I’ll Still Wait
Caitlyn exhaled slowly, locking the door behind her.
That afternoon, she had just been discharged from the hospital and had gone out with Jayce for a celebratory dinner before coming home.
Which also meant that for the first time in nearly two weeks, Caitlyn was back home.
Except…
Caitlyn’s fingers brushed over a polaroid photo of her and Vi, pasted onto the wall near her main door.
The sense of loneliness was so palpable that Caitlyn could nearly taste it in the air. She could almost see Vi’s figure hunched over her kitchen counter as they baked together, or snuggled up against Caitlyn’s body on the couch during their movie nights.
She’d lost all of that so quickly.
Caitlyn felt her eyes brimming with tears, and she slid to the floor, back pressed against her door.
Now, away from Vi and the hospital and everything that she’d been using to distract herself, it was all crashing down on her — the harsh reality of her situation. The fact that her girlfriend had forgotten all about her was suddenly so much more real now that she was truly alone.
God, I miss you so fucking much.
Caitlyn felt a breath shake out of her, felt tears trickling down her face and down her arms when she wiped them away.
But they wouldn’t stop. She couldn’t stop the tears as they tracked down her cheeks, free and unrestrained — the result of nearly a fortnight of suppression and resistance.
A sob ripped out of her throat, and Caitlyn pulled her knees up to her chest, burying her face in her knees and feeling the hot tears soak through the fabric there.
Under other circumstances, Vi would have been there for her. She would have pulled Caitlyn in, let her lean her head against her chest, let her cry.
The sheer despair of it all rolled over Caitlyn like a tidal wave as the phantom sensation of Vi’s arm around her prickled at her skin. Her shoulders shook as she bit back another cry, wishing and hoping and praying that it was all just a terrible nightmare and she would wake up from it to find Vi’s body wrapped around hers, the warmth emitting from her enough to lull Caitlyn back to sleep.
But it wasn’t a dream. It was reality.
Vi wasn’t here.
There was only so much heartbreak she could take before she hit her limit. Bitterly and faintly, Caitlyn wondered how far it had to go before Vi snapped back and came back for her.
Caitlyn heard her own voice whisper Vi’s name into the empty air of the apartment.
Come back.
~~~
Vi tried not to notice the oppressive silence in the room as she ate her dinner.
Frankly, without Caitlyn’s quiet, steady presence, she wasn’t sure she had much of an appetite. She’d tried listening to music — Taylor Swift, though it wasn’t something she would ever admit out loud — scrolling through her Instagram feed… but everything just reminded her of Caitlyn again.
I can’t find a pulse, my heart won’t start anymore…
Despite the hate Vi was so convinced Caitlyn deserved, she had grown used to the sensation of someone else in the room. She hadn’t realised how familiar the noise of flipping pages had become, or how much she needed the sensation of Caitlyn’s longing gaze on her.
Besides, after that breakdown the other night, Caitlyn had become more than just a side character in her life. She was her own person, with her own story that intertwined with Vi’s somehow or other.
And Vi hated how curious she was about Caitlyn.
But there was more to their history than met the eye — Vi was sure of that. How else would Caitlyn know to speak in that tone that cut through all the noise? How else would she know to hold Vi and let her cry? How else would she know that Vi loved mac n cheese, and had a seafood allergy?
Each time Vi thought about it, there was a painful, gnawing hole in the back of her head she couldn’t fill. Something that she could feel was important but just out of reach.
The same fuzzy, indistinct memories flashed in her mind time and time again — a night on the beach. A reassuring hand holding hers. A strange voice calling her name; a voice that was too familiar yet unrecognisable.
It frustrated her, to know that there was something out there she knew she needed and was just beyond her reach.
Vi felt her fingers press onto the metal cutlery in her hands, her jaw clenching.
Her shoulders sagged, and she turned her head, staring at the bed that used to be Caitlyn’s and was now empty.
~~~
The door slid open, and Vi turned. It was late afternoon and her family had just gone home, so unless Mylo left a sock here again, she wasn’t sure why they’d be back so fast.
She wasn’t expecting to see Caitlyn standing in the doorway, holding a bouquet of flowers and a carton of coffee.
Before she could stop herself, Vi felt her lips stretch into a smile. A warmth she hadn’t realised she needed pooled in her chest, making her hands and feet feel strangely tingly.
“Hey,” Caitlyn said, flashing a smile at Vi. “I, um… I figured you’d be pretty lonely without me, so I came back to visit.”
“If you miss me, just admit it,” Vi teased, outrightly ignoring the fact that she knew better.
Caitlyn didn’t deny anything, instead pulling out a chair and setting the coffee on it.
“Here,” she said, handing over a drink. Vi’s eyes flickered over the label, her brain registering the colour that was all too familiar.
“This…” Vi blinked in disbelief. Caitlyn had somehow gotten her order right despite never telling Vi she was getting coffee or asking her for an order. It was what Vi always had — right down to the last detail.
A matcha latte with an extra shot and less ice.
“Hmm?” Caitlyn glanced up. “What’s wrong?”
Her tone itself gave away the sheer confidence she had in the order she’d gotten for Vi.
“This is what I always get,” Vi said. “How… did you know?”
Caitlyn froze for a split second, eyes flicking between the coffee and Vi’s eyes. “Um…”
She swallowed hard. “I asked Vander, of course.”
Vi furrowed her brows. “Vander doesn’t know I like the extra shot.”
For a second, Caitlyn’s composure crumbled, her eyes flashing with nostalgia — the same look that Vi had grown to find endearing.
Then she seemed to rearrange her face and shrugged nonchalantly. “I took a guess. I figured that you might want a little extra caffeine, being alone here and all.”
“Don’t lie to me.” Vi’s voice was suddenly as hard as steel, and she found her frustration and curiosity unraveling in the messiest way possible.
“What?”
“Don’t lie to me,” Vi said again, voice sharp. “You’re… acting so flaky and weird and you keep staring at me in that weird way like you knew me or something. You know that I like mac n cheese and the extra shot and you got my order perfect. You’re the only one who could calm me down. You know I’m allergic to seafood somehow, and you and Vander obviously have a history. Do… do we… do you…”
She faltered, unable to continue.
The shock in Caitlyn’s eyes stared back at her, making her feel like she should take it all back.
“Do we have a history or something?”
The silence was louder than anything Vi had ever heard, thick and heavy with tension.
Caitlyn bit her lip, as though weighing the words resting on the tip of her tongue.
~~~
Caitlyn swallowed, looking at Vi’s searching expression. The weight of her words felt too heavy for her chest, suffocating her. She could feel the seconds ticking by, the silence filling the space between them, and her heart hammering in her throat.
Vi was right — Caitlyn knew her in a way no one else did, and she couldn’t hide that anymore. But would it break Vi further? Would it tear down what fragile connection they had left?
“Vi…” Caitlyn whispered, barely above a breath. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
Vi’s brows furrowed deeper, and Caitlyn saw the flicker of something — doubt? confusion? — flash across her face.
“Are you messing with me again?” Vi’s voice was rough, defensive. “I don’t… I don’t get it. Why do you keep acting like this? Like you’ve known me before. Like we’re more than strangers.”
Caitlyn’s throat tightened. She could see the walls going up again, and part of her wanted to let them, to avoid the pain that was sure to come. But she couldn’t.
“We used to be…” Caitlyn began, her voice trembling despite her best efforts. “We used to be more than that.”
The silence was oppressive, but Caitlyn was determined to not leave half a a message hanging in the air.
“We were together. We… we were in love.”
Vi’s eyes widened, her mouth falling open in disbelief. She looked like she wanted to laugh it off, but something in Caitlyn’s tone — the rawness of it — made her hesitate.
“W-we…” Vi stammered, backing away as if the words themselves had physically repelled her. “No… no. I… I don’t… you’re lying.”
“I’m not lying,” Caitlyn’s voice cracked, her vision growing blurry. “I swear, Vi. You and me… we used to be everything to each other.”
The silence stretched, unbearable. Vi was frozen, staring at Caitlyn, and for a moment, Caitlyn thought she saw the flicker of recognition — a hint of something that had been there before, a memory that couldn’t fully resurface. But then, it was gone. Vanished.
“No,” Vi said again, more firmly this time. “You’re lying. I would never date someone like you.”
The words piercing into Caitlyn’s chest, and suddenly she lost the ability to breathe. Her chest constricted with pain, and she felt the first tear trickle down her face.
“I would never date a Piltie.”
And there it was. After a week of Vi refraining from the slurs and warming up to Caitlyn, all her hard work went down the drain just like that. Just because she chose to tell Vi the truth.
Caitlyn closed her eyes, ignoring back the tears that she knew were splattering on her shirt and lap. She had hoped and prayed that Vi’s memory would come back. But the walls were too thick, and Vi was too determined to forget.
“I’m not lying, Vi,” Caitlyn whispered, the words feeling like a confession she wasn’t ready to make. “But I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come here. I shouldn’t have tried to make you remember.”
Caitlyn stood, wiping away her tears and sniffling. “I understand it will be awkward, but if I can, I’ll come by again tomorrow.”
Her next words were punctuated by the crack in her voice, doing nothing to support her desperate attempts to hide her true emotions. “You don’t remember me now, Vi. But I’ll still hope. I’ll still pray. And I’ll still wait for you to come home.”
She turned to leave, and Vi didn’t say anything. She didn't move a muscle to stop Caitlyn, instead listening to the door slide shut.