When Galaxies Collide

She'd always been depressed.

Well, since she could remember.

Since it mattered.

But she'd never been here.

Here, wind coming off the sea to whip her face with what felt like a thousand cuts as her hair was tossed around. Here, a small rock bouncing off her shoe and over the edge of the cliff to make its long descent to the waves.

Gone.

Over the edge.

Falling used to mean feeling, now it meant silence.

If she closed her eyes, and she did, she didn't exist. The thrill was gone. The light. Her. Everything. Perfect for the feeling inside.

The water swallowed her.

Bella emerged and stared up at the clouds blocking the sun, a vague sense of finality filling her, flowing in her veins.

Hope was poison, and it had ruined her.

Space was in her chest. It was expanding forever, pushing away all she ever was or thought to be and scattering her remains. Lights from long-dead stars filled her eyes.

It wasn't that she'd tried to do what had been on her mind lately, but she wouldn't have minded if the ocean liberated her from the shell of her soul.

Jake was there this time and pulled her to safety after the waves had been particularly brutal and a rock tried to cave in her skull.

Was a constant lack of desire to live safe, though?

No. Not for her, for Charlie, for Jake.

But you can't live your life for other people.

"Probably should've gotten checked for a concussion, huh," she asked the empty cab of her truck at a stoplight.

No answer.

"Probably."

That was another thing. She didn't consider them anymore. What they would want or worry about. Now she just talked to herself about things.

Maybe, in a way, that was healing.

Okay, so she literally almost died and didn't care either way but recovery wasn't exactly a straight, beaten path with helpful guides along the way.

She was doing fine.

A grey sedan on her street made her eyes try to pop out her head.

She was not fine.

Still, she pulled around Carlisle's car, because she knew for a fact it was his car, and into her driveway like it was a regular day and like her heart wasn't rapid. Absolutely a regular day where her hands weren't shaking so bad she dropped her keys when she got out her truck.

The lights of the house were still off. She locked the door and let her eyes search the dark.

As if she could do something against a vampire anyway?

A habit she'd recently taken from Charlie kicked in and she tossed her keys onto the kitchen table so that they slid across it and into the wall.

That couldn't have been Carlisle's car.

The Cullens were gone.

The hope in her chest was gone.

She was barely aware of the sigh she heaved because she'd done it too many damn times in the past few months. Her whole life was made of sighs and sobs and nights wide awake.

Hand out in the semi dark, she snagged her gatorade off the counter and kept on walking, ready to faceplant into her bed until tomorrow.

So what it wasn't even five in the afternoon?

It was in passing the threshold to the living room hallway by the stairs that a light shape in the darkness exactly past the doorframe made Bella shriek. Her gatorade bounced off of it and she fumbled along the wall she'd crashed against until she found the light switch.

All 5'2" of Alice Cullen stood there with black, unblinking eyes. Her lips were parted and her entire body was still. Frozen.

"Nice scarf." Alright so maybe she was actually in a hospital bed in a fucking coma from that rock hitting her head.

And just like that, Alice came back to life. Sort of. She didn't breathe or blink, but she did reach up and touch her scarf. It was white like her shirt and jacket, though it had a grey trim.

Totally, completely, not at all what a normal person said after not seeing someone for months.

Nope.

Bella finally regained some of her senses and stood up properly instead of looking like a startled gremlin against a wall. Rubbing her shoulder, she noticed her bottle on the floor and pointed in its direction. "Sorry about that. Scared me."

Black eyes were focused on Bella like she might not really be there or she might vanish if Alice blinked. She halfway gestured to the kitchen. "I was coming but...I couldn't decide, I couldn't make a decision, so I wasn't sure. I didn't know." She stopped.

Bella leaned around the doorframe to look into the kitchen. "I mean, I was right there. You could've just, you know, said 'hey, Bella,' and gone from there."

"I couldn't see your response because I couldn't decide. I couldn't see." Black eyes blinked just to move away, but only for a moment. "I saw you die. I saw you k—" She clapped a hand to her mouth and her eyes shined in the light.

And Bella realized she'd already been crying. After all this time, after all this pain, after all this nothing, the concept of this small vampire being anything other than upbeat set off alarms in her head. Instinct brought her forward.

Instinct had her wrapping her arms around her friend and losing a hand in wild hair. The stillness of Alice made Bella realize tucking a hungry vampire's face into her neck was not a smart idea, but it didn't matter to her. She rocked them from side to side a little, surprised Alice was allowing it.

Then a sob shook Alice and she latched onto Bella so tightly she wheezed. A hundred apologies fell from her lips and a hundred more followed.

She didn't stop no matter how much Bella shushed her.

"Ali."

She pulled away just enough to cup Bella's cheeks and press her cold forehead against a much warmer one. Her eyes were closed. "Were you...Did you really—"

"I wouldn't have minded," Bella said honestly, plainly. She felt the tremor run through Alice's body but she just studied a paler face. The bags under Alice's eyes were obscene. "But no. Recreational cliff jumping with a side of I Hope This Kills Me. Waves were too bad for it but I didn't care. Hit my head on a rock, got a little disoriented. Jake pulled me out."

Alice's shoulders sagged a bit and she opened her eyes. "You went black because of a damn wolf, not because you died."

Strange as it was considering their proximity, Bella nodded.

"I miss you." She ran a thumb back and forth across Bella's cheek. "I miss you so much and you should be so pissed at me but you're letting me be here. I miss it. I miss you. I miss this."

When Alice lightly bounced her forehead against hers, Bella raised an eyebrow. This was new. This was something they'd never done.

This would've made her heart race once upon a time.

And yet. "My life is incredibly dull without the current that is Alice Cullen."

The vampire's eyes lightened just a shade, or maybe Bella imagined it. "My life is incredibly horrid without the mess that is Bella Swan."

It struck her as odd, but she just straightened up and out of Alice's touch to huff and look away. "Yeah, I'm a mess."

"I could literally apologize forever. And I would if you asked it of me. Whatever you want."

Bella stuck her hands in her pockets and sighed. "It's okay—Well, no, it's not. But I get it. Or maybe I don't. But the why of it doesn't matter anymore. I've accepted it."

Alice had clasped her hands in front of herself and taken to staring at them. "The final stage of grief. Next you move on."

For the first time in a long time, in maybe ages or lifetimes, something other than a dumb comment from Jake or a lame joke from Charlie made Bella laugh. "Oh, no. I promise you I am a total wreck. I'm not even sure I'm graduating."

The amusement Bella felt was not shared by Alice and she nearly slapped herself for the distressed look she'd caused.

"But I'm better! I'm doing better. I ate a box of eggos today. The whole box!"

Alice swallowed heavily and her smile didn't suit her, didn't reach her eyes. Her laugh was too airy, too short. "How does cardboard taste?"

"Hey, fuck you, okay. I'll eat cardboard if I want."

"Strawberry?"

A short nod preluded Bella rocking back and forth on her feet. "You know me, Ali."

"Do you miss me?"

She'd said it in such a rush Bella almost missed it. But even if she hadn't heard it, she felt it. She knew it in her bones because the very look in dark eyes had been reflected back at her in her bathroom mirror on far too many days.

Bella was quiet, serious. "More than life itself."

Wow, way to not sound like you'd started falling for your best friend at some point.

"I miss you the same." She looked over her shoulder before reaching for Bella's hand, but she ultimately just dropped her hand to her own side. "Can we sit?"

Bella made a point to keep eye contact as she took a cold hand in her own and their fingers laced together automatically. As they walked down the hall to the living room, Bella tried to remember the last time she held someone's hand.

It did not enter her memory that she'd held Edward's or been bruised in his anxious grip.

They sat casually on the loveseat and the minute squeeze of her hand told Bella that Alice wasn't ready to let go. Which was fine except for how the vampire kept fidgeting.

"I'll be here, dude. Go hunt or something."

Alice's head snapped up so fast it made Bella blink rapidly. "I won't hurt you."

"Uh, okay, but I don't want you here," she felt the grip on her hand tighten, "hurting because you need to get your snack on."

"I'm okay. Really."

"You have the brightest fucking eyes and I miss them."

Alice cocked her head with a far too serious expression. "Do I really? Do you?"

"Oh, get going already. I'll be in my room." She wiggled her hand when Alice wouldn't budge or let go and eventually looked up. A cold spike went through her chest, but she kept it off her face. "Or are you not coming back?"

Alice's gaze dropped to their hands. "What do you want?"

It was something only Alice had done, and only a few times at that, but it seemed like the best answer, the easy answer. Bella leaned forward to kiss her cheek before standing and shaking her hand free. "I love you, Ali."

And as she left behind the stationary vampire to go up the stairs, she knew it was true.

However deep that went or could go, Alice Cullen was the best friend she had ever had.

She'd showered, changed clothes, put a bunch of clothes to wash in her anxious rush of cleaning up her room somewhat, and now she was here. Stomach going off as she sat at her desk, her forehead was pressed against one of her textbooks. The candle she'd lit was the only thing keeping her grounded at this point.

And she'd forgotten to take out all the soda cans and gatorade bottles, damn.

Her head bounced off the textbook with a groan.

The door swung open and Bella jumped, slipping off her chair. Her foot kicked against her desk, sending something skidding off, and she wound up getting tangled in the legs of her chair so that it bumped her knee once she hit the ground.

"Son of a bitch." Bella rolled her head about her shoulders until there was a satisfying pop and sighed. The smell of pizza made her look over at her unusually quiet intruder.

"Oh." Alice started breathing and blinking bright eyes again. "Sorry. I just, I missed you. And look at you, trying to murder your desk with your body alone. Or was it the chair? Or maybe the floor?"

"Ha ha, get your laughs in. That's why you pulled a Rosalie?"

A small, honest laugh filled the room like a sun rising after a stormy night as Bella untangled herself and worked to get to her feet. "No, no. Rose watches your 'failings' because she's a sadist and you don't mind. I watched because I needed the reassurance you're really here and I'm really here. Besides, you know I prefer being your knight in shining armor."

When Alice winked at her, something warm settled in Bella's chest. Something alive. She ran a hand through her hair. "I think your visions help you cheat, though. You always beat Edward to me and it made him so whiny." Seeing Alice's face change made her choke on her laugh. "What's with the pizza?"

And Bella's stomach took that as an opportunity to scream its desires.

Affection and sadness clashed to create a strange half-smile on Alice's face as she finally entered the room. Though, she didn't sit or anything. "You've lost weight. I got your favorite."

"As I recall, my favorite is shaving years off my life and you actually hear my arteries cry." Bella flopped onto her bed and patted it. No, she wasn't going to touch that topic.

Alice took the invitation, setting the pizza between them. "Yes, well, that was the joke, considering you're going to live forever. Shoot! Forgot your drink. I'll be right back."

She took a second to just blink at the space where Alice used to be, even after the front door closed.

It wasn't past tense.

To Alice, she was still going to become a vampire and be around.

She was in Alice's future still. A part of it. A part of Alice's life. Nothing had taken away from that.

Tears pricked at her eyes, but she just blinked them away. She put a blanket over the pizza to keep it hot and curled up next to it.

The next thing she knew was a cold finger poking her cheek. Opening her eyes confirmed Alice was there, an idle smile on her face.

"You can sleep after you eat, okay?"

Just the act of sitting up had her back popping. She rubbed her face. "How long were you gone?"

"Fifteen minutes maybe? Most of it was because of a line, ugh. Jerry's was understaffed again, no surprise."

Slowly, suspicion crawling up her gut and spreading across her face, Bella raised an eyebrow.

Alice was simply Alice, all smiles and zero regret. She partially rolled over to grab a gallon of juice before whipping the blanket off the pizza. "Dinner is served!"

Her favorite.

Also her go-to for when she was having a bad day. A pizza with a fuck-me-up amount of cheese, pepperoni, and bacon and some berry medley-flavored juice.

"I missed your smile."

"This is why we're best friends, Alice. This is why." She'd crossed her legs under herself and begun setting up her space for optimal noms when something clicked in her mind. "What did you say?"

Cold fingers touched the corner of her mouth before moving under her chin to turn her to Alice and her open eyes. "I said I missed your smile. Are we still best friends?"

"We pinky-promised, which is a solemn oath in Alice Land."

There was something in the way Alice's face softened, in the way her eyes seemed deeper in that moment. She didn't know what it was, but she knew it'd never been directed at her before.

It did, however, remind her of hope.

She averted her eyes to fiddle with her juice. "Why a gallon, though?"

"I figured you'd eat and sleep and eat again, so I wanted to be sure you had enough."

"While you do what?"

Alice fluffed the pillow she'd claimed. "What I want or expect?" She froze for a second, just a breath, a moment, like she hadn't meant to be so honest.

"Both," Bella said as she selected a slice.

"I expect to go to the house and dust and be bored and wait for you and think about how I wasn't supposed to be seen by anyone, oops."

She nodded once. "Right, because the Cullens are gone."

"Shit! I'm going to be the death of Esme."

She blurred off before Bella could ask and she only caught tidbits as Alice talked to herself.

"Where did I...Clearly God isn't real because Esme deserves one kid who doesn't stress her heart...I see the future, how does this even happen?"

There was something else Bella couldn't catch before Alice made Bella forget to chew before swallowing by just appearing on the bed again.

"I was supposed to call Esme after I got here. It's been hours, Bella, hours! She must be too afraid to call, to ask," she trailed off, mumbling to herself as she turned on the phone.

Bella took a swig of her drink. Something inside of her was shifting, shaking off the dust and dirt and strengthening, gaining purpose. She took the phone just as Alice called.

The answer was nearly instant, and such a rush of speech Bella had no hope of ever understanding. But she knew Esme's voice even then. "Hey, Mom."

A sob broke out across the line.

She hadn't known what she was going to say. But she wasn't going to hesitate or second-guess anymore and maybe she'd never called the vampire that before, but that's what Esme was.

And sitting here next to Alice, feeling the most herself in her entire life, feeling the most at ease, she wasn't letting anyone she cared about slip her grasp again.

She pinched the bridge of her nose. Wiped at the ocean of tears ready to spill from her eyes that had been drowning her soul.

Esme's voice cracked as she said Bella's name slow enough for her to hear just once. Then she was gone in a rush of words again, lost to them like an undercurrent or the force of a dam giving way.

Not a single word stood out to Bella, but she understood.

Eventually, a couple hours later after the call was over, the rest of the pizza sat on Bella's desk and her juice had been safely stored in the fridge.

Alice hadn't sat back down from her journey to the kitchen and it made Bella feel tired.

It made her feel determined.

"You told me what you expected, but not what you wanted."

Hesitation moved Alice's hands without purpose and made her gaze wander. Her mouth was moving but no words were coming out.

It all struck Bella as a single thought that made her twitch backward and blink a little faster. She looked more closely at her best friend.

Alice Cullen was nervous.

She patted the bed again and didn't even get to retract her hand because suddenly Alice was there and holding her hand in both of her own. Golden eyes were focused there as a cold finger ghosted over her knuckles.

It occurred to Bella that something had changed in Alice. Either she'd been holding back or this was just a shift in their dynamic. Bella had learned a long time ago that Alice was touchy and adjusted to it as it came, but this was softer somehow.

The confidence in her movements and little, barely there sighs she let out each time she did something like this made Bella think it was the former.

And that stupid part of her whispered maybe Alice felt this pull too, that they were actually mates.

But she crushed that thought even as it surfaced.

Alice loved Jasper.

She cleared her throat. "Come on, I'm getting old over here."

The pressure on her hand doubled and bright eyes jumped to hers. "Can we cuddle?"

It...was more of a shout than a question.

Bella's gay heart thumped and she cursed it. "Uh, how?"

Apparently all it took for Alice to relax was for Bella to be dumb. She flicked Bella's forehead. "Well, it's usually done with a couch or a bed and two people being close."

People cuddled platonically. That was normal.

"No. Like, logistically."

Alice tilted her head a fraction. Her eyes had that depth again that made something shift inside of Bella. "Well, what are your preferences?"

"No clue. Cuddled Jake once, but that's because we fell asleep during a movie and the bastard wouldn't give up a damn inch of the blanket he didn't need."

For a moment, Alice's eyebrows pinched together like she wanted to ask about Edward, but she didn't. Instead she let go of Bella's hand to press on her shoulder for her to lie down. Then she huffed at Bella being stiff as a board and lifted her arm to nestle her head on a warm shoulder. She curled up against Bella a bit and threw her arm over her stomach. "How's this? Well, how is this after you put your arm down and remember to breathe?"

Even for her grumbling and vague cursing, Bella settled her arm around Alice's shoulders and wiggled just a little. She managed to get a hold of the blanket with her fingertips and pulled it over them.

"Rethinking this, I forgot I'm too cold." But she didn't move.

"Nah, it's well, it, you're fine. You're not as cold as Edward. I missed you too, Alice."

She gave a gentle squeeze, taking a deep breath and letting it out as a soft sigh. "I missed you, Bella."

A hum was her only answer. For the second time that day, sleep rushed to her like it hadn't in ages. Bella shook it off enough to partially open her eyes. "What are you going to do while I, while I sleep?"

"This," Alice sighed.

"Mm. Okay."

She'd nearly left the realm of the awake when she heard Alice's whisper.

"We can fix this, can't we? Do you even want to?"

She squeezed Alice's shoulders.

It'd been a week and Alice had only just stopped looking at her like she might start yelling. All of her make-up work she'd had was done, courtesy of a small vampire. Now she was just handing in some of it at a time to avoid being suspicious. Her phone had been set to vibrate for days. It was something that made her eyes drift from Alice's when it went off and she didn't look at it.

Last she checked, she had 57 notifications from Jake.

The tone of the kitchen didn't shift with the song as her music went from somber rock to pop.

She wasn't being a good person, a good friend. But, god, she didn't look forward to that fight. Maybe she was a coward and maybe she was okay with that for now.

"What's wrong?"

The end of a sigh she hadn't realized she was doing left her as Alice drifted to her side. Still, she didn't look up from the soapy pot in her hands. "Nothing."

She could feel Alice's frown.

Then there was a second of silence as her music stopped and her phone vibrated, shook itself like a scream. Resignation pulled at Bella's lips as she stared down at it alongside Alice. It was the first time she'd left it facing up, just so she could skip songs easily, so it was the first time Alice saw who she'd been ignoring.

"I see."

There was something so utterly unlike Alice in her voice that Bella had to prove this wasn't a thing. That nothing was wrong. That whatever she was thinking wasn't true.

It took a few taps and a small slap to answer the call since she hadn't bothered to dry off her hand. Somehow, she brought it to her ear and met the dark eyes on her with a steady expression and voice. "Hey."

Why was Alice staring like that?

"Hey? Are you serious? 'Hey Jake, I haven't been ignoring you, what's up?' Are you shitting me?"

"No." She set the pot in the sink without looking away from the Something in Alice's eyes and grabbed a towel to dry her hands. "Needed some time."

"Oh yeah? You just needed some time? Needed to water your plants and—Whatever. You home?"

"Yes, but I suggest you turn around. I'll come by later—"

"Too late, I'm on your street."

Bella looked at her phone after he hung up and nodded once. She didn't blame him. Her gaze moved back to Alice. "Do you wanna go?"

She trusted her to understand it wasn't a dismissal or a request. She trusted her to know it was honest, that she didn't feel the need to hide anything.

"No."

Bella opened the door by the time he'd parked and turned off his truck.

His nostrils flared and his eyes darted around the house as he strode up the driveway.

She gave a small sigh, but didn't move from the doorway.

Really, anyone else's instincts would've had them running out the back door. The air in the kitchen felt colder with Alice's mood, something close to danger. Or perhaps it was dangerous and Bella just had trouble thinking of her as such. A shaking shifter barged up her porch stairs and he clearly expected her to move because he walked straight into her.

She stumbled back with a grunt she couldn't help and bounced off the door as it hit the wall. Alice had moved, maybe even hissed, and Jacob had completely forgotten Bella existed as he glared down at Alice. But Bella just moved between and waited because he would cut her off the second she opened her mouth.

There were tight lines around his eyes and he swiped a hand across his forehead like he was sweating. "Are you serious? This is why? This is why you've 'needed time?' He comes back and you go crawling—"

For a second, she saw double. For a second, she saw red.

Her fingertips caught the edge of the door. Then she had a grip on it. His mouth was still moving and somewhere in the back of her mind, she was aware of Alice saying her name.

Bella slammed the door against Jacob so hard the wood caved in.

Shock filled his eyes while anger flooded hers.

"Bella."

She didn't hear Alice. Her heart was beating in her ears.

"That's what you think of me? You think I would do that to myself? Damn, Jake, I know I've wanted to die but at least I respect myself!"

His hands moved in front of himself as his eyes darted between Bella and the vampire just behind her. "That's not what I said. I didn't—"

"Think?" She scoffed. "Clearly. I don't know or care where Edward is. To be honest with you, half the time I never did. He was pretty and tolerable and more depressed than me."

"What?" His eyebrows pinched together and he rubbed his forehead before repeating himself, "What?"

"What kind of fucking jump is that, anyway? You see Alice so you assume not just that Edward's here, but that I'm with him? Like nothing happened? Do you not remember how much I love Alice? She's my best friend, Jake—"

"I'm your best friend!"

"—And! And, and I needed time to sort myself out and figure out how best to talk to you about this. But look at my fucking door!" She jabbed a finger through the air at the ruined front door, but the action caused her wrist to pop and she winced with a curse.

Alice came around to seize her hand, uncaring about how Jacob took to shaking at her proximity. She turned Bella's hand over, ran her fingers over her wrist.

"What the fuck is that?"

"What the fuck is what, Jake?" She'd snapped it at him before he'd even closed his mouth and she felt a little childish about it, but she didn't care. Alice's touch felt colder than usual, and it felt good.

"It's the end of my patience."

The air in Bella's lungs was stolen from her so suddenly she choked. Alice had sounded every bit as cold as Rosalie Hale could, and the abyss of fury Bella caught a glimpse of as that gaze moved away from her hand and to Jacob made her heart do something painful.

"You were a yipping little dog and made Bella dislocate her wrist."

"What?" His voice had went up a couple octaves. He leaned down and looked as Alice turned Bella's hand over.

The bone on the outside of her wrist was raised much higher than it should've been.

"Fuck. Fuck I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't put bones back in place," Alice hissed. "Here I was telling myself I would be cordial to you because you've been here for Bella and I appreciate that, but now I'm rather inclined to crushing your face on the sidewalk."

Bella's heart was practically shaking her whole body. Except, when she reached out to press against Jacob, she saw her hand actually was trembling. "Oookay! See you later. And when I say 'later,' I mean later. So drive home safe."

Even her voice was trembling.

"Bella—"

"I said to drive safe!"

The door didn't close behind him the first time. He had to partially open and lift it to get it to close properly.

Bella swallowed and, as they heard Jacob's truck crank up, told herself she couldn't keep just...not looking at Alice. Alice, who had yet to release her hand.

It really wasn't fair that the beat of her heart wasn't private. But maybe it could be chalked up to what had happened instead of Alice herself.

But, damn, since when did Alice affect her this severely? Was this always possible? Before, when she'd been containing herself and fixating on Edward?

"We should get you to the hospital."

It was automatic, looking at Alice when she spoke. And her eyes were still black, still furious, but her touch was gentle as ever as it cooled her skin. Bella cleared her throat. "Ah, nah. Just, you know, pop it back in."

There was no way to navigate Alice's refusal without further upsetting her, and Bella's heart beat faster at the concept.

"Bella, this is not a scrape. You need to take care of it."

She rubbed the back of her neck, nodding, and looked around the kitchen. "True, true. But, hm. It pops out of place, like, sometimes."

"Excuse me?"

"Usually when it's kinda bad I have Jake or Leah do it."

Alice stepped into her space then, and the breath she was taking froze in her chest.

The wallpaper above the fridge was peeling.

Cold fingers touched her jaw, turned Bella's head so that she had to look down at Alice. She was so incredibly close, more open and honest than she ever had been since they met. There was the soft concern of Alice Cullen. There was the disquiet of an angered vampire.

She could feel Alice breathing.

"What are you about to tell me that I won't like?"

Bella had to bite her tongue to keep from asking what that was in Alice's voice that made it so quiet and so different. She swallowed. Wished she could look away from black eyes and wondered why they didn't disturb her. "I'm about to tell you I wrecked my wrist after punching Jake in the face."

The line of Alice's jaw sharpened as she clenched her teeth.

Even though it hadn't been voiced, Bella could hear the question. "We barbequed and walked along the beach and he told me a joke. I thought we were having a nice time and forgetting about the bad day we'd had. He thought we were having a nice date and kissed me. I was so shocked I swung. He was pulling away so instead of breaking my hand, I terribly dislocated my wrist."

It took a minute for Alice to unclench her teeth. She took a deep breath. "You're right. I definitely don't like that."

"It was a miscommunication we cleared up. It's okay."

Alice sighed, and softened, as if the anger left her with that breath. Then her fingers moved from Bella's jaw to splay across her cheek. "What am I going to do with you?"

Something caught in her throat, so Bella only made a noise. What she almost said, she didn't know, and whatever she felt in this moment she wasn't sure how to express. Or if she should. But she did know that Alice, at least right now, was so beautiful it physically hurt. So she tried to laugh, but it came out as a nervous chuckle. "Pop my wrist back into place?"

Alice pursed her lips.

"Please?"

Black eyes dropped to where she had yet to let go of Bella. She murmured, "It might hurt. Maybe a lot."

"I know. I'm ready for it."

"I don't know if I'm ready for it."

The cold left her face to cradle her wrist instead and she watched Alice sigh.

What would have happened if she never had Edward as a buffer for Alice?

Alice's grip turned firm and her thumb hovered over the dislocation. "Ready?"

"Yup." She held her breath and waited for the pain to come, but Alice never moved. "Do you want me to do it myself? It's okay."

"No! No. I just…"

"It's not like I'd hold the pain against you, Alice."

"I know that." She looked at Bella's expression with her lip between her teeth. "What if I press too hard? You should really have Rose or Carlisle do this."

"I trust you."

As Alice searched her eyes, Bella offered a smile. Pressure came to her wrist hard and fast and Bella couldn't help her hiss of pain as her lip curled. She pulled out of Alice's grasp and shook out her hand, jaw clenching and unclenching over and over. "Hot damn, that's the pop of the fucking month. Shit."

Bella rolled her shoulders and went to run her hand through her hair, but Alice caught it. She stared at their hands as she flattened her palm against Bella's and started lacing their fingers together in the air between them. After a moment, an eternity, after a dozen questions tried and failed to form on Bella's tongue, Alice pulled their hands close to herself and kissed her wrist.

"I'm sorry."

Black eyes were so deep she could drown, and she didn't mind as she fell into them.

She felt something as she did.

The wind had Bella's hair doing crazy things, but her face was peaceful as she stared off at the horizon. Another warm front was in as spring came quietly, so it was nice to relax on the hood of a car on a hill. It'd occurred to Alice that this could be considered romantic and she honestly didn't know if she'd set it up on some subconscious level.

She wondered, if it was summer in a place that actually got hot, would Bella be doing the same thing, but in a tank top and faded jeans and sunglasses? Leaning back on her hands on the hood of a car without a care in a world?

Maybe.

But she was more than okay with this. Almost the same thing, but Forks weather and a button up over a plain tee instead of a tank top.

"When'd you start wearing v-necks?"

Bella looked at her then, a furrowed brow and distant eyes. "That wasn't even on the list of things I expected you to say."

True, she had planned to ask if Bella was okay. The rest of the family had come back and after five minutes of tense silence and Esme holding back tears, Bella insisted they watched a movie and sat next to Esme and just kind of let the vampire hold onto her hand the whole time like she might disappear.

Alice had been too distracted by comforting Emmett to notice Edward beelining toward Bella's other side, but Rosalie beat him there and crossed her legs, daring him to say something with her eyes alone.

There was still a ways to go, but Bella really did seem okay. Tired, but okay.

"I was on the Rez and got something on my shirt. Leah offered me one of hers and introduced me to the magical world of men's v-necks, where you can look nice and feel comfy and still have sleeves and not have it cut down into your cleavage."

"Well, you're beautiful."

That definitely was not a simple compliment on her shirt.

Bella's head whipped back forward as if she'd been slapped. Her heart was beating a little faster, but she'd always been awkward so that wasn't much of anything to go on. Then she surprised Alice with a laugh. "I rolled out of bed at four in the afternoon and put on the clothes I had on a chair in the dark. If I look beautiful, you clearly look drop dead gorgeous."

While Bella seemed content with what she'd said, as if there wasn't more to say, or something changing with that little confession, Alice couldn't stop staring at her.

A soft sigh moved Bella's shoulders. "There's this spot in Phoenix. It made me unable to choose between sunrise and sunset. You'd love it."

Alice scooted closer just in time for the wind to shoot Bella's hair off to the other side and pressed a kiss to Bella's cheek just a heartbeat longer than she usually did. She laid her head against Bella's shoulder with a hum. "You should show me one day."

She was going to graduate. Everyone was buzzing about colleges, but Bella just wanted to breathe. She wanted to leave. The hole in her chest was expanding today by miles and miles.

And that was before Edward had tried to have a conversation with her for the thousandth time in class. They'd...started talking, after many failed attempts and more than a few arguments. Each time it was stilted and held a sort of tension, but progress was progress.

A laugh interrupted her thoughts and she blinked as the reality of the cafeteria set in again. She reached up to adjust the volume on her earbuds. She'd sat alone for a reason, yet she still had to hear someone cheer about their acceptance letter.

While crossing her arms, she kicked her feet up on another chair and threw her head back to stare at the ceiling. Her eyes slid closed after a couple songs.

The anger in her chest tore the hole deeper, poked at old scars and pulled still-closing wounds.

A suggestion he'd already made once since coming back had been on the tip of his tongue today, and it made her irrational. They never were and never would be mates. But if he felt they could still try, was the hope blossoming in her chest useless? Alice and Jasper had broken up after they all left and stayed completely platonic this whole time. And she could almost swear the look in Alice's eyes was the same as what she'd felt in the dark, alone, on too many nights.

Longing.

Some days felt like miles of moving forward and some days felt like she was staring into the dark with burning eyes.

Something thumped against the table and Bella popped out of her seat for a second, bumping her shin against the table. She frowned at the textbook before looking up to see Alice coming her way. Earbuds out, she brought down her legs and sat up, frown still on her face even though there was a smile directed at her. "Wh—"

Alice sat on her lap and settled her arms around her shoulders.

And Bella felt like one of those anime characters who suddenly shot blood out their nose with the force of a damn train. It took a second for her to focus her eyes again and she realized she had yet to actually close her mouth. Her teeth slammed together. Slowly, almost painfully, she dragged her gaze and tried not to notice the beginning of eyes on them until she met gold eyes.

Like the innocent person she definitely wasn't, Alice tilted her head with something close to a pout. "Are you okay? You look like you do when you're about to dissociate."

"Maybe." It sounded like a question.

"Maybe you're dissociating or maybe you're okay?"

Bella's palms were starting to sweat, but she couldn't exactly run them across her jeans with Alice in her lap. She also couldn't just keep sitting there with her hands in the air. Her eyes darted to Alice's to check her mood and back down at her hands before she did a double-take. But the glint of mischief, the ache, the look of hunger, whatever it was Bella had seen in gold eyes wasn't there anymore.

Once upon a time she would've written it off.

Now, however, she cleared her throat and settled a hand halfway up Alice's thigh and messed with the hem of her shirt with her free hand. She'd almost thought there was no change in gold eyes, but she saw a flicker of something, and she couldn't help responding to it. "Maybe both."

Alice matched her whispered tone with a small quirk of her eyebrow. "How both?"

"Maybe I'm a step away from dissociating but maybe I'm also okay since you're here." Her gaze drifted and she found herself squeezing Alice's thigh. "Sometimes I use cold or heat to ground myself and your temperature's good for that."

"I'm fond of your temperature too." The crinkles around her eyes from her smile faded as she moved her hands to brush some of Bella's hair away from her face. "I'll miss it. If you still—If you want," she stopped herself and didn't meet Bella's eyes.

"Hey."

Alice hummed but still didn't look at her and she seemed exceptionally small then.

"Let's go."

Alice, being Alice, didn't object to skipping school and simply held onto Bella's hand as they left the cafeteria.

About an hour later, Bella's mood was significantly better.

Music played in the background like it almost always did whenever they just relaxed. Bella had a leg hanging off the bed and swung her foot back and forth as she stared at the ceiling without seeing it. She had an arm tucked under her head on Alice's thigh as the vampire sat against her headboard. Really, Bella heard the scratch of her pen in her sketchbook more than she did the songs filling the air.

"Moments like these feel like eternity."

The pen stopped. Then, "I agree."

Honesty shook Bella's insides and she swallowed. "I could do this forever with you."

She felt Alice's leg tense and she tensed along with her, and she didn't relax even after Alice did. Alice's pen clicked and there was a small rustle of paper before the sketchbook appeared in front of her face.

Bella relaxed then. Struck, awed and something else as she swallowed down her heart. Her eyes had moved over it like it would catch fire any second and she'd never see it again, but she still couldn't process it.

With her free hand, she reached up and took it.

The page held an unfinished drawing with ink still drying in one area. It was from yesterday. It was her. They were sitting across from each other in class and Alice had said something sweet and funny while Bella was writing something. She'd refused to look up at Alice and her smile and was biting her lip in a failed attempt to suppress her own smile.

"I could, too," Alice said softly.

Bella turned her head to meet gold eyes and saw so much reflected back at her that she felt in her chest. She held up her hand and Alice pressed their palms together. Their fingers fell into place like they'd done it for a lifetime.