Yujin pauses for a second to register the question, “Of course I love her…” Yujin leans into the bar, “Why would we be getting married if I didn’t?”
The answer catches her off-guard but the effect is instantaneous. Chaewon feels the tension melt out of her shoulders, the grip on her drink suddenly loosening, knuckles no longer white from holding on too tightly. She lets out a breath she hadn’t realised she had been holding and breaks out into a smile. “Of course,” she pats Yujin on the cheeks and squeezes her shoulder and finishes off her drink.
Chaewon had posed the question with Minjoo in her mind but Yujin answered with Wonyoung. Of course she did. Chaewon laughs to herself and shakes her head, feeling a little guilty suddenly. But Yujin finds herself breathing a little easier the moment Chaewon smiles, her legs trembling still however as she leaned against the bar for support.
“Unnie, once I’m married you know that it’s back on you since Eunbi and Hyewon are probably-definitely going to get married next right?” She quickly tries to change the atmosphere that was about to engulf them.
Chaewon groans and rolls her eyes, “Don’t be my mother...”
“I’m not, I’m just preparing you mentally for the attention,” Yujin teases and nudges her gently.
Chaewon loves her family, loves her mother, but sometimes they clash. It’s the reason why Chaewon is glad she isn’t at home - most of the time - because it’s also the reason why they argue. She should settle down, find someone nice, give her mother some grandkids because she’s not getting any younger.
Chaewon is happy being able to do what she does - travel the world, experience new cultures and meet new people. When she meets someone who she really likes, then she’ll consider settling. For now she’s going to continue to avoid her mother until she flies about again.
“You stopped travelling when you met Wonyoung, was it worth it?”
“I didn’t stop travelling, I just travelled less and it wasn’t because of Wonyoung it was just life. Regardless it’s even better now that I have Wonyoung to share those memories with and you can have someone too if you stopped being so picky.” Yujin pokes Chaewon’s shoulder causing her to shift sideways to dodge her.
“I am hardly picky.”
“Hmmm and your last relationship was when?”
“Relationship a few years ago, but the casual things…” Chaewon winks and Yujin fakes vomit.
“Don’t think I can look at the toilet of an airplane and not feel suspicious anymore.”
“I am a complete professional when I’m working,” Chaewon scoffs.
“But don’t you ever get lonely? Like having someone to talk to just about mundane things at the end of your day, or someone to look forward to when you get home?”
“You know that the problem isn’t me,” Chaewon rolls her eyes.
“Yes, that’s right, you’re never at fault,” Yujin nudges her and rolls her eyes.
“Having my job means that I can’t be with someone who doesn’t understand that I won’t always be there all the time. Weekends with friends and family, weeknight dinners, last minute change of plans - it’s all part of the sacrifice for being able to travel the world.”
“So what do you want? Someone who drops everything to follow you around the world?”
“Hardly. I just want someone who’ll...” she pauses trying to find the right words and Yujin leans in eagerly, waiting for an answer. “Someone who will trust me...” her voice trails off, finger tracing the rim of the glass.
Chaewon remembers the long phone calls at ungodly hours and the anxiety of the separation. She remembers the frustration in the way they were both unable to articulate how they felt through words so that everything just simply came out in the form of lashing out, yelling and crying. She remembers how tiring it was always having to pretend she was happy and ok just for the sake of others whilst her relationship was crumbling behind the scenes.
So Chaewon simply doesn’t date anymore. It’s easier on her and anyone she chooses to date even if she does feel the loneliness creep in sometimes. Like late at night when it’s cold, or when she’s had a bad day or even a good one. Sometimes it helps knowing that there’s always going to be someone in your corner regardless.
“You’re clearly asking for too much,” Yujin leans her weight into her and offers her a cheeky smile. “I know you’re going to meet someone one day who will give you that and more…Who knows maybe you’ll meet someone at the wedding? Maybe someone from Wonyoung’s side? I’m saying that because I wouldn’t trust most of my friends,” Yujin chuckles to herself.
“Have you been talking to my mother?” Chaewon shoots her a glare, eyes narrow and lips tugged into a thin line. The conversation felt reminiscent of what Eunbi had told her earlier about her mother asking for her to keep an eye out on single people at the wedding.
“I remembered something I wanted to ask…” Yujin deflects immediately, which makes Chaewon even more suspicious, “You and Minjoo…”
Chaewon gulps, “What about Minjoo?”
She never understood Minjoo’s hesitation when it came to telling Yujin exactly what happened between them and yet, time was enough to make her feel nervous about it all herself.
“She was telling me how she was on a flight and placed next to an unaccompanied minor and some stewardess helped her, and I was wondering if that was your flight… since I remember you both telling me you had the same landing time.”
“Did she say anything about the stewardess?” Chaewon’s interest is suddenly piqued. “What she looked like? How she acted?”
There’s a growing grin on Chaewon’s face that makes Yujin a little suspicious. “She said she was short and a bit funny looking, talked a lot…” The indignant look on Chaewon’s expression confirms what Yujin was thinking so she continues, “But she said that she was nice, knew how to look after kids and even made her feel less scared.”
From across the room Chaewon sees Minjoo coming back in from the balcony with Wonyoung. She’s dressed in a purple blouse tucked into her white skirt, long wavy hair sitting perfectly over her shoulders. Yujin follows her eyeline across the room to her fiance and her best friend who have seemed to spot the two cousins standing side by side.
Wonyoung smiles, waves and grabs Minjoo by the hand, dragging her across the ballroom to where they were standing.
“So, Chaewon, do you know who that stewardess was?” Yujin leans in and whispers in her ear, a teasing lilt in her voice.
“Yah, Kim Minjoo, you said I was short and funny looking?” Chaewon places her hands on her hips and flares her nose.
“I said what?” Minjoo looks at her confused alongside Wonyoung. Beside her, Yujin is shaking from trying to suppress her laughter. When she fails she draws Chaewon’s attention and wrath towards her.
“Yah, Ahn Yujin!” Chaewon puffs her chest and raises her hand in the air, about to hit Yujin when the taller girl runs away laughing. She ducks behind Wonyoung, using the equally tall woman to protect her.
That’s the good thing about Wonyoung, her family adores her so much that Yujin pretty much has immunity for bringing her in. But Chaewon is ruthless when she wants to be and she chases Yujin around her so Yujin hides behind Minjoo who is still confused at the situation in front of her.
“You should’ve told me you met each other already,” Yujin sticks out her tongue and Chaewon does it back, her face extremely close to Minjoo without her realising.
“Wait, what did I say about you?” Minjoo looks at Chaewon, seemingly ignoring what Yujin was complaining about.
“Oh, I just told her you said she was short and funny looking and talked a lot.”
“Oh come on, that’s not even a way to talk about anyone…” Minjoo grabs Chaewon by the shoulders and steps towards her, moving away from Yujin to help create a gap between them. Chaewon looks over Minjoo’s shoulder to Yujin and draws a line between her eyes and points at Yujin who’s still in hysterics.
“So why didn’t you tell me that you met my best friend on the plane?”
“I don’t think it crossed either of our minds. It never really came up in conversation with you so we left it as was,” Minjoo speaks for the both of them which was a first. “I didn’t even realise that night when we were having drinks at the bar that she was your cousin till we met the next morning at the ceremony rehearsal.”
She’s still holding onto Chaewon’s shoulders, looking her in the eyes whilst reciting the story of the first time they met. A smile creeps on her lips at the warm memories.
“I don’t care, I just thought it was something that would’ve crossed your minds. Two of my favourite people in the world meeting like that,” Yujin slots between them and loops her arms around both of their shoulders. “Can you imagine if you went to college with us as well, we would’ve had so much fun…” Yujin looks down at Chaewon who only rolls her eyes.
“And for what it’s worth, I actually thought you were quite pretty the first time I met you,” Minjoo glances over at Chaewon who meets her eyes.
Yujin retracts her hands from around their shoulders and steps backwards, “Alright then… I guess we should get going…” she tries to inject a forced laugh into the atmosphere.
+
Minjoo’s at the bar again.
She promises that she won’t let herself get carried away like the first night. Aside from the threat of waking up with a blistering headache, Minjoo didn’t feel like it. She just wanted a drink to keep her warm and make her feel light before she headed off to bed. Plus they’ve just finished the rehearsal dinner so unlike last time she’s stuffed to the brim with quality korean beef.
“Mind if I join you?” the voice she had grown all too familiar with draws her from her sea of thoughts like she has been for the past few days.
“Sure,” Minjoo turns her body slightly to face her.
She orders herself a drink from the bartender who served them a few days earlier.
“D-day is tomorrow,” Chaewon leans forward into the chair, “How are you feeling?”
“Good,” Minjoo says. She’s not sure if it’s a lie entirely and even if it was she wasn’t sure if she was lying to herself or to Chaewon.
“Really? We never really spoke about everything…” Chaewon says, running her finger up and down the glass, collecting the beads of condensation on her fingertips.
Minjoo takes a sharp breath and tenses. “What’s there to talk about?” her jaw tightens as she finishes the rest of her drink.
“You can’t honestly not think that it’s not in the slightest intriguing to me as to why you’ve come to my cousin’s wedding despite the fact that you’re in love with her? So maybe the story that they guilt tripped you is true, and that you’re a saint walking amongst us - or you have some ulterior motive… like do I need to know if I need to be prepared for when the minister asks if anyone objects the marriage?” Chaewon leans in, face stern like Minjoo has never seen before.
It makes her uncomfortable but it’s not long before a grin cracks across her face.
“Wow, you really believed that, huh?”
“You’re insane,” Minjoo snorts, trying to suppress a smile.
“You don’t know anything about me,” Chaewon winks in a joking manner. “So what happened?” Chaewon asks.
It’s become evident to Minjoo that Chaewon isn’t the type to let it go easily so she concedes. It wouldn’t matter, regardless. Tomorrow Yujin will get married, the day after they’ll all fly out, Yujin on her honeymoon with Wonyoung, Minjoo back to her home in Japan and Chaewon to Dubai and then wherever she wants after.
“That’s the thing. Nothing,” Minjoo laughs bitterly.
“Did you ever want something to?”
“No, clearly I just harboured all these feelings for her for years for fun…” Minjoo rolls her eyes but her sarcasm is met with Chaewon’s silence causing her to shift nervously in her seat. “I tried to a few years ago but I was too late…”
Minjoo remembers the Christmas where she had finally mustered up the courage to finally ask. They had promised to meet each other at the bar around the campus where those who didn’t have families to go home too or anyone special to celebrate with would often hang. She had an ugly knitted sweater wrapped up neatly in a box, one that would’ve matched the one she was wearing to meet her.
Except when she entered Yujin was already sitting at the bar with someone else.
“That was the day she met Wonyoung?” Chaewon asks, voice barely above a whisper.
Minjoo nods her head.
Chaewon knows the story of how they met. The short and the long version. You don’t become the maid of honour without knowing that. They were at a bar during Christmas and Wonyoung was being pestered by the seniors who wanted her to have a drink with them. In Yujin’s version she kicks the door down, slams a few heads together and stands on top of the bar with her cape flowing effortlessly (she won’t tell them where the wind was coming from). In Wonyoung’s version, also known as the actual version, Yujin had walked up to her, pretending that they were friends and pulled her away.
Yujin asked her to join her, they were stronger in number anyways and her friend would be coming soon. Chaewon realises now that the friend was Minjoo. Minjoo who put her heart on her sleeve for the first and seemingly last time.
“You should’ve heard her call me that night, she sounded so happy. Like so genuinely happy that I didn’t have the heart to tell her otherwise.”
“You could’ve told her. I doubt that your time together prior wasn’t worth more consideration than that one night.” Chaewon feels guilty for saying this. She loves and adores Wonyoung with all of her heart. After all she makes Yujin happy and for a family as tight knit as theirs that’s all she needs.
More so Wonyoung blended into the family so effortlessly, she’s kind, polite and always puts others before herself. Yujin was always lucky like that, blessed to have good people in her life but Chaewon figures it’s because she reaps what she sows.
“I found the one…” Minjoo says, “That’s what she told me.”
“Hard to compete with that, I guess…” Chaewon chuckles.
“I guess I just kept waiting instead of moving on…”
“So when you slept with me it felt like you were cheating on her?”
Minjoo laughs, wincing in her seat, “Why are you so casual with this?” Minjoo asks, sounding bemused, looking over her shoulder at Chaewon. She’s curious as to how she’s spent the last two days racked with guilt only for Chaewon to be so blasé about everything.
“Why shouldn’t I be?” she asks, looking up at Minjoo indignantly. “We’ve done nothing wrong. As far as I’m aware we’re both two consenting adults who are currently not committed to anyone else but you’re the one who’s a bit weird about it...” Chaewon’s voice trails off.
Minjoo feels apologetic again. She remembers how she had accused her wrongfully at the start for lying to her like Chaewon had ill intentions when in fact she hadn’t. Then from every point on Chaewon, despite Minjoo’s reluctance, continued to chip away at her barriers which is a feat that not many can achieve. Chaewon had no real reason to be nice to her or to care enough for her like she did.
Minjoo wonders if it’s because that’s just part of the job for her. She must be so used to serving customers regularly that taking care of Minjoo was second nature to her. Or maybe it’s first. Maybe that’s just how Chaewon is. Full of warmth that radiates through her body - it’s familiar like in the way Yujin is but it’s also different. Yujin is flame burning bright and brilliant and can be all consuming, but Chaewon is constant and strong and inviting. It’s the kind of warmth that Minjoo can bask in without getting burnt.
“It’s normal to accidentally sleep with your friend’s cousin at her wedding even though you weren’t expecting to ever see them again?”
“Maybe this is all fate then, Miss Kim,” Chaewon says, voice low and sultry a smirk tugging on the corner of her lips like she’s joking. “I mean after all, we meet on a plane, end up in the same hotel, going to the same wedding and somehow this isn’t the world telling us that we’re meant to be?”
Chaewon looks at Minjoo square in the face and holds her breath for a moment before she breaks out into a giggle.
“I’m just kidding, you should’ve seen your face.”
“Do you really think it’s fate?” Minjoo asks, turning her body this time towards Chaewon who stiffens up.
She pauses for a moment to contemplate Minjoo’s question. She had originally intended for it to be a joke, not one to believe in this herself but maybe there was a truth to it.
There’s a long pause before Chaewon answers.
“I think it’s whatever we want it to be…”
“Are you free tonight then?” Minjoo raises an eyebrow and without hesitation Chaewon nods.
+
Minjoo leads her by the hand, the tip of their fingers holding onto each other as they walk back to Minjoo’s room. Chaewon can feel her ears burn, mind filling with dizzying thoughts as she follows Minjoo in silence. “After you,” Minjoo opens the door and lets Chaewon in first, closing the door behind her.
For the first time in a long time Chaewon doesn’t know what to do with herself. Usually this part is a blur for her. The alcohol usually drives her, makes her decisions for her. They’re usually thoughtless and without any feelings but it definitely makes it easier most of the time. But she’s so sober and so aware about how she wants Minjoo to kiss her right then and there that she doesn’t know what to do. It’s a good thing however, that Minjoo takes the burden off of her by making a move first.
“May I?” Minjoo asks, eyes trailing between her lips and her eyes. It’s so nice to have someone ask. Chaewon nods her head and closes her eyes as Minjoo’s hands cup her jaw, planting her lips right on Chaewon’s. She starts off slow, easing them into each other, developing a rhythm between the two of them.
Minjoo’s hand rests on her waist as Chaewon loops her arms around her neck like it’s the most natural thing in the world to be this close.
“Are you sure about this?” Chaewon asks as Minjoo leads her towards her bed, slowly.
Minjoo smiles against her lips and kisses her in answer to her question.
There’s no haste in the way they kiss each other tonight. They pace, moving slowly, savouring every bit of each other, delving deeper with each kiss like they wanted more, needed more. Chaewon straddles Minjoo’s hips, runs her fingers up the base of her neck and into her hair.
Minjoo is a lot more alert today, she feels every sensation on her body where Chaewon is touching her. She moves her hands around Chaewon’s body, fingers gliding over her soft skin, running up her neck and lacing themselves through her hair. “You’re not going to run off again are you?” Chaewon asks between kisses.
“No.”
“Are you sure?” Chaewon stops them, both hands resting on her shoulder. Minjoo kisses her again but this time it doesn’t work like it did the first time because she stops her. Chaewon wants an answer, she wants to hear it from Minjoo’s lips. “You’re not going to think that this is a mistake in the morning?
Minjoo hears the tone in her voice, slightly wary, accompanied by the smirk on her lips to probably disguise her tone. Chaewon doesn’t believe her, not like she had any reason to but Minjoo feels even more determined to prove her wrong.
She grabs her waist and turns her over, pinning her against the bed and presses her thigh between her legs. She looks Chaewon right in the eyes, “I’m sure,” she says before leaving a trail of kisses down her neck, across her shoulder and down her chest like she’s trying to study every inch of Chaewon’s body, trying to commit it to memory.
“There’s no one else I’d rather be with tonight than you,” Minjoo says.
+
The next time Minjoo wakes up it’s because she feels the weight of the bed shifting around her.
She opens her eyes and tries to let them adjust slowly to the dimness of the room. The only light in the room was from the moonlight leaking through the window - they must’ve forgotten to pull the blinds last night. She reaches over for the switch by her bedside and switches it on, flooding the room with a warm glow. Chaewon leaps on the spot, hugging her t-shirt close to her body. “You scared me!”
“You’re leaving?” Minjoo feels a little disheartened at the lack of warmth beside her and the sight of Chaewon slipping on her shirt.
“Yeah,” she clears her throat and pulls her hair from underneath her shirt, swinging it around her right shoulder.
“So when you kept asking if I was going to run away it was so that you could leave me first?” Minjoo props herself up on her elbows.
Chaewon throws her head back and laughs, “I’m not that petty,” she says as she zips up her jeans, “I’m not sure if you remember my cousin - your friend - is getting married today. I have to get my makeup and hair done.”
She tilts her head to the side and glances at the clock. It was almost four in the morning already but Minjoo wasn’t needed until nine. “Can’t you stay? You don’t need to do your makeup, you’re pretty enough,” Minjoo says sheepishly, hoping that it would be enough to coax Chaewon back into bed, if not just for a second longer.
It seems to work because Chaewon climbs back onto the bed and caresses Minjoo’s face, a devilish smirk on her lips as their faces hover dangerously close to each other. “Nice try, unfortunately the hundreds of guests probably won’t be thinking the same.” Chaewon leans across Minjoo and scoops up the phone on the bedside table. As she pulls back Minjoo grabs her quickly and kisses her, hand running up the nape of her neck into her hair.
“What was that for?” Chaewon asks as she breaks away, her eyes travelling between Minjoo’s eyes and lips. If she was being honest Minjoo didn’t even know herself why she was overcome with the urge to kiss her but if she’s learnt anything it’s that Chaewon brings it out of her.
“Just...I’ll see you later?” Minjoo smiles softly, sleep still heavy on her eyes.
“You will. Get some sleep ok,” Chaewon caresses Minjoo’s hand still resting on the nape of her neck and climbs off the bed. Minjoo falls back onto her bed and takes a deep breath to steady herself. She knows Chaewon’s gone when she hears the door of her room open and close and it’s not long before she falls asleep after that, engulfed in her scent.
+
Yujin stands in front of the mirror, trying to straighten out the creases in her dresses. It’s been five minutes but she can’t seem to get it out.
“Hey, Eunbi unnie said you wanted me?” Minjoo pokes her head through the door to find Yujin, a vision in white, standing at the mirror. She turns around and the worried expression on her face melts away. Minjoo steps into the room and closes the door behind her. There’s just the two of them now staring at each other as Minjoo musters the ability to talk first. “You look...good.”
“Just good?” Yujin pouts.
Yujin’s fashion choices are often casual, easy to wear outfits. She prioritises her comfort above all. That isn’t to say she doesn’t clean up nice. She’s wearing hair extensions today, long, dark, wavy locks flowing loosely over her shoulders.
“You look beautiful,” Minjoo corrects herself. Satisfied with her compliment Yujin breaks out into a lopsided smile. “Nervous?” Minjoo asks.
“Just a little,” she takes a deep breath and shakes it off.
“Not getting cold feet are you?”
“Of course not!” Yujin protests.
“That’s good, cause Wonyoung’s good for you.”
“You always know what’s good for me, don’t you.”
“We weren’t best friends for nothing…”
“Past tense?”
“What?”
“Aren’t we still best friends?”
“Of course we are, I misspoke.”
Yujin purses her lips and nods. “So anyways…” she says, trying to quickly change the atmosphere around them. “Wonyoung was telling me about some of her single friends last night and I was stalking their social media page.”
“Yujin…” Minjoo groans, “I don’t know what it is with everyone, I’m fin-”
“It’s for Chaewon unnie,” Yujin clarifies.
“Oh.”
Minjoo feels a blush creep on her cheeks. She tilts her head sideways, trying to understand the question. “Because I know Chaewon well enough?”
“That's the point, you can be objective. You can tell me if you think she’s attractive,” Wonyoung pulls her by the hand and opens the door slightly to have a peak at the crowd filling the room. “There,” Yujin points out the door and pushes Minjoo in front. “Shin Ryujin.”
Minjoo looks at the girl, ribbed knit dress with a blazer, mid-length hair tucked behind her ear.
“This is what you called me in for?” Minjoo rolls her eyes.
“Yes. So?” Yujin prompts, “Thoughts?”
Minjoo bites her tongue. She’s pretty. Her eyes are stunning, smile charming and she seems to dress well but that’s probably the point of it all. It’s all about the looks. Minjoo wonders if Chaewon is the type to fall in love at first sight because she wouldn’t blame her for falling for Ryujin.
She spots Chaewon at the back of the room, directing all the guests to their seats and offering them the ceremonial program booklet. She looks beautiful, long hair half tied up whilst the rest flowed down her back in waves. The bridesmaid all wore pink but as maid of honour she wore a purple dress, standing out from the rest of them.
“You’ll need to ask Chaewon…” Minjoo bites her tongue and ducks back inside.
“Aye, you’re no fun,” Yujin closes the door again and leans against it.
Minjoo laughs incredulously, “You’re getting married in a few minutes, shouldn’t you be thinking about that?”
“Actually, I’m trying not to. It’s not that I’m afraid to get married, it’s walking down the aisle and having everyone stare at you. I already know that her extended family probably don’t think much of me considering my background.” Yujin slides down against the door and crumples into a pile.
Minjoo walks over and takes a seat beside her on the floor. She knows that despite Yujin’s loud and rambunctious personality there’s a soft part to her that she tries to bury deep down. The part that takes strangers critics to heart, that’s afraid the people who love her will eventually get tired of her.
Minjoo reaches for her hand and laces their fingers together, allowing Yujin to rest her head on her shoulder.
“Whenever I’m about to perform and I get nervous, I tend to find something to fixate on. When you get out there, find something to fixate on… someone…” Minjoo says, patting Yujin’s hand, “Look at Wonyoung. I know she’ll be able to make your nerves disappear.”
“So I shouldn’t imagine people naked?”
“Knowing you, it would just make you laugh. But also do you want to imagine your future in-laws naked?”
“You’re right,” Yujin laughs, “What about you? Are you nervous?”
“A little.”
“You can look at me then if you get nervous.” She pats her chest and sticks her chin up, a smug smile on her lips.
Minjoo laughs, “Knowing me, your face would make me laugh.”
“Hey!” Yujin pushes her playfully, sending her sideways. Minjoo rolls on the floor in a fit of giggles and Yujin laughs - enough to release some of the tension in her body.
+
Yujin and Wonyoung get married on a warm day in spring.
It’s the warmest spring they’ve had so far this season and it makes Minjoo think that maybe it’s a sign. A blessing from above. Like it’s all meant to be. It’s been a while but Minjoo plays the piano effortlessly. Music was a safety net for her. It’s familiar and it lets her drown out all the noise.
There are no hiccups, no objections and everyone’s happy.
Just like they should be.
+
“Excuse me, 1-2-Check.”
The crowd goes quiet as they all turn their attention to the center stage. The lights dim and a spotlight falls on Chaewon. “Hi,” she smiles nervously at all the attention suddenly on her whilst trying to unfold the piece of paper with one hand.
“Yujinnie... Wonyoung-ah…” she turns her head to the bridal table on the platform. She stares at them like a loving older sister, letting the sight of the both of them fill her heart, “Congratulations.”
“Yujin and I used to travel the world together, maybe that’s why we’re so close. They say you never really know a person till you live with them, and I can tell you so much about Yujin based on the amount of times we’ve stayed together on our trips. I’m not going to give anything away cause I want it to be a surprise for Wonyoung.”
The guests erupt into laughter and Chaewon glances at Yujin whose lips were turned into a forced pout. Wonyoung leans into her and kisses her cheek.
“It wasn’t until the first year of college when Yujin decided that she was going to settle down. Get a degree and live a normal life. How boring right?” Chaewon smiles, “It wasn’t until I realised that maybe it wasn’t necessarily something, but someone that was keeping her grounded...literally.”
“Yujinnie. Watching you grow up has been one of my greatest joys. Watching you fall in love has been inspirational. I can only hope to find the kind of love you’ve found, the one that sends your heart soaring to the skies but also the one that keeps you grounded.”
She turns to the other beautiful bride.
“Wonyoung you don’t know how much of a feat it is that you’ve managed to tame Yujin. I can see it the way she acts, how she talks and how she carries herself now because of you. I’m sure she’ll agree when I say you make her better, and I can only hope that she does the same for you.”
“She does…” Wonyoung nods her head and they share a chaste kiss.
There are a few awws and ahhs in the crowd as Chaewon raises her glass, “So here’s to my best friend, my favourite cousin, my sister from another mister - Yujin and the person with whom she’ll have many adventures with for the rest of her life. Here’s to the happy couple.”
+
“What are you doing here alone?” Chaewon takes the empty seat beside her and Minjoo just takes another sip of the wine in her glass. “Why aren’t you dancing?”
“Dance floor is too busy,” Minjoo shouts over the noise.
“That’s what makes it better!” Chaewon leans in forward, “Come dance with me.” Chaewon pleads as she grabs both of her hands in an attempt to drag her onto the dancefloor but Minjoo remains firm in her seat. “Come on, you’re going to put to waste those dancing skills you picked up the other day?”
Chaewon’s hair was beginning to fall loose as the day progressed. Held back together by a measly clip. “Clock strikes upon the hour and the sun begins to fade, still enough time to figure out how to chase my blues away” the song plays much to the delight of the party goers who were beginning to move towards the dance floor. Minjoo turns her attention to the sound of cheers and laughter where she finds Yujin surrounded by a crowd on the dancefloor watching as Wonyoung serenades her.
“Come dance with me,” Chaewon taps Minjoo’s thigh and flashes her a brilliant smile, “Please, you can’t waste all that liquid courage by just sitting here!” Chaewon whines and pouts and Minjoo doesn’t know why it stirs something inside of her.
“And how much liquid courage have you had already?” Minjoo asks.
“Me? I don’t need liquid courage, but I’ve had a lot of drinks - bridal party obligations. After all, it's also how Yujin is still able to stand on her feet. I’ve been taking her drinks all night.”
“You’re such a good maid of honour,” Minjoo teases.
“I am, but now that my duties are over I just want to have a good time and dance with the cutest girl in the room, so can you please come dance with me?”
Minjoo feels a blush creeping up her cheeks. She sits up and straightens herself out, leans forward and unclips Chaewon’s hair letting everything come undone. Her hair falls over her face but Minjoo quickly tucks it behind her ear and Chaewon smiles. “Now we can go,” Minjoo’s eyes turn into crescents as she smiles, letting Chaewon grab her hand and pull her onto the dancefloor.
Oh, I wanna dance with somebody
I wanna feel the heat with somebody
Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody
With somebody who loves me
Chaewon pulls Minjoo right into the circle where Yujin and Wonyoung were and the crowd’s cheers get louder as she twirls out and back into Minjoo’s arms. Minjoo laughs loudly and lets herself get carried away by the vibe on the dance floor. She moves easily in tandem with Chaewon, bodies pressed up against each other whilst the crowd around them cheered loudly.
I need a woman who'll take a chance
On a love that burns hot enough to last
So when the night falls
My lonely heart calls
Minjoo dips her and pulls her back up quickly, “Hey,” Chaewon gulps as she tries to catch her breath, their faces so close that Chaewon could feel Minjoo’s breath ghosting over her skin.
“Having fun?”
“A lot!” she grins and runs her hand through her hair to brush the loose strands away. They’re shouting over the noise and the crowd’s dispersed around them now. Chaewon’s eyes travel between Minjoo’s lips and her eyes before she cups her cheeks and plants a chaste kiss on her lips. “Thanks for dancing with me.”
“Pleasure is all mine,” Minjoo grabs her hand and twirls her on the spot.
“Do you mind giving us a moment?” Yujin interrupts them both.
Chaewon doesn’t offer a response because it’s not her place to but there’s a sense of dread as she watches Yujin drag Minjoo away from the dance floor, neither of them looking back.
+
“What are you doing? I was having fun,” Minjoo tries to catch her breath as Yujin lets go of her hand. She had dragged them up three flights of stairs in heels without giving Minjoo a moment to catch her breath despite her begging. Sweat’s beginning to form on the edge of her hairline but there’s still a smile on her lips though, the tackiness from Chawon’s lipstick still acting as a sweet reminder of their kiss.
Yujin’s shoulders rise and fall in time with the sound of her deeply inhaling and exhaling as Minjoo walks closer to her, “Hey, what’s wrong?” she places her hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently.
“Does Chaewon unnie make you happy?”
“What do you mean?”
“Does she make you happy?” Yujin reiterates like it’s a clear enough question except Minjoo knows it’s not. It’s the tone of her voice, and the expression on her face - jaw clenched, eyebrows furrowed - that tells her it’s probably an answer Minjoo would regret answering honestly.
But she does it anyway, “I like her.”
“She’s my cousin, Minjoo, and you’re my best friend,” Yujin’s voice rises and cracks.
There she goes again, throwing that best friend title around. Minjoo doesn’t know why that title is such a sore in her backside. It hurts, as selfish as it sounds, it hurts. Maybe three years ago they were, maybe during college they were. But Minjoo doesn’t think it’s what they are now. They can’t be - it’s just too hard.
“What about it?”
“That’s awfully selfish isn’t it? What happens if something happens? What happens if you two break up? Do I have to choose?”
“Wait, we’ve literally slept together twice and as far as I’m aware she’s going to Dubai tomorrow whilst I’m going back to Japan.”
“You’ve slept together?” Yujin raises an eyebrow at the remark. Minjoo clenches her fist and takes a sharp breath once she realises what she had said. “You slept together? You and Chaewon unnie…” Yujin asks again, there’s a slight hysteria in her voice. It feels a little weird, almost grotesque at the thought of Chaewon and Minjoo for some reason - even though she speaks to Chaewon about her relationships - even though she knows all too well about all of Minjoo’s. “Since when were you the type to sleep around?”
“I’m not, it was just I was feeling nervous and we had a few drinks…”
“You felt nervous so you slept with my cousin? Do you do this every time you’re about to perform as well?”
“I didn’t know she was your cousin, Yujin, otherwise I wouldn't have had. But things happened and she was there for me when I needed someone.”
“But I was here!” Yujin says indignantly. She doesn’t mean to raise her voice but Minjoo can hear the frustration in her voice.
“Not in the way I need you to be.” She doesn’t mean for it to come out in such an accusatory tone.
“What? You mean because we can’t sleep together?” Yujin digs in her heels and glares at her.
“I meant, you were just busy with your wedding and I couldn’t bother you…” she’s trying to calm herself down. They’re both so loud that it makes Minjoo wonder if it wasn’t for the loud music would the guests be able to hear them.
“That’s ridiculous, I’m always here for you.”
“Yeah except you’re not.”
The conversation was going around in circles and Minjoo could feel herself giving in. The truth on the tip of her tongue ready to roll off at any given moment.
“What? How much time have we spent together over the past few days and you couldn’t find the time to tell me that you were feeling nervous? Honestly if you didn’t want to do it then you should’ve just told me that you didn’t want to do it. I would’ve been happy, just so long as you were here I would’ve been happy...”
She doesn’t get it. Yujin doesn’t get why Minjoo was so nervous but of course she wouldn’t. “It doesn’t matter anymore, it’s over, it’s done…” Minjoo wants to walk away, she should walk away right now before their fragile friendship could crumble anymore in her hands.
There’s a moment of silence as Yujin studies Minjoo’s face. “You’re not talking about the performance…”
Shit.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well I do.”
“You really don’t.” Minjoo retreats slowly, ready to walk away.
“Minjoo is it your performance or our relationship that’s done?” Yujin crosses her arms and taps her foot impatiently on the floor. Yujin notices how Minjo visibly tenses up from her expression to her shoulders and the way her fist is curled into a ball. When Minjoo doesn’t answer she changes her question, “You didn’t want to be here, did you?” Yujin asks, wanting to confirm her earlier suspicions.
A beat of silence.
“No.” Minjoo says honestly.
Yujin bites her lip and nods her head, she was already bracing herself for the response but it only made her realise how little control she has over her subconscious. She feels tears welling up in her eyes, dry eyes stinging.
She originally brushed off Minjoo’s resistance as typical. The girl was usually an introvert and big parties were hardly her thing but this was hardly any party, this was Yujin’s wedding. When Yujin had asked her to be a bridesmaid Minjoo again had resisted. She wanted to be able to enjoy the wedding as a bystander and not part of the team running the show. Plus, being in a different country would’ve made it hard for them to plan according to Minjoo so once again Yujin brushed it off.
When Yujin hadn’t received an RSVP from Minjoo she wondered if she had forgotten. It shouldn’t matter if she had any plans because you should be there for your best friend’s wedding. She had called her for a week, spammed her with messages and emails only for Wonyoung to break the news for her. She had responded to Wonyoung instead of her but it didn’t make a difference because Minjoo was coming.
In hindsight it was as clear as day and yet Yujin still hoped otherwise.
“Why?”
Minjoo hesitates. She’s calculating all the possible scenarios in her head where telling the truth ends well for them. This was always the thing about their relationship. A series of calculations and possibilities. A whole lot of theory - all theory.
“Minjoo!” Yujin raises her voice.
“It just sucks seeing the person you’re in love with marry someone else.”
She said it. She finally said it - but the forced confession doesn’t make her feel any better. In fact it makes her feel like utter shit. Minjoo feels like she’s ready to vomit, run away, do anything but to stand here and face Yujin.
“You love me? Since when?” Yujin asks, a tremble in her voice.
“It was a long time ago…”
“College?”
Minjoo doesn’t answer, she’s tired of answering.
“Minjoo, I waited for you. Every time when we used to stay up late I always felt like you wanted to tell me something and so every night I waited with you, waited till maybe you had the courage to tell me what you wanted to tell me.”
“Wait, did you like me as well?” Minjoo feels bitter at this revelation. “And despite this you never thought to tell me what you felt either?”
There’s something about this information that rubs her the wrong way. Yujin doesn’t meet her eyes either which tells her she probably realised what this meant. All they needed was for one of them to have been brave enough to make the first move but neither of them did. Or rather neither of them saw the risk worth taking.
“I was scared for the exact same reason why you never made the first move either. Scared that if you didn’t like me back that I’d lose your friendship as well. Then it just became better to have you close to me than to not have you at all…” Minjoo’s voice trails off.
“You moved countries, Minjoo. You ran away, was that really being close to me?”
“What did you want me to do Yujin? Tell you I love you? Ask you to run away with me? I think we’re a little late for this revelation. You’re married now and then before that you two were dating.” Minjoo says bitterly but Yujin shakes her head. She rushes over and wraps her arms around her, tightly, chin resting in the crook of her neck.
“I’m sorry I didn’t wait for you…”
Minjoo keeps her hands immobile by her side because she knows that if she was to hug her back there would be a part of her that would never want to let her go. Still she lets herself get wrapped up in Yujin’s warmth for one last time.
“You’re happy now,” Minjoo says softly into her ears. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”
“Yujin, Minjoo?” Minjoo tilts her head upwards to find Wonyoung staring at them.
“Congratulations, Yujin-ah.” Minjoo pats her back quickly, a feeling of guilt filling her up as she met Wonyoung’s gaze. Minjoo pulls away and squeezes Yujin’s shoulder awkwardly and quickly excuses herself.
Yujin was happy, Wonyoung really did make her happy, but there was that annoying part they kept eating away at her. The one that wanted to tell Minjoo that she always made her feel really happy too.
Minjoo stops in front of Wonyoung and forces a smile, “I’m going to fly out tomorrow morning,” Minjoo wants to reassure her that they wouldn’t have to worry about her for much longer, “Thanks for inviting me tonight. Take care of her for me, ok?”
“You know I will,” Wonyoung says, her voice low and firm, the usually bright and cheerful expression non existent on her face.
Minjoo nods her head and walks away first, for Yujin’s sake and for Wonyoung. Yujin looks at Wonyoung apologetically, wondering how long she had been standing there.
+
When Minjoo arrives back at her room she finds Chaewon huddled by her door, knees pulled close to her chest and head buried in her arms. “I’m beginning to wonder if you have a room, Miss Kim,” Minjoo teases, lowering herself down beside her to offer her a hand.
She pulls Chaewon to her feet with all the strength she can muster after a long day. Apparently it’s a lot because Chaewon practically launches herself into Minjoo’s embrace, sending her a few steps backwards to keep them upright. Minjoo walks them towards the door, Chaewon’s arm looped around her waist, head resting against her shoulder even as they both stumble towards the door where Minjoo fumbles for her swipe card.
“I do but I’m so used to you by now it would seem a waste to spend our last night together, alone.” Chaewon leans in as Minjoo tries to support her body whilst pushing through the door. She’s a bit intoxicated, maid of honour duties meant taking the bullet for Yujin every time someone wanted her to take a drink which Chaewon has done well.
“Maybe tonight isn’t the best night.”
She helps Chaewon to the bed where the bridesmaid falls back flat on her back, hair sprawled all over as Minjoo takes a seat on the edge of the bed. She feels an incredible weight on her chest, emotions still frayed from the conversation with Yujin on the rooftop. They both stay in the silence, neither sure of what to say first.
“So what happened between you two? When Yujin pulled you up to the rooftop?” Chaewon doesn’t mean to seem nosy, but there was something nagging at her the moment she watched Yujin drag Minjoo away. A sinking feeling settling into the pit of her stomach. She props herself up on her elbows and slowly positions herself upright on the bed, legs curling beneath her dress.
“Nothing, we just talked and I wished her and Wonyoung good luck,” Minjoo says, leaving out everything else about questions about her relationship with Chaewon and a useless late confession.
“So are you over her then?” Chaewon asks, a note of caution in her voice.
“I don’t know…” She wishes she could offer Chaewon a better answer. If she was being honest, there was something about that conversation that felt quite final. “...No, I have to be. She’s married now.” Minjoo sighs, shoulders drooping.
They say that acceptance is the first step and whilst it had never been at the forefront of her mind to wish for Yujin and Wonyoung to break up, subconsciously she was always hoping for Yujin to come back to her.
There’s a twinge in her chest that she wouldn’t entirely associate with sadness. Her mind is beginning the process of detoxing, unsewing the roots from the seed she had subconsciously planted in the back of her mind for years. It hurts a bit, but maybe it’s for the best.
“I’m guessing you’re going to need some alone time to process this?”
Minjoo nods her head.
Chaewon shifts to the edge of the bed, placing a hand on Minjoo’s shoulder. “Remember last night when we were talking about fate and you asked me if I thought us meeting was fate?” Her hand trails down Minjoo’s spine before she places them back in her lap. “I was joking, but then you made me think…I think it could be because despite how deeply woven the important people in our lives were the world decided that this was the best time for us to meet.”
“You find misery charming?” Minjoo chuckles, leaning into her.
“I’ve found everything you’ve chosen to show me and even the parts you’ve chosen not to, charming.” Minjoo turns her head to look at Chaewon and studies her face, “So I would hate to not ask and spend the rest of my life wondering what could’ve been. I’m leaving in a few hours to Dubai and I was wondering if you’d come with me.”
“What?”
“You don’t have to answer now. Actually, don't answer now,” she grimaces at the thought of the rejection. “If anything I’ll take your appearance or lack of tomorrow as the answer and then at least I’ll be able to drown myself in my work. But I got you a ticket on my staff benefits for my flight.” Chaewon hands over the piece of paper in her hand to Minjoo that she had been holding onto for the past twenty minutes as she waited for Minjoo to return to her room.
“What would I do in Dubai?”
“Sandboarding, visiting the fountain, the miracle garden… or just be with me…” Chaewon looks at Minjoo and smiles, “I like you, Minjoo - despite the short time we’ve had together and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering what could’ve been if I never asked.”
“I…”
“Think about it?” Chaewon squeezes her hand and slowly stands up, “I’m not asking for a lifetime, just a chance.”
+
There’s a silent tension in the room that neither of them choose to acknowledge. She’s blaming it on the alcohol and terrible hangovers they’re both trying to nurse but she knows that there’s more to it. “We haven’t been this hungover since we were in your senior year of college.” Wonyoung closes her suitcase and stands it upright.
“Yeah, it was a good party last night…”
“Do you remember when we first met in second year. I was about two drinks in when you came along. I couldn't have been happier when you walked through the door at the bar and saved me from all the seniors creeping around. Ahn Yujin, my hero,” Wonyoung’s eyes turn into crescents at the memory still fresh in her mind.
“You’re already getting sentimental when we’ve been married for a few hours?”
“So when Chaewon said that you stopped travelling for someone in first year - she was talking about Minjoo?”
Yujin tightens her grip on the shirt in her hand, her knuckles turning white. “That was a long time ago…”
“It didn’t sound like that last night, on the rooftop.”
Yujin freezes, wondering how much of it Wonyoung had heard, wondering if she said something that she shouldn’t have. Yujin feels guilty. Guilty for putting Wonyoung through this merely hours after they had said I do.
“Which part?” Yujin asks, still shoving her clothes into her duffel bag.
“If Minjoo had told you whilst we were dating that she loved you would you have left me for her?”
“Of course not,” Yujin snorts. She answers at a speed that makes Wonyoung feel nervous. Like she hasn’t thought about it, or she’s lying. It doesn’t help that Yujin isn’t looking at her either.
“I don’t believe you.”
“We’re seriously not going to fight a few hours after being married right?”
“We’re not fighting? I’m just…” Wonyoung is at a loss for words, which is rare for her. She’s usually able to eloquently articulate how she feels but for some reason her mind is a mess. “I knew she always meant something to you and it just makes so much sense after everything that happened this weekend how you feel about her so you can’t blame me for second guessing…”
“How I felt about her…” Yujin corrects her.
Yujin turns around to look at her and sees a wetness forming in Wonyoung’s eyes. Her face makes her knees buckle and everything melts away. She walks over and sweeps the loose strands of her away from her face, tucking it behind her ear.
“Fortune favours the bold,” Yujin says.
“Should we have signed a prenup?” Wonyoung asks, sniffing her nose. She had, despite her parent’s insistence, decided that she could trust Yujin. That if she really did know the woman she was getting married to, Yujin could care less about Wonyoung’s fortune.
“That’s not what I meant.” Yujin is trying to put this as eloquently as possible, afterall it was always Wonyoung between the both of them that was more crafty with her words.
Minjoo and Yujin always walked the fine line between friendship and something more but neither of them were brave enough to take the plunge and maybe that was it. Maybe deep down, the reality was, that they both never found the fall worth taking, the risk wasn’t worth the reward. The chance to be in love with each other wouldn’t have been worth the heartache that could’ve followed. Yujin had been dwelling on this thought all night till she had finally accepted it.
They were ill-timed and now Yujin has Wonyoung.
“Yujinnie?”
“You make me want to be brave,” Yujin says after much thought “I would risk everything for you, for us.” Yujin cups Wonyoung’s cheek and smiles. “I chose you,” Yujin says “Given everything, I will always choose you, again and again.”
Wonyoung’s eyes soften as she melts into the palm of Yujin’s hands.
They’re going to be ok, Yujin knows it.
+
“Call us when you land?” Eunbi hugs Chaewon tightly.
“It’ll be night time when I land over here.”
“Doesn’t matter, we just want to know you’re safe.” Mrs. Kim chimes in sternly.
“It would be tragic if I died single, right mum?” Chaewon teases. Her mother was always more lenient on her especially since she was the youngest. Not to say it changes the way she thinks about Chaewon’s relationship status.
“Don’t even joke about that,” Mrs. Kim wraps her arms around Chaewon and kisses her head.
“Mum! This is embarrassing!” Chaewon protests, “I’m old enough!” she says but she melts into her mother’s arms causing Eunbi to laugh.
“Are we embarrassing Chaewon unnie?” Yujin’s voice echoes in the space. She hops over holding Wonyoung’s hand and dragging her luggage behind her.
“Don’t you start…” Chaewon rolls her eyes.
“Are you flying out soon?”
“Three hours.”
“Got yourself a lift yet?”
“I’ll catch a taxi outside. I was just waiting to say goodbye to you all.”
Wonyoung leaps at her first, pushes Yujin aside gently and wraps her arms around Chaewon. Chaewon pats her back, strokes her hair and smiles.
“Thank you, for everything,” Wonyoung says, realising that after everything that played out last night they had no time to sit down and unwind. “I’m glad you were up there with us.”
“You guys did great yesterday.” Chaewon holds her by the shoulder, “She’s your responsibility now ok, no take backs.”
“I’m so loved, so loved,” Yujin laughs sarcastically in the background. Chaewon lets go of Wonyoung and walks over to Yujin, wrapping her arm around her as well, tip-toeing to reach her.
“I’ll see you again in a few weeks?”
“You better…” Yujin says sternly, nuzzling her face into the crook of Chaewon’s neck causing her to burst out into a fit of laughter.”
“When are you two flying out?” Eunbi chimes in.
“Tomorrow night, we wanted to rest up properly before we threw our bodies into another timezone,” Wonyoung says.
“Actually can I talk to you for a bit?” Yujin leans into Chaewon’s ear, “Privately.”
“Uhmm… sure.”
Chaewon leaves her suitcase with Eunbi and follows Yujin across the lobby. No one else seems to notice because they’re wrapped up in their goodbyes.
“What did you want to talk about?”
“I know about you and Minjoo,” Yujin says, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Oh get over it, so we met on the plane…”
“Not the airplane…” Yujin looks at Chaewon intently before she understands what she was implying.
“It was your wedding Yujin but also it’s nothing you need to know about regardless!” Chaewon’s voice is slightly raised, already on the defence.
“Unnie, relax. I just wanted to know why you didn’t feel like you could’ve told me about it.” They both look at each other for a moment, their silence speaking volumes. There’s a smirk tugging on the corner of both of their lips, “Yeah, ok, I understand,” Yujin rubs the back of her neck awkwardly. “Is it too much if I ask what’s going to happen now?”
“As a matter of fact, yes,” Chaewon says bluntly.
It works because Chaewon doesn’t know regardless. She’ll find out in a few hours if Minjoo boards the plane but until then they haven’t seen each other all morning. She’s not even sure if Minjoo is still around but there’s a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach since all the guests should’ve been checking out at the same time. Minjoo was probably long gone if she wasn’t around.
“Right, you’re right…”
Chaewon takes a deep breath and loosens up. “Look, you’re married now. Just go enjoy your honeymoon and let us singles deal with our own relationships.”
“If you really like her, you should go for it…” Yujin says, receiving an odd look from Chaewon. She wasn’t ready for that, “I’m not saying that I’m giving you my blessing or anything! What I meant is you don’t need my blessing whatsoever,” Yujin is quick to clarify, “All I mean is you’re both adults after and I’d be really happy if you did. You guys are sorta a great match.”
Chaewon forces a smile, “Well unfortunately it’s not really up to me.”
+
Minjoo stares at the departure board and back at the ticket in her hand heading home. She definitely deserved it after what this trip had put her through. She just wants to go back to her apartment with her plant babies and crawl back into bed and sleep. She doesn’t want to talk to anyone or be disturbed for the next few days to make up for how much the past week has drained her social battery.
She notes the later departure time for another flight who’s code she had memorised off by heart. Digging her pocket for the ticket, Minjoo pulls it out and looks at it as Chaewon’s voice echoes in her head.
A chance.
Minjoo scrunches the ticket and shoves it back into the pocket of her pants.
+
“Welcome abo-” Chaewon looks up to be greeted by the face she had grown acquainted with over the past few days. “Minjoo…” she’s shocked to see the other woman aboard, resigned to the fact that she probably didn’t have a chance. Minjoo hands her the boarding pass as she smiles at her but Chaewon doesn’t even glance at it because she knows. “14A on the right hand side…”
“Thanks,” Minjoo takes back her ticket and picks up her carry but Chaewon reaches for her hand. She grabs her by the arm, thumb sliding down to her wrist. It’s just the two of them left at the door whilst the other passengers moved to their seats and the flight attendants went about their business.
“I’m not her, you know that right.” Chaewon’s voice is soft but steady, there’s a certainty in it that Minjoo has learnt to appreciate. Chaewon knows who she is, she knows what she wants and for someone like Minjoo it’s both terrifying and admirable.
Minjoo wants to tease her. The irony is that she’s the next closest thing to Yujin. She’s her cousin, she’s family. They share the same bloodline. Except Minjoo meets her eyes and sees the sincerity in them, sees the half smile that's on her face and her expression softens.
Minjoo reaches for Chaewon’s hand on her wrist and wraps them protectively in her own. “I know, that’s good.”