It all started when a group found a DVD on a patrol, the words JACKASS in large font on the cover. One of the people knew the show fondly from his youth and excitedly showed it to the curious teenagers.
Little did he know he was the catalyst to something bigger than anyone had expected, especially when he showed a certain fifteen-year-old.
"Hi, I'm Ellie Williams and welcome to Jackass!"
Joel was terrified the moment he heard those words. He ran to the source, and she was in a shopping cart at the top of Jackson hill.
"Ellie, don't you dare-"
"Fuck, go go go!"
The boy behind her from the crowd pushed, and like a rocket, she shot down the hill. The shopping cart wheels screeched, and as the road was uneven, she went flying, landing with a loud thud which made all the others hiss an 'ooo' at the same time.
"Ellie!"
Joel ran down the hill, the crowd of youths following. Just before they reached her she stood, fist-pumping with a cut chin.
"Fuck yeah!"
It was then she noticed the wolf-like anger in Joel's eyes.
"Oh shit! Scatter!"
The group ran in each and every direction, Joel shouting after them.
"Who showed you that fuckin' show??!"
"This is so not safe."
"But they wanted to do it, so we can't stop them, right?"
The two boys shrugged, looking up the tree as their friend started revving a chainsaw, cutting through the snowy tree.
"Hey! What're you kids doin'?!"
Joel ran up the snowy hill, Ellie saw him, panicking and holding onto her tree tighter.
"Erm, just cutting down a tree-"
"I'm Ellie Williams-!"
"And I'm Dina-!"
"Welcome to Jackass!" They shouted together, just as the tree creeks. Joel levelled the boy a heavy stare as he held the chainsaw in place.
"Don't you fucking-!"
Too late. The tree fell and the two girls rode it on the way, laughing the entire time until they landed. There was silence from the group until the two stood up cheering, which made the kids rejoice, and in true fashion, run away from Joel.
"Ellie! I know where you live!"
His head throbbed with anger and worry as he watched her limp away, holding her friend's hand as the group ran.
"... These fuckin' kids."
Joel was aware of that group now, he'd recognised their faces. So when two of them were running with large empty blue barrels, he knew to follow.
Of course, he arrived too late.
He had about a second to acknowledge the row of barrels on their sides, stopping to wonder "how did they get them to not roll?" before his daughter made herself known.
Well, at least she's got a helmet on.
"This is the Barrel Surf! Let's go!"
"El-"
Honestly, why does he try? She jumps on the barrels, a busted surfboard under her feet. The girl manages to stay up for about two seconds, before absolutely bagging it, flipping a meter in the air before landing with a heavy 'oof'.
"Ellie!"
Joel was in shock as her two friends, Dina and Jesse, rushed to the girl. She was on her back, groaning, but held a thumbs up.
The group cheered, only then noticing Joel. He stood with his arms crossed, between them and their only escape route.
That's when Joel got it.
There was a collective gulp. He eyed the surfboard and the teenage girl on the floor.
"Joel- look it was my idea, they just watched as-"
"As you made a fool of yourself?"
She huffed and glared, one of the only people 'brave' enough to stand up to him.
"A fool?! Fuck you, man."
The kids gasped, he pointed at the barrels.
"Even I could do better than you!"
"Oh really?!"
"Yes!"
"Prove it, old man!"
"Fine!"
He took the helmet off of her, placing it loosely on his head. He snatched up the surfboard as the kids put the barrels in place. The Texan took a steadying breath, glancing at Ellie who had a look of pure disbelief.
"... I'm Joel Miller, and this is Barrel Surf."
They cheered, he ran, jumped, and completely missed the barrels. He rolled down the hill, groaning the whole way until he came to a muddy stop.
"Joel! Are you okay?!"
He groaned, rolled onto his back and held a thumbs up. The kids cheered, and Ellie grinned.
"You were terrible."
"Totally, made them smile though, huh?"
She looked back to the group, the new kids who had no parents. Orphans in the apocalypse.
Ellie offered him a hand up, Joel winced.
"My back is gonna hate me for a week."
"Well, they'll love you forever, Joel."
He grinned, held out a hand for her to high five.
She smacked his five, and the two walked back to his home, the kids all around laughing with them.
Joel made sure to find another DVD for them to watch, coming back with some show called Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
The teenagers loved it, and they finally stopped making themselves into Jackasses. Instead, a comedy show was made up, and Ellie found her element with her many pun books again.
Joel much preferred seeing her telling jokes with her friends than falling from a chopped tree. But he'd be lying if they didn't frequently try to get the best distance at Barrel Surfing.
He lost every time.