You walked into your apartment that you shared with your girlfriend, Natasha, and dropped your bag onto the kitchen table with a groan. You proceeded to kick off your shoes and flop face first onto your bed. Tears welled up behind your eyes as you recounted your day.
Natasha had left early in the morning for her psychology class, leaving you to push yourself out of bed and start the day on your own. As you were examining yourself in the mirror, you had noticed the faintest stubble above your lips and on your chin, despite having shaved just yesterday. You had frustratingly shaved again, cursing your body that rebelled against you. After that, you hadn’t even bothered to try on the skirt you had just bought, not wanting to see the awkward way it looked on your body, even though Natasha said it looked great. You opted instead for your go-to sweatpants and Natasha’s sweatshirt. Throughout your classes that day, you felt uncomfortable, and though that was normal, today it seemed amplified. The worst part, however, came when you held a door open for an elderly woman coming out of the building. “Thank you, young man,” she had said.
Young man. Those words echoed in your head as your sobbing increased. You pulled your knees up to your chest and just let it all out. Then, you heard keys jangling, your door being unlocked as Natasha pushed herself through. She was ready to relax for the weekend with her girlfriend.
“Hey, I’m home!” she said loudly, making your sobbing come to a stop. “Jesus christ it’s pouring so much out there.” Natasha slipped out of her raincoat and hung it up, worried when she got no response.
“Y/N?” she called. Natasha walked into the bedroom to see you curled up in a ball. Natasha’s heart broke to see you like this.
“Aw baby, what’s wrong?” Natasha climbed into bed next to you and gently laid her hand on your shoulder as you shifted slightly to look at her.
You opened your mouth to speak, but you had no idea what to say. You closed it again and looked down.
“It’s ok,” Natasha said. “You don’t have to talk. Come here.” She pulled your into her chest, wrapping her arms tightly around you and pressing a kiss to your forehead. You laid there for a few moments, letting Natasha rub your back.
“Nat...” you started, still unsure of what to say. “I- I thought after starting the estrogen, things would get better. But they didn’t...”
Natasha hummed in response but kept quiet, realizing you had more to say.
“A-and today, it was just, really really bad,” you sighed. “I was misgendered... I felt like I was in high school all over again. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. And I just... I hate it. Me. Ugh I’m sorry I don’t mean to be a burden—“
“Oh Y/N,” she cut you off softly. “Don’t apologize for this. Ever. And listen no one is allowed to hate my girlfriend, even herself, ok? Nothing is wrong with you. At all. I promise.” You felt the tears fall again and Natasha paused to wipe them off your face. “You are doing so well, you know that? So well. There’s going to be lots of ups and downs, because let’s face it, nothing about this is straight.”
You chuckled at her cringey joke. “You couldn’t help yourself could you?”
“No I could not,” Natasha replied, smiling. “But listen, I am going to be here with you every step of the way. We can talk to your doctor again, and tell her your concerns. Whatever you need. You are so beautiful and you are so strong, and I love you.”
“Jesus, what would I do without you?” You looked up into her soft green eyes.
“You would do just fine. But,” Natasha said. “You will never have to find out. I’m always going to be here.”
“Hmm good,” you replied, snuggling deeper into her. “Oh, and I love you too.”
Natasha just pressed a kissed to your head again and continued to rub your back. You were warm in her arms and you felt your eyes getting heavy. Natasha smiled as she felt your breathing even out as you laid on top of her. Natasha knew today wasn’t going to be the last of the bad days. But she also knew that she loved you, and she would help you with whatever you needed to finally feel like yourself.