When Pansy Parkinson had seen Harry Potter in the middle of the great hall she hadn’t meant to scream for someone to grab him. She didn’t want Potter to die, not really. But standing there, next to her family, her brain went into overload and all she could think was “save lives.” And if that meant one person died to save everyone else then so be it. She wasn’t a monster. She didn’t have some vindictive agenda against Potter personally. She wasn’t even a Death Eater. She was just a girl. A girl who had watched her childhood best friend nearly kill himself over a true monster, the same monster currently trying to break into her school and kill the friends she loved so desperately she considered them the only true family she had left.
So, if that meant one boy died for everyone else to live, then she could stomach that. At least, she hoped she could. Pansy was a true Slytherin, and the cost-benefit analysis seemed worth it at the time. Voldemort might win if Potter was dead but that could be a problem for another time. Maybe they could slip away to France or Italy. Looking back on her actions Pansy would later conclude that she didn’t properly think the exclamation through. Especially when she determined that there would be no way to get her away from her bleeding heart Gryffindor family to follow Pansy and her friends to safety. Not when she had never spoken to Pansy before in her life. Not when she would have hated Pansy for insinuating Potter should die in front of the entire school.
When McGonagall raised her chin and commanded Filch to lead the Slytherins to the dungeons it became clear that all Pansy had done was further isolate and demonize her house from the rest of the school. Anxiety pounded away at her as she descended down the steps, blood roaring in her ears. Pansy held her breath right up until the second she passed the threshold of the Slytherin girls’ bathroom and she gagged over a sink. Quite frankly, Pansy didn’t give one shite what happened to her. But she cared a lot about her friends. Contrary to popular belief, a belief based around careful moves that Pansy made herself, Pansy was not the uncaring, selfish, spoiled child everyone believed her to be. She exuded the aura her parents demanded of her. She was, to even the most critical eye, the Perfect Pureblood Princess she was raised to be.
But Pansy had watched her best friend in this entire world decompose within himself since Voldemort’s return. When Draco appeared in the common room ghastly white with fresh scars covering his torso sixth year she didn’t blame Potter. Well, maybe she had at first. Maybe she had screamed every atrocity into the universe as a reason why Potter must pay. But once she stepped back to assess the bigger picture she laid blame on the true culprit behind the reason Draco was losing sleep and having panic attacks- Voldemort. She hated that bastard for what he did to her friends with more passion than she ever thought possible. Since that day Pansy lived in a constant state of rage.
Pansy had watched Draco’s struggle with his task the entirety of sixth year, knowing that his failure meant a brutal and undeserving end for Narcissa, a truly wonderful woman who had done nothing but care for her son and his friends for their entire lives. But his success. That meant Draco was letting go of who he truly was at the core, it meant giving up the future he secretly fantasized about. He would be giving up the possibility that he could exist in a world with more love and less hate. Pansy’s heart broke for her best friend, for he would either lose Narcissa, or he would lose his heart’s greatest desire.
It took Pansy a while to notice who Draco had always stared at, probably because she was much too busy caught up in her own head, desperate that nobody realize her darkest secret; but the second she realized who Draco was truly in love with her heart broke. Not because she was in love with Draco, no, that was another Perfect Pureblood Princess act to appease her family. Her parents wanted the match to happen, and so it was her duty to make it happen. Draco had been her best friend since they were in nappies, and Pansy had listened to how her parents desired the match so often that she had tricked herself into believing she desired it for her own future. And by the time she realized what she truly desired there was simply nothing to be done. She was a Perfect Pureblood Princess, and Perfect Pureblood Princesses didn’t fall in love with red-haired Gryffindor Weasleys. Even if the Weasley in question was incredibly smart and beautiful and brave and could shoot off a bat bogey hex better than anyone Pansy had ever seen. No. Pansy could never be allowed to have what she wanted. Her life belonged to her parents and she had no control over her own future. But she did have control over how she cared for those she loved. If you asked Draco, Blaise, and Theo who it was that kept them out of trouble, they would all roll their eyes and tell you that Pansy would mom them all the way to their graves if she could. But if you watched their reactions they would allow the ghost of a smile, a true smile, to pass their lips as they said her name, and their eyes would soften just a hint of true adoration before hardening back to their own Perfect Pureblood Prince personas.
Exiting the bathroom after rinsing her mouth of the taste of bile her seventh year Slytherin boys immediately descended upon her. Draco gave her a hard look and told her: “stay. Be safe. There’s no reason for you to get involved.” And then they disappeared into the dimly lit corridor, leaving Pansy alone to wait out the storm in the cellar. Refusing to be left behind, and knowing they were useless without her, Pansy counted to ten and snuck out after them. They were idiots, true, but they were her idiots and she had to keep them safe if it was the last thing she did. She knew what Draco was after, or more appropriately- who. Granger. The stupid know it all twat with the big hair and the bigger ideas. He’d been staring at her since she broke his nose in third year, but it wasn’t until the Yule Ball that even he realized why, and it wasn’t until the end of fifth that Pansy figured it out and confronted him about it. He told her everything and her heart shattered for them both.
Draco explained how he had become intrigued by Granger from the moment she had shoved her nose into their car on that very first train ride asking after Longbottom’s toad, his devastation to learn she was a muggleborn and determinably off-limits, his resolve to remind himself that she was inferior, but the impossibility of it all when she continued to show him up in every class, his begrudging awe when she stood up to him and broke his nose, how after that he couldn’t stop himself from wanting to know her more. His cryptic warning at the Quidditch match for Potter to take her and leave before danger arrived. Watching her study in the library, interested to know if they read the same books. Trying to determine a way to bring up literature they had in common without her immediately hexing him. Chomping at the bit when his personal hero Victor Krum took her attention in the library, and the great hall, and the lake, and every bloody place Granger ever appeared, honestly Pansy how could the man possibly be preparing for the Twiwizard Tournament when he was hanging off Granger’s every word? Draco hadn’t understood his feelings for Gryffindor’s Princess, he convinced himself he needed to know the enemy to destroy them and that was the extent of his desire to know her. Keep your friends close but your enemies closer. But then the Yule Ball happened, and she had looked like an angel, and Draco knew. He knew. And there was nothing he could do about it. And just like that Pansy realized she wasn’t the only one wrapped up in a forbidden one-sided love affair with an unattainable Gryffindor. She would scoff at the sheer ridiculousness of it all if it didn’t wreck her heart so desperately.
Draco had apologized for the way he had strung her along in fourth year and indulged her in the beginning of five, so Pansy took a deep breath and told him her heart, and apologized to him, for using him as she attempted to convince herself she was straight. Pansy couldn’t pinpoint when she had fallen in love with a Weasley, but had told Draco that it must have been when the tall red-head had joined the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Watching her fly, her determination, the way she goofed off with her teammates during practices and pick-up games. The way Ginny took control of the team when Potter got himself suspended for half the season and lead Gryffindor to a devestating (but remarkable) win. Pansy spent the whole year just noticing how beautiful Ginny was, how kind, how fiercely strong. She loved her, admired her. Wanted her to notice Pansy in return so that they may have mutual admiration for one another, and Pansy convinced herself that mere acknowledgement would be enough for her. It would have to be. But Pansy knew that Ginny never would take notice, and even if she did it would only be of hate. And that knowledge- that was what hurt most of all. From that moment on they had a comrade in arms for their feelings, covering for one another least anyone else finds out, back to being nothing but best friends.
They joined the Inquesitorial Squad together to protect their Gryffindor girls. Trying to give Granger and Ginny more time by throwing Umbridge off their scent. Draco made a big show of grabbing Potter when they infiltrated the Dumbledore's Army's secret hideout in order to give the girls time to escape and Pansy had snatched the list of names with intentions to conceal and destroy. But Umbridge had seen her grab it, and so the two Slytherins failed to protect their girls for the first time. When later that year they were forced to hold members of the D.A. in Umbridge’s office Pansy thought she might murder Warrington for initially grabbing Ginny to drag into the office and Pansy, out of fear, made a huge commotion to get the attention of another Gryffindor to help Ginny escape. Unfortunately, all she ended up doing was getting the attention of Longbottom who heroically (stupidly) tried to come to Ginny’s rescue singlehandedly, but failed. When Umbridge had sneered over Ginny's defiant face and said “it looks as though Hogwarts will shortly be a Weasley-free zone” Draco shot Pansy a cold look and laughed loudly, loudly enough to cover the sound of Pansy mumbling a curse. Imperio. She had been desperate. But she wasn’t strong enough yet, she didn’t have the heart to follow through on an Unforgivable, and Ginny had paid the price of Pansy’s failure in the Department of Mysteries. And so the Slytherins failed to protect their girls for a second time. Pansy swore she would never make the mistake of being too weak. She swore there would never be a third failure.
She got caught, once, in sixth year. She had, unthinkingly, turned and complimented Ginny to Draco at the exact moment conversation at the table had ceased. Pansy’s note of the redheaded beauty was so loud it seemed to echo down the Slytherin breakfast table. Blaise had raised an eyebrow to her, mockingly, questioningly, and Pansy had done her best to play it off. She distinctly remembered choking down the desperation in her voice and trying not to sound hysterical when she said: “Even you think she's good looking, don't you, Blaise, and we all know how hard you are to please!” Relief flooding her veins when Blaise responded he would never touch a blood traitor and the conversation seemed to drop. Anything her friends may have suspected after that moment, they were at least decent enough to keep it to themselves.
As Pansy followed the glint of blonde hair that caught the light from the torches in front of her she convinced herself that no matter what at least Ginevra would be safe. The beautiful Gryffindor was still only 16, underage, and would not be allowed to fight. But above all she was Potter’s girl, and he would want to keep her safe, so there was no reason that Ginny would be fighting tonight. She would be kept away from it all, the death, the destruction, the horror. Pansy prayed to whoever was listening that Ginny be kept away from pain, that she remain safely tucked away, and that her insufferable redheaded family survive the night, but in her gut, Pansy knew that Ginevra Weasley was as reckless as she was beautiful and would never be okay with being left behind. They had that in common.
Pansy made it all the way up the stairs before she lost the boys in a smoke filled corridor, the haze making it impossible to distinguish where her boys had gone. A jet of blue light whizzed past her and Pansy ducked behind the staircase wall she had just emerged from. Clutching her wand she took a deep breath and peeked out to see if friend or foe laid beyond her hiding spot. Although, at this point Pansy wasn’t sure which side was which. She hated Voldemort for the pain he had caused her loved ones, but after her outburst in the great hall, she suspected her peers would curse first and ask questions later if they saw her. Pansy contemplated her options, she refused to work for Voldemort, but she wasn’t looking to be some kind of hero either. She would protect her friends and do no more. If they were students she would throw a shield up and sprint. If they were Death Eaters, well, Pansy would cross that bridge when she got there. Between her limited view and the smoke surrounding her, it was impossible to make out if the dark robes were Hogwarts or Death Eater, and she dared not crane her neck out further to attempt to see if there was a mask or the face of a peer. Throwing up her strongest shield charm, Pansy threw herself into the corridor, barreling through the open space as fast as her legs could take her. No Unforgivables were cast her way and nobody attempted to follow her as she made it to a partially concealed side staircase and disillusioned herself to make her way up, hoping that Draco would think to go to the Room of Requirement where they knew students had been hiding from the Carrows. Granger would likely be there. It was bound to be their little Dumbledore’s Army Headquarters once again.
Three-quarters of the way up the stairs she heard Draco’s voice echo down, asking someone if they had seen Granger and the sound of a muffled reply that could only have come from behind a mask before hearing Draco cast a stupefy against whoever had answered. ‘He picked his side,’ Pansy thought bitterly, acknowledging all hope of getting out of this nightmare as a neutral party was now out of the question. Slytherins are known for their loyalty to those they love and if that meant rising up against a monster to stand behind her best friend then she would rise. She would rise and destroy anyone who dared harm those she loved. Sprinting up the last floor she caught the tail end of Draco entering the Room of Requirement when the glint of a mask caught in her peripheral, wheeling around Pansy came face to face with a Death Eater. Pansy panicked for a moment at his close proximity until she registered that his eyes were unfocused, reminding her she was still disillusioned. Swallowing the fear resting in her throat she cast a nonverbal stupefy, downing him quickly. Muttering a soft “Incarcerous” Pansy bound the Death Eater and grabbed his wand, stuffing it into her waistband out of habit. Unsure of her next move Pansy pressed herself against the wall and waited.
When Draco and Blaise emerged from the room about fifteen minutes later they were flying on brooms with two-thirds of the Golden Trio. Launching herself behind them it didn’t take long for Pansy to be caught between duels of Death Eaters and students, using her disillusionment and the chaos to quietly assist her peers, Pansy cast stupefy after stupefy at Voldemort’s followers as she attempted to locate where Draco and Blaise had disappeared to with Gryffindor’s own heroes. Terrified for them, unsure of where Theo had disappeared to, desperately hoping he hadn’t been left behind in the Room of Requirement for some reason since she had only caught Draco entering the room, Pansy felt completely lost and utterly alone. She regretted leaving the dungeons, there was no reason for her to be out here. She couldn’t spend the entire battle disillusioned, casting stupefies as she tracked down her friends. She was powerful, but she would quickly tire out if she kept maintaining two potent spells simultaneously.
Working her way through the seventh floor she came across a quieter and less often used part of the castle and ended her disillusionment. Pressing herself into an alcove concealed behind a tapestry to catch her breath and feel sorry for herself she was barely able to choke back a sob when she heard Ginevra’s faint voice growing louder, the curse for the Bat Boogey Hex rapidly being fired off at an incredible speed. Looking out, Pansy could see Ginny’s back come into view. She looked powerful and glorious. Red hair swaying in a ponytail as she gracefully moved backward while casting, her posture focused and vengeful as she artfully dodged a spell from the Death Eater she was dueling. Pansy’s awe lasted approximately five seconds before she realized that another Death Eater was coming from the direction Pansy had just moments ago, approaching Ginny from behind.
It only took one glance at his shoes for Pansy to know Antonin Dolohov was stalking toward the love of her life. Pansy had spent enough of her childhood staring down at those shiny shoes whenever “Uncle Antonin” had come to visit her father and had always inevitably ended up alone with an adolescent Pansy. Memories of staring down at shiny shoes when he was touching her thigh under the dining room table at her parents’ dinner parties. Shiny shoes when he had her pressed against some wall and slobbered all over her face and neck. Shiny shoes telling her this was a very special game they played. Shiny shoes reminding Pansy to keep their special game a secret. Shiny shoes had collected vials upon vials of Pansy’s tears as they rolled off her cheek to stain the glistening dragonhide. Shiny shoes she would stare at as she viciously imagined the many ways she would kill him if she was ever given the chance. And as he advanced on Ginny, with his mask hiding the predatory smile Pansy knew he was wearing, she abandoned all Slytherin cunning and stepped out of the alcove.
Antonin looked over at her immediately to assess if the movement out of his peripheral was a threat. Realizing it was her he turned his head away, not paying her much mind since he assumed she was there to fight with him. Ginny was too engrossed in the battle she was currently waging to notice the Slytherin and the Death Eater behind her; and with Antonin’s attention consumed on the redheaded girl before him, he never saw it coming. Pansy blasted him back with all the strength she had, his head landing with a sickening crunch against the stone wall, his body crumpling under him. He was definitely unconscious, possibly dead, and Pansy had never felt better.
A surprise attack by the assumed Death Eater sympathizer distracted the masked villain Ginny had been dueling just long enough for one well-placed Stupefy to render him unconscious. One opponent taken care of Ginny spun around with her wand aloft, ready to destroy whoever had caused the blast behind her, only to catch sight of Pansy Parkinson staring down at the unconscious body of Antonin Dolohov with such a vengeful look on her face that Ginny faltered. Pansy bent down and ripped off Dolohov’s mask and stood, clenching the ugly disguise in her fist, staring down at her abuser's limp form. After offering an additional kick to his head, Pansy dropped the mask and turned to look at Ginny. Wand arm limp beside her, Pansy stared at the youngest Weasley with a look that Ginny could only describe as desperate. Pansy had never been so close to the object of her affection before, had never had her undivided attention before, and of course, the first opportunity she had to speak to Ginevra Weasley was in the middle of a battle that Ginny shouldn’t even be participating in. Hell, that Pansy shouldn’t even be participating in. Pansy wanted to tell Ginny a thousand and three things. Ranging from how sweet the freckles smattered across Ginny’s button nose looked just then, to just how much Pansy wished she was safe somewhere else, but instead Pansy stood there unable to form a complete sentence as the two girls stared each other down in the middle of a battle between good and evil, unconscious Death Eaters at their feet.
Suddenly, and with unnatural speed, Pansy jerked her wand up and with wide eyes cast a stupefy in Ginny’s direction. Shocked with the surprise attack Ginny didn’t have enough time to respond with a protego before Pansy’s spell flew over Ginny’s shoulder and made contact with a Death Eater who had not yet fully made it up the staircase behind Ginny. Within seconds Pansy had closed the space between the girls, grabbed Ginny’s shoulder, and pushed her between Pansy and the wall so that Ginny remained safe as Pansy surveyed the hallway for any remaining dark forces that could be advancing on her Ginevra. Determining the immediate space to be safe Pansy latched onto Ginny and led her into the hidden alcove that Pansy had just moments prior been occupying. Pansy opened her mouth to ream Ginny for leaving her back to the open, ready to scold her for allowing herself to be cut off from her family, when Ginny cut her off with a confused “thank you.”
“You’re welcome” Pansy replied lamely, cringing internally at the desperation that oozed out of her voice. Pansy cleared her throat before continuing. “Don’t leave your back to the open like that again. It’s dangerous. I won’t always be around to protect you.” The second part came tumbling out of Pansy’s mouth before she could stop it. She grimaced at her words as Ginny stared at her with eyebrows knit together in confusion. “Thanks, Parkinson” Ginny replied as if it was a question before sighing and squeezing the hand Pansy hadn’t realized she had still been holding. “You should stay with me,” Ginny told her earnestly. “It would be safer for us both to stay together. Plus nobody’s going to believe that you’re with us if you are alone, if we are fighting together you won’t get cursed by the Order.”
Pansy stared at their entwined hands for a moment longer trying to string together her words before responding. “I don’t know Weasley, people might think I’m trying to kidnap you or something. I am probably not the school’s favorite person right now.” Pansy leaned her head against the cool stone, turning her gaze to Ginny’s soft brown eyes Pansy decided if this was the first and last time she would ever speak with Ginevra Weasley she at least didn’t want the object of her affection to think she was evil. “I didn’t want to hurt Potter, I just- I wanted you to know that.” Pansy gulped as Ginny frowned down at her. “All I wanted was to avoid all of this,” Pansy motioned outwards with her wand. “I didn’t want more people to die.”
Seventh year had been torture. Watching Ginny complete a series of reckless tasks guaranteed to end with detention with the Carrows nightly. Pansy tried to run interference by distracting the Carrows whenever she could. Asking about horrible methods of punishment to distract them, covering Ginny’s tracks so whatever act she did for her Dumbledore’s Army wouldn’t be traced back to the redhead. For as brave as Ginny was she was a bit of a blunder: no stealth, no detailed plans, very on par for a Gryffindor. It was lucky for Ginny that she (unbeknownst to her) had a Slytherin following her around, protecting her from danger.
“More people would die regardless, Parkinson.” Ginny’s words and stare cut sharp into the green clad girl who had been saving her for years. Pansy didn’t care about other people. She cared about her people, she cared about Ginny and her happiness. She wanted to take the scarlet witch by the shoulders and shake her, screaming that she hadn’t wanted Ginny to die. She hadn’t wanted Ginny to fight. She hadn’t wanted Ginny anywhere near this, but instead of loving the raven haired Slytherin girl who had spent years protecting Ginny exclusively the redhead had fallen for a raven haired Gryffindor boy who couldn’t halt his martyr complex long enough to pay any attention to people he had left behind.
“But the only way to make sure people don’t die after this day is to make sure Harry wins.” Ginny’s voice sounded gentler with the second statement. “But you must know that, if you came out to fight beside us anyway.” Ginny smiled softly and reached for Pansy’s free hand, “you did the right thing. Plus, you saved me. That’s got to count for something.”
It did. But not in the way Ginny thought. Pansy knew Ginny loved Potter, but would she be able to forgive him, when all of this was over? Pansy wasn’t too sure. And if she was going to be a fool and a Gryffindor tonight then she would likely wind up dead. And Pansy wasn’t going to Hell without Ginny knowing how she felt. She refused for this unrequited love story to be that tragic.
Pansy swallowed hard. “Ginevra, I-”
You have fought valiantly.
All the air felt like it had been knocked out of Pansy in one punch. Was this it then? Had Potter died? Her eyes snapped up from their joined hands to Ginny’s face, frozen in terror looking out into the hallway.
Lord Voldemort knows how to value bravery. Yet you have sustained heavy losses. If you continue to resist me, you will all die, one by one. I do not wish this to happen. Every drop of magical blood spilled is a loss and a waste. Lord Voldemort is merciful. I command my forces to retreat immediately. You have one hour. Dispose of your dead with dignity. Treat your injured. I speak now, Harry Potter, directly to you.
Alive. Potter was alive. It wasn’t over yet. Pansy heard Ginny’s breath hitch and watched the expression of pure relief cross her face.
You have permitted your friends to die for you rather than face me yourself. I shall wait for one hour in the Forbidden Forest. If, at the end of that hour, you have not come to me, have not given yourself up, then battle recommences. This time, I shall enter the fray myself, Harry Potter, and I shall find you, and I shall punish every last man, woman, and child who has tried to conceal you from me. One hour.
Ginny looked wild as her head snapped back to Pansy and she motioned into the corridor as her eyes darted back and forth anxiously. “Let’s go, you got to come with me.”
“I can’t, I need to find Draco, he’s-” Pansy hesitated for a moment, “he’s switched sides, he’s trying to find Granger.”
Ginny seemed shocked for a moment. “Hermione? Well, she’ll be where Harry is I’m sure. We will go to the great hall together. He will probably be there.” Ginny tugged on Pansy’s hands but the short Slytherin shook her head.
“I need to find Theo and Blaise too, they’re out here like I am. You go ahead, I’ll be safe with the Death Eaters retreating. If you see Draco tell him you saw me, okay? Tell him I’m trying to hunt the lot of them down. Tell him I hope he found her. Tell him to keep her safe. You Gryffindor lot are bloody reckless, likely to get yourselves killed.” Ginny grinned at Pansy’s last comment and gave her a reassuring nod. It felt like heartbreak watching red hair fly away from her. Once Ginny was out of sight Pansy stared down at the hands that had seconds ago been clutched by Ginevra Weasley and sagged against the cold stone wall. Pansy would allow herself ten seconds. Just ten seconds with eyes closed and the ghost of Ginny’s smile playing across her eyelids before snapping her eyes open and standing up straight. If she ever wanted to see her Gryffindor again she had to make it through the night. Besides, she had her boys to find.