Hallelujah
You woke up to the screeching sound of your alarm clock. It honestly sounded like someone was screaming in your ear – there was no radio connection, so it was just static screeching that rattled your ear drums.
Maria certainly wasn’t lying when claiming she’d found you the loudest alarm clock available.
Groaning, you let your hand venture out of your warm cocoon of blankets in search of the off button. Uselessly smacking around your bedside table, it took you a few moments to locate the snooze button and you slammed it with all of the strength you could muster – which really wasn’t must considering it was morning and, despite your sleep, your energy was running low.
Once the nuisance of a noise was silence you could hear this awful pounding noise. Furrowing your brows – eyes still closed – you stuck you hand out towards your nightstand again, trying to locate the god awful alarm clock. You fumbled uselessly around with the rectangular piece of junk as you tried to blindly figure out how to turn down the volume, before giving up and decided throwing it away from you would be a better idea.
There was a loud crash as the clock hit the floor and, suddenly, sweet silence enveloped the room.
Sighing contently, you snuggled back into your blankets and got ready to resume your sleep before the fucking POUNDING STARTED UP AGAIN!
You snapped your eyes open, thoroughly pissed, and tried to fling yourself out of bed, but only managed to end up on the ground in a heap. Fighting to untangle yourself, you tried to supress a scream of frustration as you could feel a headache blooming behind your temples.
Half-awake, you scrambled to your feet, using your ears to help guide you in the direction of whatever piece of shit was making so much ruckus. You looked towards the wooden door that was trembling with the force of the knocking. You stomped over to the door, before registering that someone must be on the other side.
Your brain really was not cooperating this morning.
You flung the door open and narrowly missed an incoming fist, about to knock again.
Joel stood in front of your house, looking utterly unimpressed – the feeling’s mutual buddy.
“I’m starting to question how you survived this long,” Joel deadpanned, eyeing your dishevelled state of bed-head and sleep-addled eyes.
You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose, “What do you want?”
“You do know I have been standing out here in the cold for 15 minutes waiting for you to wake up right?” The Alpha looked rather irritated – which had started blending into his leathery scent. There was a twinge of guilt, though it was drowned through your own anger as you felt your hackles rising at the potential threat he presented. An angry Alpha never ended well for you.
“Not my problem,” You shot back, defensively crossing your arms over your chest.
Joel just sighed, “I’m not in the mood for this. Get dressed, we’re leaving.” Before you could say anything else, the Alpha had shut the door in your face.
You huffed before stomping over to your closest and grabbing whatever you laid your hands on before going into the bathroom and getting changed.
Dina had kindly dropped by yesterday afternoon and had lent you some of her and Ellie’s clothes for the meantime. It was a great opportunity to wear something that smelled vaguely clean as you waited for the local laundromat to open (Ellie had said it’s only open on Mondays, so you had three more days to wait) – you were pretty sure your two sets of clothes could kill one of the machines with how much dirt and grime that was caked on the fabric. You idly pondered whether it’d be easier to just chuck them and source new clothes for yourself.
Ignoring the temptation to purposefully take longer than necessary to dress just to spite Joel, you swiftly laced up your boots, shrugged on a jacket and went out of the door.
“You’d have anything to eat, yet?” Joel’s question only earned him a flat look from you. “Thought so,” He said before reaching into his pocket and passing you… a muesli bar, before turning around and walking away, expecting you to follow.
You sighed as you peeled off the wrapper and bit into your makeshift breakfast as you followed behind Joel, ignoring how stale the protein bar tasted. At least it wasn’t mouldy, so there was that.
“So, what’re we doing today?”
“Don’t talk with your mouth full.”
“It’s called multi-tasking,” You remarked after gulping down your mouthful.
“Well, it’s pretty damn gross,” The Alpha shot back. You just rolled your eyes, trust Joel to worry about manners of all things in the apocalypse.
The two of you walked for a little longer and when it was obvious Joel wasn’t going to deign your previous question with an answer you decided to try again.
“So?”
“What?”
“Jesus,” You muttered, before drawling out mockingly slow and loud “What are we doing today?”
“Helping out with the horses,” Joel’s reply caused your face to light up.
Perhaps you could forgive the man for ruining your beauty sleep.
Joel’s previous amusement over your spat about his coffee ownership had quickly dissipated the next morning, what with the reality that Tommy and Maria had practically man-handled him into spending an entire day with you. Joel had thought Maria was above such childish meddling – then again, she’d have to have a screw or two loose to marry Tommy of all people.
So when Joel had bundled himself into his winter clothes – the snow had started to set in, alongside the winter frost – and trekked all the way to the other side of town to pick you up, he was already in a bad mood.
It was cold, Joel really wanted to punch his brother, and he hated the idea of having to deal with his own stupid hormones due to your heat daze.
That anger quickly came to a head when he ended up standing outside your door, in the freezing cold, for over 15 minutes as he decided whether or not to just break down the goddamned door and leave you there to freeze.
Your sass wasn’t particularly helping the situation either, and Joel tried to remind himself that it was because you’d just woken up and he was being cranky, which was obviously making you cranky. He could already tell this day was about to blow up in his face.
But then he’d presented you with your assigned task for today – caring for the horses. You had almost immediately brightened, any of your previous snark giving way to genuine happiness at the prospect. Huh. Joel wasn’t too sure what to think of that – most people were either scared shitless of horses at first or, at the very least, somewhat nervous at handling a half-a-ton beast. Maybe you just liked animals.
Either way, your excitement had bled into your scent, bathing the surrounding air with the smell of fresh rain and lemongrass, with just a hint of lavender. It was the happiest Joel had ever scented you and it showed; your face graced with a smile, shoulders relaxed and brows free of the near-permanent furrow they seemed to adorn. It was intoxicating, and it made Joel want to keep you happy at all times, to bury his nose in your neck and inhale that—
Joel’s thoughts came to an abrupt stop.
He could feel his own scent sour as he anger flooded him. Stupid compatibility. He’s never let a person so close so fast, always so unsure of their true intentions. Yes, Jackson seemed to have softened him in a way - that was bound to happen when you didn’t need to be on alert 24/7 like he used to be. But still, this was ridiculous.
Taking advantage of the companionable silence, Joel tried to rein in his scent alongside his straying thoughts. It wouldn’t do to scare you with his anger. Joel wasn’t nice by any means, but he wasn’t an asshole. Sarah had taught him the fear she, as an Omega, had felt over anger and how easily Alpha’s would use it to trigger an Omega’s instinctual need to submit.
Shaking his head, Joel focused back in on his surroundings, feeling somewhat in control of himself. The stables were in sight now, and you were practically vibrating with excitement.
It was a little hard for your joy not to rub off on him. Joel felt his own lips curve into a reserved smile as he watched you enter the stables, eyes darting around wildly as you tried to take everything in.
Horses were lined up in each pen, awaiting to be tended to before tomorrow’s patrol – some were out already, but would be tended to with the others when they arrived back to Jackson. There were 8 horses currently waiting in the stables, an easy number to split the workload evenly between the two of you.
Joel made his way to one of the geldings at the back, you following quietly in tow.
“His name’s Levi,” Joel informed you as he reached out the stroke the majestic beast on the nose.
“He’s beautiful,” You replied breathlessly, gently reaching your hand out towards the jet-black horse to let him sniff you before going ahead and patting him.
Joel watched as you seemed to forget about the world around you as you petted Levi, just soaking in the horse’s presence.
Joel had the sudden urge to take you out for a ride, though he knew it was a terrible idea and that Maria would never allow it as you were in a heat daze and would likely attract all of the infected. Joel wondered if you even knew how to ride. He’d guessed you had some experience around horses, what with how you handled Levi – letting him sniff you before patting him, avoiding rubbing his sensitive ears, and letting him nibble at your hand without fear. Then again, you could just be an animal person, who knew.
“All good?” Joel asked, more for the sake of getting your attention. You nodded, hand not stilling from Levi’s soft muzzle. “We’ll need to tend to all of the horses in here, but I’ll show you the ropes first and then—”
“It’s ok, I know what I’m doing,” You interrupted with a smile before elaborating. “Used to own and train horses myself, back before… Well, you know.”
Joel blinked, he hadn’t expected that level of experience. Clearing his throat and gathering his wits, Joel nodded, turning instead to point to three other stables housing horses. “Ok, you’ll need to take out Levi, Darius, Bubbles and Creed and pick their hooves, give ‘em a brush down and then mix up their feed and replenish their hay, as well as muck out the vacant stables.” Joel then quickly gave you a tour of the stables and where to find everything before going off and tending to his own designated horses.
You turned to Levi, “Whatcha say bud? Wanna get pampered?” You earned a nicker in response. “Thought so,” You laughed as you unhooked the head collar from the front of the gate before heading inside and sliding it up Levi’s nose and buckling the strap behind his ears.
You led Levi out from the stable and tied him to some twine by the designated grooming area, before perusing your options of brushes and grabbing a hoof pick, dandy brush and a mane and tail brush. Starting with the dandy brush, you gently brushed all of the dirt off of his legs, underbelly and the rest of his coat.
Joel had shuffled next to you with his own horse in tow and repeated a similar process of brushing down the horse.
It was silent as the two of you worked, tending to the horses as you picked all the mud and stones out of their feet, combing all the tangles from of their mane and tail. You sent Levi a little smile as you untied him and led him back to his stable before grabbing some hay and chucking it over the fence and making up his food. You then made your way over to Bubbles’ stable and tended to her in the same way you did for Levi and by the time you had pulled Darius out of his stable you were pretty sure two or three hours had gone by. You probably could have been quicker, but the tasks where relaxing and Joel didn’t seem to have any issue with the slow pace of movement if his silence was anything to go by.
“Come on little man,” You said to the very not little stallion as you led Darius over to one of the grooming bays.
After hooking him up, you once again grabbed the hoof pick, bent over and gently pulled the horse’s back left foot up off of the ground.
You then heard a cat-call whistle from behind you. Peering over your shoulder, you saw a woman leering down at you from the stable doorway. Deciding to ignore her, you returned to picking the mud out of Darius’ hoof – ignorance is bliss and all that bullshit.
But despite that, you could feel anxiety pool low in your gut at the absence of Joel next to you– having finished with a chestnut mare and going inside to return her to her stable. There weren’t really any other people milling about the stables either.
God, you weren’t sure if you were a magnet for trouble or not, but either way this rollercoaster of an introduction to Jackson really wasn’t painting you in a good light.
“Your ass looks damn fine in that position,” You jerked upright when you felt a hand caress your rear, not noticing how close the woman had gotten. A growl tore its way out of your throat.
“You’re feisty,” The woman chuckled darkly, pupils dilating, “Lucky for you I like feisty.”
Darius shuffled uncomfortably at the suddenly overpowering scent of lust and fear as you snarled at the woman. “Fuck off,” You growled, stepping back from her out-reaching hand.
The Alpha let out a snort. “Don’t pretend you ain’t want this – practically begging for it. I can smell it all over you.”
“Heat doesn’t equal want, let alone consent.” You snapped, trying very hard not to do anything rash to piss her off or get you in trouble with Maria, or do anything yourself (like punching that smug smirk off her face). It was quite obvious fighting – particularly of the physical sort – was a very serious offence here, last thing you needed was to end up being blamed for punching the Alpha before you and stabbing Jesse (however unintentional).
“Don’t play coy,” There was something steely crawling into her tone and you could tell she was getting distinctly frustrated with you apparent lack of ‘cooperation’. “I’ll take good care of you.”
Your breath hitched as you stumbled back to avoid the lunging woman, bumping into the horse behind you who flinched at the impact. Trying to grab you by the shoulders and pin you to the wall, your flailing ended up instead with the two of you hitting the ground with a heavy thud!
The commotion startled Darius, who stomped around and narrowly missed crushing your skull.
You rolled to your side, avoiding another hoof, and not too soon you heard a ‘snap!’ and then in the next second you could see the buckskin gelding running loose. If only that was your main concern.
The woman had wrestled her way on top of you after you had flipped yourself over in an attempt to avoid being crushed by Darius. Straddling your lower back and emitting the scent of Alpha and heady arousal, you squirmed in your place on the ground, trying to use your elbows to knock her off of you. That only ended with an elbow of the woman’s own slamming in between your shoulders to cease your movements as the wind was violently knocked out of you.
You breathed hard and heavy as you tried desperately to regain your lost air. The tan-skinned woman shuffled a top of you and in the next moment you could feel her cold hand trailing up underneath your shirt, starting up your fight again.
You jerked around as violently as you could, ignoring how the rough ground scrapped at your skin, the way the Alpha shoved your face into the ground, making your nose crunch painfully.
Everything was a blur of panic and pain, your limbs frantically spasming in an effort to dislodge her, but your fight was cut short when you felt a hand pinch the back of your neck, in the exact right spot to make you go completely lax, your limbs only able twitch under the enforced reflex to go totally limp.
Nimble fingers unhinged your bra and moved it aside. Tears had started to stream down your face as her hand slid between you and the floor and started to massage one of your breasts.
“See? It’s so much nicer when you stop fightin’, when you stop pretending you don’t want this.” Her breath tickled your cheek as she whispered in your ear, shuffling more comfortably as her hand wandered away from your breasts and down the dip of your spine.
You…You didn’t want this, it needed to stop, it needed to-
Your breath hitched when you felt teeth graze just below the woman’s fingers, right where a bonding mark would be held.
Panicking, you started to silently beg for the woman to stop, trying to push your plea for mercy through your scent. You couldn’t move an inch of your body by will.
“—othing but a toy with a consciousness... Makes it all the sweeter to break you in.”
You felt your lungs jolt as you sobbed. You were useless, you were just made to be another being’s pleasure, you-
A shrill scream cut through the air and in the next moment the woman’s weight was off of you. The scent of burning leather and gunpowder filled the room, causing you to curl up into a ball and whimper. Someone was angry at you, you had done something wrong – now you would be punished, hurt, because of it.
You had learnt long ago that anger was much more dangerous than desire.
“(Y/n)…” A gentle, deep voice lulled, coaxing you to open your eyes. Your breath still felt too fast, too loud in the sudden quietness. The anger was still there but…
Nutmeg irises met yours and your body relaxed, this was Joel, your mate, and he was safe. Your omega knew so.
Blinking sluggishly, you tried to focus on the blurry figure kneeling before you. Everything seemed light. Too light. Too far away.
You felt your eyes fall closed again and in your last moment of consciousness you could feel warm arms wrap around you.
Joel was putting Jaffa into her stable when Darius had almost knocked into the two of them at full speed. Joel quickly released Jaffa into her stable before going back out after Darius, who had stopped at the fence line, distressingly pacing it back and forth.
After Joel had got a hold on the stallion with the bribery of treats, he realised that you hadn’t come out after the horse. Frowning, Joel wondered if you had gotten hurt. The idea made him a lot more panicked than he had expected.
Jogging back into the stables with Darius trotting along at his heels anxiously, Joel deposited the horse back into his stable with still no sight or sound from you.
Sweat started to bead on his brow as Joel made his way to the grooming stations and what he saw made him see red.
A muscular female was straddling your back, the smell of lust flowing heavily through the room, but it could not obscure the pure and blind panic that was your scent.
It was only when Joel saw the woman scrape her teeth exactly where a bond mark would be that he had found himself with his knife lodged through the woman’s shoulder. Joel heaved the woman off of you, swiftly removing his knife before grabbing the other Alpha’s hands and using his knife to pin her to the ground, ignoring the woman’s screeching.
Joel cursed as he scrambled over to your prone form.
There was blood staining the snow, your palms and forearms scrapped bloody from having tried to push of the rocky ground. It looked like your nose was bleeding too. Joel felt absolutely livid.
You had curled yourself into a tight ball and where whimpering as he approached, obviously not having realised the ordeal was over. It took Joel a moment to realise that his scent had taken a bitter and angry turn, so after reigning it back in, Joel called out your name.
“(Y/N)…” He said softly.
After a moment you cracked open your eyes which filled with recognition, your lips moved as if to speak but nothing other than a hoarse sob passed through them. It made Joel’s heart ache.
“Hey,” Joel cooed. “You’re okay, it’s okay. Is there anywhere that’s really sore? (Y/N)?”
Joel watched in silent panic as your eyes suddenly rolled to the back of your head before you blacked out. Shit. That was probably bad – you didn’t appear that injured, but perhaps you’d hit your head.
Bending forward and wrapped his arms around you, quickly letting his hands glide through your hair to feel for any lumps or bloody wounds on your scalp. There was nothing he could feel.
Picking you up, Joel quickly made his way to the infirmary, ignoring the Alpha behind him screaming bloody murder. Someone would find her eventually… Hopefully after she’d bled out and was nothing more than a lukewarm corpse.
Dina, Ellie and Jesse rushed through the halls of the infirmary. After they had gotten back from patrol they had been immediately informed of what had happened and had raced their way to the infirmary.
The three barrelled through the door to your room. You were in bed, propped up against your pillows whilst you sipped away at a cup of coffee, and Joel was sitting in a chair by your side drinking from his own mug.
At the intrusion you immediately went stiff, the smell of Jesse and Ellie not having yet been recognised, causing Joel to growl.
The three looked towards Joel who, in turn, looked rather surprised himself.
“Sorry,” He murmured, averting his eyes. Everyone seemed to forget about it except Ellie, who looked at Joel calculatingly.
Ellie had never really seen Joel so protective of someone. Of course he was annoyingly over protective of her, but he wouldn’t just go ahead and growl. In all the years Ellie had known Joel, she could only count on one hand the amount of times he’d ever growled in front of her. Three. Or, well, four now.
“How ya doing?” Jesse asked, breaking the momentary silence.
“I’m okay,” You said softly, giving Jesse a small smile before snorting. “You should see the other guy.”
Jesse raised a brow at that and turned to Joel who merely shrugged in response. Ellie knew far better than to ask – it would be lucky if the son-of-a-bitch was still alive.
Dina walked up to you and took your hand in hers. “Are you sure you’re okay?” She asked tentatively, precariously sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Yeah, just a little shaken up is all.”
Ellie stood to the side in silence, not too sure what to say or do. Luckily for her, you beckoned her over.
“Want me to show you how to paint?” Ellie’s eyes lit up at the question before remembering your current state.
“Are you sure…?”
“Yeah!” You said cheerfully, if a little forced. “It’ll be fun and I sure as hell can use a distraction right about now.”
Ellie eyed you for a moment, before nodding tentatively. “I would like that…”
“Oohhh, can I join?” Dina questioned looking rather fascinated by the idea.
“Of course,” You smiled, before turning to Jesse. “You’d like to join too?”
Jesse blinked, hand coming up to unconsciously rub at the back of his neck. He looked surprised at the offer. “If you lot don’t mind me crashing your girl’s night.”
“It’s okay,” Dina laughed. “You can be a girl for a night, no judgement.”
Jesse snorted, shaking his head whilst Ellie fought a smile.
“We can start tomorrow afternoon – if none of you have any jobs then, of course?”
The three nodded in agreement, debating over where to meet and so on. Ellie spent the better half of an hour trying to convince Jesse to just ditch Greenhouse duty so he wouldn’t be late, whilst Dina asked you about where you learnt to paint and so on.
Joel was quiet the whole time, and you were surprised he didn’t tell Ellie off for trying to get Jesse to skip his duties (though he quite obviously wanted to if his disapproving glare was anything to go by). Instead, he was watching Ellie contemplatively as she argued and laughed over the pointless conversation when it was quite clear Jesse wouldn’t budge. There was something sad there, a little resigned perhaps.
You couldn’t quite place what Joel was thinking. There was regret there, but not remorse.
“You need to eat,” Joel suddenly spoke up, tearing his eyes away from Ellie and settling on you.
“I-…” The mess hall was daunting on the best of days – the idea of so many people, so many Alphas, of the treacherous what-ifs – and you weren’t lying when you told Dina you felt shaken. Being jumped wasn’t particularly new, but there was nothing you could currently do to even try to prevent it – your herbal paste barely muted your elevated scent and the stench of heat was palpable. You were in a vulnerable state and weren’t quite stable enough to trust your abilities if put in a vulnerable situation.
“There’ll be no one there, mess hall is technically shut,” Joel supplied after your continued silence.
Right, it was starting to get dark outside. You looked out of the window, you had apparently been out cold for majority of the day despite only having minor scrapes and bruises. The doctor said it was likely an effect of the shock.
You were suddenly all too aware of the three sets of eyes watching you and Joel intently. Shooting a glare at Ellie, Dina and Jesse didn’t make any difference – no shame, honestly. Dina even had the gall to send you a cheeky wink.
“I guess that’s…Okay” You sighed, shuffling to the edge of the bed. Joel offered out his hand for you to take but you dismissed him.
“I’m not that bloody old.”
Someone snorted. You were pretty sure that was Jesse.
“The grey hairs say differently!”
Ellie burst out laughing at your appalled face at her comment, fleeing the infirmary before you could retort. Dina apologised on Ellie’s behalf, though the words were empty in the face of her shaking shoulders and quivering smile. Jesse snorted at your ruffled look before wishing you a goodnight and sending a nod to Joel and leaving with Dina (who you heard burst out laughing the moment the door shut behind her).
You glowered at Joel’s highly amused face. “Shut up,” you grumbled.
“I didn’t say nothin’,” Joel chuckled, raising his hands in surrender.
You’d never been in the mess hall before and weren’t really sure what to expect. But you certainly weren’t expecting a large, fully-restored restaurant with chairs and tables scattered about, a little bar tucked into the corner and a small elevated stage in the wooden flooring that had multiple instruments set up.
“They have a fucking piano!” You exclaimed running over to it like an excited child.
“What? You play?” Joel questioned with a title of his head.
“Hells yea!” You settled yourself on the seat and ran through some scales. You hadn’t played for ages and your fingers were a little stiff but you hadn’t touched a piano with the intent to play since before the outbreak.
You searched your brain for a song to play and the next second you were running on muscle memory.
Your fingers glided gracefully across the piano keys as you played through ‘Hallelujah’. Joel started to hum away to the tune as he sat down on the floor, leaning on the piano. It was then that your voice picked up.
“Now I’ve heard there was a secret chord,
That David played, and it pleased the Lord,
But you don’t really care for music, do ya?” You sent Joel a wink, earning a small chuckle in return.
“It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah”
“Hallelujah,” You smiled when Joel’s voice reached your ears, singing along with you. “Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah”
Joel took the lead,
“Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you,”
You took over again, voice powerful and strong.
“She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah”
Once again, your voiced united in harmony,
“Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah”
Joel once again took lead, his voice deep yet strong.
“Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I’ve walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you”
You once again switched leads,
“I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah”
Your voices echoed through the room in a beautiful, broken song.
“Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
There was a time you let me know
What’s really going on below
But now you never show it to me do you?”
Both of your voices rose, singing strong and loud.
“And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breathe we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah”
Joel dropped out, leaving you to sing alone.
“You say I took the name in vain
I don’t even know the name
But if I did, well really, what’s it to you?
There’s a blaze of light in every word
It doesn’t matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah”
Joining once again, you and Joel gently sung.
“Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah”
You dropped out this time, letting Joel pour his emotions out.
“Maybe there’s a God above
But all I’ve every learned from love
Is how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
And it’s not a cry you can hear a night
It’s not somebody who’s seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a lonely Hallelujah”
You joined once again,
“Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah”
As you both trailed off, you were left to brokenly sing the last verse. Your hands aching as you strained unused muscles.
“I did my best, it wasn’t much
I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch
I’ve told the truth, I didn’t come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I’ll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah…” Your softened into barely a whisper, “Hallelujah” your hands slowly came to a stop. The two of you bathed in your melancholy as the last note gently came to a stop.
It was quite a while later till Joel broke the quiet.
“Leonard Cohen, huh?”
“Yup,”
“Seriously? You like that guy?” Joel asked, craning his neck to look at you. You noticed that his eyes were glassy.
“Hmm, not a big fan of his singing but you’ve gotta admit the man has some gorgeous lyrics.”
“Touché”
The two of you sat in a peaceful silence for a little longer before Joel decided to stand up, ending the moment before leading you into the canteen kitchens where there was some wrapped sandwiches that sat in the fridge.
Joel passed one to you. “Not s’pose to take these, but I’m sure they won’t notice.”
You took the food slowly, watching Joel carefully.
Regret, but no remorse… No, that was wrong. There was no regret, no display of penitence. But there was sorrow.
“You comin’?” Joel asked, frowning at you from the kitchen exit. You blinked, hurrying over.
“Sorry, lost in thought.”
Guilt but no shame.