Fact, Fiction, & Feeling
“Uncle Owen? Are you there?”
His nephew’s voice called Owen out of the stupor of the past he’d found himself thrust into. Shaking his head to loosen the cobwebs, he stared through the glass at his sleeping son and found it almost ironic that he was back here again. In the same hospital and in the same situation, ironically hearing the same words out of his nephew over a phone call. And yet, Evan wasn’t here to help him prop TK back up again.
Owen almost wished he was, if only because TK might listen better if Evan was the one talking to him.
“Yeah, kid. I’m still here. What’s going on? Are you okay?”
Evan chuckled darkly from the other end of the line; his voice rough from the sobs Owen could still hear in his throat. “Not really, no. I’m uh—I’m not doing so hot, Uncle Owen. Things have been…things haven’t been too good over here.”
Owen hated the resigned tone he could hear in Evan’s voice. The kid was usually so full of life; to hear him sound so defeated was not like his nephew at all. Or at least, not like the Evan he’d been for the past few years.
Evan hadn’t talked to him or TK—as far as he knew anyway—much in the past few months, but Owen had assumed it was because he was getting back into the swing of things with the 118 again. Owen figured after all the crap with the truck bombing, the embolisms, and the tsunami, Evan just needed time to acclimate and find his footing with the team again. He knew what it was like for a firefighter to need more support and time with their team after a life-altering disaster—let alone three—above anyone else.
So why did Evan sound so devastated?
“What’s been going on, Evan? Is it the job? I thought things were going good?”
“Well, I thought they were…or maybe I was just hoping they’d get there. But it’s been—it’s been rough, Uncle Owen. The team, they—”
Owen heard the hesitation and considering the direction this conversation seemed to be heading, he almost didn’t want to know what his nephew’s team had been doing to make him sound as crushed as he did. “What’s the team doing, kid?”
“They—” Evan heaved a deep sigh, and the tears that seemed to have slowed crackled in his voice again. “They treat me like…like I’m stupid. Like I have no idea what I’m doing. They make these comments, Uncle Owen, and they—they criticize every move I make. When I’m on calls, they make me second guess everything, and when we get back to the House, they repeat everything I did wrong over and over.”
If Owen thought his nephew’s sobs were difficult enough, hearing him talk about the way his own team had turned so forcefully against him made him see red. But before he could get a word out, Evan continued his confessional.
“And the worst part is, I don’t know if they’re right or wrong! I don’t know anything anymore. If everything I do is wrong, how can I even be a good firefighter? I must not be, right? I mean, they’re my team, my family. Families are supposed to make each other better, so they must only be saying all these things because they want me to be the best firefighter I can be, right?”
“Evan—”
“I always thought I was a good firefighter. That this was the only thing I was good at, saving people and fixing problems and helping where I could. But Cap and Hen and E—Eddie, they wouldn’t have to correct me all the time if I was good at being a firefighter. So, so maybe it’s not what I’m meant to be. Maybe I shouldn’t be a firefighter anymore if I really can’t do anything right.”
Owen briefly noted in the back of his head that Evan’s list of teammates criticizing his efforts didn’t include Maddie’s boyfriend, Chimney. The Strands had never been as close to Maddie as they had Evan, but she was still his niece. She was still family.
He’d tried keeping in touch when she was married to her piece of garbage husband, but Doug hadn’t so much as permitted a phone call from Evan, let alone the Strands.
Owen and TK had both been grateful when Doug and her marriage had finally been removed from the picture. After that, he and his son’s regular visits to LA included a stop to see Maddie as well. It made Owen happy to see his niece and nephew close again and their small little family that much more whole again.
Filing away the evidence of Chimney’s possible support, Owen realized his nephew had never stopped his tirade against himself and was working his way into a full-blown panic attack.
“Evan! Kid, you’ve gotta calm down. Take a breath for me.”
He heard his nephew’s rant stop immediately and Owen exaggerated a few deep breaths, trying to get Evan to calm down. After a few minutes of talking his nephew through his breathing, Owen thought seriously about what he might say next. He figured Evan was feeling pretty vulnerable, and the wrong thing could set off another panic attack.
“Alright, how’re you feeling, kid? Just in this moment right now?”
“I’m—I think I’m okay. Just right now. My chest hurts, but I think it’s from all the crying. I haven’t really let anything out to anyone in a long time. I forgot what it felt like to…I don’t know, let something go without worrying what someone might say back to me.”
“Well, you know me, Evan. I only give you facts, not fiction. Do you want to hear some of those right now?”
“God, yes. Please. More than anything.”
“Alright, Ev.” Owen took a deep breath and pressed his hand to the glass of his son’s hospital room, eager for something to ground him while he tried to keep his nephew grounded from thousands of miles away. “Fact: you are a damn good firefighter. One of the best I’ve ever seen. You were born to do this. Hell, it’s in your blood! You come from firefighters, and we all knew this was the only thing you’d ever want to be or do.”
Owen paused, trying to decide what his next statement should be. He knew he had to be careful with Evan right now; the wrong piece of information could send the kid right off in the wrong direction. His nephew always felt things in the extreme, something that had given Owen more than a few figurative grey hairs over the years, but right now was the time for caution.
“Fiction: You’re stupid or you don’t know what you’re doing. That’s the most ludicrous thing about you I’ve ever heard. I was at your college graduation. Magna Cum Laude if I’m not mistaken? You passed your original certifications with flying colors, and you told me yourself that you broke records at your recertification after the bombing. You’re a firefighter who can handle almost any kind of rescue a situation calls for. You’re practically prepared—at all times—for anything and everything. You were raised in a firehouse, kid, and the 252 didn’t raise no fool. You, Evan Buckley, are not stupid.”
Giving Evan time to let his statements sink in, Owen was pleased to hear that his nephew’s sobs had seemed to dissipate somewhat. He only hoped that Evan was benefitting from what he was saying, rather than being hurt by it. Knowing that he had to keep going, Owen clenched his hand around his phone and girded himself for the next thing he had to say, knowing it didn’t just apply to Evan’s situation.
“Fact: Families are supposed to make each other better, but it doesn’t mean they always do a good job of it. Sometimes they—” Owen looked at the Holter monitor in his son’s room, watched TK’s inhales and exhales, and was reminded of how he’d failed his son again just like the 118 was failing Buck. “Sometimes they say or do the wrong things. Sometimes they don’t say anything. And sometimes, when one or all of those things happen, they fail the people who need them the most.”
This time, Owen gave himself a minute to let the truth of his words sink into his own head. Before Evan’s call, he’d been thinking this very thing: that he’d failed his son. That he’d need to do something to fix all this. He thought he had, years ago when this happened the first time.
But it occurred to Owen, holding TK tightly to his chest earlier today in his apartment and then later watching him sleep in his hospital bed, that something happened to make it all go wrong. He wasn’t sure where or why, but things with TK were off kilter again, and Owen knew he needed to fix it.
Before this afternoon, he hadn’t planned on considering Chief Radford’s offer about Austin. Owen meant what he said, almost his whole life was in New York. His House, his son, everything except his nephew. But, once again, TK’s actions—and now Evan’s words—had thrown a monkey wrench into his plans. It occurred to Owen that New York and the 252 may be home, but his son was his life. His family, TK and Evan, were his life, his legacy.
Finding out he had cancer had probably helped put things in perspective a bit too.
From the time he woke up this morning, it seemed like cosmos had been trying to tell him something. He’d never been big on signs or fate or anything like that, but, if the universe really did want him to tune into what was most important, now might be a good time for Owen to listen up.
With that notion in mind, a plan started to form in Owen’s head. A plan, Owen realized, that could begin with his nephew.
“Evan, let me ask you something. Did you hear about that tragedy down in Austin, Texas? With Ladder 126?”
His nephew sounded like he was sniffing away the last of his tears that must have finally stopped. Owen could picture him rubbing his eyes raw the way he always did when he cried, before his nephew cleared his throat and answered his question. “Uh—y—yeah. I did. The factory explosion, right? They lost everyone?”
“Yeah, yeah they did. All except one.”
“When I saw it reminded me of what happened to you with the 252. The Lone Survivor. But why are you asking me about that, Uncle Owen?”
“Well, actually, it kind of has to do with what you just said.” Evan made a confused noise, but Owen kept going before he could interrupt. “The Deputy Chief of the Austin FD came to see me today. He wants me to come to Austin and rebuild the 126 the way I did the 252.”
“Oh, wow, Uncle Owen. That’s—that’s amazing. I can’t believe out of all the fire captains in America, they want you for that. I mean, not that you can’t do it, obviously, but that’s incredible.” Owen was pleased to hear the first genuine smile in Evan’s voice. “But wait, what about TK? New York? The 252?”
And here comes the hard part, Owen thought to himself. He looked in on TK again, still sleeping, before he gripped the window ledge before him. “I wasn’t going to take the job. I actually turned it down, but something happened today, Evan. Something that, along with what you’ve told me, has me thinking I should change my mind.”
“What happened, Uncle Owen?”
Owen pinched his eyes shut, trying to find the strength to say the words out loud again for the second time in his life. “It’s TK, Evan. He overdosed again this morning.”
He could practically feel his nephew’s sharp intake of breath, could almost see the way he’d be vibrating with anxiety and the way his fists would clench in fear. “Is—is he alive?”
“He’s alive, Evan. Sleeping right now, but he’s alive and physically seems healthy. Mentally I’m not sure where his head is at; we haven’t gotten a chance to really talk yet.”
“What do you want me to do?”
It never ceased to amaze him the way his nephew was so selfless, so willing to up and do what he could for his cousin—for his family. As good a trait as it was, it had led pain in Evan’s direction more often through the years than he was comfortable with. Owen wasn’t about to take advantage of his nephew the same way others had; this had to be his choice.
“It’s not about what I want, kid. It’s about what you want.”
It was then Owen realized he’d made his decision. He’d call Chief Radford in the morning and tell him he changed his mind. If Austin wanted him, they could have him. But if Owen was going to do this, it would mean bringing TK along with him. And if he was going to take TK out of New York, why shouldn’t Evan—a damn good, record-setting firefighter, come with them if he wanted it? If the 126 needed a new team, he’d give them the best damn firehouse Austin had ever seen.
“I’m going to say yes to Austin, Evan, and I’m going to take TK with me. I won’t leave him here in this city; I can’t. The question is, do you want to come with us?”
Evan’s shock was slight, but powerful. It pained Owen to think his nephew would doubt himself so much that he’d be surprised to be offered a job somewhere else. “You mean, you want me? To come to Austin and—and help you?”
That his team had messed with his head so thoroughly Evan could think he was anything less than a brilliant firefighter was a crime in Owen’s eyes. The hope tainted with uncertainty and despair proved his nephew had broken. Now, Owen just had to find out how many pieces he was in this time. “Yeah, kid, but I don’t just want you to help me. I want you to help TK, and the Austin FD, and the 126, and everyone in that part of Texas who may need a little saving. I’m not sure if the Lone Star state is ready for me, but I know my job will be a little bit easier and done twice as well if I’ve got my two best firefighters along for the ride.”
Owen knew his nephew had always wanted the chance to work with him but being a firefighter in New York had been too painful for Evan to consider. He’d almost tried for it, but the memories of his father’s death paralyzed him with grief and made considering an NYFD job unbearable. There was also Evan’s distaste for the frequent cold weather of the East Coast. Convincing the kid to stay in New York after college had been impossible, but maybe the warmth of Texas—along with the proximity of the Strand Family—could be enough to entice him.
“You don’t have to decide tonight if—”
“No, it’s okay. I—I think I’d like that. Working with you and TK. Being a part of a family again.”
“Kid, you’ve always been a part of this family.” Owen smiled softly at the new future that was starting to come together for him and his boys. He looked up and noticed TK had started to fidget in his bed, slowly emerging from the deep sleep he’d been put in when he arrived at the hospital hours earlier. “Listen, kid, your cousin is starting to wake up, so I have to head back in and check on him. Are you on shift right now?”
“Yeah, near the end. I’m done in a few hours and I’m off tomorrow.”
“Alright, good. Here’s what you’re going to do. I want you to finish up your shift, go home, and get a good night’s sleep. I’m going to call the Deputy Chief in Austin tomorrow and accept the job. After that, we’ll all start packing and I’ll get a formal transfer put in for you. They’ll most likely want us in Austin within days or a few short weeks. Do you need help moving your stuff?”
“No, I—I don’t have much to move, but I may need some time to find an apartment once we get there.”
“Alright, we’ll worry about that when the time comes, and if anything, you always have a home with us, kid. Let’s just focus on getting there first. One thing at a time, huh?”
“Yeah, I—yeah. Okay, one thing at a time.” Owen could practically see his nephew nodding his agreement, but he still sounded hesitant.
“Tell you what, Ev, I’ll give you a call tomorrow after I talk to the Chief. We can discuss everything else again after and make a plan, okay?”
“Okay, yeah, that sounds good.” Just then, an alarm sounded from somewhere on Evan’s side of the phone, and Owen could hear his feet crunching quickly over gravel. “I have to go; the alarm is going off. But, Uncle Owen, thank you. Thank you for doing this for me. You—you don’t know what it means.”
“I think I have an idea, kid,” Owen replied, unable to take his eyes off his son as he started to shake off the last vestiges of sleep. “You be safe, and we’ll talk tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay, Uncle Owen, you too. Give TK a hug for me.”
“I always do.”
With that, both men hung up on their respective sides of the country, each filled with tentative excitement for what tomorrow would bring them. And while Evan suited up and hoped that things would finally be okay again, Owen stepped into his son’s hospital room and hoped that he’d finally be able to fix things for good this time.