Astronaut

Dina opens her front door. "Hi baby boy" she grins. She takes JJ from Ellie's arms. "Did you guys have a good day?" Dina asks.

"We did" Ellie replies with a smile. "Oh before I forget" she hands Dina the cupcake. "Potato made this for you"

Dina fake gasps as she takes the cupcake. "You did?" She grins. "Thank you!" She gently kisses jj's cheek. "It's the bestest cupcake I ever did see!"

JJ giggles at his mama as she fusses over him. "Bye buddy" Ellie pouts pinching his nose.

"Mummy no" JJ cries holding his arms out to Ellie. Both Ellie and Dina's hearts break at the sight of their baby boy. Breaking his heart with his arms streached out for his mum.

"Bud" Ellie sniffs holding back her tears. She gently kisses his head. "I love you"

"Mummy" JJ cries.

"Are you busy?" Dina asks Ellie.

"No"

Dina takes a deep breath. "You wanna come in, give him his bath and put him to bed?"

Ellie's face lights up within an instant. "I would love that, thank you"

Dina moves aside to let Ellie into her house. She watches Dina sit on one of the two sofas. Ellie sits on the other. Within a heartbeat JJ is curled up in Ellie's lap gripping onto her flannel. His cheeks are blotchy and soaking wet with tears. He has a snotty nose which makes little snot bubbles as he try to calm his breathing. Ellie picks up the pack of baby wipes from the side. "Here buddy" she smiles softly as she cleans JJ's cheeks and nose. "What was all the fuss for, hey bud" she lays him flat against her chest. He instantly snuggles his head into her neck. Ellie runs gentle circles on his back.

Dina smiles to herself as she watches them. She missed this more than anything. She missed seeing them together. witnessing how much they loved eachother. It gave her comfort that JJ had someone in the world who loved him as much as she herself did. Ellie changed whenever she was around JJ. Every part of her softened. Her voice, Sher smile, her touch. Everything. Ellie was made to be a mother, anyone who was lucky enough to see her with JJ could tell that.

"Your so good with him" Dina says in complete awe.

Ellie smiles at Dina. "He's my boy, plus I'm kinda making up for lost time" Ellie frowns. "I'll never forgive myself for leaving you" Ellie looks down at JJ who's now got a case of the hick ups. "But him" Ellie shakes her head. "How could anyone do that, look at him" Ellie's eyes start to water.

"Hey" Dina walks over to the sofa and sits beside Ellie and JJ. "You need to forgive yourself Ellie" she rests a hand on Ellie's knees.

"I don't think I can" she sniffs. "I don't deserve him"

"Maybe not" Dina gently squeezes her knee. "But he deserves you, he loves you so fucking much Ellie"

Ellie nods. She rests her chin on his head and takes a deep breath. "My little potato" she smiles. "I sat with him all night like this after he was born"

ellie remembers laying a sleeping newborn JJ across her chest. She rocked him gently as she sat at Dina's bedside watching her sleep. Dina had just been through the worst 14 hours of her life. "I felt so useless" Ellie pouts. "You were in so much pain, all I could do was hold you" most of Dina's labour concisted of Ellie holding Dina close to her chest. Rubbing the bottom of Dina's back. Desperately trying to ease her through each contraction.

"You were amazing" Dina smiles. "I wouldn't have got through that without you"

"When he was finally here you were so exhausted. I held him for hours while you slept... I knew right then that I loved him" Ellie kisses jj's head. "I was worried, when you were pregnant" Ellie sighs. "Worried that I wouldn't bond with him. But he's half you, how could I not fall in love with him. The moment I saw him, he had me wrapped around his finger" Ellie giggles.

"I love you Ellie" Dina sighs. She gently leans in and kisses Ellie's lips. Ellie's hands find the back of her neck. She deepens the kiss. Dina pulls away and stands up. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that" Dina puts her face in her hands.

She wanted more than anything to tell Ellie's it's okay, to kiss her and hold her tight. But it wasn't okay. She wasn't worth sticking around for before and she needed to remember that. She begged Ellie to stay that night. She told her she wouldn't wait around and she still left. "I'm sorry Ellie" Dina lifts her head. "Can you please go"

Ellie looks down at the sleeping boy. "Love you" she whispers kissing his head. She gently lays JJ on the sofa. "I love you Dina" Ellie says as a single tear rolls down her cheek. And just like that Ellie left.

Dina fell the the ground and cried, she cried more than she's ever cried before. Everything hurt. she felt completely heart broken. She loved Ellie more than the world. But she would not allow herself to be hurt again.