In the Key of Fear

F/F
F/M
M/M
G
In the Key of Fear
Summary
Finnley Montgomery, a 22-year-old with a passion for music and history, struggles with philophobia, a fear of romantic attachment that has stemmed from past heartbreak. Though he longs for connection, his fear of emotional vulnerability keeps him distant from others. Supported by his family and close friends, Finnley faces an internal battle between his desire for love and his fear of getting hurt. As Finnley battles self-doubt and emotional scars, he meets a boy who is willing to do whatever it takes to break through Finnley’s emotional walls and earn his trust, showing patience, understanding, and an unwavering commitment to proving that Finnley’s heart is worth the risk. Finnley must decide if he can overcome his past and take a chance on love. Can he let go of his past and open his heart to love again, or will his fear keep him from trusting?
All Chapters Forward

Game Masters

Everett walked into his apartment, the familiar scent of takeout containers and stale coffee wafting through the air. He barely had time to take off his shoes before he noticed the voices coming from the living room. He froze for a second, blinking. His friends—Isaac, Lilith, Renne, Asako, and Brock—were all lounging around the couch, their faces lit up by the glow of the coffee table lamp, where a game of Monopoly was set up. The moment Everett stepped into the room, they all looked up at him in unison.

 

"Ev! Finally!" Isaac called out, grinning. "Thought you’d never get here. We’ve been waiting forever."

 

Everett raised an eyebrow. "How did you guys get in here?"

 

Lilith, sitting cross-legged on the couch with a lazy smile, held up a spare key. "You seriously need to stop leaving your door unlocked, Rhett. One day, we might throw a party without you knowing."

 

Asako leaned forward from the armchair, her glasses gleaming in the low light. "And you still wouldn’t know until we’re out of snacks."

 

Brock, the quiet one, just waved from his spot on the floor, already halfway through a bag of chips. "You’re late."

 

Everett chuckled, shaking his head. He had barely seen his friends in the past few days, and honestly, he wasn’t sure if he was ready for a game night. But the excitement in their eyes was hard to ignore. The stress from the day, from everything he had been avoiding, melted away just a little when he saw their familiar faces.

 

"Alright, alright," he said, tossing his hoodie onto the couch and sliding into the seat next to Renne. "But if I lose, I’m blaming all of you."

 

Lilith raised an eyebrow playfully. "We all know you’re going to lose anyway."

 

They laughed, and the game began. Everett picked his token—some cheap plastic car—and moved it around the board, trying to focus. But it wasn’t easy. His thoughts kept drifting back to the boy in the park—Finnley. The way his freckled face lit up when he smiled, the soft curve of his lips, the depth of his pale blue-gray eyes. Every detail about him had stayed with Everett long after they parted ways.

 

Isaac, who had been watching him with a raised brow, interrupted his train of thought. "Dude, you’ve moved your piece like three spaces in ten minutes. You good?"

 

Everett blinked and realized he was zoning out again. "Yeah, just... thinking."

 

Lilith leaned over the board, resting her chin in her hands. "Thinking about what?"

 

Everett hesitated, fingers tapping against the edge of the table. He wasn’t sure how to explain it, but there was something about Finnley that had gotten under his skin. He’d only spoken to the guy for a few minutes, but it felt like those few minutes had shattered something inside him.

 

"I met someone today," he said quietly, his gaze shifting uncomfortably. "A guy at the park."

 

Asako’s eyes perked up from the opposite side of the table. "A guy? Ooh, tell me everything."

 

Everett bit his lip, trying to gather his thoughts. "I don’t know, it’s just... he was really pretty. I’m not good at this kind of thing, but he just... looked different, you know? He had these freckles—like, everywhere. And his eyes... they were this pale blue-gray, and when he looked at me, I couldn’t breathe for a second."

 

Renne, who had been quiet up until now, smiled softly. "Sounds like you’ve got a crush."

 

Everett groaned, burying his face in his hands. "I don’t know. It wasn’t like that. It’s just... I can’t stop thinking about him. It’s like he was so quiet and lost, and I just... wanted to be lost with him, I guess. I don’t know if that even makes sense."

 

Brock, sitting silently on the floor, raised his head from his bag of chips, his voice low and steady. "You should go find him. You know, ask for his number or something."

 

Everett blinked at him. "What? No way. What if he thinks I’m a creep?"

 

"Come on," Lilith said, nudging him playfully. "You think he’s pretty, he might think you’re pretty too. Just ask."

 

Isaac leaned in, grinning. "Yeah, it’s not like you’ve got anything to lose. Worst case, he says no. Best case? You get a date."

 

Everett could feel his face getting warm. "I don’t know, guys. It’s just... weird. I don’t even know how to approach him. He was so... in his head, like he didn’t want to talk to anyone. I’m not gonna just throw myself into his space."

 

"But if he’s really the way you say he is, he probably wants someone to talk to," Renne said softly, her eyes thoughtful. "You never know unless you try."

 

Everett hesitated, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He didn’t know how to explain it, but Finnley felt different. He wasn’t like the other people Everett had met before. Everything about the guy—the way he hid behind those quiet eyes, the way he held himself so guarded—made Everett want to break through. But he wasn’t sure how to do it.

 

Asako spoke up, her voice gentle but firm. "You can’t let something like this slip away, Ev. You’re thinking too hard about it. Just go for it."

 

Everett let out a long sigh, his fingers tapping against the edge of the board. "I don’t know how to just... go for it. What if he doesn’t want to see me again? What if I just made it weird?"

 

Lilith leaned forward, smirking. "You can’t go through life wondering what ‘might be.’ You’ll regret it. Trust me, just find him. Talk to him. You’ve got a lot of friends who think you’re awesome, and maybe he’ll think the same thing."

 

Everett looked around at his friends, their faces full of encouragement. He felt a nervous thrill rise in his chest. They were right, of course. He had no idea what was going to happen, but maybe, just maybe, he could take a chance. He wasn’t ready for everything, but he could at least take the first step.

 

"Alright," he said slowly, a mix of excitement and nerves stirring inside him. "I’ll do it. I’ll find him again. I’ll... I’ll ask him to hang out."

 

Isaac gave him a thumbs-up. "There you go, Ev. That’s the spirit."

 

Everett couldn’t help but grin. "I’m probably going to regret this, aren’t I?"

 

"Only if you don’t do it," Brock said, grinning. "Now, go roll the dice, Rhett. We’ve got a game to finish."

 

Everett’s heart was still racing, but as the laughter of his friends filled the room, he couldn’t help but feel a little lighter. Maybe he wasn’t ready to figure out everything yet, but he was willing to take the chance. And that, in itself, felt like the beginning of something new.

 

The next step would come soon enough. For now, he just had to make sure he didn’t get stuck on the Monopoly board.

•~✮✩✮~•

Day 1

The next day, Everett woke up with a dull ache in his chest. He hadn’t thought about Finnley all night—well, that’s not entirely true. He dreamed about him, and when he woke up, he couldn’t shake the lingering feeling of those blue-gray eyes.

 

Still, today was the day he was going to do it. He wasn’t going to let this feeling fade. He wasn’t going to let Finnley slip through his fingers like a missed chance that might never come again.

 

Everett grabbed his phone after breakfast, scrolling through Instagram. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was looking for, but he was desperate for a lead. After searching through endless posts tagged at the park, he didn’t find anything that resembled Finnley. His hair wasn’t the wild mess that showed up in other photos, and the freckles—those damn freckles—weren’t captured anywhere. There were thousands of faces in the park shots, but none of them looked like Finnley.

 

He sighed and put his phone down. Maybe it was foolish to think he’d find someone like Finnley on social media. After all, finding the perfect moment, in a sea of people, in the middle of a park… that felt more like a story than something real.

 

Day 2

Everett decided to return to the park. What was he going to do, just give up after one try? No. He couldn’t. Not when something felt so… right.

 

He walked the same path near the pond, eyes scanning the empty benches, hoping to spot the familiar, messy curls of Finnley’s hair. The wind was colder today, stinging his face, but Everett didn’t mind. He shoved his hands into his hoodie pockets and kept walking. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for. Maybe just a feeling. A sign. Something to tell him that Finnley was real, and that this wasn’t some fleeting, random encounter. But the park was quiet. Too quiet. There was no one around. No Finnley.

 

A strange thought crossed his mind—What if it wasn’t meant to be? What if it was all just a star that wasn’t supposed to shine in my sky?

 

But Everett shook the thought away, muttering under his breath, "The stars don’t control everything. Maybe I do."

 

Day 3

Game night came again, and his friends weren’t letting up. They had been relentlessly pressuring him to find Finnley, which, if anything, made Everett feel like an idiot. But they meant well, or so he thought.

 

“Did you find him?” Isaac asked, practically jumping out of his chair as soon as Everett entered the apartment.

 

“No,” Everett sighed, slumping into his usual seat. “I’ve been looking everywhere. It’s like he just vanished.”

 

"That's it, you need a social media stalker," Lilith grinned, winking at him. "Let me at him."

 

Everett chuckled, but it didn’t feel genuine. His stomach churned with the idea of searching through Finnley’s online life, like he was some kind of detective. But his friends weren't giving him an option. They took his phone and started searching through every park-related hashtag, every public Instagram account.

 

As they went through every possibility, Everett’s mind wandered. He loved the idea of fate, of everything happening for a reason, and the stars always comforted him. Maybe there was some cosmic reason he’d met Finnley, but that didn’t make the waiting any easier.

 

"You okay, Ev?" Renne asked, snapping him out of his thoughts.

 

"Yeah," he said quickly, though it didn’t sound convincing. "Just thinking about... how stupid I’m being."

 

“You’re not stupid,” Asako added, her voice soft but firm. "You just want something real. And you’ll find it."

 

Everett didn’t say anything. He wasn’t sure if he believed that.

 

Day 4

Another day, another attempt to find Finnley. This time, Everett went to the park at an earlier hour, hoping for a better chance. He walked the whole path twice, hoping to run into him by sheer coincidence. He even lingered by the same bench where they had met before, standing in the same spot, wondering if he would somehow manifest him out of thin air.

 

But there was no Finnley. Just an old man feeding pigeons and a few people jogging along the path.

 

“Maybe I’m just chasing ghosts,” Everett muttered to himself, shaking his head. It wasn’t like he hadn’t had his heart broken before. It wasn’t like he hadn’t gotten attached to something that wasn’t real. But this—this felt different.

 

And maybe that was the problem. It was too real. Too much of a spark. Like one of those rare stars that only burns once, blazing bright for a moment and then disappearing forever into the night sky.

 

Day 5

"Okay, we’re doing this," Isaac said, grabbing his jacket and a handful of snacks. "Rally the troops. We’re going to that park and we’re not leaving until we find Finnley."

 

"Isaac—" Everett started, but before he could protest, Brock was already standing up, moving toward the door.

 

"We’re going with you, whether you like it or not," he said quietly, but firmly.

 

Everett sighed. "Fine. But if we don’t find him today, I’m giving up."

 

He wasn’t sure if it was the weight of the words or the way they all looked at him—like they believed in something that he didn’t fully understand—that made him feel so small. So stupid for chasing after something he couldn’t control.

 

The group arrived at the park, and they spread out, each of them scanning different areas. Everett kept walking toward the same bench. He didn’t know why he expected it to suddenly change, for Finnley to be sitting there waiting for him. But the bench was empty, just like it had been the other days.

 

He sat down, leaning back, staring up at the sky. The stars would be out soon, but they wouldn’t help him. The stars didn’t control fate. Fate, Everett thought, was something out of his hands. Maybe this wasn’t his destiny to find Finnley. Maybe fate wasn’t a straight path. Maybe it was a constellation—one that wasn’t meant to align, no matter how much he wished it would.

 

As the others drifted off to check other spots, Everett leaned back, closing his eyes. He couldn’t help but think about the ancient myths—the gods who pulled the strings of fate, who played with the lives of mortals like pawns. Did they decide whether someone was meant to be?

 

He was starting to believe that maybe they did. Or maybe, just maybe, this was up to him.

 

Day 6

Everett sat in his apartment, exhausted. He hadn’t gone to the park today. He hadn’t even thought about looking for Finnley. Instead, he spent the day scrolling through his social media feeds, pretending to focus on anything but the empty space Finnley had left in his mind.

 

Maybe he was trying too hard. Maybe this wasn’t something he was supposed to chase. He had been running around for days, convinced that this was some cosmic connection, but now, sitting alone, he wasn’t so sure.

 

He thought about the stars again, and for the first time, he wasn’t angry that they weren’t giving him any answers. Maybe it wasn’t his fate to find Finnley. Maybe it wasn’t up to the universe or the gods. Maybe it was just chance, and if it was meant to be, then it would happen.

 

He took a deep breath, looking out of his window at the night sky. "If it’s meant to be, then it’ll happen," he whispered to the stars. "If not, then... well, I guess I’ll leave it to fate."

 

He leaned back against the couch, the quiet peace settling in. Whatever happened, happened. The universe had a funny way of sorting things out. And maybe, just maybe, he could learn to trust that.

 

•~✮✩✮~•

 

Finnley sat on the couch, buried in a mountain of blankets, surrounded by the familiar chatter of his family. The room was filled with the easy warmth of a typical movie night. Across from him, Hayven and Ezra were playfully arguing about some random detail in the movie. Hayven always had a way of making everything seem like a passionate debate, and Ezra was just along for the ride, grinning like he didn’t mind the sarcasm at all. Willow and Caterina sat next to them, heads resting on each other's shoulders, quietly watching the film with soft smiles, while Arlo and Illaria were sprawled across the floor, fighting over the last bag of chips.

 

The scene was familiar. Warm. Safe. Everything Finnley loved.

 

 

But Finnley wasn’t really here—not in mind, anyway. His thoughts kept drifting elsewhere.

 

Ever since that day in the park, he couldn’t stop thinking about the boy he’d met—Everett. Everything about their brief encounter kept replaying in his mind, from the way Everett had looked at him with those green-gray eyes to the way his presence had made everything feel... easier. Less complicated. But the more Finnley thought about it, the more his feelings started to unsettle him.

 

Is this what it’s like? he wondered. Is this what it feels like when you connect with someone?

 

It scared him. It terrified him, actually.

 

He had been in relationships before, relationships that were supposed to be “the real thing,” only to find out they weren’t. Every time, there had been a breaking point—a moment when everything unraveled, when trust was shattered, and love felt more like a burden than something beautiful. The scars from those past betrayals still stung deep in him, and he couldn’t help but wonder if maybe... just maybe, this was the start of something that would hurt all over again.

 

“Finn?” Hayven’s voice pulled him out of his spiraling thoughts. She was looking at him with concern, arms crossed over her chest. “You good? You’ve been kind of... zoning out.”

 

He blinked, realizing he hadn’t been paying attention to the movie for the past several minutes. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just... tired,” he said quickly, offering a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

 

Willow, who had been quiet until now, studied him for a long moment, her gaze sharp and knowing. “That’s not the first time you’ve said that tonight. You’ve been acting a little off.”

 

Finnley sighed. He wasn’t sure how to explain. How could he tell them about the strange pull he felt toward Everett? How could he tell them that his heart kept racing with the idea of seeing him again, and yet, every time that thought crossed his mind, his chest tightened in fear?

 

“It’s nothing,” Finnley lied, trying to brush it off. “Just... thinking.”

 

But Hayven wasn’t convinced. “Thinking about what?”

 

He didn’t want to admit it, but he couldn’t keep it in anymore. “I met someone at the park,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “Everett. He’s...” He trailed off, unsure how to describe the feelings that were bubbling up inside him. “I don’t know. He’s different. I keep thinking about him.”

 

Ezra, who was sitting nearby, raised an eyebrow. “Different how?”

 

Finnley hesitated. How could he put it into words? It wasn’t just that Everett was attractive—though he was, undeniably so. It was how he made Finnley feel seen, how he didn’t try to rush him or push him into talking. There had been something so easy about being near him, about existing in the same space without any expectations.

 

But Finnley couldn’t shake the fear gnawing at him. What if this is just another mistake?

 

“I don’t know,” he said, rubbing his neck nervously. “He was just... kind. He listened to me without pushing, and I don’t know if that’s what I need, but I can’t stop thinking about him. It feels... too easy. Like, maybe it’s not supposed to be this way. Maybe I’m just imagining it.”

 

Willow looked at him, her expression a mix of concern and understanding. “Maybe you’re overthinking it. It sounds like he made an impression on you, and if you feel like there’s something there, you should reach out.”

 

Finnley shook his head, an uneasy laugh escaping his lips. “I don’t know. I’m not sure I can do that.” He felt the familiar weight of his past relationships pressing down on him—those failed connections that had left him broken, distrustful, and afraid to get too close to anyone. It was easier to distance himself, to stay emotionally unavailable. And yet, the more he thought about Everett, the harder it became to ignore the urge to see him again.

 

“If you don’t try, you’ll never know,” Hayven said, her voice gentle but firm. “If there’s a connection, why not explore it?”

 

Ezra smiled, but there was a softness to it that made Finnley feel like he wasn’t being pushed, just gently encouraged. “Yeah, you don’t know until you try. But you also don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for. Just... don’t run away from something that might be worth it.”

 

Finnley’s chest tightened. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to try, it was just that every time he thought about taking that leap, the fear of being hurt again loomed large. What if Everett wasn’t who he seemed? What if Finnley gave too much, only to have it all fall apart, like it always did?

 

But then Arlo, who had been silently listening from the floor, added in his usual blunt way, “You won’t know if you don’t ask. What if he’s waiting for you to do something?”

 

Finnley shifted uncomfortably on the couch. The idea of pursuing Everett made his skin crawl with anxiety. But Arlo was right—he wouldn’t know unless he tried. He couldn’t keep running from the possibility of something real just because it terrified him.

 

The rest of the night passed with him barely paying attention to the movie. His thoughts were tangled in the memory of Everett—his black hair, the way his eyes had sparkled under the sun, and how he’d smiled with such quiet sincerity. The way he had looked at him—it wasn’t just casual; it was like Everett was trying to see him. Like maybe they shared something.

 

But then doubts crept in again. What if he was just being polite? What if he wasn’t interested at all? What if I’m reading too much into it, like I always do? Finnley shifted uncomfortably. He hated how much his mind spun in circles, second-guessing everything.

 

By the time the movie was over and everyone started heading out, Finnley’s mind was a blur. It didn’t help that he felt like he was constantly holding something back, like there was this... emotional wall he couldn’t break through. He knew his sisters meant well, but their encouragement felt like more pressure than support.

 

“You know you don’t have to make any decisions tonight,” Willow said, as she stood to leave. “Take it one step at a time. Whatever you choose, we’ve got your back.”

 

Finnley nodded, too tired to argue, and watched his family trickle out. When it was just him and his sisters left, they sat quietly for a few moments before Hayven spoke again.

 

“If you want to try to reach out to him, Finn, just do it. You don’t have to be in love right away, but if you think there’s something worth exploring, maybe you should try.”

 

Finnley felt the weight of her words, but the fear still held him in place. He didn’t want to let anyone in. He didn’t want to risk his heart again. But... what if this time was different?

 

“I’ll think about it,” he said, though he wasn’t sure if he really would. Maybe it was better to just forget about Everett. Maybe it was safer that way.

 

They parted ways and went to bed, but Finnley lay awake, thoughts swirling, his mind replaying Everett’s smile.

 

What if this time I don’t run away? What if it’s not as bad as I think?

 

But, as he closed his eyes, the fear still gnawed at him. He wasn’t sure if he could take the chance, but he knew one thing for sure: Everett had already taken up too much space in his mind for him to ignore forever.

 

And with that thought, Finnley drifted into an uneasy sleep, the image of Everett lingering in his dreams.

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