Chapter 1
It was early Saturday morning and Jihyo’s day was already not going according to plan. When she had gone to sleep the day before, she had been looking forward to spending the next day relaxing with her girlfriends. Especially considering how long it had been since they had had an off day. She had woken up early, carefully removing both Jeongyeon and Momo’s arms from around her in order to leave the bed without waking them up. She’d then made her way out of the two older girl’s room before heading towards the kitchen to cook breakfast for them all, hoping the smell of food would entice them out of bed.
She had just been mixing the pancake mix when she felt arms wrapping around her waist, pulling her into a back hug. The faint smell of lavender let her know who it was immediately. “Good morning love. How did you sleep? She asked the older girl. “Better than I had in a long time”, Sana admitted. “I love off days.” Jihyo simply chuckled in response.
“As much as I love your hugs, I kind of need to move unless you want to set the kitchen on fire again”, she said once Sana refused to break the hug. She immediately let go thought, at the reminder of the last time she had set the kitchen on fire. She visibly shuddered remembering the scolding she had gotten from Jeongyeon.
“So why are you up so early”, she asked as she walked over to the fridge and started taking out several fruits, helping Jihyo with making breakfast. “I wanted to get an early start on the day. In order to make the most out of it.”
Sana hummed in response, a comfortable silence filling the kitchen as both girls worked around each other to finish making the breakfast, not really needing words to communicate after spending so much time together.
Jihyo was just setting down the huge stack of food in the dining table when her phone buzzed, the familiar ringtone letting her know that it was one of the managers calling. She told Sana to make sure the food didn’t burn before making her way out the kitchen to take the call. “Manager Unnie, it’s the first off day we’ve had in months”, she immediately said after answering the call. “I know Jihyo. I’m sorry but JYP has asked for you to meet with him in his office as soon as possible”, she explained, the seriousness of her tone worrying Jihyo. “Is everything okay? she asked. “Just get down here please”, she answered before hanging up the call.
Jihyo made her way back to the kitchen where Sana was just setting the plate filled with bacon down on the table. “What’s wrong?” she asked, immediately getting worried by the look of concern on the younger girl’s face. “Nothing’s wrong. I just need to go down to the company for a short while”, she said. “What? Why? It’s our off day”, Sana complained. “I don’t know but don’t worry. I’m sure it’s nothing important and it’s just JYP being impatient like usual”, she said, not wanting to worry the other girl.
“I’m going to go change”, she said. “Wait, what about breakfast?” Sana asked. “Can you finish preparing it and wake the others once it’s done? I’d rather get this over with now.” Sana nodded understandingly. “I’ll leave you some leftovers for when you get back”, she told her. Jihyo smiled at her words, quickly walking towards her and pecking her on the lips. “Thanks. I love you”, she told her as she walked out the kitchen, smiling at hearing Sana repeating the sentiment.
She had quietly made her way into her room, being careful not to wake up the still sleeping Mina, with whom she shared the room, or Dahyun who was currently cuddling with Mina while they slept. It wasn’t unusual to find the girls sleeping in various different combinations in the dorm, usually all of them simply slipping into the closest bed and sleeping there with whomever happened to crawl into the same bed.
After quietly changing, she walked out, waving goodbye at Sana who was now squeezing fresh orange juice in the kitchen.
She met up with her manager out front and within ten minutes, she was sitting in JYP’s office, watching the man anxiously pacing back and forth. Jihyo felt nervousness bubbling within her at the sight of the usually composed man looking so troubled. Suddenly, JYP stopped pacing and turned to face her. “Do you understand the kind of mess you’re in Jihyo? This could ruin your entire career. Everything we’ve worked so hard to achieve.”
“I’m sorry sir but I don’t understand what you’re talking about”, Jihyo responded, keeping her head down in a sign of respect, not wanting to anger the man even more. Without warning, JYP slammed a folder he had been holding on top of the desk. “This. This is what I’m talking about”, he said. Jihyo grabbed the folder and opened it, feeling her heart drop at the sight inside.
The folder was full of pictures of all the members, most in compromising positions. There was one of Tzuyu and Nayeon kissing and Jihyo recognized it from one of their latest award shows. Nayeon had been so happy at them winning that she had kissed the closest member the moment they were backstage, sure that no one could see them.
Another one was of Jihyo herself kissing Mina. It had also been taken backstage, right after the first time Mina had performed feel special after coming back from her hiatus. The younger girl had been so stressed out about her first performance in months and Jihyo had wanted to show her what a good job she had done.
There were a few more, all of them catching different members in the same position. Momo and Sana. Jeongyeon and Nayeon once again. Dahyun and Tzuyu. And those were just to name a few.
“Look I don’t know what you girls get up to during your private life, and honestly, I don’t care, but doing these things in public is simply unacceptable.” Jihyo could have sworn that she felt her heart crack at the disgust that filled her CEO’s voice when he talked about “the things” they did.
“We got this folder filled with these pictures this morning anonymously. Now, the only way to save this is to get ahead of the train wreck that’s about to happen. I’ve talked with Kang Daniel’s manager and they’ve agreed that you and Daniel are to start a relationship immediately.”
Jihyo could barely keep up with everything he was saying, feeling overwhelmed by everything. She wasn’t naïve. She had always known that if the news got out, twice would be ruined. They lived in a conservative country where even the news of two idols of the same sex dating would be enough to ruin them forever. So, she couldn’t even imagine if the news got out that twice, the nation’s girl group, were all in a poly relationship with each other.
But it had seemed worth it at the time, to be able to be in a relationship with 8 other girls which she loved more than anything in the world. She had never felt something as pure as her love for them. But now, faced with knowing that the secret could soon be out, she started doubting her choices. And not because of herself. She couldn’t care less about what happened to her. But knowing the amount of hate that her girlfriends were sure to receive broke her heart.
But the idea of acting like she was in a relationship with someone else honestly disgusted her. “But what about the other girls?” she asked. JYP shook his head. “You’d be doing this for them. You know what will happen if the public finds out. And obviously, you cannot tell anyone about this. Not even them. Because you know as well as I do that them knowing risks the chance of one of them making a mistake and bringing us all down.”
Jihyo felt dizzy at all the sudden information. “Daniel, please come in”, JYP suddenly called. The office door opened to reveal the older idol whom Jihyo had only met once before. He nodded his head towards her in acknowledgement before looking back towards JYP.
“Jihyo, you and Daniel will be spending the day together. The managers have already compiled a schedule which has been leaked to dispatch. By tomorrow morning, everyone will know of your couple status.” Without another word, he waved his hand, silently dismissing her. Daniel stepped towards her, offering an arm in her direction.
Jihyo stood up but didn’t take Daniel’s arm, still hesitating. The idea that the girls would soon hear the news of her apparent relationship and that she wouldn’t be able to explain the situation made her anxious. But at the same time, she felt responsible for not taking larger precautions to make sure their relationship was kept secret. JYP noticed her hesitation and gazed at her sternly.
“This is on you Jihyo. You’re the leader and it’s your job to make sure everything runs smoothly. Now you know I’ve always supported you girls but I have the company to think about. Our image. So, fix this now before the media drags you down. Because I can assure you, we will cut our losses before we go down with you.”
Jihyo barely contained her shiver at the hidden threat in his words. She managed a small nod of acknowledgment at his words before taking the arm Daniel was holding out to her and walking out with her new boyfriend, biting back the urge to scream or hit something and putting on a fake smile on her face.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Jihyo spent the whole day with Daniel, going to the zoo and then going out to eat at a restaurant. Both of them acted like they didn’t notice the discreet flashes following them. Jihyo also ignored her phone’s constant ringing, eventually shutting it off as her guilt grew with every missed call and ignored text.
Daniel was kind enough. He opened her door and made small talk as they walked around the zoo but something about him seemed off to Jihyo. She couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was but she couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable with him. Unfortunately, it seemed like she would have to get used to him.
It was around nine when he finally drove her back to the dorm. He accompanied her to the door. Jihyo felt nervous knowing what was coming. The thing they needed to do in order to convince the public of their relationship. Daniel grabbed her by the elbow and turned her to face him. He gingerly cupped her cheek and leaned down, his lips meeting hers in a kiss. The kiss lasted no more than a few seconds, just enough to allow the hidden dispatch people to take some photos. But it was more than enough for Jihyo.
“I’m doing it for them. To protect them”, she reminded herself. Knowing that however, didn’t help with the guilt pooling in her stomach. She forced a small smile on her face as she said goodbye before quickly making her way into the building.
She used her key to open the door to the dorm, unprepared for the sight that greeted her. Jeongyeon was standing in front of her with her arms crossed, a serious expression on her face. Without a word, she walked over to Jihyo and grabbed her by the arm before dragging her towards the living room where the other seven members where standing. She let go of her and walked over to stand next to Nayeon.
Jihyo was confused at what was happening. She knew the girls would be upset about her being gone the whole day but that didn’t explain their reactions.
“Want to explain why you where missing the whole day and didn’t answer our calls? Or better yet, how about you explain why you were kissing someone else just a few minutes ago.” Momo said angrily, finally breaking the tense silence.
Realization dawn on Jihyo as she finally realized that they must have seen her and Daniel from the window. She wasn’t ready for this. She had thought that she would have until the next day to figure out how to break the news before they saw it on dispatch.
“So? You aren’t going to say anything”, Chaeyoung scoffed angrily. Jihyo felt tears prickling her eyes but pushed them back. She knew what she had to do but wasn’t ready.
She opened her mouth to explain but quickly shut it again as JYP’s words reverberated though her mind. She was the leader and it was on her to fix the mess she’d gotten all of them into. “I’m sorry”, she said, unable to say anything else. The girls took this as confirmation and the same look of heartbreak showed on all their faces except Nayeon’s who looked more pissed off than Jihyo had even seen her before.
Tzuyu stood up without warning and made her way to her room without a word but Jihyo managed to get a glimpse of her glistening eyes. Dahyun and Chaeyoung quickly followed their maknae to their room but not without her catching a glimpse of the hurt and confusion on their faces, so unlike their usual smiles.
“I think it’s best if you just give them a little bit of space”, Jeongyeon said when Jihyo instinctively made to go after them. Mina and Momo nodded their agreement. “Not like you need us anyways when you have your boy toy”, Nayeon spat out furiously. Jihyo could see the betrayal in her eyes. Mina put a hand on Nayeon’s shoulders trying to calm her down. Without another word they stood up and followed their younger members.
“So much for spending the whole day together”, Sana said, hurt and anger coating the words. She followed the others to the maknae’s room which was the bigger of the dorm and the one where they usually stayed in when they all wanted to be together. The sound of the door slamming shut however, let Jihyo know that she wasn’t invited this time. She quietly reminded herself that she was doing this for them. That she was helping them in the long run.
This thought helped her keep her composure while she made her way into her room and changed her clothes before crawling into her bed which felt empty, having grown used to the feeling of other warm bodies around her as she slept. Once hidden under her covers, however, her composure finally broke, her body shaking with the force of the sobs heaving though her body. She bit down on her hand to keep her cries from being heard, knowing she’d have to get used to the loneliness that now filled her.
That night, Jihyo cried herself to sleep for the first time of many more to come. And a tiny ball of self-hatred formed inside her as she thought on the pain she had cause the girls she loved. A ball which would continue growing day by day until it couldn’t be contained anymore.