silence
“Emma, Emma!” Ruby called in a hurry the instant the fireworks ceased, I felt her hand grab my wrist and she pulled me through the crowd, taking me away from the Mills family.
“What is it, Ruby?” I asked snappily, but I think she didn’t even notice my tone.
“Graham’s with a girl and he left me alone, I need your help.”
“For what?”
“There’s this really cute guy and I need to know if he is single.”
“Then why don't you ask?” I asked slightly irritated and this time she did notice my tone. She knew I hated setting her or Graham with other people.
“Please” She begs “I wouldn’t ask you if he wasn’t really pretty and I don’t kiss anyone in a long time, you know that. By the way, he has a really cute friend too and he’s totally your type.” She finishes and I roll my eyes. I don’t have a type! And I hated when they would try to set me up with someone, I’m just not ready yet.
“Where is he?” I asked when we stopped next to the Ferris wheel. Ruby looked around and pointed at the guy. I took a deep breath and took the first step in his direction, but Ruby stopped me.
“What are you doing?” She asked under her breath.
“Well, I’m going to ask him!”
“But you have to do it right, nicely” She complained and gave up on arguing when she saw the grimace on my face. She knew that if she said anything else, I wouldn’t go.
Ruby let me go and I marched in the boy’s direction, he was in a circle with some friends, including girls, and the fear that any of them could be his girlfriend was present. I only hoped that in case any of them were, she didn’t try to start a fight with me since I wasn’t even asking for myself.
Fortunately to me, and Ruby, he was single and came back with me when I went back to inform the brunette. I left the two of them alone and went back to where I was before, I needed to find out the girls name, and her mother’s too, but my happiness only lasted a moment because when I got to where they were previously, the table the Mills Family were sitting was empty.
I wandered for almost an hour all around the pier, but when I asked Granny if she had seen Mr. Mills buy any more tickets and her answer was negative, I gave up. Maybe my dad was right and they were tired from the trip, probably they went home to unpack stuff or get some rest. So, I ended up sitting with my dad and Neal to eat something while waiting for Ruby or Graham to get tired of what they were doing and look for me.
☼☼☼☼☼☼
On Saturday I woke up early and stayed in bed until I heard my father fiddling again with the old abandoned VW bug outside my bedroom window. I opened the window and watched until he noticed me up there, again he asked if the noise woke me up, I denied it and then I went down.
“Good Morning!” I said sitting next to my father on the side of the house, holding a small plate with 2 toasts and a glass of juice.
“Good morning, honey.” He answered in a cheerful voice.
“What are you doing?” I was really curious, the car was abandoned for years and we had another one, but he used his police cruiser more often,
“Trying to fix the car.” He smiled, both of them knew the answer was pretty obvious, but he wouldn’t miss the opportunity of messing with his girl.
“Why?” I asked stifling a laugh and bit my toast. He shrugged.
“I don’t know, maybe I’ll sell it.” He answered and I nodded, I wanted to say some stuff, but I didn’t have the courage to.
“What are you gonna do on your second day of vacation? Hang out with your friends?” I shrugged.
“We didn’t plan anything, Ruby will probably only be up after two and Graham’s taking care of Grace, I guess when I finish here I’ll take a walk by the beach. Are you taking Neal?”
“He likes to stay there and I don’t want to force you to babysit.” His answer surprised me and he noticed my astonished look. “You know... You’re growing up, next year it’ll be your last vacation here and I want you to enjoy everything you have to enjoy.” I took a deep breath, his speech was felt and it was true. There weren’t any colleges or universities in Storybrooke, so in a year all of my friends would be gone. But I didn’t want to talk about that right now, I never liked to talk about college just for a simple fact, I’m too stupid to be accepted in one. So, I just returned to my toast and my dad understood my unsaid words of discomfort, turning his attention back to the bug. For now, having each other's company was enough.
“I think I’ll head out now, dad.” I broke the silence after finishing my breakfast. He said goodbye and told me to take care, then I went to brush my teeth before heading to the beach with my writing and drawing stuff tucked safely inside my backpack with the school’s camera.
I love to hang out at the beach, mostly alone. The sound of the waves makes me feel calm and when I was little I used to love the sea, when my mom was still alive we used to go swimming every Saturdays and Sundays, so we had lunch at Granny’s and we’d come back to the beach until sunset. When she was gone we stayed a good while away from the beach and when I was back again, I found a hidden place. A place I never took Ruby, Graham, my dad, or Neal and I don’t plan on doing so.
That was definitely my safe place, but then I discovered it wasn’t all that hidden when I got there.
The initial shock didn't let me say anything, I stopped walking abruptly as soon as I saw her and she looked back at me, a little scared and withdrawn. I assessed again what was happening and the astonishment I saw in her eyes gave me the strength to speak.
“Hi!” I said approaching slowly. My greeting was unanswered, in fact, she went back to what she was doing as if I wasn’t even there.
Beside her there was a black and white backpack with a panda face, in the smaller pocket the words "little panda" was embroidered and I smiled at how adorable it was. On the backpack was a half-full bottle of apple juice, the same one that her father had bought at Granny's the previous morning, and around her, there were different cases with different paints, a bowl with water and another case with different brushes, it was then that I saw the perfect view that I used to have from my not so secret place, wonderfully painted on her lap.
“My name’s Emma, what's yours?” I asked leaving my bike in a corner and got closer. Nothing. The brunette took the drawing from the clipboard she held and put a white sheet instead. “Can I seat here?“ I asked and she just glanced while I did anyway.
“You paint?” I tried again, watching her carefully. I saw her suppress a smile, that was the most obvious question in the universe. She didn't answer either, so I took a break, took a deep breath, and started talking again.
“This was my secret and special place.” I said. She stopped trying to decide what she was going to paint and stared at me for the first time, looking into my eyes. Perhaps those words meant something to her.
“I never brought anyone here.” I added and she continued to stare at me, looked doubtful whether to leave or not, but her brown eyes were so beautiful, so bright and penetrating that I didn't want her to go anywhere, I wanted her to keep looking at me.
“But if you need a secret and special place I can share it with you.” I offer on impulse. What if she was annoying? Crazy? I would probably have to find another place for myself... I was already regretting what I had said when she smiled again, more willingly, and seemed to relax, returning to her paintings.
The girl is beautiful, not only the eyes, but the face, the color, the hair, the small nose, and even the scar she has on her upper lip, which is also beautiful, and large. I took my notebook and pencil and started doodling, sitting next to her. Sometimes I glanced her way and felt the weight of look directed at me too, hundreds of questions crossed my mind, maybe thousands, but I didn't dare to ask anything.
Tired of doodling, unable to draw or write anything useful, I remembered that I had taken the camera too. I took it out of the “adult” backpack compared to the backpack next to it and since we were free to photograph whatever we wanted, I started taking some pictures of the sea. I was enjoying that photographing thing, that was an activity that I never had much contact with and it was really cool.
I stopped shooting for a few minutes and started looking at the pictures I had taken yesterday, I was having fun while remembering the opening of the festival, but I stopped at a photo that I would say was special. A photo of the Mills family watching the fireworks display, a photo taken a few seconds before I promised myself that I would find out that girl's name, and now it would be a perfect time if she answered me
“Hey...” I started talking, I wanted to ask if she really came from Boston, but she started to pack her things and in just over 2 minutes she had her panda bag on her back, her painting still wet in her hands and she got farther away with each step, returning by the only path that gave access to my, or ours, secret place.
For a week she kept going there and so did I, for a week I kept asking questions that were not answered, I even researched things about mute people, because when it came to listening, I know she heard very well. I tried to talk to her by signs and she smiled, was the most beautiful and least sad smile she had ever given, but she also did not answer.
Every day I was hoping that she would respond. Why was I insisting on it so much? I don’t know! But something had awakened inside me when I first saw her, and every minute I spent near her it grew, my wants increased, and I lost even more control and sense of what was happening.
[Friday – 10:20 am]
Last night I had an idea and today I would put it into practice. Considering that she arrives very early and leave almost at lunchtime, she was likely to get hungry in the middle. I already knew that she liked apple juice, and when arriving at Granny’s I was in doubt between the apple pancake Mr. Mills ordered that day and brownies, but I opted for the chocolate. She looked like she liked chocolate.
My idea was to make a little picnic for both of us, so maybe she would thank me in the end and I would finally be able to know if her voice was as beautiful as her looks.
I breathed relieved when I arrived and she was there. After insisting so much and trying to talk to her, I believed that one day she would get tired and never appear again, that she would look for another place to stay, but it hadn’t happened yet.
I left my bike in the corner I always left and approached her, taking the backpack off my back and looking at what she was painting this time. She painted and drew different things, landscapes, people, animals, and this time she was painting a portrait of herself, and she seemed to have a very special affection for this one.
“Good Morning.” I said as I always did, she kept painting quietly. “Are you hungry?” I asked and saw her hand stop moving. She had stared at me when I arrived, examined the larger volume of my backpack and went back to painting, now, after my question, she glanced at me until I sat down and brought the backpack to my lap. I smiled victoriously at her hesitation and curiosity as I took things out of my bag.
First, I took the bags with what I had bought at Granny’s, and then I took out a plaid cloth that cost me some white lies to my father, I spread it over the sand and then I got her full attention. I took out two glasses, two small plates and with a napkin, I served two pieces of brownie, I had bought six just in case. It was also difficult to ask my dad for money, he insisted on asking for what, but I was too embarrassed to explain.
“Do you like chocolate?” I asked and she took a deep breath before nodding. I offered her one of the plates and she took it without much hesitation. “Look, I hope that apple juice is not bad, because I never drank, but I didn't know what else you liked.”
“What do you like?” She asked suddenly emphasizing "you" and I saw a mixture of fear and regret stamp her face as soon as I looked at her completely taken aback.
Her voice was magnificent. A little thick, yes, but still, magnificent. Her face flushed and I realized I was staring at her with my jaw dropped, after a week I couldn’t believe she had said something, and she seemed to curse herself for it… After fear, regret, and shame took over her face, I saw a bit of anger too.
“Well...” I said when I realized she was getting angrier by the second and I didn’t want her to get up and leave. “I like hot chocolate with cinnamon, but it’s summer, so I’m running away from hot drinks” After I answered she relaxed a little, but didn’t say anything.
I poured the apple juice into two separate cups and we ate in silence, which was very uncomfortable for me because she didn’t stop looking at me for a second, in addition to chewing extremely slowly while she seemed to try to unravel my soul. I took a relieved breath when she finished her brownie and looked away, but my relief was short-lived, it lasted until I heard and saw her pulling my sketchbook out of my backpack.
I went into complete shock and just hoped she wouldn't see my eyes bulging while I couldn't move a single muscle. I watched her carefully place the cup propped on a rock, place the pad on her crossed legs and wipe her hands on the short black jeans she wore before opening it.
“Hey!” I said a little indignant that she didn’t even ask for permission, but when she raised her head and looked at me with a completely angelic look, I shut up and let her continue.
She ran the pages gently and took a considerable amount of time in each of them, in some she took longer so I assumed that those drawings or poems she liked the most. I saw her eyes narrow when she arrived at the drawing of her current home and again panic took over my body when I remembered that on two pages there was a drawing of her.
It was a drawing of the photo I had taken that day on the pier, of her and her family watching the fireworks display, next to it was an outline of what I remembered from her brown eyes, but the look was sad just like it always used to be when she got here. My heartbeat accelerated with every thousandth, especially when she went from page to page, but when she reached the page in question, it stopped.
I was curiously looked at when she recognized herself on paper, it was weird and funny. She was surprised, but she seemed to like it. I was starting to feel calmer when her hand pulled the page out of my pad. There I was, gaping again, watching her hold the cut sheet, waiting... I don't know what! That she would tear it apart. But what she did make my mouth open even more. She folded the paper, took her backpack, put it away, took her clipboard, and handed me one of her paintings.
This time I didn't know if my heart had stopped, if was racing, if I was breathing or if I was still alive. In the painting, a girl was riding her yellow bicycle on her back and had her blond hair blowing in the wind, the outfit was quite the same as the one I was wearing the day I left Ruby's notebook and consequently "met" her. But unfortunately, I didn't have much time to appreciate her painting at that moment, when I realized she was already packing up and getting ready to leave.
"Uh, hey" I called, she didn't stop what she was doing, much less answered me. "Won't you tell me your name?" I asked, desperately gathering my things so as not to be left behind talking to myself. She shrugged. It was already an advance from the silent treatment.
"Did you like our picnic? " I asked hoping that she would at least thank me, but she shrugged again. "Well, you're welcome!" I provoked her for the lack of politeness in not thanking me.
But she was not obligated to say anything, much less to me for bringing a snack. Perhaps that was what she thought. But the smile she dedicated me when she heard my provocation did all the work of thanks and my heart melted again. She got up, put the panda backpack on her back, and started to make her way home.
"Hey! Hey!" I started fast, my tone, and my actions showing my desperation, throwing everything in my backpack carelessly. "Wait, let me speak!" I asked and she stopped, turning around. I breathed relieved by her understanding and I stopped everything I was doing.
"There will be a soccer game tomorrow, the summer season will start and I play on the team. Do you want to watch the training? It's open to the public." I invited. She looked away for a few seconds, thinking, and once again just shrugged, but stood there looking at me as if she expected more information.
"Oh, it will be in the city's soccer field. There's only one, you can't miss it" I added. Again she looked away, as she recorded the information, and when she did, she turned and kept walking. “Damn it!” I muttered under my breath to myself and my slowness.
I needed to reach her even if it wasn't to say anything, even if it was just to walk beside her to the nearest house. I put the backpack on my back as soon as I managed to close it, leaving out only my new painting and the bag with brownies. She couldn't have gone that far after all.
“Hey!” I screamed running after her and pushing my bicycle. “At least tell me your name, please!” I whined when I reached her. She had stopped walking, but she still had her back to me. “I don't want to be imagining you as little panda forever.” I said and she turned immediately.
“Little panda?” She asked and I smiled at the sound of her voice. I nodded, still smiling, and she raised an eyebrow
“Your backpack” I explained and her brow went back to normal, she nodded briefly and tried not to smile, but I could see she was struggling no to curve her lips upwards.
“Regina” She said after assessing me for a while.
“What?” I questioned confused and she fixed her backpack.
“My name is Regina. Regina Mills.”