"This was such a stupid idea. I don't know why I thought I could do this."
Andrew was pacing the length of Nicky's hallway. At the rate he was going the carpet would ware down by the time Neil even landed at the airport.
"Are you having second thoughts?" Renee sat under a window at the end of the hall. She was officially on "lookout duty". Neil wasn't excepted back for at least another hour and a half but as soon as she'd seen the nervous state Andrew was in, Renee took up her post hoping to ease his worries.
"Don't ask stupid questions."
The chatter from the living room was a low rumble. Renee wasn't sure if the sound was helping to calm or further stress the man in front of her.
"You love him. You want to marry him. You don't have to ask him like this though."
Realistically it would be ridiculous to tell everyone it had been called off only an hour and twenty minutes before.
Everyone had looked at him like he was crazy when he'd suggested it in the first place. About three months ago he'd made a groupchat with everyone who mattered and sent the following message:
I'm proposing to Neil. it's going to be stupid and elaborate and heartfelt. He misses you all so be there. Nicky's house. June 23rd.
After sending it he deleted the group chat from his phone and joined Neil on the couch so they could keep watching Tiger King.
Andrew had been tricked by life. For so long it had beat down on him. For years and years life had been nothing but cruel to him. But as soon as Andrew started to fight back life decided to give him Neil. He'd stuck his middle finger in life's face and it handed him happiness. It handed him understanding. It handed him the things he didn't dare want when he was young.
And Neil had made him stupidly soft.
They bought a house. It was two stories and didn't have a basement. They painted the walls soft blues. Andrew allowed one room to be that stupid orange that Neil loved so much. Their cats basked in the sun while they kissed in the kitchen.
Andrew wondered what it would be like to marry Neil.
They were a little older now. Andrew's sugar tolerance went down. Not enough for anyone but Neil to notice and make fun of him for. They'd grown content.
Andrew wanted to marry Neil.
While Andrew walked one lap around their neighborhood Neil ran four. He'd blow him a stupid kiss every time he passed. Their timing lined up perfectly and Andrew would arrive home content, Neil would arrive sweaty.
Andrew needed to marry Neil.
And that thought hit him while the redhead was in the shower. Andrew hadn't needed anything before. But this, this consumed his whole being. He looked around their home and couldn't help but smile.
Neil was making him soft and he liked it.
So he whipped out his phone and let the people who mattered know.
———
Matt and Dan ended up getting married the year after they graduated.
Neil was tasked with giving a speech as Matt's best man and for some inexplicable reason he was panicking over it.
Andrew couldn't tell you what Dan's dress looked like or what centerpieces they'd chosen for each table, but he could describe to you exactly what Neil had looked like, disheveled and anxious outside the bathrooms of their reception.
It was about twenty minutes until speeches were to begin and Neil was a wreck.
"You talk to the press all the time. Dan and Matt's friends and family should be much less intimidating than that."
Neil's eyebrows were furrowed. The lines of worry carved into his face. He had a drop of sweat that glided down his cheek. He was ridiculously handsome in his suit. Andrew remembered.
“But I need to make Matt's mom like me, I don't think she likes me."
"Neil, you are stupidly charming. Especially when you're not trying to be. You got me to like you, what's one grandma?"
A big laugh that could only be Matt's rang in the hallway before he came running after it, an easy smile one his face, "Come on you two, it's time for speeches!"
Matt had a way of making intimidating things seem small and unimportant. With an arm around Neils shoulder, Matt made it seem like nothing in the world could touch him.
Andrew lagged behind for a moment. Caught up in imagining if Neil would wear something similar for their wedding. The thought made him stop in his tracks.
He would probably marry Neil.
-
Matt was Neil's best friend. He was the obvious choice for airport duty. He was dependable.
He was also a carpenter and the only person Andrew knew who could help execute his elaborate plan.
Matt and Dan moved to California after their wedding. They'd lived there happily for 8 years and were raising a beautiful daughter and son there. Neil liked to joke that they were recreating the Jeremy Knox recipe. If they weren’t careful, a pair of sunshine siblings were going to be cocaptains of the Trojans in no time.
Nicky split his time between Germany and California. He and Erik were making it work.
Andrew made a groupchat once more, this time with Matt and Nicky. This time he sent:
Nicky, I'm going to build something in your backyard and Matt you're going to build it with me
Instead of immediately deleting the chat like he had last time, Andrew waited for their responses. Unsurprisingly Nicky was quick to reply.
Nicky: Does this have to do with you popping the question!!!
Even though he'd made marked improvements in dealing with his cousin, Andrew could only take so many exclamation points,
Andrew: Yes
Matt: hey guys, depending on what you want to build we might need permits or more help
With a bit more dialogue they had a plan set in place and Andrew had to explain away a weeklong trip to California.
Neil was suspicious, a trait he couldn't quite outgrow. Andrew wasn't a great liar either so it was a miracle the plan hadn't been spoiled.
He'd simply told the red head he had to help Nicky with something in California. It was so vague that when Neil questioned him further Andrew had just told him the truth.
It was a secret he wasn't allowed to know.
-
Matt and Andrew did five and a half days of psychical labor before the project was finished. Nicky and Erik had come home on the fifth day and offered help but it was mostly done at that point.
After the couple had been sent away by Matt, Andrew gave him a questioning look. The bigger of the two had just shrugged, "Too many cooks in the kitchen"
They'd sat on Nickys deck looking at the meager outcome.
It wasn't perfect. Wasn't even close but when his cousin had seen the finished project it had almost brought him to tears.
The next morning Renee and Allison arrived and that night Wymack and Abby, Dan, and Bee had made it. The morning Neil was scheduled to come the final guests arrived,
Kevin and Aaron.
Andrew and his brother sat on the porch looking out at what he'd spent a week slaving over in silence.
Aaron broke first,
"It's actually cute. Fuck, I hate that I find this cute."
Andrew just huffed out the smallest of laughs.
"I'm glad you're here."
"Yeah me too."
-
It was just under an hour until Neil and Matt were supposed to arrive. Andrew had just received Boyd's text saying they were on their way.
Andrew was currently sat on the toilet smoking out of the small window in the room and probably staining the walls.
Kevin sauntered in.
"This is really over the top you know, he'd say yes if you asked him with an onion ring in a Denny's."
He sat himself on the edge of the bathtub.
“You know I didn't believe your deal at first. I wanted to believe it so badly but somewhere deep in my heart I didn't think you could do it."
He smelled like Nicky had given him at least a glass or two of something it was too early to be drinking.
"I didn't think you could save me. But you did. And you saved him too."
Andrew looked at Kevin with a hint of annoyance tugging at his mouth. The older was oblivious though,
"Look at us now huh? You're about to be engaged."
The annoyance Andrew felt faded quickly into warmth. The corners of his mouth perked up.
"Am I gonna be your best man?"
"Renee's already secured the spot, you can be my second best man though."
"Thanks."
-
Matt had texted that they were five minutes out. Andrew took his position just beyond the double doors leading to Nickys porch.
This was really happening, he was really doing it.
Everyone was in position. A makeshift tunnel through Nicky's living room made of the people he trusted. It was so stupidly sweet that it made Andrew smile.
The front doors opened and he could hear Neil groan with relief and drop what must have been suitcases. His voice was muffled through the walls, "Hey guys, what's going on?"
If Matt was doing his job he would be leading Neil to the backdoor.
Panic surged through Andrew as the doors swung open. Everyone's candles were lit, even Aaron's. They all smiled and a few of them seemed to have tears in their eyes but Andrew didn't notice, his full attention was on Neil. He was wearing sweatpants and still had a pink neck pillow around his collar.
Andrew thought he looked beautiful
.
His eyebrows were creased together. His eyes were rimmed with tears.
Andrew extended a hand to him.
Neil took it and smiled.
He lead him beyond the porch to what him and Matt had tried so hard to recreate.
The roof of their dorms.
Neil burst out into a wet laugh and hugged Andrew close. He lead them to the edge of the makeshift roof. The concrete a slightly different color and the dizzying drop non existent.
The red head was still laughing but now the tears began to fall down his cheeks. Andrew held Neil's in his hands and brushed the tears away as they came.
His voice wobbled slightly as he spoke,
"Neil Abram Josten, I hate you so much. So much that I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you in my life. I asked you to stay and you did. I'm asking you now, if you'll stay with me forever. I love you Neil, will you marry me?"
And Neil in his stupid pajama pants, with his stupid red hair, his stupid toothy grin, his stupid creased eyebrows, and his stupidly blue eyes said yes.
"It's always yes with you."
And Andrew kissed him.
And somewhere cheers erupted.
And somewhere a cork popped.
And somewhere along the line Andrew went from wanting nothing to having everything he could have ever hoped for.