Bae Joohyun stared at the blank ceiling for too long.
Her feet were so numb for wearing heels the whole day. A faint headache was stirring indefinitely after facing different flashes of cameras left and right. Her body was slowly, willingly joining the pull of gravity in her bed to wash out the soreness out of their intense preparation of her upcoming sub-unit debut along with Kang Seulgi.
Her hair was still wet, collided with water droplets rolling down from her skin after the much-needed bath marking the end of the day. The last day, before the fated day.
She blinked dimly. As each seconds passed by, fatigue was slowly submerging her consciousness like a warning of an upcoming avalanche. It was past midnight. She was tired, her body was tired, but her mind was still in an uncontrollable frenzy; from anticipation; from excitement; from the uncertainty of tomorrow.
Bae Joohyun closed her eyes.
She hated feeling this vulnerable.
She just wanted the day to end and be ready for their performance. She needs to be prepared. She needs to be confident.
She needs to stop the anxiety. She needs to stop worrying. She needs to trust herself and her abilities.
She needs to calm down.
She needs to hear Son Seungwan.
…Son Seungwan?
Joohyun heaved a laughing breath. What a crazy thought. That lovely woman was still resting and probably sleeping at this time of the day. Why does she need to hear her voice? That’s like disturbing Seungwan’s peace. This is not how she should act as a leader.
She needs to hear Son Seungwan.
How can she fool herself, when she was wearing the t-shirt Seungwan left her one time as a memento before temporarily leaving the dorm, which eventually became her favorite shirt?
How can she fool herself, when she was still using the purple pen Seungwan gave her as a birthday gift to sign their albums?
How can she fool herself, when ‘Son Seungwan’ was the first in her contacts for her emergency calls?
She knew at this moment, that she cannot fool herself anymore.
Her fingers unconsciously pressed the green icon from her phone.
One… Two… Three…. Countless rings had passed.
She damn knew it. She laughed at herself, "You're an idiot for expecting, Bae Joohyun."
Before succumbing herself to disappointment, a click was heard.
One heavy second.
"Hello?"
Oh god.
How much she craved for this voice.
"Unnie?" A small chuckle strummed her heartstrings softly. "It's almost two in the morning… Why are you still awake?! You have a performance tomorrow…"
Her Seungwan, her warm-hearted Son Seungwan.
"...Nothing much, I've been thinking about some work related stuff as a preparation, and then I saw your name in my phone.” A little lie won’t hurt. ”…I should ask you the same though, why are you still awake? You should be resting!"
"Ah, I'm just studying some piano chords." She heard a light shuffle of papers from the background. "I'm kind of preparing for my next cover song."
Her hardworking Son Seungwan. Her endearing Son Seungwan.
"Oh! I saw that. Those thousands of comments from your post, you're totally in demand." Joohyun teased.
She can feel Seungwan’s smile from the other end. Her heart aches from craving to see it so, so much. "Okay, ma'am. The line is still open. Do you have any requests?"
"Hmmm... I saw some requests for 'Irene' by Jimmy Brown. That song looks interesting." She can't help but to smirk.
"...Seriously?! Do you want me to sing 'Baby girl, you're my Irene' in public?! Your fans will haunt me!!!"
Joohyun laughed so loud she was sure the other members would definitely scold her if they were still awake, but she didn't care much that time.
She missed Seungwan.
She missed Son Seungwan so much.
"That song was also recommended a whole lot that I lost count of it! I was also surprised with the number of comments, I feel so overwhelmed-"
"I miss you."
Oh… damn.
Joohyun suddenly felt the weight of her statement when she was greeted by the deafening silence from the other end of the line. She was too tired to think, too tired to assess, and too tired to hide her emotions.
She covered her eyes with her free hand, and the back of her hand was instantly dampened; she hoped it was sweat, and hoped much harder it was not tears.
"...I'm sorry, I-I don't know what I'm talking about. I guess I'm just too tired from working the whole day and-and I kept on thinking a lot of things that I can't even track it anymore, and I just...." In the midst of her jumbled emotions, only one thing in her mind remained, it was too clear enough to express. "I just missed you... so, so much."
A soft whisper caressed her ears. "...Joohyun-unnie."
She felt like a drum of water ready to burst at any time, any moment.
"I... I guess I'm just nervous for tomorrow. It has been a while, and this concept is entirely new. I kept on worrying about how the audience will react, and I-I'm scared, Seungwan-ah. I don't know what to do and I-"
"Unnie, listen."
Joohyun felt too weak at that moment, and that's how she realized how much she relied on Seungwan's comfort all throughout the years. She slowly nodded despite being aware that Seungwan will not witness it, but it seems both can understand each other so much that the brunette, like on cue, she continued.
"You are an amazing woman, and I’ll never get tired of saying it. You gave it your all and you worked so hard for this, everyone saw it. I saw it. Be proud and show the world that you're the Best woman of this Generation, Bae Joohyun."
It was so amazing how her words can affect her this much.
"...You'll keep on finding ways to bring up that nickname, wouldn't you?"
"Of course, I'm a clever woman. I'll keep on finding ways to make you feel how amazing you are, and I’ll never go tired of it."
Joohyun unconsciously smiled. She can feel the heaviness of her heart slowly slipping out along with the soft heaves of calming breath.
"Always remember that Red Velvet's got your back, unnie." A short pause. "I always got your back…. and I'll be back. I promise."
That's what Joohyun kept on wishing the most, for the whole six months.
"Please be back soon, Son Seungwan. I will always wait for you."
"I will, unnie. Definitely."
Numerous odd seconds of comfortable silence engulfed them. It was enough for Joohyun. Seungwan was there. She might not see her physically, but she knew she was there.
Seungwan, with her support, will be her new strength for tomorrow.
"Unnie?"
"Yeah?"
"...This might be out of the blue, but…"
Another pause, much longer than before, and much thicker than before.
“...I miss you, too."
Her hand flinched. Seungwan was always greasy, and she hated how much she had to control herself to not succumb to those sweet words.
“…So much.”
But this time, it was different.
She never thought she wanted to hear it from Seungwan directly this much.
"I'll watch your broadcast tomorrow, yeah? Please rest well tonight."
She just missed Seungwan much harder. In bed, as she lay down all alone, all she wanted was to see her once again.
It hurts so much that she can only do this much, but she had a new motivation.
"I will."
With you in my mind.
She will make sure, after the promotions, after the solo activities, she will make sure to show how much she missed Son Seungwan once she returns.