Chapter 3
The days at the recording studio followed a slightly disturbing pattern for Brian and Keiji. They watched as Yuzuru came to the club every day, hid himself away in studio two with his guitar, and only emerged when someone dragged him out for a lunch break or Keiji dragged him home, coaxing him out with the promise of ice cream. At their apartment, Yuzuru moped around on the sofa with either ice cream or his acoustic guitar, strumming through chords from his old songs. Keiji watched him, mug of tea in hand as he leaned in the doorway.
"You're not okay."
Yuzuru hummed, finishing on an A minor chord before he looked up at Keiji, dark eyes seeming to glow underneath where his hoodie had been pulled over his head. He shrugged, looking back down at his guitar as he strummed through a couple more chords.
"Yuzuru."
"What."
Keiji sat down on the sofa next to him and Yuzuru scooted along from him, holding his guitar almost protectively as he kept strumming. Keiji reached for it to take it from him and Yuzuru turned away like a petulant child, protecting it from him.
"Yuzuru, we need to talk."
"We are talking."
"Put the guitar down."
Yuzuru clung to it like a child to their blanket and Keiji sighed, patting the other's knee.
"Yuzuru, you know this isn't healthy."
"Don't care."
"Yuzuru—"
"I said I don't care! Does it even matter?"
For all Yuzuru's harsh words, he didn't put up a proper fight as Keiji took his guitar from him and set it down in the stand in the corner of the room. He pulled Yuzuru into a hug, letting his head rest on his shoulder with his other hand holding Yuzuru's waist. The other held the front of Keiji's shirt and his his face in his neck, letting out the softest sobs.
"I miss him," Yuzuru whispered, hiccuping through his sobs as he curled Keiji's shirt in his fist. "It's so selfish. i know he wants to be at home for a while and this isn't for him anymore, but I just... I want him back so badly."
Keiji nodded, holding Yuzuru closer and providing silent and physical comfort that he knew, from years of friendship, how to best give. He didn't push Yuzuru to talk but let him sob into his shoulder and kept holding and supporting him until the sobs died down into nearly silent shivers and he just clung to Keiji. He'd exhausted himself and couldn't do much but hold onto him and sniffle. He didn't have any more tears to cry, and Keiji pulled Yuzuru's hood down so that he could stroke his hair like he was a pet cat that needed comforting.
"I feel so bad, because I know he needs this time back home with his family, but my selfishness just wants to pull him into my arms and never let him go."
"Did you ever tell him?"
Yuzuru shook his head and sniffled, burying his face in the front of Keiji's shirt.
"Is that why...?"
Yuzuru nodded, sitting up enough for Keiji to grab him some tissues to dab the tears off his splotchy red face. The singer held his Pooh bear tissue box in his arms as Keiji wordlessly got up to make him some hot chocolate to comfort him. They cuddled on the sofa together with Yuzuru sipping at his hot chocolate. Keiji microwaved him some gyoza and minute rice, passing him the bowl to let him pick at the food.
"This album is for him. I've been able to work on it so fast just because I miss him so much and I've been feeling so much. Seeing his album posters on the walls of the club. I-I... I just miss him so much, Keiji."
"I know," Keiji gave him a sympathetic smile as he wrapped an arm around Yuzuru's shoulders and gave him a squeeze. "I know. Maybe this album will really help you get over him?"
"Maybe."
Yuzuru stood in the hallway of the club, back to the windows looking into the dance studios, and his eyes lingered on one of the framed album posters. The wall was covered in them, and each of the designers and singers that had recorded them had signed the bottom corners. Yuzuru unconsciously raised his hand, tracing Javier's loopy and curved signature. It was signed in white on the corner of the red and black CD art. It was the first album Javier had recorded while Yuzuru had been there recording at the club with him, and it was also the first album that had a collaboration between the two of them on it. He looked the art up and down, enjoying the simple colours creating a gradient of black to red with light silver decorations in the corners. Javier's album designs were like that; simple but beautiful. Yuzuru gave a small and wistful smile. Simple and beautiful was the best way of describing Javier's music. He didn't need the intense electric guitar and drums that some of Yuzuru's music had, and he didn't need the dances and bright colours that Jun's music were associated with. Javier's brand was elegant and his music felt like home. It felt relatable, comforting, and, when Yuzuru was having a bad day, he would listen to some of Javier's older albums and let himself wallow in the warmth of the other's voice.
"Hi Yuzu," he turned, giving a warm smile to the out of breath Jun who was leaning against the door of one of the dance studios, "everything alright?"
Yuzuru nodded, trying to give the younger a fake smile. Jun sipped from his water bottle and brushed his black curls away from his sweaty forehead. His cheeks were flushed and he had a post-exercise glow that seemed to come from his whole being.
"What were you doing?"
"Oh, getting some new dances choreographed for my next album and music videos," Jun brushed his hair out of his eyes as it stubbornly fell back into them, "and also touching up on the choreography of the dances for some of my older songs."
"Ready for your tour, right? Have you released the dates yet?"
"I've got to finish the album," Jun said, smile dimming but he quickly caught himself and replaced it. "Finish the album, hopefully by the end of the month, then get all the dances choreographed, the videos recorded, and then the albums designed, the promotional photographs taken, some social media hype, and then release the videos and the album, and then we can release some merchandise and then finally, tour dates and tickets."
Yuzuru just stared at him and shook his head with half a smile. "That sounds like an awful lot to do Jun."
"My management sorts a lot of it out for me, so it should be alright," Jun sipped more from his water bottle before he checked his phone and grimaced. "Sorry Yuzu. Got to run! I've got three more dances to practice before my next break."
"Don't work yourself too hard!" Yuzuru called after him as Jun disappeared into the dance studio again. Yuzuru's words fell on deaf ears, not that it was really in Jun's control at all.
Jun was always at the club well before Yuzuru arrived, even in the midst Yuzuru's current episode where he didn't want to do anything other than write music, and he stayed longer than Yuzuru in the evenings. After letting his creative ideas flow in the studio for a few hours, his stomach finally cut in with fierce growls and demanded that he attend to that instead of hiding away in the studio. Leaving his things in studio two and locking the door behind him, he headed down the hallway of the club towards the cafeteria. He bought himself a pot of pasta from the salad bar before he flopped down at one of the seats in the corner, sipping at his water as he picked at the pasta. Keiji would have killed him if he'd skipped lunch if his stomach hadn't distracted him from working first.
"Hi, sorry," Yuzuru looked up from where he was stirring his pasta around in the pot and met Conrad's warm honey coloured eyes. The youngster rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, shifting his weight from foot to foot before he gestured to one of the seats at Yuzuru's table, "do you mind?"
Yuzuru shrugged, gesturing for him to sit down and he put his notebook away so that he appeared slightly more approachable. Conrad rubbed the back of his head and gave Yuzuru the most awkward smile the singer had ever seen.
"You good? You settled in?"
"Oh, yeah, it's been amazing. Everyone's so lovely at the club. Tracy in particular has been so helpful with my songs for my album."
"How's it going?" Yuzuru put effort into trying to make him feel better, and in trying to make himself seem more approachable. "First albums can be hard, but a good one can really give you a boost. Help you get your big break."
Conrad nodded, stirring his ramen noodles around aimlessly for a moment before he sighed, rubbing at his forehead.
"I might be overstepping my boundaries, and please let me know if I am since you seem to know best, but is Jun alright? He barely leaves the dance studio or the recording studio, and he's never not being shadowed by his Korean managers, and have you ever seen him eat?"
"It's been like that since he moved here," Yuzuru said with a deep sigh full of regret. "He trains from early in the morning to late at night, and takes a break for about an hour but usually only drinks water or occasionally a sugary drink." He thoughtfully chewed on some of his pasta before he added. "I wish there was more I could do to help him, but his management is iron tight. They're pretty strict about everything. He even had his phone confiscated when he was messaging his older brother and they didn't like what he was saying."
"That's messed up," Conrad ran his hands through his hair and ruffled it up more. Yuzuru tried to swallow down the lump in his throat as the gesture seemed so familiar. "I'm a fan of his and now I feel bad for paying towards that sort of thing."
"Don't," Yuzuru reassured him as Jason slipped into the seat next to Conrad, "since it's not your fault. You're still supporting him. If the fans all boycotted it, then more pressure would be put on their performers I'd guess, and then it would be even worse for them."
"This is Jun?" Jason asked and the pair nodded. "God, yeah, I don't know what sort of conditions he had back in Korea, but Brian and Tracy actually managed to negotiate him better ones here. Still, I couldn't help but want to cry for him when he fainted in the middle of his performance in Seoul last year."
"Oh God, yeah, that video went viral," Conrad grimaced. "Right in the middle of the dance to Juliette too."
Jason nodded with a sigh. "Poor thing. And then they made him do another show for all those people to 'make up for it'. Like it wasn't their fault he collapsed on stage. Some people just grind my gears."
"I never thought I'd hear you go off on someone," Yuzuru joked, "but yes. Jun's situation is difficult to say the least. I think Brian has the most issues with it and definitely feels the most stuck."
The three of them went silent for a moment with tension and regret hanging heavy in the air. Jun waved at them and slipped into the seat next to Conrad at the table.
"You guys all look so down. What's wrong? Smile! There's got to be something worth smiling about today, right? We finally finished choreographing one of my dances and we'll be filming the video soon."
"That's great!" Jason reached across the table and gave Jun's hand a gentle squeeze. "That's fantastic Jun! I'll be recording the last song of my album later today and then CA-23 will be ready!" He pulled a face that made Jun laugh genuinely. "Well, nearly ready. Shoma still needs to help me with the art and the photo shoots and everything."
"But musically ready," Jun's smile, while forced, was still infectious and made Conrad smile. Their smiles all dimmed a little and Jun's dimmed completely when he saw one of his managers. "Sorry guys, talk to you later? Maybe tomorrow?"
"Wait," Yuzuru cut in for a moment as Conrad slipped a granola bar into the pocket of Jun's bag, "Jun, how would you feel about collaborating on a song?"