The Styles Guide To Being Beautiful [PART ONE]
The Styles Guide To Being Beautiful
PART ONE
“Hey everyone! Welcome to my live stream! I hope you’re all having a wonderful day. If you didn’t know my name is Harry Harry Styles and I… well… I promised myself I wouldn’t get too emotional saying this” He laughs to himself quietly. He moves to wipe his eyes and take a deep breath before continuing to talk.
“My name is Harry Styles and I’m anorexic.”
“I was officially diagnosed just short of two years ago and I’ve been in recovery for just eight months.”
“Now I know what you're thinking… What was I doing for those sixteen months in between being diagnosed and starting recovery… well… I was in denial.”
“I was also on tour with my closest friends in the entire world…” he sighs, “there simply wasn’t time to get better and if I’m honest… even if there was time, I didn’t want to.”
Harry lets out a heavy breath and looks away from the camera.
He looks back sighing again before taking a sip of water.
“So this is the beginning of a video series I’m doing. About my… well… my illness… my anorexia… hopefully this will help others who are struggling.”
He sipped his water again before starting to talk.
“In this series I’m going to talk to you about my illness. Telling you about my experience with it.” Harry began, “I was going to start by telling you about my personal experience but I… I don’t think I’m ready for that…”
Harry sipped his water again.
“So, instead I’m going to just tell you my diagnosis and a bit about each thing.” He said.
Harry looked away from the camera again taking a few deep shaky breaths and another sip of water. He carefully ran his hand through his hair with trembling hands.
“So, I have multiple diagnoses. There’s anorexia nervosa, body dysmorphia, bulimia nervosa.” He spoke slowly trying not to mess up the words.
“Reading out my diagnosis like this is hard for me. Just being able to say I have anorexia, bulimia and body dysmorphia is a huge thing for me and that’s why I’ve chosen not to get too into personal details in this live stream.”
“So, I got diagnosed with anorexia two years ago, as I said.” He began, “But, I got diagnosed with body dysmorphia when I was sixteen.” He quickly added, “If you don’t know I’m twenty now.”
“Yeah, it was a few months after One Direction got together as a band. It was Liam that called me out on it but as I said, I'm not really ready to go into detail on that and I’ll talk about all of that in more detail another time.” He brushed it off quickly. “So that was two years before I was officially diagnosed with anorexia. Then I was diagnosed with bulimia about six months after my anorexia diagnosis.”
Harry took another quick sip of water and ran his hand through his hair again. His hands were still lightly trembling.
“So, those of you who don’t know. Here’s a little info on each of my diagnoses. Number one is body dysmorphia. Body dysmorphia or body dysmorphic disorder, BDD is a mental health condition where a person spends a lot of time worrying about flaws in their appearance. For me in particular, I tend to see myself as considerably larger than I am and it’s a… it’s a real struggle.” He let out another breath, “No matter how many times people tell me I’m good looking or handsome, or when doctors tell me I’m a healthy weight or underweight, all I can see is an overweight male with too much fat.”
Harry took a sip of water.
“Number two is anorexia. Anorexia nervosa. The term anorexia literally means ‘loss of appetite’ however, it’s more than that. I mean, most anorexics are hungry but refuse food anyway as they have an intense fear of becoming fat and see themselves as overweight even when they’re very thin.” He briefly looked away from the camera before looking back, “That’s why most anorexic people have body dysmorphia as well.”
“Finally there's bulimia. Bulimia is an eating disorder and mental health condition. People with it try and control their weight by severely restricting the amount of food they eat. Then they binge eat, over eat, and purge the food from their bodies by... By uh," He pulls a face, looking uncomfortable before continuing slightly quieter, "By making themselves v...vom... making them selves sick or using laxatives.”
Harry took another sip of his water.
“So, I. Louis will be home soon so I should wrap this up. I know this hasn’t been that long for a live stream but I… uh… for me this was a lot.” He looked away from the camera again briefly, “It’s a difficult topic for me to discuss but I’m trying and I hope you can appreciate it.”
“I love you all so much. Thank you for watching. Goodnight.” He signed off.
Pressing the stop stream button on his laptop.
As soon as it was over he let out a heavy, shaky sigh, closing the lid of his laptop curling himself into a ball on the sofa.
The door to the flat opened but Harry couldn’t bring himself to look up at the man that’d just walked in. He knew it was Louis.
“Hey H.” He called as he put his bag down, not realising that Harry was in the same room as him.
He hung his scarf up on the hook with his coat before walking into the living room to see Harry on the sofa.
“Harry love, are you okay?” He asked, slipping onto the sofa next to Harry, carefully pulling the young boy onto his lap.
Harry didn’t respond. He just lay there silent, letting Louis hold him and comfort him.
Louis knew when Harry decided to come forward about his problem it would be hard on him but he knew that what Harry needed right now was support and comfort. Support and comfort he wishes Harry had been given so much sooner.