Running in Circles

Something felt off.

You weren’t particularly sure what exactly was wrong, but you could feel it in your bones. In the way the wind howled in warning, and how all the surrounding animals fled the premises.

Fiddling with a loose string on a blanket, you thought over everything that happened today.

You had gone out hunting with Milo, tended to crops with Cherry and Peter, and then helped Harley fix the generator in the basement. Nothing was amiss. There was nothing that you had forgotten to do. But something was just… wrong.

“You okay?” You lifted your eyes to see Milo leaning in the doorway.

“Yeah,” You sighed. Part of you wanted to snap due to the fact that everyone was treating you like glass - like you were fragile. But another part of you was grateful for the wide berth others gave you.

“You don’t look like you’re okay,” Milo pointed out, raising a brow.

“Something just feels…off,” You admitted. Milo hummed before padding over to you and flopping down onto the couch with you.

“Anything specific?” He questioned.

You shook your head. “Not really… I guess I just feel unsafe but I can’t figure out why,” You frowned down at your hands as Milo processed your words.

“(Y/n)…” Milo called out gently, drawing your eyes to meet his; “We’re safe here; we’re safe together.”

“Yeah, okay,” You breathed, letting your shoulders relax.

“C’mon, dinner’s ready!”

Despite Milo’s reassurance, everything still felt wrong. The way that the bathwater was colder than usual was wrong. The way that the lights flickered was wrong. The way everyone talked was wrong.

You could feel the others starting to become tense due to your own anxious behavior, but you just couldn’t stop.

It was as you curled up next to Cherry for the night, that you thought maybe it was just you. That nothing was amiss.

You were wrong.

You weren’t sure when it was, but you awoke to Milo’s screaming face. Blinking hazily, you quickly registered what was going on.

Screams echoed throughout the walls of the library, the pack being startled awake and scrambling to grab their belongings. You turned around to get to Cherry, but the sight that met you was one that you’d never forget.

Standing atop of one of your most adored friends was a Clicker. The infected’s hands, chest, and mouth were covered in ruby red that dripped languidly from their fingers. Cherry’s eyes were blank as they looked right at you, her mouth ajar as if she were going to scream.

And perhaps she did. Perhaps you had missed the screams of your best friend, of your family. Perhaps you had missed your chance to save another person…

“GET MOVING!” Milo screeched, violently pulling you away as a runner you hadn’t even noticed lunged towards you.

Stumbling, you quickly grabbed your pack and fled. Your vision blurred as hot tears streaked across your cheeks and tumbled to the floor.

“Isaac, is that everyone!?”

“Yeah, Cherry was the only one—”

Everything was blurry. Nothing made sense. You could hear the screams getting louder and louder as the five of you tried to scale up the wall and squeeze through the small window above.

Tumbling out of the window and into the harsh soil below, throwing your arms around your head to cushion the blow. At the moment you were just running on adrenaline. Nothing registered, everything seemed so blurry yet so vividly clear.

Those memories would forever haunt you…

You blinked awake, your eyes aching as they were sealed shut with dried tears.

Shuffling around the make-shift bedding, you realised that Joel was asleep next to you, propped up against the wall – the man must’ve fallen asleep on accident.

It had almost been a week since that panic attack in the woods…

Joel never asked and so you never told. But now you’ve relapsed into night terrors and haunted memories you’d rather simply forget about.

Sighing, you pulled the blankets away from you and clumsily got to your feet. The other day you had caught a rabbit and you decided to cook it for breakfast.

Grabbing the dead rabbit that was strapped to the side of your pack, you made quick work of skinning and gutting the animal and shedding all of its meat. Once you had started a small fire and had arranged some sticks to work for a spit, you sat next to your mini bonfire, entranced by the flickering fire.

The smell must’ve wakened Joel up because the man groggily started to stretch his arms as he tried to work out the crick in his neck.

It was a silent morning, and somehow that just made everything worse.

Ever since that wonderful panic attack a week ago, everything had felt off; causing you to become flighty and either in a constant state of alert or completely dazed out of your mind. Thankfully Joel took this in stride, not saying anything about it nor asking any questions, just adapting on the best way to grab your attention without spooking you and learning how to deal with your weird and drastic mood swings.

“We’re about three days away now,” You said, trying to strike up some sort of small talk to fill the deafening silence.

Joel hummed. “But… still gotta found El,” The alpha reminded.

The man had suddenly lost the ability to say ‘Ellie’ and now referred to the red-head as ‘El’. You suspected that the constant bleeding of the other’s head was the cause of that, but you didn’t push the other because you knew Joel would just make a big deal about taking time to rest and recover.

“That’s true,” You admitted, swallowing your mouthful of meat. “But I’m sure once we find the WLF we’ll find the girls.”

“Maybe…” Joel mumbled.

The rest of the day went like that. Silence, which was occasionally filled with idle chatter.

You couldn’t help but let your mind drift as the gentle lull of your horse’s gait distracted you.

You hit the cold ground hard, only just managing to roll over and away from an incoming Isaac. The screams were deafening and seemed to come from every direction possible.

Your mind raced for a reason as to why your pack hadn’t noticed a nearby hoard or how you all got their attention.

Shaking your head, you willed away the distracting thoughts. You all needed to get to safety and being on the ground in the middle of an infected infested town was far from safe.

Helping Isaac off the ground, you quickly pulled the dark-skinned man across the plain and towards the towering greenery that glowered evilly in the moon’s light.

“Do you know where we can go?” You yelled to the other, trying to be heard over the commotion.

“No! But Milo should!” Isaac shouted back, looking over his shoulder where Milo was helping the others out of the window.

The two of you helped ward off any infected that tried to climb over the barbed fence that separated the library grounds and the forest behind you, yelling at the others to get a move on.

“This way!” Milo shouted, motioning for everyone to follow. “There’s a bell tower that we should be able to hole up in a few kilometers out! But we’re all gonna hafta run!”

The four of you nodded, bracing your feet on the ground before taking off at full speed.

Your breath was coming out in harsh pants as you fought to keep your eyes on Milo as he ran, dragging Isaac behind him. There were infected popping out from behind trees and trying to lunge at you at every fucking turn.

Your heart was beating in your ears and tears threatened to blur your vision as your legs ached, your feet slapping harshly against the uneven ground.

The trees were a blur of muted green as they whizzed past you, the world seemingly speeding up as the five of you all rushed clumsily through the forest.

It was as you felt that your legs were going to collapse from exertion and your bullets were starting to run alarmingly low that you thought that you were going to die. If it weren’t for the sudden shout of victory from Milo up ahead, you might’ve just stopped and let yourself be taken.

Dragging your eyes upwards, there was a giant watchtower that loomed over a run-down church. Luckily, the church walls were made of stones that stuck out just enough to hold purchase; with arched windows that were shattered, creating the perfect foothold for the five of you to push off and scrabble up to the roof.

Panting, you scurried over to the watchtower and punched through one of the windows at the back. You quickly herded everyone inside before you all fled upstairs.

There was a giant bell dangling from a coarse piece of rope which Peter quickly cut down with his matchet. The stone groaned as the heavy chunk of metal loudly crashed into the ground – you were surprised the building didn’t collapse.

The screaming was growing once again and you all quickly helped to push the bell down the flight of stairs to seal it off, the metal scraping harshly against the ground and grating on your ears.

You felt the breath leave your chest in a rush once the stairway was sealed, screaming and scratching ringing through your ears. You couldn’t help it when your knees buckled and you fell to the ground gasp for breath. Though it seemed you weren’t the only one completely exhausted.

Looking up, Isaac was leaning heavily against the wall, a puddle of his stomach contents at the man’s feet. Milo was at his boyfriend’s side, panting heavily as he tried to offer what little comfort he could. Peter was collapsed on the ground, staring blankly at the ceiling whilst his chest heaved violently, and Harley just looked stunned with her back up against the wall and her legs spread out across the ground, her hands shaking violently.

The air felt thin up here, even though you were only about a story or two off the ground. You were gasping desperately for breath and, now that the adrenaline had piper down a bit, Cherry’s mauled body was being played through your mind like a broken record player. The clicker’s teeth sinking into plush flesh and staining her tanned skin red as the meat was ripped violently from her bones.

Shivers wracked your body and you fought down the bile that threatened to spill from your lips. Tears streamed down your face like an endless river and you could feel you panting start to turn into desperate, choked-off sobs as your throat tightened as you cried.

You never even had the chance to help her…

Everything felt numb and you could vaguely feel yourself start to pull away from reality, from the people around yourself. Composure slowly riddled your body like a disease and you finally managed to breathe. You could still feel the hot tears burning into your skin and your fingers trembling like leaves, but everything felt… Distant.

The last thing that registered in your dazed state was a single question. A question that you had been asking yourself for years; a question that never seemed to have an answer…

“What now?”