The Little Book of Larry

“Okay we’ve booked the security for the Made in the AM tour,” Smiled the man from behind the desk, “Here’s the list for you boys to look at.  Some names you may already know, others you may not but these are the people you’ll be travelling the world with so make sure you get to know them.”

He handed Liam the list and he slowly looked down the list.

“Paul… Mike… Jones… Saud… Luke…” He mumbled the names under his breath as he went, “Jamie? Who’s Jamie?”
“He’s a new guy.” Explained the man, “We had to take on a couple of new personnel for this tour.”  Liam and the boys nodded. “On the tour bus you’ll have Paul and Jamie with you so you’ll meet him soon enough.”

The boys thanked them before they left the office.  They had a couple of hours to kill before the bus was picking them up for the beginning of the tour so they decided to go to the local mall.  They didn’t get anything, they just wandered around, browsed different shops and got some lunch at the food court.  It wasn’t long after they’d eaten that they got the call telling them the bus was there to pick them up.

The four climbed on the bus, finding the familiar interior weirdly comforting.  Liam and Niall settled in at the table at the front of the bus, Louis went and sat at the back of the bus and Harry decided to begin unpacking his stuff as he’d hate it if his shirts got wrinkled.  As he began putting his shirts on the hangers he felt the bus lurch into motion.  

He was putting his final shirt in the wardrobe when Louis walked into the bunk area. 
“Hey Hazza,” He called, “Do you want a cuppa?”
Harry thought for a moment.

“No thanks, I’m good.” He smiled, “Do you know when Paul and James are getting here?” He asked.

“Yeah, I think we’re picking them up in about ten minutes,” He smiled,

“Alright, thanks.” He smiled in response before closing the wardrobe and climbing into his bunk. 

True to Louis’ word, ten minutes later the bus slowed to a stop as they arrived at James and Paul’s pick up location.

“Alright Paul!” Liam called as Paul entered the bus, “How’ve you been man!?”
“I’ve been good thanks!” Paul replied, “Boys, this is James,” He introduced.

“James, this is Liam…”
“Alright,”
“Niall,”
“Hey mate,”
“Louis,”
“How are ya mate!”
“And Harry… wait, where’s Harry?” Questioned Paul,

“He’s in his bunk,” Replied Louis.

“Ah.  We’ll I can go and introduce myself,” Smiled James, “It’s nice to meet you all though.”
“Yeah, you too mate,” Liam replied.

The three boys settled in by the table as Paul and James took their luggage into the bunk area to unpack.  As they entered they were about to start a conversation when Paul hurriedly shushed James.

“What?” Asked James quietly,

“Harry, he’s asleep,” Replied Paul, pointing to the boy on the bunk. “Let’s unpack later.” Paul suggested,
“Good plan,” Smiled James, “I think I’m going to get some sleep myself.”

“Alright, I’ll see you later,” Replied Paul as he left the bunk area leaving James and Harry alone.

James turned to where Harry was lying on the bed.  He watched the way his chest was rising and falling, the way he looked so peaceful as he slept.  He slowly allowed his hand to creep forward.  He brought it up and lightly trailed his finger along the sleeping boys plump, pink lips before moving loose hairs off of his face.

“So beautiful…” He whispered under his breath, feeling himself slowly become aroused.  

Soon, he told himself as he climbed onto his own bunk across from Harry’s and lay down letting sleep take him.

----------

A few hours later Harry had woken and was sitting on the back of the bus watching a film with Louis.  He was sitting a few inches away from Louis with a lot of room to the right of him.  They were laughing at something stupid going on on the TV when James walked in.

“Heya guys!” Smiled James as he walked over and sat down close to Harry.  So close their thighs were touching.

He sat with his back flush against the sofa and he stretched his arm across the back of the sofa.  Louis looked at the way James was sat with his leg pressed against Harry’s.  He took note of how Harry didn’t move away from the other man.  It hurt for Louis to see this as he thought he and Harry were getting closer but now, he wasn’t so sure.  The rational part of Louis’ brain was telling him it was nothing but part of Louis’ brain just wouldn’t let it go.  So he decided, if Harry wanted to be with James that’s fine, it’s really none of his business, no matter how much it hurts.
“Hey Lou,” Called Harry, bringing him out of his thoughts.

Louis just looked to the other lad.

“Are we still on for tonight?” Harry asked, hope evident on his features.

Harry and Louis had planned to have dinner that night as they’d be stopping for a few hours in Kent.

“Nah,” Replied Louis, ignoring the hurt on Harry’s face, “I’m quite tired.  Maybe another night.”
With that Louis stood up and walked to his bunk and climbed in, closing the curtain behind him.  He didn’t know why he’d said that, he was actually really looking forward to it but Harry and James sitting so close just made his blood boil.  

To say Harry was hurt was an understatement.  He wanted to spend time with Louis, his Louis.  He knew he had feelings for the older lad, he had for a while but, he needed to know if Louis felt the same way.  He was beginning to think he did, however, now he was not too sure.

“Harry are you okay?”  Asked James innocently after Louis had left.

“Y...yeah,” The boy stuttered in response, “Just a little disappointed is all,” Harry gave a weak smile.

“Well,” James began, turning to Harry, “We could always do something?” 

At first Harry was surprised but when he thought about it, he didn’t know James.  Maybe they should get to know each other.  Paul was like a father figure to the lads, maybe James could be like one too.  Well, when he thought about it, James was a lot younger so maybe more like an older brother than a father but still, family nonetheless.

“I, okay,” Harry nodded, “What do you want to do?”
“Well, I know a nice cinema in Kent?” He suggested, “The bus will be stationery for around three hours so maybe we could see a film and then get ice cream or something?”
Harry thought for a minute before nodding.

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” He smiled.

“Okay, well the bus will park around six so we can leave at six fifteen.” Smiled James,

“I look forward to it,” Harry replied in response before getting up.

He looked at his watch to see that it was quarter to five.  He decided he was going to pick out an outfit and clean up a little as he’d been in the same sweats and t-shirt all day.  

He walked into the bunk area to see Louis’ curtain close but through a small gap he could see the glow of his phone, suggesting the boy was still awake.  He was really hurt that Louis didn’t want to hang out anymore but at least he had something to do.  It just, it wouldn’t be the same because James isn’t Louis.

Just over an hour later James and Harry were sitting in the small cinema.  It was an elegant looking place, it looked like it was ripped right out of the eighties.  Harry had no idea what film they were going to see but he knew it would be fun whatever it was.  James insisted on playing for the tickets and drinks.  As much as Harry protested in the end James won.  

Half way through the film Harry felt James moving next to him.  At first he thought nothing of it.  That was until he felt James lay a steady hand on his knee.  Harry, being the polite man he is, didn’t know what to do.  He couldn’t push James off as that would seem rude but, he didn’t know how else to get the man to move his hand.  He glanced at his watch to see there was only around half an hour left of the film so he decided to just sit tight as he’d be able to stand up and leave soon.

He was doing fairly well at keeping his cool.  Ten minutes had slowly past and it didn’t seem like James was going to move his hand anytime soon.  Harry wasn’t comfortable but it was manageable.  Harry felt James’ hand begin to move and his hopes rose, however, they were quickly dashed as he realised what James was doing.  He was moving his thumb in a circular motion against his inner thigh.  Everytime it moved it was coming dangerously close to touching an area that Harry really didn’t want James touching.  

He felt tears come to his eyes as James kept moving.  He didn’t know what to do.  If he was rude to James then it would make the tour bus a really uncomfortable place.  Maybe twenty minutes of discomfort is worth it.  He just has to get through it.  He just has to keep calm, hold in the tears and take deep breaths to ensure that he doesn’t have a complete breakdown.

Luckily, he made it through the rest of the film without things escalating any further.  They stood slowly and walked out of the theatre.  It was only quarter to eight; they still had another hour before they had to be back on the bus but Harry wanted to go back now.  He knew it was probably a friendly mistake and James didn’t mean it but he still wanted to go back.

“So, ice cream?” Smiled James, once they were outside.

“Actually, I’m quite tired.  Do you mind if we just head back?” Harry asked, not meeting James’ eyes.

“Awh.  Okay, if you really want to,” Harry could hear the disappointment in James’ voice but he just wanted to head back now.

“Thank you.” Harry smiled.

They two began walking side-by-side down the road back to the bus.  James had received a text saying they had to move the bus because of the fans so now, rather than the bus being just around the corner, it was a full fifteen minute walk away.  They walked fairly quickly as it was getting dark out and they just wanted to get back.  

They were around ten minutes away when Harry felt something brush his hand.  He thought it was just his mind playing tricks on him.  However, a few seconds later he felt it again.  A moment later Harry felt James take his hand.  He wanted to take his hand away but once again he faced the same dilemma.  He didn’t want to be rude.

Once again Harry knew he only had one option.  Suck it up until he got back to the bus.  He was sure it was a friendly mistake, just like the situation in the cinema.  Surely, it wasn’t anything.  

Once they got back to the bus Harry felt James stop.  He was going to continue walking but James didn’t let go of his hand.  Harry swiftly turned to look at him.  James pulled him close.

“I had a great time tonight,” Said James as he held Harry close.  He lowered his head to whisper in Harry’s ear, “We should do this again sweet cheeks.”
After he said that he let go of Harry’s hand and walked past him.  As he passed him he gave Harry a hard slap on the ass, making the boy jump.

He heard the door to the bus close but he couldn’t bring himself to move.  He thought, no, he was sure they were just friendly mistakes.  However, that, T H A T was not a friendly mistake.  It was a violation of his personal space.  He felt tears spring to his eyes.  He didn’t know what to do.  He took a shaky breath to calm the oncoming anxiety attack.

“Harry?” He heard someone call from behind him.

He quickly turned to see Liam looking at him from the doorway of the bus, concern etched onto his features.  Harry took another deep breath and saw Liam approaching him.

“You okay?” He asked gently.

Harry quickly wiped his eyes.

“Y...yeah.” He shakily replied, “I...I’m just, I’m tired.”
Liam didn’t look convinced.

“Are you sure?” He gently placed a hand on Harry’s shoulder, taking note of the way the boy flinched at the contact.

“Yeah.  Yeah I’m fine,” Harry nodded and gave a smile.

Liam smiled back before walking back onto the bus with Harry following close behind.  When they got on the bus Harry went straight to his bunk.  Not uttering so much as a single word to any of the boys.  He climbed in and quickly closed the curtain before he curled into a tight ball.  It was like he could still feel James hand on his bottom.  He felt the tears return to his eyes as he let himself sob into the pillow.

“Morning Lou,” Smiled Liam as he saw Louis enter the kitchen area the next morning.

“Hey,” Louis yawned sleepily.

“Were you okay last night?” Asked Liam,

“I, yeah why?” He asked confused,

“Oh.  I heard someone crying last night, I thought it may have been you.” Liam explained,

“Nah, wasn’t me,” Louis brushed past Liam to get some coffee.

Liam hummed in response.  It wasn’t long before Niall emerged from the bunks.  This surprised Liam as usually he was the early riser followed by Harry and Louis.  Then Niall would just sleep until one of the boys woke him.  It was strange that Harry had yet to emerge.

About an hour later Harry finally emerged from the bunk area in a pair of loose sweats and a black v-neck t.  He weakly waved to the boys as he walked to the counter to make coffee.  Liam gave him a sympathetic, knowing look as he knew it must have been Harry crying last night.

Anyone could tell just by looking at him that something was wrong.  He was pale and had large dark circles under his eyes.  They were also slightly red rimmed so it was clear he’d been crying.  Liam was about to approach him to see if he was okay but James beat him to it.  He smoothly approached and stood next to Harry by the counter.  

“Last night was fun wasn’t it,” He whispered into the boys ear making him shiver.  “You know, we should do it again later.” He purred as he placed a firm hand on Harry’s lower back, not noticing as the boy shivered and moved uncomfortably under his touch.

Louis saw the way James approached Harry and it just made his blood boil.  Especially when he placed his hand on Harry’s lower back like that.  He didn’t want to see their PDA all over the bus.  He quickly got up and stormed out of the kitchen and went to the back of the bus where Niall, Paul and Liam were now watching TV.  He made sure to close the door behind him so he didn't have to see James and Harry.

Once they were alone Harry felt panic course through his veins.

“Look at that,” Purred James, “We’re all alone.”
He let his hand slip lower.

“P...please stop…” Harry whimpered, 

“What’s wrong?” Asked James mockingly, “This is fun.”

Harry tried to step away from the counter and out of James’ touch but James was quick to trap him against the counter.

“Playing hard to get I see.” James purred, moving forward to whisper in Harry’s ear “I like that.”

He nibbled Harry’s ear before pulling back slightly.

“Stop…” Harry whimpered,

Luckily, Liam chose the right time to enter the kitchen.  James quickly stepped back and Harry moved away from him.  

“We’ll continue this later,” James spoke just louis enough for Harry to hear before he winked and walked into the living room area of the bus where Louis, Niall and Paul were.

Harry felt his breathing pick up slightly as he moved backwards to sit by the table.

“You okay Harry?” Asked Liam concerned,

His breathing became erratic as a sob wracked through his body.

“Harry?!” Called Liam, as he moved to crouch in front of the boy.

Harry went to tell Liam that he was fine but all that came out was a choked sob and harsh pants as he tried to breath.  Liam reached out and placed a hand on Harry’s knee to try and comfort him.  He saw Harry flinch as he made contact.

“You’re okay, just take a deep breath.  You’ll be okay.  Just take it slow, in and out… that’s it, you’re doing so well.” He soothed.

Slowly Harry’s breathing became more even and deep.

“That’s it, well done,” Liam soothed as he watched Harry calm down.

Soon enough Harry’s breathing had evened out but he was still quietly sobbing.  He brought his hands up to his face to cover his eyes.

“Awh Haz, talk to me.  What’s wrong?” Asked Liam, moving to sit next to Harry.

Harry just shook his head, not looking at Liam.

“No, nothing… I...I’m sorry…” Harry breathed shakily,

Liam put an arm around Harry and pulled him close.

“No, don’t be sorry Haz,” Liam spoke gently, “I’m just worried about you.  Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

Harry just shook his head again and relaxed in Liam’s touch.

“Y..yeah I...I’m just, I’m tired a...a..and tour is stressful you know...I just, I’m fine, it’s fine.” Harry gave Liam a sad smile.

Liam nodded.  He wasn’t convinced that Harry was fine, however, he knew not to push Harry on the matter.

“Just promise me that you’ll talk to me or one of the boys if you get overwhelmed or anything, okay?” Liam asked and Harry nodded, “Also, I’m going to let Niall and Louis know about your panic attack, just in case it happens again and I’m not here as they need to know.”
Harry would rather Louis and Niall not know about it but he also knew that Liam was right and they should know.  Just as long as they didn’t know the real reason it happened, he’d be fine.

“Are you okay now?” Asked Liam after another moment of silence.

“Y...yeah, thanks,” Harry sighed, “I think I just need a lie down.”

“Okay.” Liam smiled as he pulled Harry into a tight hug.

Once Harry was released from Liam’s grip he slipped off the seat and walked slowly to his bunk before climbing in, closing the curtain and letting out a deep breath.  Once he was alone he pulled out his headphones and put them in, turning the music all the way up to drown out the sounds of the other boys on the bus.  He just wanted to be alone.

Liam sat at the table for another ten minutes after Harry left.  Something was up with him and he just couldn’t put his finger on what it was.  After another few minutes of thinking he saw Niall enter the kitchen, closing the door to the bunk area.

“Hey Li,” Niall smiled but his face dropped when he saw the serious look on Liam’s face, “What’s wrong?”
“I, somethings going on with Harry,” Liam said, deciding straight forward was the best way to go.

Niall sat down opposite Liam at the table.

“What’s going on?  Is he okay?”
“I’m honestly not sure.  He uh, well he just had a panic attack.  It was quite a severe one too.” Liam sighed, “He’s insisting that he’s fine but I’m not so sure.”
Niall nodded.

“Well, did you ask him what caused it?” Asked Niall,

“Yeah, he claimed that he was just tired and that tour was stressful but he’s never reacted like that before.” Liam explained,

“Yeah.  Are you going to tell Louis?” Niall enquired,

“Definitely, and Paul but uh, it was after James left that he really started panicking so can you do me a favour and not mention this around him?” Liam requested,

“Of course. Just make sure you let Louis know soon, I know he really worries about Harry and he’d hate it if we didn’t tell him.”
Liam nodded, feeling much better after talking to Niall.  

It was just coming up to lunch time when Louis emerged from the living room.

“Hey guys,” He smiled as he saw Niall and Liam playing cards.

“Hey Lou,” Niall replied,

“Hi.” Added Liam.

Louis looked around the room confused.

“Where’s Harry?” He curiously enquired.

Liam sighed, “He’s in his bunk.  I think he’s asleep.”
Louis scoffed, “God he’s lazy.”
Liam pulled a face, “No.  Louis he uh, he had a panic attack earlier.  He’s not okay.”
Louis’ face fell.

“What do you mean he’s not okay?” Asked Louis, concerned.

“I don’t know but there’s something going on with him.” Liam explained,  “Just, until we know what's going on, be gentle with him.”

Louis nodded, swallowing heavily and sitting down next to Liam.

“Guys!” Paul called from the front of the bus, “We’re stopping in soon for a few hours so if you want to get ready you can go out for a while.”
“Okay! Thanks Paul!” Replied Liam, “One of us should wake Harry.”
The boys nodded.

“I’ll do it!” They heard from the doorway, turning to see James stood there.

Louis wanted to be the one to wake him but he knew James and Harry were getting closer.  James should be the one to wake him.

Harry wasn’t asleep.  He was still curled up in his bunk, trying to block out the world.  He didn’t know what to do.  What James was doing wasn’t right but he’d be stuck with him for the next few months so he couldn’t say anything.  It’s not like the boys would believe him anyway, they all seem to really like James.

He was drifting in his thoughts when he felt a hand run down his back and pause briefly just below his waist.  He froze and felt his blood run cold.  He squeezed his eyes shut tightly and prayed that whoever it was would get that he just wanted to be left alone.  Slowly, the hand disappeared and Harry thought he was free.  That was until he felt the same hand carding through his hair.

Harry’s eyes were now open but he couldn’t move.  He felt it as James’ hand roamed his body.  He never touched an explicit area, however, Harry considered every touch James made inappropriate. 

“Please…” Harry whimpered, his voice shaking,

“Awh, babe.” Purred James as he sat down on Harry’s bunk next to him.

Harry wanted to move, to push him away, to shout and yell but he couldn’t, he physically couldn’t.  He felt tears begin to fall as James lay down next to him and put his arms around him.  To anyone passing it may look as if James was comforting Harry because he was crying but he wasn’t.  He was making Harry cry.  He was making Harry hyperventilate.

“Please… stop…” Harry cried quietly,

“Once again playing hard to get, you know how I like that…” James purred as he pushed his hips against Harry.  Allowing the younger to feel his obvious arousal.

“P...please n..n..no…” Harry cried, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Guys! We’re here!” Called Paul down the bus.

“Looks like we’ll have to continue this later,” Purred James, “I’ll get you tonight.”

James then slipped off the bunk, giving Harry’s ass a sharp slap before walking away.

As soon as Harry heard the door from the bunk section close, Harry pulled his legs into his chest and curled up as tight as he could.  Finally, letting the real tears fall.  He pulled his hands into his sweater to create sweater paws and held them to his head, covering his face so he was bawling and sobbing into his hands.

“Harry, are you coming with us?” He heard Louis call from the kitchen, “Harry?!”
Harry tried to take in a deep enough breath to speak but he could only get out a strangled sob.

“Harry?!” Louis called, anger taking over his voice, “Fine, ignore me then but don’t complain when we leave you all alone.”
Harry let out another uncontrollable sob.  He wanted to be alone, that’s all he wanted but not now, right now he just wanted Louis.  He wanted Louis to hold him, to comfort him, to tell him everything would be okay.

“Last chance!” Called Louis, “Paul, James, Niall, Liam and I are all going.”
Louis called from the door.

“Guys, maybe one of us should stay?” Asked Liam,

“No.  If he’s going to ignore us just leave him be.  It’s his own fault.” Replied Louis.

To say Louis was hurt was an understatement.  He’d seen the way James had cuddled Harry earlier.  The way he spooned Harry.  It really hurt him as that was their thing.  Harry and Louis always used to cuddle but recently Harry hadn’t wanted to.  He’d claimed it was stress but it clearly wasn’t, it was just that Harry apparently didn’t want Louis anymore.

In the end all of them left, leaving Harry alone in his bunk, bawling and crying and shaking.  He tried to calm himself down but he just couldn’t do it.  He felt like there was no oxygen left on the bus.  He needed air. 

He shakily pushed himself off the bunk.  He slowly made his way down the bus, leaning heavily on the wall to support himself as he was dizzy from the lack of oxygen.  He got through the door and into the kitchen area.  He was almost by the door when he felt it.  He felt someone grab his wrist.

He was too dazed to know who it was but as soon as he felt himself get pressed up against the kitchen table he knew.

“I told you I’d get you,” James purred in his ear causing Harry to whimper.

He felt James hold his arms back, stopping him from moving or doing anything.

“Please… please… stop..” Harry cried and whimpered, “No...no, please...no...stop…”
He felt James run his other hand up and down his body, feeling various areas and lingering.

“Please...no...no..no.n..no…” Harry brokenly whimpered.

His blood ran cold when he heard it, the sound of the zip of James’ jeans.

“No...no..no..please..no..s..stop..nnonono” Harry bawled and cried as he felt James feel around for the zip on Harry’s jeans, “No...please...don’t … stop...please…”
James slowly tugged down on Harry’s jeans.

“I love it when you play hard to get,” He purred as he finally got the jeans half way down Harry’s thights.

“Nonono...no..stop..pl..please...please...stop…”

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!”

“GET THE FUCK OFF HIM RIGHT NOW!”

Harry felt the pressure restraining him disappear and his legs buckled as he fell to the floor of the bus, breathing harshly and sobbing uncontrollably.

“You’re okay… you’re okay…” Harry heard a familiar voice soothe, “I’m here, you’re okay…”
Harry felt arms pulling him up.  He was so out of it he didn’t even know who was there but there was a familiar scent that made him feel safe.  So when this person lifted him into their arms he didn’t fight back.  He just cuddled in closer.

“You’re okay… you’re okay… I’ve got you… you’re safe…”
Harry felt his jeans get pulled off and as he was about to panic further he felt the soft material of his favourite sweat pants get tugged up his legs.

“You’re okay… I’ve got you… you’re safe… you’re okay…”

Harry was still sobbing but he was no longer hyperventilating so that was good.

“You’re okay, love… you’re safe…”
Harry felt his sweat shirt get pulled off over his head.  Once again, he was beginning to panic until he felt a different hoodie get pulled over his head.  He knew it wasn’t his but it smelt so familiar.  So comforting.  So safe.

I smelt like…

“Lou?” Harry choked out,

“It’s okay love, I’ve got you,” Louis replied, pulling Harry close to his chest, “I’m right here.”

“I’m s...sorry L..Lou…” He sobbed harder, “I...I didn’t want it… I tried t..t..to stop him...I...I”
Louis just held him tighter.

“I know, I know, it’s okay.  I’ve got you.” Louis soothed.

It wasn’t long until Louis realised Harry had fallen asleep, mumbling and sobbing about how he didn’t want it to happen.  Louis still had the boy in his arms and so moved to the sofa at the back of the bunk to make the two of them more comfortable.  Louis sat just holding the boy until he was interrupted by Liam, Niall and Paul returning to the bus.

“What the fuck happened here!?” Yelled Paul, running through the bus to where Louis and Harry were.

Louis was quick to explain what had happened.  What he’d seen when he entered the bus.  What would have happened if he hadn't gotten back when he did.  He explained how he’d instantly punched James and knocked him out cold.

“Oh my god…” Breathed Liam.

When Harry woke up he finally told all of the boys about what James had been doing, about all of the inappropriate touches, about all of the uncomfortable words.  He once again began uncontrollable sobbing and hyperventilating.  It took Louis and the boys a while to calm Harry down but once they had Louis lifted the younger boy and placed him into his bunk before climbing in and holding him close as he comforted the younger boy into a fitful sleep.

James was arrested and after Harry gave his statement he was promptly removed from the One Direction security team and not long after he went to prison for harrassment and attempted rape.

Louis knew it would be awhile before Harry would be okay again.  He didn’t even know if Harry would ever truly be okay again but he did know that he would do whatever it takes to protect the younger boy.