I Will Carry You

Evan Buckley had never been one for signs, but he was pretty sure the universe was trying to tell him something. 

His departure from LA had been fairly simple, if a little quiet—despite Maddie’s tears and the frustration of getting everything organized in the truck.

Buck picked the massive vehicle up Wednesday night after saying his goodbyes to Athena and the kids. He spent the rest of the evening rearranging boxes and furniture, as well as finalizing the order in which things would go in the truck in just a few hours’ time. 

He’d turned in early to make sure he was up and ready to start moving at four am. By the time his sister, Chimney, and surprise guests, Albert and Josh, arrived at five as promised, he had all the boxes, lighter furniture, and his bed—miraculously easy to disassemble—ready to be packed safely into the back of the truck. He’d also prepped his jeep to hitch it up once the truck was filled up and closed. The guys turned out to be a great help, and, between the four of them, they’d had his mattress, couch, dining set, armchair, and the rest of his possessions packed up—without making too much noise or bothering the neighbors. 

While he, Chim, and Albert got the Jeep hooked up to the truck’s hitch, Maddie and Josh quickly ran to the nearest Starbucks, bringing back coffee and pastries for Buck to take with him. The gesture was simple but so typical-Maddie. His sister had always been the thoughtful one. 

Once everything was locked up or hooked on securely, Buck made sure he had his necessary documents, laptop, duffel bag, and traveling supplies stowed in the cab of the moving truck. While he was organizing the space, he took a few minutes to collect himself and wipe away the tears he knew Maddie didn’t need to see. He put on a brave face and hopped down, finally ready to say his last goodbyes. 

Maddie’s tears started again almost immediately, but she smiled through them and grabbed him in a fierce hug. “You call me every hundred miles or so, okay? Just so I know you’re alright?” 

“Don’t worry, Mads. I will.” 

“And please, little brother, for the love of me and my sanity, don’t be reckless. Take care of yourself; watch out for Uncle Owen and TK. Make sure you eat right, drink enough water, steer clear of rogue bulls.” She pulled back from the hug but kept her arms around him. “You know, the usual.” 

The pair of them laughed at her joke and Buck nodded again. “You got it, Maddie. Watch for the local wildlife and make sure I call you plenty.” 

“And most importantly, be safe.” 

Buck nodded again and gave her one last hug, hiding his face in her umber locks. He tried to memorize the smell of her perfume—jasmine and cloves, the feeling of her hug—something he’d missed for so long, and the sound of her voice—always so comforting for him. 

He pulled away from her and stepped over to Josh, a guy he’d quickly grown fond of and wished he had more time to get to know. He gave him a handshake that was also half hug. “Thanks for helping out, man. Watch out for yourself, huh? Those dating apps can be a nightmare.” 

“You’re welcome, Buck. You take care of yourself out there, too. Some people aren’t as friendly as we are, you know.” The older man winked and clapped Buck on the shoulder. 

If Buck didn’t know better, he’d almost think Josh was flirting with him. Another possibility missed to add to the books.

He hugged Albert next, thanking him for his help, and slipping a card into his hand with Nelson’s contact information. “He’s looking for renters, and I already put in a good word for you. Just in case you’re maybe interested in sleeping on your own couch instead of Chimney’s sometime in the near future.” Albert smiled at his jab and thanked him with another strong hug. 

Finally, he made it to Chim, his brother in all the ways that mattered. Before he could say a word, the shorter man approached and pulled him into a vice-like hug. Surprised at the reaction, Buck clung to his friend and tried not to let the emotions overwhelm him. He felt his voice crack when he whispered, “You take care of her, you hear me?” 

“Always,” Chimney said. It wasn’t just a promise, Buck knew, but a vow. This time Chimney pulled away first but kept a firm hand on Buck’s shoulder. “You be careful, Buckaroo. Watch your six. And if you ever need us, we’re there; no questions asked. You’re my brother; I don’t turn my back on family.” 

Chimney acknowledging something Buck also felt in return had him swelling with pride. To know for sure that he had another brother—in addition to TK—out in the world who cared about him, and who cared for Maddie, made this whole situation that much easier to handle. 

He knew with certainty now that he could walk away from this place, and everything would be okay here. Maddie was safe and happy, Chim understood and would watch out for things, and Buck…Buck could go find himself again. 

Buck stepped away from the quartet, before he smiled and nodded again. Knowing it was time, he hopped into the truck, got himself and his GPS sorted, and turned over the engine. Rolling down the window, he ignored the pang in his stomach at Maddie’s red eyes, Josh’s somber smirk, Albert’s hopeful grin, and the melancholy smile on Chimney’s face. “I love you guys. It’s going to be okay. I’ll call you when I hit Arizona.” 

They smiled and nodded, but before he could pull away, Maddie said, “Evan, one last thing.” She paused and he waited a moment for her to collect herself. “Be happy, okay? But do it for you; don’t do it in spite of them.” 

His sister’s piercing gaze punched right through him, and Buck couldn’t ignore how exposed that made him feel. He knew it was a good thing, Maddie knowing exactly what to say, even if what she said didn’t feel that great right now. He nodded solemnly in agreement, before allowing himself to smile back at her again. He committed to memory the image of his sister held safely by the man who loved her, knowing they both understood why he was doing this.

Buck felt a quiet joy in that knowledge and acceptance, before giving them all a cheeky smile. “Ya’ll be good now, ya hear?” They laughed at his joke, and he gave a final wave before pulling out of the apartment’s lot. He allowed himself one gaze in his rearview, the sight of Maddie and Chim’s waves especially bolstering him, before he turned away and looked towards the horizon. 

The sun had just started to rise, and it looked like it was going to be a beautiful day. With the sound of his GPS instructing him over the dulcet tones of Lewis Capaldi, Buck headed towards the I-10, ready to merge onto the highway and get started with his new life. 

Getting out of LA had gone far easier and quicker than Buck had anticipated. There was little traffic on the I-10, no construction or accidents, and by the time he’d hit Indio, barely an hour and a half had gone by. 

He practically flew through the desert, calling Maddie when he hit Ehrenberg, as promised. He didn’t talk for very long, sure that this easy start to the trip wouldn’t last and something was going to come along to fumble him up like it always did.

Buck simply told her the trip was going well and he’d call her again when he reached Phoenix. 

Despite trying to be positive and flippant, the ease of the journey continued to make Buck wary. He reached Phoenix in a little under five hours, despite traveling a safe speed, anticipating traffic problems, and constantly feeling like something was sure to disrupt the trip at some point. That’s just how life was for Evan Buckley; things were good until they weren’t.

Sure, he wanted this new life he was starting to be as great as he hoped, but experience told him things didn’t always happen that way. 

Trying not to be negative or paranoid was an exercise of his will. 

Buck pulled off the highway in Phoenix at a Flying J, filled up the truck, and updated Maddie again. They chatted for a few minutes, Josh shouting good wishes from the background, then Buck decided to grab some more food and coffee for the road. 

Everyone in the truck stop was unexpectedly friendly and polite. When he went to fill up his travel thermos, one of the employees directed him to a fresh carafe. Another offered him up a free breakfast sandwich, stating the customer ahead of him had done one of those “Pay It Forward” deals. He decided he’d do the same when he paid for his drinks and snacks for the next leg of his journey. 

When he approached the register, the cashier politely made small talk and asked about his trip. When the older man, Ezra, heard Buck was planning to get back on the I-10 for Texas, he told him to take the Loop 202 freeway instead of driving through Phoenix, claiming it would save him at least a half hours’ worth of city traffic. Buck thanked Ezra and went on his way.

He silently thanked the helpful employee again later as he drove through the gorgeous foothills on the outskirts of Phoenix, enjoying the view and saving another thirty minutes as promised.

As Buck drove, he was pleasantly surprised that no one from the 118 had tried to blow up his phone since he left. He’d received “Stay safe!” and “Good luck!” texts from both Athena and Carla that morning, along with Owen and TK’s “Can’t wait to see you!” messages. However, he hadn’t received anything from anyone else, and it surprised him how relieved—rather than upset—that made him feel. 

The fact that he was glad his old team, people he’d cared so much for, hadn’t tried to stop him from leaving told Evan more than he expected. 

Driving through Tucson was the worst part of his trip so far. He’d hit a series of traffic jams on the highway that stemmed from a tractor trailer swerving into another lane of traffic. Despite the brief delay, however, when Buck passed the accident site, he was comforted to see there didn’t seem to be any serious injuries or casualties. Traffic moved easily again once he’d cleared the city limits and drove on through the desert. 

As he crossed the state line into New Mexico, Buck marveled at the feelings he got seeing desert and cactus plants again. It’d been years since he’d come through this way from Mexico, and he forgot how much the desert vegetation intrigued him. Maybe I’ll get a miniature cactus for wherever we move into, he chuckled to himself.

He hit up another Flying J just off the I-10 in Lordsburg, refueled and restocked on supplies, before calling his sister again. Maddie was pleased he was making such good time, told him she already missed him, and that everything was fine in LA. Buck tried not to linger too long on the phone, eager to avoid any conversation about his former home. 

Somewhere, about two hours back in the Arizona desert, Buck decided he wanted to leave LA—and his past there—right where it was. He didn’t want to think about LA anymore; he didn’t want to give anyone he no longer trusted and had left behind further power to hurt him than they already had. So, he figured avoiding thinking about it for a little while couldn’t hurt. Buck knew he couldn’t avoid it forever, of course, but for now, he just wanted to pretend like he was a regular guy moving for no reason other than a new job. 

Buck was tired of being the guy that ran away from things. He wanted to be running towards something for once.

After informing Maddie he didn’t have much further to go to reach Texas, Buck quickly hung up and returned to his drive. Another hour and a half of alarmingly easy traffic later, he finally reached El Paso.

He tried to ignore the sting he felt at how the city made him think of Chris and Eddie.

Buck had picked his hotel because it was just off the highway, offered free breakfast, and hadn’t give him trouble about parking his truck and vehicle. The clerk at check-in even offered to upgrade his room to a second-floor suite overlooking his spot in the lot for no additional charge. 

Once again, the universe seemed to be on his side and in favor of this move. 

Knowing he’d be getting up early again to depart, Buck opted to order dinner through room service and took his time enjoying a long shower. He also called TK to find out how his and Uncle Owen’s trip was going—and to make sure they hadn’t driven each other crazy yet. Owen shouted through the phone, assuring him they were fine, and that TK was exaggerating about Owen’s “old man-style of driving.” Their trip was slightly longer than Evan’s, so they’d gotten an even earlier start that day and stopped in Nashville for the night.

How his uncle managed to get TK and all their furniture ready to move, not to mention tackle all the other logistics he had, in such a short time amazed Buck to no end.

Then again, this was Owen Strand they were talking about.

They all chatted for a bit about their trips, Owen and TK assuring Buck it was a good sign his travels had been so easy, before they all hung up to eat their dinners. Evan promised he’d send a text when he rolled out the next morning. 

After that, rather than calling and potentially being pulled into conversations he didn’t want to be, Buck sent a quick text to Maddie, Athena, and Carla, informing all three that he was safely ensconced in his hotel and would be turning in for the evening. They all sent similar “Glad you’re safe” messages and he smiled at the thought of their concern. Carla sent him a request to Facetime with Chris one day after school the following week after he got settled and Buck immediately agreed. 

He may want to leave LA in his past, but he would always make time for Christopher—regardless of what it cost him. 

Buck made sure everything was prepped and ready to go for tomorrow morning before checking his door locks and climbing into bed. He was sore from all the day’s driving and knew he’d have more tomorrow, so he tried to get as comfortable as possible.

Thankfully, almost immediately after settling in, he fell into a deep sleep and didn’t rouse again until his alarm went off at five. It surprised him how rested he felt, and it gave him hope that his sleep would continue to be better than it had been up until a few days ago.

Getting all of his stuff together didn’t take that long, and before he knew it, Buck was dressed and ready for the day. He grabbed a quick breakfast in the hotel restaurant and checked out. After a quick review of the truck and his jeep, ensuring nothing was amiss, he rolled out of the hotel lot and headed for another truck stop. 

He filled the truck up, grabbed his coffee and usual assortment of road food, and got back on the I-10. Thanks to his early start, traffic was lighter again, and Buck allowed himself to enjoy the Texas landscape in the growing light of the morning. Most of the landscape was flat and not unlike the deserts he’d driven through in Arizona and New Mexico, but today there was a series of storms brewing off in the distance. The dark colors of the sky seemed almost threatening, but luckily, the weather seemed to be heading west instead of east, so he didn’t think he’d run into any precipitation problems. 

Buck made one final stop at a Flying J in Fort Stockton, marveling at the way truck stop cuisines changed from state to state. It’d been years since he’d had really good Tex Mex and Buck was eager to get his hands on some as soon as he reached Austin. He quickly called Maddie while he filled the truck, assured her that he was almost to Austin, and he’d let her know he’d arrived as soon as he met up with Owen and TK. Chim shouted good wishes from the background on Maddie’s side of the phone and Buck just laughed at the couple’s banter.

After hanging up with them, he quickly called TK to let him know he’d arrive around two, and his cousin informed him he and Owen were running about two hours behind. Apparently, there was an incident with a Nashville alpaca farm that led to some of the animals getting loose and coming too close to the highway. The herd was quickly rounded up and none got hurt, but it led to quite the traffic tie-up. Buck assured them he’d be fine until they reached Austin and they agreed to meet up at the hotel in a few hours. 

About two hours from Austin, the flat, desert-like terrain grew into a greener, lush environment. Rolling hills of trees and dry-weather vegetation sprang up out of nowhere, while town after little town started popping up along Highway 290.

When he finally began his entrance into the Austin city limits, Buck couldn’t help but get excited for all the new places he’d have to explore. He knew he’d miss the rolling hills and hiking trails he enjoyed in California, but if this terrain was anything to go by, Buck would have plenty of new places to check out. 

Now, if he could just convince TK to go hiking with him…

Buck finally hit city traffic as he crossed over the Colorado River and into downtown, and he thanked his Uncle Owen again for getting a hotel that wasn’t deep in the city or far from the storage facility they’d all agreed on. Before he knew it, Buck was turning off the Lamar Boulevard Bridge, making his way through the West End, and turning into the CubeSmart. 

He figured at the very least he could pick up his keys to their storage unit and check out the space. But Buck’s good luck seemed to have truly followed him all the way to Austin. When the facility manager, Simone, asked what brought him to Austin and Buck told her he was there to help his family rebuild Ladder 126, she immediately got a shine to her eyes.

It seemed that the tragedy of the department’s loss had not fully waned from people’s thoughts. Simone told him if there was anything he needed, he shouldn’t hesitate to ask. So, when he inquired about leaving the moving truck parked there for a few hours until the rest of his family arrived, she reassured him it would be safe in their underground garage. 

After instructing him where he should park the U-Haul, Simone even assisted Buck in unhitching his Jeep from the back. Buck thanked her profusely for the kindness and offered to pay for the time he’d be leaving the truck, but the older woman wouldn’t hear of it. “Your business with our facility and your motivations for moving here are payment enough,” she said to him, giving his arm a friendly squeeze. 

Starting to get overwhelmed with all the kindness he’d encountered on this trip, Buck decided to take a breather and find someplace that wasn’t a rest stop to eat. Simone proved even more hospitable when she recommended a local spot favored by first responders. She gave him directions to the place, and he shook her hand gratefully before taking his leave. 

It took about twenty minutes of driving and hunting for a parking spot before Buck was finally making his way into the plaza of food trucks. It was a small, but cozy area contained by white and brown lattice fence work. The different food trucks made a ring around the series of patio tables topped with island-themed umbrellas that reminded Buck of coconuts. Looking around at the different food options, Buck realized Simone was right: this was a popular spot with first responders. He spotted several men and women in uniform, talking or laughing or enjoying each other’s company, and he couldn’t help the sting he felt in his gut. 

He reminded himself that hopefully soon he’d have that same camaraderie again. 

Decided on tacos, Buck got in line at a shiny chrome trailer bearing the name “Tic Toc Taco” and leaned around a pair of teenagers to see the menu. He figured he deserved to celebrate his arrival, so he opted for a Gordita platter with vegetables and rajas con queso. He ordered an iced tea and side of chips with it, before stepping off to the side to wait. 

Unfortunately, Buck hadn’t accounted for one of the teenagers who ordered ahead of him to still be standing so close to the window. In his haste to sidestep the kid, Buck accidentally slammed into a solid mass of tan and blue, nearly sending the man—and his tray full of food—flying. 

“Oh my god, I am so sorry. I didn’t even see you; it’s completely my fault!” Feeling like an idiot, Buck felt the apologies rush out of his mouth. He wasn’t even in the city an hour, and already, he’d started making a mess of things. 

Thankfully, the guy found his footing at the same time Buck reached out both hands to steady him and his tray, securing it from sliding out of his hands and spilling everywhere. When he realized all was accounted for and not on the ground, Buck lifted his eyes to see who he’d run into. 

He took in the sizable biceps beneath a navy-blue uniform, Austin Police Force badge, and the walkie before he made eye contact with the guy. Soft, brown eyes met his blue, and the brown-haired Latino officer smiled at him. “Hey, it’s okay, man. Nothing lost to the pavement. You okay?” 

Once again, Buck found himself surprised at someone having a friendly demeanor towards him, particularly someone so attractive, especially after he practically barreled the man over like a moron. I wonder if I’m ever going to get used to people being nice again, he thought to himself. “Yeah, sorry; I’m good, man. That kid came out of nowhere.” 

“They usually do. I’ve got more than enough young cousins to know how light on your feet you’ve gotta be.” Buck chuckled at the guy’s joke, before the cop deftly switched the tray to his other hand. Offering it to shake, he said, “Carlos Reyes. I’m out of the precinct downtown.”

Buck shook it firmly, but friendly, and responded, “Evan Buckley, just moved here.”

“What brings you to Austin, Evan?” 

Buck thought it was odd how nice his first name sounded coming out of someone’s mouth who wasn’t Maddie. It confirmed his notion that maybe leaving his past in LA wasn’t the only thing that could stay there. “New job. I’m here with my uncle and my cousin to rebuild Ladder 126.” 

“You’re kidding. Small world, this is. I happen to know your EMS Captain pretty well.” 

“Really? I didn’t know the House even still had people working.” 

“Well, technically,” a tall brunette in a black EMS uniform said, walking up on Carlos’s other side. “The crew and I are pulling shifts at another House, but we’re still the EMS crew for the 126. Michelle Blake, Captain, Chief Paramedic, and friend of this clumsy oaf.” She stuck her hand out and Buck shook it firmly as he had Carlos’s. 

“Nice to meet you, Captain Blake. Evan Buckley, no official title. And, in all fairness, I think I was the oaf here, not Officer Reyes.” 

She smiled at his quips, while Officer Reyes shook his head. “Officer Reyes is for when you’re in the back of my squad car. Just call me, Carlos,” he said with a smile and tic of his head. 

Buck nodded his agreement, but before he could say anything else, the sound of “Buckley!” came from the Tic Toc window. Buck hoped the other two didn’t notice the way his last name being shouted made him flinch. He knew his last name triggering him the way it did needed to stop. His last name was going to get thrown around a lot; he had to grow up about hearing it. 

Buck excused himself to grab his food and when he turned back to the pair, they seemed to be in discussion about something. Figuring he should leave them to it, he said, “It was nice to meet you both. I’m sure we’ll be seeing each other around soon enough. And, sorry again for the almost-tackle.” As he smiled and turned to head towards a table away from the crowd, Carlos’s hand on his shoulder stopped him. 

“Evan, wait. Why don’t you join us?” 

Buck hadn’t been invited to dine with anyone, save Maddie and Chim, in months. Before he could think about how awkward it’d sound, a soft “Why?” slipped out of his mouth. 

Either they didn’t notice his hesitation, or they didn’t think anything of it. They simply chuckled and Michelle said, “Why not? We’re going to be working together, after all. Seems like it’d be good to get to know each other. Unless you were meeting someone?” 

Buck quickly shook his head before smiling. “No! I—no, I’m not meeting anyone yet. Thank you; I’d be glad to join you.” 

The uniformed duo returned his smile and nodded towards a table a few away from the one he’d been heading for. After taking a seat, Buck dove into his platter and couldn’t help the groan of pleasure that fell out of his mouth. “Holy crap, this is good. It’s been a while since I’ve been anywhere with food this amazing.” 

Carlos and Captain Blake seemed to appreciate his response to the cuisine. “Yeah, this place had some of the best gorditas in town. A lot of us come here, as you can probably tell,” the latter said, waving a hand around. “Where are you from, Evan?” 

“Well, Captain Blake—”

“I’m off the clock, Evan. Michelle is fine.” 

“Okay, Michelle. I’m uh—I’m originally from New York, but I’ve been a few different places. Most recently, though, LA.” 

“And you left LA to come work for the AFD?” Carlos asked in between bites of fish taco. 

“Yeah, my Uncle Owen is going to be the new Captain. He has experience with this type of um—situation.” 

Michelle cocked her head to the side. “This situation being?”

Buck hesitated and tried to think of the most delicate way to explain. This was the EMS Captain of the 126, after all. The people who died were her crew members too. “He knows what it involves rebuilding a firehouse from the ground up. He uh—Owen was part of one of the firehouses in New York that…that lost all their people on 9/11.” The pain of recalling the city’s losses on that day—of his own loss—had Evan flinching. “We uh…the family, we almost lost him too, but he was the lone survivor. After it happened and things kind of started settling down, as much as they could anyway, the Chief asked him to rebuild the 252.” 

“Wow,” Carlos said. “I’m sorry, man. That that happened to you all I mean. I’m glad your family didn’t lose him though, and that you guys are coming down to help us out.” 

Buck could tell Carlos was being sincere and not pitying, but it also stung the way the officer seemed to assume just because his uncle lived meant he didn’t lose anyone else. It wasn’t Carlos’s fault, Evan knew that, but it was the same thing that always happened. People assumed his uncle was the only one from his family in peril. He reminded himself again that people didn’t mean any harm, and his father had been gone for more than a decade. And yet, the sting of his loss—especially in light of his recent “familial” tie-cutting—felt fresher than it had in a long time. He shook away his melancholy and pasted on a smile. “Thanks, Carlos. I appreciate that. I just hope we do you guys proud without stepping on too many toes. My uncle can be…a lot at first. But he’s really a good guy and he’s all heart. He pretends to be the suave type, but underneath he’s just someone trying to do what he can for people. He cares about everyone on his crew, gives everyone a fair shake, and he really cares about TK and me.” 

This time it was Carlos who tilted his head in question. “Who’s TK?” 

By this point they’d all finished their food and Buck nimbly stacked all the trash on a tray to dispose of in the garbage. Stepping away from Michelle and Carlos gave him a moment to compose himself and move on from gloomy topics to talking about his cousin. “Tyler, or TK as we all call him, is my cousin—Owen’s son. We basically grew up together; he’s more my little brother than he is my cousin, honestly. I haven’t seen him in a while, and when I heard he was coming with Owen down here, it just gave me another reason to leave LA.” 

Buck realized he’d made a mistake when Michelle finished off the soda she was drinking and asked him, “What was the other reason?”

He tried not to fidget under her piercing gaze; he didn’t want to give anything negative about himself or his past away before he’d even set foot in the firehouse. “Um…some things just didn’t go exactly right back there, so I just needed a change, you know? And I figured I could be of better service down here, helping out with the 126.” 

She seemed satisfied by his answer, though Buck could tell there were still questions she had. He figured she’d either get to them quickly or try to insert them into conversation the longer they sat and talked. Realizing he wasn’t quite ready to have all his dirty laundry aired out so soon, Buck figured it was time to change the subject. “So, how long have you both been with the APD and the AFD?”

Carlos and Michelle both gave him the basic rundown of how they got into their respective fields. Carlos being a legacy of sorts himself by following his father into law enforcement intrigued Buck, but he could also sense there was a discomfort for Carlos talking about his father. He decided not to press the issue, especially when Michelle explained she met Carlos when he started investigating her sister’s disappearance. She didn’t say much on the subject, but he could tell it was still a sore topic and he inferred her sister had yet to be found. When conversation started to circle back to what brought him to Austin, Buck took the coward’s way out and made an excuse to leave.  

“Well, listen it was great to meet you both. I appreciate you letting me chill with you guys while I waited for Owen and TK, but I should probably get going. They’ll be rolling into town anytime now, and god knows what kind of reunion we’ll have if I’m late to meet them.” Buck stood and extended his hand to each of them for a shake. “Carlos, I’m sure we’ll run into each other again. Michelle, I’m looking forward to working with you.” 

Carlos returned his smile. “I expect you’ll be seeing me again, yeah. Enjoy Austin, Evan, and if there’s anything you need, look me up. I’m always around.” 

The glittering smile on the officer’s face told Buck it was a genuine offer. “I’ll do that, thanks.” 

“I’ll be interested to see what you learned in LA, Evan. I’m sure we’ll be able to show you a thing or two down here.” Michelle gave him an impish grin before shaking his hand. “Good luck moving in, and I’ll be seeing you soon.” Buck turned to leave when Michelle had him turning back. “Oh, and Evan, if I can give you a piece of advice to pass onto Captain Strand?” 

“Sure, Michelle. What’ve you got?”

“Make sure he reads the Travis County manual. Lots of good stuff in there a city guy like him should know.” The older woman winked at him, and Buck laughed at the tip. 

“I’ll be sure to pass on the advice. Though I can’t guarantee he’ll take it. He’s more of a ‘Learn as he goes’ type.” 

The three of them laughed again and Buck gave them both a small salute before taking his leave. 

A few minutes later, as he was getting back in his jeep, Buck received a text from TK that they were about an hour away from Austin. Without thinking much about it, Buck decided to drive over to the 126 and see where he’d be working for what he hoped would be until further notice. 

As he drove through Austin, Buck couldn’t get over how green the city was. While Los Angeles had its share of vegetation, Austin felt completely different. It wasn’t as though the trees had been planted here after the fact; rather, it seemed as though the city and its urban features grew up around the trees and plants. There was a harmony between the buildings and the trees unlike anything he’d seen in LA. And everywhere he looked, people were happily milling about, seemingly in no hurry to get where they were going—or at least that’s how it appeared to Buck. 

He couldn’t help but feel gratitude for his uncle again.

When his GPS finally directed him to the cross street he needed to turn on, he could feel the air leave his lungs as he slowly approached the shuttered Ladder 126. He parked his jeep in front of the bay doors, just beyond the memorial flowers and photos still sitting on the sidewalk. He stepped out and quietly closed his car door, somehow sensing the building wasn’t quite ready to be disturbed just yet. 

Staring up at the brown and red firehouse, Buck felt a chill pass through him, heard the wind rustle the flags and cards clinging to the garage door. He stepped lightly across the concrete to the memorial, bending down to look at the photos—the eleven fallen members of the 126. There were photos of them in uniform, photos with family members, and photos with each other. Smiles and stoic faces, moments of joy and moments of service, together and alone. 

It was in that moment, Buck felt pain he wasn’t prepared for. 

Here were eleven people who were part of a team, yes, but were obviously so much more than that. Photos only tell part of a story, but Buck just knew these people were more than a team to each other. They radiated family; it was in their expressions, in their postures, in their eyes. These were people, Buck knew, who would’ve died for each other without a second’s hesitation.

He reached out his hand and ran his fingers over an image of the whole crew standing together in front of one of their trucks, practically hearing the sounds of their laughter through the space, time, and tragedy separating him from them. These people were the kind Buck had always wished to have in his life. And they had died, while he got to live. 

Until today, Buck hadn’t been sure why something like that would be. Why someone like him could defy death so many times, while these other men and women—who clearly had so much more fullness in their lives than he—didn’t. He hadn’t understood why somebody like him would still be standing here.

It wasn’t until today that Buck fully accepted the responsibility of living, what it really meant for him to be here now, what it could mean for his future here in Austin. 

“I swear,” he whispered, despite being the only person around. “I won’t let any of you down. I’ll make it worth something…everything. I won’t let this all be for nothing.” 

Buck gently ran his fingers across the ribbon on one of the memorial wreaths and felt the breeze blow again. It wasn’t a vigorous wind, but it was enough to tip over one of the framed photos. When Buck reached with his right hand to fix it, he noticed a man in his peripheral vision. 

The guy was tall, that much was obvious, probably at least as much as Buck if not a little more. He had broad shoulders, covered by a denim jacket, and he wore dark jeans and boots. He also had a cowboy hat perched on his head, his eyes in shadow beneath its brim. 

Cowboy had parked his silver truck a couple dozen yards away, still in sight of the firehouse, but only just. As he rose from his crouched position, Buck could feel the guy’s eyes on him, but neither made a move toward the other. The mystery guy simply stayed leaning against his truck, watching Buck or the 126 or both. Buck figured the guy must’ve been a friend or relative of someone at the original 126, just here to pay respects. 

Recognizing again he didn’t want to ruffle any feathers too soon, Buck looked back down at the memorial, fixed another tilted frame, and decided to do the respectful thing. He straightened to attention and saluted the memorial, saluted the members of the 126 lost to the city he would now call home. He waited a moment before dropping his hand and turning to look over at Cowboy again. Buck respectfully tilted his head in acknowledgement and, just as he was about to return to his Jeep, he saw the guy look up and remove his hat. 

From what Buck could see, the guy was probably a few years older than him, slightly tanned from the sun, and had brown hair. Buck couldn’t tell what color his eyes were, but he could feel them burning a hole in his head. Figuring he was infringing on the guy’s moment, Buck turned towards his Jeep again. To his surprise though, the guy tipped his head back at Buck, just for a moment, before returning his hat to his head and getting into his own vehicle. Before Buck even had a chance to put a hand on his door, the truck had peeled off down the street with the roar of an engine.

Huh…wonder what his deal is? Buck thought to himself. Once again, he assumed the guy was a grief-stricken friend or relative who simply hadn’t moved on yet. God knew, Buck was all too familiar with the difficulty of moving on from trauma. He would never be one to judge someone for how they grieved a situation. Hoping Cowboy would be alright, Buck started up his engine and headed back towards the CubeSmart. It had been almost an hour since he’d gotten TK’s text and Buck was anxious to meet up with his family at last.