I Will Carry You

The following day was Evan and TK’s first overnight shift at the 126. It was more arbitrary at this point, seeing as the rest of the team wouldn’t officially start working until the end of the following week and the construction wasn’t even finished yet. But Evan hadn’t worked an overnight shift in a while, and TK didn’t want Evan to have to be alone, so the pair of them saw no reason not to get themselves acquainted with the shift hours in a new station.

They figured it would also give them a chance to get the last of the new shelving units installed and do inventory on the trucks and equipment that had already arrived.

Marjan and Paul were both still in town and they, along with Mateo, offered to come in that afternoon at the start of shift to get their new uniforms and a semi-official tour of the house. Once they departed, the boys knew there wouldn’t be much else to distract them from the inevitable inventory process. But Evan also knew how critical it was for construction to start wrapping up and get the real work started, so he didn’t even mind the tedium of the boring tasks—as long as it meant the real work ramping up that much faster. 

Before their shift, however, Evan, Owen, and TK were meeting with a realtor to check out some rental properties. The three of them met their agent, Gina, at her office and she took them around to the few listings they’d all been interested in. Unfortunately, as nice as they’d been on paper, none of them offered the same appeal in person. Bedrooms were too small, or there wasn’t enough storage space, or the kitchen wasn’t functional. They all had something they didn’t like about each of the homes. 

“Well,” Gina said, after they’d turned down the last home she’d taken them to. “I do have a property that just came on the market last night, but it’s a little further out of your desired neighborhood and price range than you originally gave me. It’s a gorgeous location though and really offers quite a bit for the price. Would you be interested?” 

Figuring it couldn’t hurt to look, the three men shrugged in agreement and followed the realtor to the rental. It was only another ten minutes from where they’d set their preferred distance so, even with traffic, it hopefully wouldn’t take more than thirty minutes for them to reach the station. 

It was a two-story detached house in an attractive navy-blue color. Unique choice, Evan thought. Walking in, they could tell it had been recently remodeled, with a semi-open-concept first floor and modern fixtures. 

“It’s a four-bedroom property with both a driveway and street parking available. Carpeting is new in all the bedrooms and the first-floor hardwoods were refinished two years ago. There’s a jacuzzi tub in the master, and another bath downstairs,” Gina listed off as she took them quickly through the bedrooms upstairs and back down to the main floor. 

Even though the house only had two bathrooms, the bedrooms were huge compared to what they’d seen in the previous rentals. The parking situation was a decent bonus, and from what they could tell, the neighborhood was incredibly quiet—something that was different, yet refreshing, for all of them. 

Owen and TK followed her into the kitchen while Evan looked over the view from the dining room window. “All the appliances are new. Kitchen was renovated last year,” Gina continued listing from across the room. “Great backyard; hill country views. Rent’s $4500.”

Owen had been heading towards the open patio door, but he immediately spun around in surprise. “You’re kidding.” 

Evan snorted a laugh at his uncle’s disbelief while he continued to look at the dining room lighting fixtures. He was pleased to see the pendulum lights hung high enough that he wouldn’t hit his head on them the way he would’ve at some of the other properties. He kept an ear on the conversation while he wandered back towards the front of the house and admired the fireplace. He’d never lived in a place with one before, and he’d be eager to make use of it if they decided on this house. 

“If that’s a problem, we can talk to the owners,” he heard Gina offer up politely. 

“No!” Owen spit out hastily. “It’s not a problem.” 

Evan could practically hear the way his uncle tried to relax himself and regain his “cool”, while Gina excused herself to let them talk it over. She breezed past him out the front door, and he made his way back towards the kitchen. He had to admit, the enormous gas stove did give him the urge to get back to practicing his cooking—even if the memories that immediately followed his thought stung. 

Owen looked at TK and made a “What the f-” motion with his hands, causing another chuckle to spill out of Evan’s mouth. 

“I can rent this in Texas for less than a studio apartment in Red Hook,” TK said, surprise still evident in his voice. 

“Well, ‘cause that Brooklyn real estate is dumb! I mean,” Owen looked around the room again, his eyes landing on Evan comfortably leaning against the enormous kitchen island. “I think we kind of have to do this.” 

Evan met his gaze and nodded in agreement, before TK asked, “Isn’t it a little much for just one guy?”

“What do you mean?” Owen asked. 

“I’m—I’m not living with my dad, like, permanently. Am I?” Evan almost laughed at how genuinely confused his cousin sounded. “And, what about Evan?” TK asked, motioning to the man in question. 

“My only priority right now is that you live. Both of you,” Owen exclaimed, walking with TK out onto the deck. He looked back as Evan followed the pair. “That means keeping you under my roof. Remember our deal? You do what I say?” 

“Yeah, T. Besides, weren’t you the one who always said it was too bad we didn’t ever really live together long-term? Now, we get to find out how that will really go!” Evan said with excitement, bumping elbows with his cousin. 

“Wait, you mean, you’d live here too?” Evan nodded in reply. His excitement was obviously infectious, if the smile on TK’s face was anything to go by. “Oh, hell yeah!” TK shouted, high-fiving Evan. 

“Yeah,” Owen answered. “I figured if I was going to bring you boys back together for good, I may as well give myself as much trouble as humanly possible while I’m at it.” The elder Strand put a hand on both the boys’ shoulders, cracking another smile at his joke. 

“Ha ha, Dad, real funny,” TK responded, lightly shoving Owen’s hand off his arm, while Evan just rolled his eyes and lightly elbowed his uncle. 

“I know, I’m hilarious. You don’t have to remind me,” Owen said, before looking at his watch. “Okay, let me get Gina back in here and figure out what we have to do to lock this in. By the way, don’t you have a meeting before your shift?” he asked, looking at his son. 

“All right, all right.” TK gently rolled his eyes and tapped his dad on the side. He made his way back through the kitchen before Evan stopped him. 

“Hey, cuz! Don’t forget these!” Evan pulled the keys to his Jeep from his pocket and tossed them through the air to TK. The younger Strand had planned to purchase a car at some point, but for now, they were sharing Evan’s. 

“You need me to come back and get you from the hotel, Bee?” 

“Nah, he can ride with me,” Owen replied. “I’ve got a meeting in a few hours that I’m coming in for anyway.  

“Got it, Dad. I’ll see you guys later then.”

Evan and Owen both waved him off before following to find Gina and get whatever paperwork needed to secure the rental finalized.

A little over an hour and three sets of keys later, Owen and Evan both made their way into the 126. 

They ran into TK in the locker room, already dressed in his uniform. Owen and Evan both made quick work of changing as well and headed back out to the main truck bays. 

While Evan started in on looking over the new truck and getting its inventory review started, TK grabbed the box of remaining uniforms and waited on their three new crew members to arrive. A few minutes later, three piles of fabric were ready, and Marjan, Mateo, and Paul had arrived at the House. 

Evan gave them all a tour, explaining where everything would be—if it wasn’t there already—and answering any of their questions as best he could regarding the new 126. He gave them all an opportunity to change into the uniforms to ensure there were no fit issues, and made his way back to TK. His cousin was pulling another large box with their new turnout coats from the storage closet, and Evan helped him lug it over near the truck. 

At some point during his tour, Owen had made his way down from his unfinished office to inspect the work his son and nephew had gotten done. Since, for the time being, they only had one truck, he asked Evan to double check again that the one they had was fully stocked with everything they needed and to let him know if there was any equipment he thought they could use but didn’t have. Ignoring how his Uncle’s confidence in him thrilled him, Evan made it a point to go through each of the two enormous tool boxes they had on hand before going over every inch of the truck to ensure nothing that could improve their process was missing. 

While Evan continued with the truck and TK passed out the turnout coats, Owen stood sentry in the truck bay, his eyes trained on the entrance to the House. Eventually, he made a move towards the open doors with a polite greeting, and both Evan and TK turned to see who’d made an appearance. 

The mystery guest was tall and broad, with a short crop of brown hair and tanned skin. He wore a denim jacket, brown jeans, and an indecipherable expression. Evan tried to figure out why the guy looked so familiar, but he couldn’t place him. He also reminded himself he didn’t know anyone in Texas outside the people currently in the fire house, so he couldn’t possibly have a clue who this guy was. Must just have one of those faces, Evan figured. 

He returned to finishing his task, while TK watched his father escort the visitor up the stairs to the framed-out Captain’s office. The man seemed to hesitate before following Owen, a dark grimace crossing his face the farther he stepped into the building. They all saw the pair of men take a seat at the table set up on the second floor but couldn’t hear what was said as the meeting commenced. 

Eventually, Evan finished writing up his recommendation list for the truck, and TK had finished organizing Marjan, Paul, and Mateo’s gear. The pair of men said their goodbyes to their new teammates, and Evan left TK to get a head start on the shelves. He figured his uncle’s meeting had finished up, and he wanted to get him his list before helping his cousin. 

As he made his way up the unfinished staircase, he heard his uncle gently say, “I’m sorry about your crew,” and it brought Evan to an immediate halt. 

“They weren’t just my crew. You know, you should know that,” a rough voice colored by a Texas drawl retorted. “They were my brothers, so—let’s just, let’s just cut the—the fake-ass condolences, and—I don’t even understand why I had to come down here to interview for a job that I’ve had since I graduated high school.”

The last sentence was punctuated by the sound of what Evan could imagine were fingers frustratedly tapping on the makeshift desk in his uncle’s office. He knew it was rude to eavesdrop, but the man’s words had him riveted to his spot out of sight. Evan may not have met him, but he could tell the guy was angry. No question about that. But beneath the anger was something else: devotion. This man, obviously the lone survivor of the original 126, retained his devotion to his crew even after death had taken them from him. 

It was the kind of loyalty Evan had always felt for the 118, despite their inability—save for Chimney—to return the favor. 

He couldn’t help but feel jealous at the way this man, who had lost so much, still managed to remain so steadfast in his commitment to his team in the face of such devastation. Evan had lost his team in a way that didn’t even come close to the horrific way this man had lost his, and Evan had all but come apart at the seams. 

How this guy was holding it together, Evan couldn’t even fathom. 

It was only as he tuned back into the conversation and heard the way the man—Mr. Ryder—grew increasingly angry at what his uncle had to say, that Evan realized the guy may not have been holding it together as well as he claimed to be. 

“Who the hell do you think you are?” Ryder ground out. “This is my house.” 

The silence between the two men, along with his uncle’s soft apology, spoke volumes. Ryder’s angry slam of a chair jolted him back to reality, and he realized the meeting was probably coming to an end. Not wanting to be caught eavesdropping, he slowly made his way up the staircase, doing his best to remain inconspicuous while he watched the two men stare across the table at each other. 

“So, how about this? How about you take your ‘sorry’, and you stick it up your ass?” Ryder said before angrily sliding his chair back and stomping out of the room. 

Evan couldn’t help but notice the man’s voice got just the slightest bit more gravelly, as though he were choking something down, when he made his departing comment. 

Evan opened his mouth to ask his uncle what that had been about, but Owen simply met Evan’s sorrowful gaze with a raise of his eyebrows and a shake of his head. He reached out a hand to take Evan’s list and quickly changed the subject to discussing his nephew’s recommendations.

Later that night, after the workers all left and Owen returned to the hotel to arrange their move to the new house, Evan and TK finished all their inventorying and shelf-building. By late evening, a calm fell over the 126. 

He and TK whipped up a quick stir fry dinner, set up the workout room, and did a sweep over the bathrooms to ensure everything was tidy. Eventually, TK’s yawns grew more frequent, and Evan gently pushed him in the direction of the bunkroom, letting him know he’d follow shortly.

Then, it was just Evan wandering through the firehouse, absorbing the hush that had taken over the building. With all the new construction, not to mention so many people coming and going through the place, the building had started to feel a little less haunted. Still, Evan couldn’t ignore the way the entire building felt like a person needing to release a breath—as though it was suspended in time, waiting for something to happen that would ease the invisible tension. 

Standing over the balcony on the second floor, his thoughts turned to the guy from earlier, Judd Ryder, Evan had learned. Hours after the guy had stormed out of the 126, it occurred to Evan that Judd looked familiar because he was the cowboy he’d seen standing outside the firehouse the day they’d all arrived in Austin. He felt guilty looking the guy up, but Evan was curious about the original 126’s lone survivor and needed to find out more.

According to the report, after the accident at the fertilizer plant, Ryder spent six weeks in the hospital with a severe concussion, pulmonary contusion, auditory ruptures, and a smattering of burns, projectile lacerations, and fractures sustained in the blast.

It was a miracle the man had even survived. 

Evan spent hours pondering Judd Ryder, thinking about the way the man had reacted to the firehouse and lashed out at Owen. He grew frustrated by his fascination with a man he didn’t even know, only to realize it had been a long time since he’d felt a genuine sense of camaraderie with anyone the way he could with Judd Ryder. 

He may not have been the lone survivor of a firehouse tragedy, but Evan couldn’t ignore that it was a miracle he too survived all the accidents he had. Especially when, particularly during the tsunami, other people hadn’t. 

Surviving when others didn’t, knowing that you should’ve died, was an unbelievable weight to carry. And surviving at the cost of not being able to do the job you were meant to; being told you weren’t ready when you felt like you were? 

Evan could relate to that more than anything else Judd Ryder must’ve been feeling. 

The overwhelming need to do something to help Judd Ryder overcame him. Evan’s desire to help people, to save them, was constantly in the back of his head, but this was more than that. Evan wanted to do for Judd what his Uncle had done for him: he wanted to save him. 

The question was…how?

Chimney

One week ago…

The sound of Buck’s footsteps darting down the stairs and out of the firehouse would reverberate in Chimney’s ears for hours after he left. Letting out a sigh, he picked up his coffee mug and headed to the pot for a refill. 

He could practically feel everyone else’s eyes burning a hole through the back of his head. 

When he turned back around, Chimney was unsurprised to see a mixture of glares and sad faces staring back at him. Taking a sip of his coffee, he stayed where he was, leaned back against the counter, and waited. He’d managed to leash his temper, but he figured giving everyone some breathing room couldn’t hurt. 

“How could you just let him leave, Chim?” Hen asked, a heartbroken look in her eyes. “Why did you just let him walk out?”

“What would you have had me do, Hen?” 

“You could’ve said something! You could’ve done something!”

Chim ignored the way her guilty and sorrowful expression stung. He had enough of his own guilt; he didn’t need hers too. “You know, Hen, you’re my best friend, but I can’t believe you can stand there and say that to me. ‘I could’ve done something’? I did do something, Henrietta. I had Buck’s back; I looked out for him.” He leaned over the island, set down his mug, and pointed in their direction. “When all of you decided that a guy who all but gave his life for this job—several times I might add, who saved dozens of people during a tsunami despite the threat to his own health, who saved one of your children, wasn’t worth forgiving for one mistake, I was the one who held him together. Every time one of you tore him down, I tried to build him back up. When you all pretended like he didn’t exist, I tried to show him he did. When you all acted like he was nothing, I tried to remind him he was someone. I did the best I could; you’re the ones who should’ve ‘done something.’” 

They all at least had the nerve to look chagrined; even Eddie, despite the anger still in his eyes and the clench of his fists. “Well, what are we supposed to do now? Do you know where he’s going?” Eddie asked him. 

Chim crossed his arms and looked down at his coffee mug, his desire to drink the beverage waning. Evan hadn’t specifically told him and Maddie not to tell the others where he was going, but Chim also wasn’t about to give it away. 

“Chim,” Bobby said, stepping in front of him from across the island. “Do you know where he’s going?” 

At any other time, on any other day, the despondent look on Bobby’s face might have swayed Chimney to tell the whole truth. But, unfortunately for the rest of his team, that day wasn’t today.

“I do, but I won’t be the one to tell you,” he said, emptying his mug into the sink behind him, before putting it in the dishwasher. “It’s not up to me to share that with you. It’ll be in Buck’s hands, if he ever decides to tell you himself.” 

“But Chim—” 

A sudden clang of the bells disrupted whatever Bobby was going to say. Not wanting to draw this out any further, Chim darted down the stairs towards his turnout gear, counting on the rest of them to follow. 

He figured the conversation wasn’t over, but for now, they all had a job to do and Chimney wasn’t about to let anyone else down. 

A few hours of emergencies and avoiding conversations, Chimney was almost free. It was the end of their shift and everyone was in the process of changing to go home. 

The silence in the locker room followed them all out to the main truck bay. 

As Chim was getting ready to say a hasty “goodnight,” each of their phones chimed at once. Having a feeling he knew what it would be about, Chim swiped open his screen and found a text from Athena in the 118 group chat. Chim ignored the pang he felt in his chest when he saw Buck’s name was no longer part of the contact list.  

Athena Grant: I want all of you at the house in 20. No excuses. 

Athena Grant: You too, Chimney.  

He responded with a quick, “Yes, ma’am,” before shrugging at his teammates and heading for the parking lot. On the way to the Grant-Nash house, he called Maddie and told her what was going on. She’d already heard from Athena and let him know she was aware of the situation. She wouldn’t be joining him as she wasn’t quite ready to face the rest of the 118 just yet, but she let him know she’d be waiting up for him when he got home. 

Chimney was the first to arrive, and he made quick work of knocking on Athena’s door. The smile she greeted him with was somber, but she didn’t seem like she was going to unleash the famous “Athena Grant Temper” on him. She welcomed him in and instructed him to sit and wait for the others. 

Eventually, the other three 118 members made their appearances, Athena’s face considerably less kind when greeting them than it had been greeting Chimney. When they were all seated in the living room, Athena—in typical fashion—got straight to the point. 

“I’m not going to waste my breath yelling at all of you. It’s been a long night, and I’m tired. What I am going to do is ask you what the hell you all were possibly thinking when you drove that boy away like you have. And you better have a damn good explanation.” 

She crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair, waiting to hear them out. Eddie put his head in hands, clenching his fingers in his hair. Bobby shifted uncomfortably with his eyes glued to the floor. Hen simply sat there and stared out the window at the back yard. If Chimney didn’t know her better, he’d say she hadn’t even heard Athena at all. 

“Athena,” Chimney spoke, clearing his throat and leaning forward in his chair. “If I may, I have something to say.” 

She waved her hand towards him, offering him the floor. He rested his elbows on his knees and linked his fingers together, trying to figure out exactly where to start. 

“You know, for months, I’ve listened to everything; I’ve seen everything. I’ve watched you ignore him, Hen. I’ve listened to the way the others in the house ostracize him. I’ve listened to every single biting comment or critique out of your mouth about absolutely every move he makes, Eddie. And all the while, I’ve waited for you, Bobby, to do your job—to stand up and stop this from happening. I waited for all of you to stop. And you didn’t.” 

He gave his words a moment to sink in before continuing. When Bobby tried to interrupt, Chimney held up a hand and said, “I’m not finished. I know you’re probably going to sit there and tell me you didn’t know better, that Buck never said anything, that you just assumed you were teaching him a lesson, that you figured eventually he’d stand up for himself or ask for help. Do you know how many times I took one look at that phony smile pasted on his face, those fronts he put on for all of you and everyone else, and almost filed a complaint with the Chief? The number of times I had emails typed up, his phone number ready to dial, or how close I’d come to just going to his office and telling him the truth? I can’t even guess at a number. And do you know who stopped me every single time?” 

All of them except Athena shook their hands, though Chimney assumed it was pretty easy to guess who he meant. 

“Buck. Every single time I would tell him I was going to put a stop to this—this circus you all created, he wouldn’t let me. In fact, he made me promise not to report all of you, a promise I still don’t think I ever should have made. But I did it for him, because he didn’t ask for himself. He asked because he was concerned about Maddie. You’d all become just as important to her as you are to him, and he refused to let her lose another family.” 

Chimney quieted and watched them all shift uncomfortably, the true weight of what their behavior had cost them obviously starting to sink in. After a few moments of silence, Eddie picked up his head, and with his eyes closed and fists balled, he said, “What do you mean ‘another family’?” 

Before Chimney could answer, Athena interrupted. “What, did you all think Buck and Maddie just dropped out of the sky? That they came from nowhere? Well?” When the three of them—minus Chimney—shook their heads, Athena answered her own question. “Maddie and Buck were born in Manhattan. Their mother worked for the city and their father was a firefighter. From what we know,” she said, waving to Chimney. “They had a very happy childhood, until the attack on September 11th, when their father was killed when the South Tower collapsed.” 

Bobby, Hen, and Eddie all dropped their jaws, while Chimney simply leaned forward in his chair again and rested his chin on his folded hands. Closing his eyes, he continued for Athena. “They almost lost their uncle too, and within months, the family disintegrated. Their aunt and uncle divorced, their mother, Julia, fell into a year-long depression that left Maddie to take care of Buck, and eventually Julia got into a relationship with a man who had all-but-detested children. The pair of them basically ignored Maddie and Buck, and after a while, Maddie couldn’t take it anymore. She returned to college and never came back; something she still regrets to this day, because she feels like she abandoned a 12-year-old boy to fend for himself. Eventually, their mother remarried the man and they forced Buck to move to Pennsylvania, away from the only home he knew, only to spend the rest of his teenage years ignoring him. The only person who took care of him was Owen; he’d send him train tickets so Buck could go back to Manhattan and stay with him and his cousin instead of being alone. When he finally graduated high school--with top honors, I might add--Buck went back to New York and stayed there. His mother and stepfather spent eight years isolating and ignoring the kid until they too drove him away to the only people who showed him the least bit of concern.” 

“Seems like a common occurrence around Evan Buckley,” Athena interjected, venom clear in her words. 

“Unfortunately, yes, Athena,” Chimney responded. “As far as I know, their mother hasn’t seen or spoken to either of them in over a decade. Buck never told me much about that time, but the way Maddie talks about it makes it sound like 9/11 destroyed their family. It cost them everything but each other and their uncle’s small family, and Maddie doesn’t fully count herself as exempt from the cost because she feels like she’d abandoned him for most of his life herself. Their recent reconciliation and the way Buck continuously assures her he always knew she was in his corner, and that things with Doug weren’t her fault, is the only thing that keeps her from completely roping herself in with her mother and stepfather. And, despite the self-deprecating way Maddie sees the situation, Buck being the selfless man he is, still manages to think of her in a positive light and put her first--even at the cost of his own happiness. So,” Chimney halted his explanation, ignoring the tears in Hen’s eyes, the clench in Bobby’s jaw, and the way Eddie’s head was once again in his hands. “When I say that Buck didn’t want to cost Maddie ‘another family,’ that is what I mean.” 

The silence around them was suddenly deafening. Having said his piece, Chimney sat back in his chair and waited. Eventually, it was Bobby who moved first, throwing himself off the couch and wandering over to the patio doors. He placed both hands against the window and leaned back with his head hung towards the floor. Athena’s stony glare swept across both Eddie and Hen, the two of them red-faced with moist eyes. 

Before either of them could speak, Athena jumped out of her chair and loomed over the two firefighters. “How could you two do this? I mean for heaven’s sake, Eddie, he kept your son alive in a tsunami! And you, Henrietta! You watched that boy struggle to survive under that fire truck. You pulled him out from under it! I watched him choke up blood and nearly die on my goddamn patio! How much more would you have him go through? Why would you put him through something like this? Hasn’t he suffered enough?”

They didn’t get a chance to do more than look ashamed when Athena spun on her heel and turned towards her husband. “And you, Bobby! Why did you let this happen? After you claimed to care so much for that boy, how could you encourage this or just pretend like it wasn’t happening? Why did you distance yourself so much like this from what was going on?!”

All the while Athena was yelling at Eddie and Hen, Bobby had kept himself turned towards the door. When Athena turned around on him, something in him seemed to snap. He whipped himself around, eyes red with tears, and shouted back, “BECAUSE IT’S MY FAULT THEY GET HURT AND DIE! I get all my kids killed, Athena! It’s all my fault,” he screamed out. To Bobby’s credit, it seemed to have shocked them all enough to silence everyone. If he noticed, he didn’t say; he just kept ranting on, seemingly unable to stop himself. “In Minnesota, the kids died because of me, because I set that fire. And when that truck exploded and Buck almost died, first from the explosion and then the embolism? That was all because of me! Because Freddy was trying to kill me, and Buck got caught in the middle! If it hadn’t been for me, Buck wouldn’t have gotten hurt in the explosion or had the embolism, and when the tsunami hit, he would’ve been on the truck with the team where he belonged, instead of once again fighting for his life.” 

Bobby’s shouting slowly eased until he was speaking in little more than a whisper. His hands were clenched so hard, Chimney wouldn’t have been surprised if his fingernails had drawn blood. Athena slowly approached him, reaching out to cover his hands with her own. “Bobby—” she started to say, when he interrupted. 

“I hurt all my kids, Athena. They die because of me, and I couldn’t let it happen to another one. I couldn’t get close to Buck again because I knew I’d almost cost him his life once, and I couldn’t let it happen again. But it doesn’t matter now, because I lost him anyway!” If it weren’t for the tears rolling down his cheeks, Chimney might have believed the laughter he heard coming from Bobby’s throat was genuine and not a product of a temporary sort of mania. 

Chimney may have been angry at Bobby and the others for what they did to Buck, but he couldn’t ignore the way seeing his captain fall apart broke something inside him. It had apparently done the same for everyone else, and for a few minutes, the only sounds were Bobby’s anguished sobs, and Athena’s gentle attempts to calm him. 

Eventually, Athena managed to coax Bobby into the seat she’d vacated, while she sat next to him on the arm of the chair. The tears had stopped, and they all sat contemplating everything they’d heard. Until finally, Hen said, “What do we do now, Bobby? How do we make this right?”

“Chim, you know where Buck is going, right?” Eddie answered quickly. “Tell us, and we can stop him. Or—or we can go find him and apologize and bring him back.”

Despite the hopeful look, Chim could still see the undercurrent of tense anger beneath Eddie’s façade. He wanted to believe that it wasn’t Buck Eddie was really angry at, but he wasn’t a mind-reader, and he wasn’t about to guess. “I can’t do that, Eddie.” 

“Why the hell not?! You said it yourself; we shouldn’t have let this happen and now we have to fix it!” Eddie leapt to his feet; his palms held out in frustration. 

“He can’t do it because Buck asked him not to, the same way he asked me not to,” Athena answered for Chimney. 

“He—he told you not to tell us?” Eddie asked, seemingly stunned, as he fell back to his seat. 

He wasn’t sure about Athena, but Buck hadn’t technically come out and asked him not to tell anyone where he went. Still, Chimney felt like he owed it to his friend to give him a real chance to escape this place—to truly start fresh. If that meant lying about it, so be it. “If you find out, you find out. But it won’t be from me. I didn’t do half as much as I should’ve for Buck while he was here. The least I can do is let him have his freedom.” 

Chimney leaned forward in his seat again and checked his watch. It was going on midnight and he’d had enough. He needed to go be with Maddie, then get up early and help Buck. He decided to leave his teammates with a final bit of advice before taking off. 

“I’m going to strongly suggest something,” he said, rising to his feet and stretching out his shoulders. “I urge you all to take a good long look at what made you all so mad that you thought you needed to do this to Buck. Was it really the lawsuit that made you feel like this? Because I’ll tell you something: he had a case, and he would’ve won. Everything that got said at that deposition was the truth. And for that matter, I’m not even sure it was Buck who told the lawyer all those things. It’s all public record, you know. Every single detail, from my accident to Shannon’s death and everything else, it’s all information that can be found from a Google search. I was never convinced Buck told Mackey everything, but even if he did, so what? The delivery may not have been exceptional, but nothing that lawyer said was untrue. So, who are you all really mad at? Buck? Or yourselves? Maybe, at this point, it’s both. I don’t know.” 

He moved to walk around the coffee table and headed towards the stairs. “I’ll tell you all something else too. Buck needs to be away from here, away from all of this for a while. We all but suffocated him to the point that he feels like a shell of himself right now. We did that—to a man who was our friend, our brother. I don’t know about you, but I think the least we can do is give him a chance to find himself, find happiness again, without hurting him anymore than he already has been.”

Taking a step up the staircase, he turned back around one more time. “I’m always here for you guys, but I won’t be a part of this anymore. You all better figure out what’s going on with yourselves, because if we can’t fix this, there will be no way to replace what we’ve lost.” 

Chimney nodded to Athena, and without waiting another moment, climbed up the stairs and walked out the door. 

Two days after Buck’s departure, Deputy Chief Sayre showed up at the firehouse with a thick manilla folder and spent over an hour in Bobby’s office with the door closed. Chimney didn’t know what the imposing man said to his captain, but by the time the pair of them emerged from the office, Sayre’s expression screamed disappointment and Bobby was paler than Chimney had ever seen. When Hen asked Bobby what happened, he shook his head and just told them not to worry about it. 

Another few days went by, and things at the 118 didn’t improve much. Practically everyone moped around the firehouse, Bobby spent most of his time in his office with the door closed, and Eddie spent hours attacking the punching bag like it had personally harmed him somehow. Chimney hated the gloom that had settled over his team and their House, but he also couldn’t help the small part of him that said this was the penance they had to pay. 

They chased the light from their home, and now they had to live with the shadows.

About a week after Buck left, Chim was sitting on the couch in his apartment, enjoying the final moments of Jumanji while Maddie slept against his left side. They’d been channel surfing earlier, and when he came across the movie, Maddie squealed and insisted they leave it on. She said it was always one of Buck’s favorite movies and she hadn’t seen it in ages. 

The shine in her eyes as she watched Robin Williams try to outsmart a giant pelican sent a surge through his chest, and he dropped the remote to the couch and pulled her into his side. The longer they watched, the harder they laughed and Chimney could understand why this was one of Buck’s favorite films. By the final confrontation, Maddie had long since fallen asleep and Chimney relished in the warmth of her ensconced safely in his embrace. As bad as things may have gotten, and as much as they all missed Buck’s presence in their lives, he was just happy he still had Maddie, that he hadn’t lost her too. 

Just as the credits started to roll, he noticed his phone buzzing on the coffee table, and he slowly eased himself from Maddie’s grip to lean forward and check it. When he saw it was Buck, he smiled and gently slid off the couch, placed a pillow under Maddie’s head, and then stepped out to the balcony to take the call. 

“Hey Buckaroo! I wasn’t expecting to hear from you tonight. How’re you doing”

“Hey Chim, I’m doing okay. How’re you? How’s Maddie? I didn’t wake you guys, did I?”

Chimney could hear the hesitation in the younger man’s voice, and he immediately moved to relax him. “Nah, buddy, you’re good. We’re both doing okay, but I know your sister misses you like crazy. Can’t say I feel differently, so it’s good to hear from you. Maddie’s asleep, otherwise I’d let you say hi, but I was up. We were actually watching a movie tonight; one of your favorites, I’m told.” Chim rubbed a hand down the back of his neck and grimaced at his rambling. 

“Oh yeah? Which one?”

“Jumanji.”

“Oh man, yeah. That is a good one! Maddie would always watch that with me when I was younger, no matter how many times we’d already seen it.” 

The hesitancy in Buck’s voice soon disappeared as the two deliberated for a few moments over the best scenes in the movie. Chimney found himself missing his friend more than he’d realized over the past few days, and not for the first time, he wished things hadn’t had to change the way they did. 

Their conversation evolved into Buck telling Chimney about the new house he and the Strands had picked out, their moving plans, and updates on the construction going on at the 126. Chimney also asked about Buck’s new coworkers, and although Buck seemed pleased by who he’d be working with, Chimney could also sense something was unnerving him. 

“Well, you know I’ll be working with Uncle Owen and TK. We also hired a really diverse group of people. The ones on my shift are Marjan, Paul, and Mateo, and then we have a cool group for B shift too.” 

Buck briefly described what he knew about each of his new coworkers, including the traits that stood out most in each of their interviews, including Marjan’s wild impetuousness, Paul’s intuition, and Mateo’s perseverance. 

“Well, they sound like an awesome group, Buck. I’ll be curious to hear how you all work together.” 

“Yeah, me too. It’ll be good to have a complete, solid team to start fresh with. Well...I mean when it’s actually complete anyway.” 

Buck’s thought seemed to trail off at the end and it piqued Chimney’s curiosity. He leaned against the metal railing of his balcony, looking out over the lights of LA while he pondered what Buck wasn’t saying. “What do you mean by that, Buckaroo? Has your uncle not finished hiring everyone yet?” 

“Not technically, no. There’s a spot left on my shift that he’s got someone who could fill it, but…” 

“But?”

Buck sighed deeply for a minute and Chimney could hear rustling from his side of the phone, like he was sitting down somewhere trying to get comfortable. “But, I think Cap’s waiting to see if the spot can be filled by someone who already had it before.” 

“Ah,” Chimney said, understanding dawning on him. “The lone survivor, you mean?”

“Yeah, that’s who I mean. Problem is, we haven’t technically offered Ryder the spot yet. I don’t know why Cap hasn’t, but I get the feeling there’s more to it than him just needing to fill out paperwork or something.”

“You’re probably not wrong, Buck. I’m sure they’ll get it straightened out though; you know how things go after someone comes back from an injury. It just takes time and is all part of the return process. It’ll work out I’m sure.” Buck snorted and Chimney facepalmed himself. He wanted to take back the words as soon as they were out of his mouth, imagining how his flippancy would sound to Buck who’s return to work was anything but a normal process. “Well, what I mean to say, Buck, is that everyone’s situation is different, but everyone still has a process they need to go through. Maybe Ryder’s is just...taking a little longer because of everything that happened?” 

Buck was quiet on his end of the phone, and Chimney worried he’d hurt the man’s feelings. It took a few moments of heavy air and Chimney mentally kicking himself for putting his foot in his mouth when Buck finally started talking again. “Yeah, Chim, I know you’re right. And don’t feel bad, I know what you meant and it--it didn’t hurt my feelings. I mean, it’s not like what you said was wrong, there is a process when a firefighter comes back after getting hurt. It’s just...I don’t know, something about this whole situation is bothering me.” 

“I can understand that. It probably feels a little familiar, huh?”

“It does, and I think that’s the problem. I don’t know what’s holding Ryder back, but something is and I feel like…like I want to help him or something? Like I have to?” 

Chimney pondered Buck’s words and the uncertainty beneath them. “Do you think you feel that way because it seemed like no one helped you after the bombing or the tsunami?” 

“You helped me, Chim,” Buck said with a softness akin to a whisper. It made Chimney smile, despite his lingering belief that he hadn’t done enough. 

“Well, thanks, Buckaroo. I appreciate you saying that. But I meant, besides what little I managed to do, do you feel like you can associate with the feelings Ryder is having? The loneliness at being a survivor of something other people didn’t make it through, and how not everyone does everything they probably could to help the victims overcome it?” 

“Yeah, I think that’s mostly it. I mean, I’m no lone survivor of anything, but I was injured by something in a way no one else was, and then with the tsunami, I lived when so many people didn’t. And...well,” Buck hesitated again, as though he didn’t want to say what he was thinking. 

“Go ahead, Buck. Say what you need to say, it’s okay.” 

“Well, I--I lost my House, my team, too. Obviously not even close to the same way, but, I still lost you guys because of something that was mostly out of my hands. There’s an unfairness there, because it wasn’t my fault, just like it wasn’t Judd Ryder’s fault. We both got hurt, and we both lost our teams, and now, I imagine he probably feels like he’s not only disconnected from his life, but disconnected from himself too. At least, that’s how I felt. It’s honestly kind of how I still feel, really.” 

Chimney could hear the pain in Buck’s voice, the emotional wounds he was carrying that had yet to be mended the way his leg had been. While it seemed like being in Texas was certainly doing wonders for Buck’s mental health, Chimney knew it would probably be a while before he felt like his whole self again. He felt tears pricking the corners of his eyes at the thought of one of his brothers being so hurt. “Ah Buckaroo, I’m so sorry, buddy. I wish I could say that it wasn’t true, that you didn’t lose us, but I know it wouldn’t be entirely true. So, all I’ll say is you didn’t lose all of us. I’m still here; I’ll always be here for you, come hell or high water. And I’ll do whatever I can to help you find yourself again, even if it’s from a distance.”

He could hear a bit of sniffling from Buck’s side of the phone, but he didn’t comment on it, knowing that sometimes it was better to just let it happen. “Thanks, Chim. That--that means a lot to me.” The sniffling stopped and it sounded like Buck took a few deep breaths. “I’m just not sure how to help, Ryder. I have to do something; I want to. I’m just not sure what.”

Thankfully, advice on how to help a wounded team member was something Chimney could help with. After spending months chasing after Buck and trying to help anywhere he could, he had a pretty good idea of what worked and what didn’t, not to mention where to start. “Well, Buck, when it comes to helping people, we need all the facts first, right? And, as you pointed out, that’s something you don’t have all of right now. So start with finding out why your uncle hasn’t offered Ryder the spot yet, see what’s holding the guy back. Is it something medical? Approval from the AFD higher-ups? Find that out first, and once you know what it is, you’ll have a direction to go in and see if it’s something you and your team can help him with. If his situation is anything close to yours, he’s going to need people, a team, backing him up. It sounds like the new 126 could be that for him, but you have to get the whole picture first. Can’t go in blind, right?”

“Yeah, yeah you’re right, Chim, I hadn’t really thought about it that way. I mean, I know I didn’t know all the facts, but I also didn’t think about exactly what I was going to do after I got them or if getting help from others could make things simpler. That probably should’ve been a given.”

“Nah, Buck, I’m sure you thought about that. You probably just didn’t realize you did. You’re not like most people, you know. You see all avenues before the rest of us even see one,” he said with a soft chuckle. 

“Ha, I don’t know about all that, Chim, but I appreciate you saying so.” 

“Anytime, buddy,” Chim replied with fondness. The two men sat on the phone in comfortable silence for a moment, before Chimney finally realized how tired he was and a yawn escaped him. 

“Oh geez, what time even is it there? I’m sorry, Chim, I should let you go get some rest. You’ve probably got a shift tomorrow.”

“Don’t worry about it, Buck. It’s not too late and I’ve always got time for you. 

“Still, it’s after midnight, so I’ll let you go. Although, Chim, there is one more thing I wanted to tell you while I have you on the phone.”

“What’s up, man?”

“It uh--it might sound strange to you, but I’m not going by ‘Buck’ anymore. It’s just Evan from now on--if you don’t mind, I mean.”

Chimney could imagine a number of reasons why Buck wouldn’t want to go by his nickname anymore, but he didn’t feel like it was his place or the right time to ask. If Buck wanted to be ‘Evan’, to go by his first name again, then who was Chimney to question it? Buck--Evan--knew who he was and who he wanted to be. That was good enough. “You got it, Evan. Not that she needs telling, but I’ll let Maddie know too, if you like.”

“Thanks, man. I’d appreciate that.” The relief in Evan’s voice was almost tangible, and Chimney wondered just how much courage he had to work up to make the choice for himself to go by his first name again.

Oddly enough, Chimney found the thought upsetting in a way. 

“Alright, well I better get back in before your sister realizes her pillow disappeared on her and she wakes up in a frenzy.”

“Ooh, yeah, I’ve been on the receiving end of a cranky Maddie Buckley, and it is not pretty,” Evan said, laughing in a way that Chimney just knew meant he was wearing that famous Buckley smirk. “Well, thanks again, Chim, for the advice and for the talk. I appreciate it.” 

“Anytime, Buck--Evan.” It seemed that would take some practice on his part. “Give my best to Texas, huh?”

The pair of men laughed again, and Buck agreed, so long as Chimney did the same to Maddie. “Night, Chim.”

“Night, Evan.”

Chimney hung up his phone and slid the device back in his pocket, staring out at the LA skyline for a few minutes more, pondering his friend who was both so young and so mature at the same time. Not for the first time that day, Chimney thought about how much he missed Buck--Evan--and he closed his eyes and sent a wish to the universe to keep an eye out on him. Then, with a last look up at the stars he couldn’t see through the lights of the city, he returned inside his apartment, thoughts of hope and love for both Buckley’s sending him off to sleep.