"This feeling.. is what I've missed?"
CHAPTER TWELVE
"This feeling... is what I've missed?"
Long, blonde hair trickled messily to the left of her pillow as she tossed to the other side. Had it not been for the soundproof walling, anyone could've heard her sobbing and crying out in her sleep. She tossed again, gasping.
'Come with me, Terra, and I can teach you to shine.'
'But.. My friends told me you're-..'
'You don't really believe they're your friends, do you, Terra?'
'They took me in, gave me a home!'
'And when they find out what's wrong with you, they'll reject you, like everyone else.'
'Beast Boy-!'
'-Can't keep his mouth shut forever. He'll tell them.'
'...He promised!'
'He lied.'
'Slade was right, you don't have any friends.'
"No!!" Terra shot up in her bed, sweat dripping down her forehead like rain off an umbrella. Her eyes frantically searched her pitch-black room for anyone around her, terrified that Slade was somehow there. She trembled, shakily standing up with a breath. "Shit."
Thunder ruptured through the sky, lightning came shortly after. The girl nearly jumped from her skin. That's when the pebbles she had been practicing with started hovering over her nightstand, suddenly bounding toward her. They circled her almost like a shield.
She inhaled sharply, noticing her hands glowing bright yellow in the darkness.
'Like me, you have to keep your emotional attachment to your powers in check...'
"Don't lose control… Don't lose control!" She trembled, terrified of her powers as the light surrounding her glew brighter.
'Now Terra ..'
"Ahh!" A voice entered her head, sounding as though it were directly behind her.
'How could you lose something.. You never had ?'
"NO!"
"Tara!" Rapid knocks pounded at her door. She recognized the voice.
"Beast Boy!!" She screamed, panic laced in her voice.
In the next instant her doors were bludgeoned by a ferocious rhinoceros. It snarled before swiftly morphing back to its huminod state. Beast Boy stood in place of that beast looking quite disheveled.
His unkempt hair was even more unattainable and his bedclothes were shuffled and wrinkled. He breathed heavily seeing the stones swirling around the girl he'd come to protect.
He breathed out, standing straight with a calmer look. "I'm glad you're not hurt."
"..I'm having visions. I'm terrified.." Tara shakily stuttered. The rocks continued to surround her growing faster with each passing word.
"It's okay, Tara. I'm here." He slowly made the first step. "This is just like yesterday, remember? You stopped the rock before, you can do it again."
"..Slade said I couldn't control it."
"..Slade isn't here. It's just you and me." another step.
"Stop!!" Tara held out her hand, her eyes shaking. "I don't want to hurt you! I can't control it!"
"Yes, you can! You've done it before. I know you can." Another step.
"..What if I can't?"
"You already know you can. You just have to believe it too." Now standing just in front of her, Beast Boy held out his hands, "But you have to try."
Tara hesitantly glanced between his open embrace and the rocks swirling out of control. She closed her eyes, breathing heavily until she opened them again and tightly grasped his hands, pulling herself into his arms. The rocks slowed their descent, calmly spinning around her torso, down her thighs, until safely landing on the floor.
Beast Boy kept her on her feet as the ordeal drained every bit of energy she had causing her to lose her balance. He cradled her in his arms protectively and smiled. "You did it."
"..I did.." she exhaled with a faint grin. "I'm.. So sorry."
"Don't be. It's what I'm here for."
"How did you know?"
"That you were in trouble? I heard you scream on my way to get a midnight snack."
Tara peeked over his shoulder. "Looks like I'll need a new door.." She remarked.
Beast Boy sheepishly laughed, "Yeahhh.. Sorry bout that.." Embarrassed, he sat her down on the bed. "I'll.. Uh.. Go get Cy on it.." He motioned with his thumbs as he back-walked from her, a dust of pink over his cheeks.
As he continued, he accidentally tripped on one of the rocks laying on the floor. Falling back, he expected to land on the carpet only for his flailing hand to grasp hold of something that kept him up. It was a round, jagged object that glowed between the cracks in his fists. He turned his surprised gaze to the lady reaching out with her hand that shone the same color.
Tara had manipulated one of the pebbles to help catch Beast Boy for her. She slowly pulled her hand in an upward motion, perfectly helping him to stand on his own two feet. Once he was, the glowing ceased and it was an ordinary rock in his grasp once more.
"That was amazing." He remarked, tossing the rock in his hand.
"It just.. Came naturally to me. I didn't want you to fall.." She sounded amazed as she stared at her hands. Her thoughts were snapped away from her when his green hand slithered into hers.
"Do you see now?" Beast Boy excitedly giggled, "You're already in control! You just have to believe in yourself!" He made a sneaky glance to the side before tossing the rock at her. She instinctively lifted her hand, the rock stopping in mid-air. Her surprised sparkle in her eyes made him so happy. "I'm so proud of you!"
Tara smiled to herself as the rock harmlessly closed into her hand. That smile slowly faded as the memories she had dreams about flooded her mind. Her friend could see the changes in her expression so he calmly sat down beside her, making sure to give his distance.
"..Do you want to talk about it?"
"..I should, shouldn't I?"
He shrugged, "That's up to you. I won't force you to tell me."
There was silence. Tara breathed, "I remembered something."
"Good or bad?"
"..Bad.. I think?" She bit her lip, anxiously playing with the stone. "I was in a cave. Slade was there, offering to be my teacher. He told me you lied to me. He said you'd spill my secret about my powers. I got angry and lost control.."
Beast Boy leaned on his knees, a soft huff escaped him. "Yeah, that was around the time we first met."
"..At the park, when you told me about the past with Terra, you said I told you a secret but it got out."
"Robin figured out that you couldn't control your powers. He offered you a spot on the team after the ordeal with Slade, but said that he wanted to help you control your powers." Beast Boy lowered his eyes, "You had been burned before by people so you immediately jumped the gun thinking I told when I never did. That's when you left and Slade got a hold of you."
"..Man, I was so stupid.." Tara chuckled to herself halfheartedly. Laying back on the bed, she lifted her hand and twirled her fingers as the pebbles floated around in a merry circle.
Beast Boy mildly sighed, "No. You were just traumatized. You didn't know how or who to trust anymore. That's not stupid, it's just .. sad."
"...Yeah." Tara frowned, staring into the circle of dancing stones. "But I should've realized I could trust you guys."
"We all make mistakes."
"Like my door for instance," Tara grinned, sitting up.
"Hey, I didn't know if you were in trouble or not." Beast Boy shuffled with a sly smirk on his features.
She lightly bumped her shoulder into his. They laughed, pushing on each other, "Well I think I'm fine now!" She snickered, standing quickly and stepping away from him.
"Oh yeah~?" Beast Boy lowered his body when he stood up, like a prowler. Tara squealed as he chased her around the white couch laughing all the while.
They bounced off the walls, running over the furniture, and just having a great time goofing off. That was until..
"What happened to my beautiful doors?!"
Panting, both the youngest teens cast glances at each other, laughing exasperatedly. Beast Boy simpered sympathetically at the confused cyborg who was torn at the sight of his precious tower even slightly damaged. "My bad. It was for a good cause though.." He stuck out his tongue as Cyborg continued to whimper, unconsolable.
While Cyborg worked tirelessly on a new door, Beast Boy decided to take Tara outside for a breather. The starry sky looked beautiful even through the transparent force field that surrounded them. They laid together in the grass silent as the cool breeze that rustled the trees across the bay.
Tara sighed contentedly, "Thanks."
"For what?" Both their voices were gentle.
"For coming to my rescue."
Beast Boy shuffled to lay on his side. She turned her head smiling at him as he said, "I'd always come to your rescue if you needed me."
"You're sweet." They chuckled mildly as she turned to look back at the stars.
"Before I met you guys, I was always on the move, the stars felt like the only constant in my life."
"How much do you remember from back then? Do you remember where you came from?"
"No, Not much. Just trying my best to help people but failing spectacularly at it."
"But look at you now. You've already improved so much. It won't be long before you have complete control again."
Tara's eyes shifted, "I hope so…"
The lull in the conversation made the beast boy shuffle until he blurted what was on his mind. "Do you still feel like a replacement?"
The question caught her off guard but she laughed, "No, not anymore. Not since our last outing.." She paused thinking about that night where she bawled her eyes out. She felt embarrassed at herself for being so vulnerable. "Do you still feel sad around me?"
"Nah, I mean, how can I?" He moved to lay on his back with his arms behind his head, "It's like I'm getting to know you all over again. I'm happy."
Tara blushed, turning her eyes away shyly. "..Cool." It was all she could think to say.
"..So, uhm.." The tenner in his voice resounded in a way that reminded Tara of anxiousness. She snapped her attention to him, worried.
"What?"
"..Do you.. still want to leave? After this is all over and Slade is down.. I mean.."
Tara blinked slowly, blindsided by his expression. He looked sad and worried as he avoided eye contact. She found herself unable to fathom an answer until she turned to the stars, her bangs falling in her face.
"I don't know.. I guess so."
'So, once Slade is gone, I can get my life back?'
She remembered saying that when this all started, desperate to have things back to the way it was, but that scared girl wasn't the same person anymore. Now, she was more sure of herself, confident in her new abilities, and had rekindled most of her friendships with the Titans. Did she really want to go back to civilization knowing all that?
"I mean, I have a family waiting for me. My mom. My dad. They love me, and I love them. They took me in when no one else would. Even if I regain all my memories, it won't change anything that happened the past year I've been awake. I can't just leave." It was more like she was rationalizing it, but it was easier than facing her feelings.
"..I get it." he was smiling but something told Tara he was disappointed. "Yeah, totally. If I had the chance to be with my family again, I'd be the same way."
"I don't think you ever told me about your family. Did I ever mention my original family before?"
"No. It was something that you kept hidden from the world. I just assumed you wanted to forget." He turned his body to face her. "I never told you about mine either. You never asked. Guess you thought it would be too sensitive considering your own experience."
"Can I ask now then?" She nervously shifted to her side laying in the crook of her arm carefully picking apart his expression.
A grin slithered over his lips. "Sure."
"Were you born with powers?"
"Nope. I was normal. But, by the time I was seven years old, I had memorized over seventy percent of the world's known species."
"How the hell did you manage that??"
"It was thanks to my parents. They were scientists. They taught me while we traveled the world. We were never in one place for long but it never bothered me that we didn't have a permanent home. I loved being able to go to so many different places and learn new things."
"Sounds wonderful."
"..It was.." The changeling smiled up at the stars floating millions of miles away, just like his eyes, "-until everything changed." Tara shuffled as she eyed him carefully. She didn't want to dig into a wound, but he seemed aloof.
"My parents were sent to study a new species of gorillas in Africa. They were strange because they were green and had weird tendencies. When they got down there, the villagers had one captured already. They told me not to go near it and, of course, I didn't listen to them. I was so curious. I went up to the monkey, put my hand on the bar, and it bit me."
Tara winced, but Beast Boy did not stir, "My parents said I was sick for weeks, on the brink of death. Everything was hazy, but I could hear my parents' voices talking to me, encouraging me to keep going. I made it, but just barely. When I woke up and started getting better I noticed that there were changes in me. My skin was turning green, my eyes were turning green, my teeth were sharpening, and every time I saw an animal in my field journals I would start to turn into them. It didn't take long before my full transformation was completed. I was so excited. I was a little kid so of course I was excited that I could turn into my favorite animals. Also, green was my favorite color so I thought it was amazing. My parents on the other hand... they weren't so happy. They worked tirelessly to change me back to normal. It was the first time we had stayed in one place for so long. They tried countless things trying to change me back but nothing ever worked."
His emerald eyes shifted, "Then there was the accident… I had no family left to take me in. I was a total orphan, completely alone, and a freak to boot. The orphanage I was sent to back in America was the worst experience of my life and I was only there for half a year before I ran away. I tried making it on my own, scavenging food as a bird, snake, or cat, but it wasn't long before I found myself trying to break into the one place that I would call my next home for my adolescence. Doom Patrol Headquarters. They saw my potential and decided to raise me. When I left them I was 12 years old. I tried making it on my own as a hero but after a couple of years I realized that I was terrible at it. That was when I met the Teen Titans."
"..You must miss them."
"Sometimes.. but it wasn't really so much that I missed them. To be honest with you, I don't really remember what they look like. I can't visualize their faces, or hear their voices. I just remember the feeling of being loved the only way a parent can. But, once I found that with the Doom Patrol, I healed. I don't feel regret or pain for what happened. I like my life the way it is now. I guess you could say I was destined to have this happen. I just wish my parents would have accepted me."
"..Back at the fire, when you were hurt by the creature, you were transformed sort of. It was like you were becoming fully human again."
"When we fought it before, it was able to absorb things. Cyborg thinks Slade is using that creature to try and take superpowers, but he needed to test it out first. That's where I unwillingly became his guinea pig."
"So, he's going to try to take my powers by force."
"Seems so, but don't worry. You'll be safe from him. I promise."
“That might be, but I won’t feel safe until I’m able to squash his ass like a bug.” Tara smushed her palms together.
Beast Boy giggled, “That seems fair to me.”
“Hey, love birds! The door is fixed!” Cyborg hollered from the tower.
Beast Boy’s green cheeks quickly filled with a different shade as he practically foamed at the mouth from immense embarrassment. He sharply sat up and grumbled at his large friend, shaking his hands vigorously, “It’s not like that you big, tin can!!”
Tara couldn't help the bubble of laughter that came from her throat. Beast Boy shyly lowered his ears and poked out his bottom lip when he stood up. He helped the giggling girl to her feet and lightly pushed her with his fist.
“Hey now, if you keep laughing at me like that I might just die of embarrassment.”
“Sorry, hahah! I’ll stop.” she sighed, calming herself down as she brushed tears from her eyes, “It’s just.. You’re so cute when you get like that, it’s kinda hard not to tease you.”
The young changeling blinked, a tiny force pulled at the corners of his lips as he briskly turned away with a hand on his cheek. “We should get back inside,” he muttered softly.
“Sure.” Tara trodded to be at his side, then grabbed his arm that he extended out to her. She was silent until a question came to her mind, “Your name.”
“Hm?” Blinking his eyes to rest on her, she glanced up with those star-filled eyes of hers. It made his heart skip a beat just being this close to her face.
“I’m sure your parents didn’t name their only son ‘Beast Boy.’ Would you mind telling me what your name is?”
This seemed to surprise him. He never bothered to tell the other Titans his true name until they accidentally found out. Even then, they all made fun of him from time to time since it was such an unusual name for their generation. He shyly averted his eyes, clenching his jaw with the seeping cringe.
If she would laugh at him for getting flustered then this would just add more fuel to the fire. Out of all the people in the world, hearing Tara laugh at him like the others did about his unusual name would kill him inside.
“What?” Tara pressed, pulling him against her unconsciously. His mixed expression had her worried.
“Ah!” Beast Boy gasped, her face was so close now. Too close, in fact. “I.. Uhm..”
“You don’t have to tell me, but I hope I didn’t cross a line or anything, that's the last thing I want!” She seemed so concerned. He felt his heart flutter the only way she could make it. He sighed heavily and ran his hand over his eyes, stopping their trek to the tower they shared. He turned his face away from her, the redness on his cheeks showing just beneath his fingertips.
“..Garfield..” his voice was almost as silent as the breeze that rushed by them. Tara struggled to hear, and it showed in her furrowed brows.
“Sorry.. I didn’t catch that.” she slowly replied.
“.....Mmmm..” Beast Boy whined, his shoulders raising, “Garfield.” he repeated slightly louder.
“..I still don’t-”
“GARFIELD.” unable to take it anymore, Beast Boy blurted it out loudly, leaving the girl dazed. “Garfield Mark Logan. There, that’s my name, go ahead, laugh.”
But Tara was silent. She only tilted her head. “Garfield?” Beast Boy shrank totally sure she would burst into laughter at any second, but she only smiled quirkily, “My dad’s name is Garfield! That’s cool. I’ve never met another Garfield before! But calling you that feels weird since it is my dad's name.. Maybe I should give you a nickname.” while Tara tapped her cheek, young Beast Boy stared at her in awe.
Never before had he felt this way. She was full of surprises. He couldn't help staring at her as she cutely hummed in thought, then snapped her fingers, “I’ll call you Gar then!” she said as if it were some big reveal. “It’s super unoriginal, but I think it’s cool to say!” she pointed her fingers at him like a gun, winking.
Beast Boy continued to hold his gaze until he was the one that laughed. This girl was something else, and not only did she surprise him, but she also continues to conquer his heart even more than she already had. He never realized he could feel so deeply about anyone. She only continued to prove him wrong.
Once he collected himself, he warmly smiled at her. Affection littered his gentle eyes. Tara shifted, a pink dust fluttered over her nose. She was taken aback when he suddenly walked in front of her, standing toe to toe. His face was inching ever closer to her own and she felt her body shaking. Excitement, anticipation, and nervousness were all present in her blood as it swarmed through her body by her rising heartbeat. Her mind was racing, yet blank, as he took her shoulders between his fingers staring into her eyes. She couldn’t read his expression as her jaw became slack. She could have become lost in those eyes.
She had never known what love felt like, not like this. When he confessed his feelings to her before, she believed him, but actually seeing that love he had clearly laced in his eyes made her truly let it sink in.
‘Because I love you...’
Those words..
‘I love you...’
Those words were somehow different when Beast Boy said them. It made her feel different. It made her want to say them back. Yes, he did love her. He still loved her even after everything. She knew it now, and for a moment, she felt that love in her stomach. That same affection was brewing in her heart all the way through her body. It was like a memory she hadn’t quite recovered yet just waiting to be freed. So for a moment, she let the world around her slip away. For a moment, she forgot her troubles, her fears, herself, and decided to trust him completely with everything she had.
She felt him brush her cheek with his thumb, his face now just seconds away from touching her own. She was just about to let her lidded eyes close shut awaiting his kiss, but instead felt his arms embrace her. It snapped her out of her imagination, like waking up from a dream after falling.
“You’re amazing, you know that?”
“...” Tara was unable to say anything, she was too dazed.
“You’re the first person I’ve told my name to that didn't laugh at me. I was always so embarrassed about it..” he pulled away, an innocent smile on his lips. “Come on, let's get inside before we freeze our butts off!”
“Right.” Tara haplessly replied. She took his arm again, lightly touching her lips.
‘If he had kissed me..’ she felt her cheeks flush and an uncomfortable feeling flooded her heart because she knew that deep down, ‘I would have let him. ’
…
As ordered, the mysterious observant kept his eyes focused through his looking glass, seeing the two teenagers walking back into the tower together. They were growing closer. This would be great news for his boss, Slade. He could use Beast Boy as leverage against Tara since he had been unable to locate her parents. But the man spying on the teenagers shook his head as he removed his binoculars and placed them in his crossed legs with a harsh sigh.
He didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to harm any of them. He hated every moment of this. But there was no backing out; he had essentially sold his soul to the devil himself.
The spy felt a light nudge on his back. He turned to see the creature that had been sitting with him blankly staring at him. He smiled warmly through his mask and gently patted its head. The silent creature’s blood-red eyes seemed to shimmer softly as it laid down beside him happily feeling the other’s hand stroking it.
His smile faded after a while as his resolve was once again fortified. “I will do whatever it takes..”
Even if it kills me.
…
‘So, how is it?’
Tara’s mother excitedly asked on the other end of the communication. Tara softly smiled as she held her brand new communicator in her hands watching her mom and dad fumbling with theirs.
“It’s been .. an experience. A good experience!” she hurriedly corrected, “They’ve been nothing but supportive. Oh! And check out what I can do!” unable to contain herself, Tara lifted her fingertip over to something off-camera. In the next instant, three of her training rocks floated into view and hovered over her palm. She looked to her parents for approval, they were ecstatic.
‘Wow, pumpkin! That’s incredible!’ her father blurted with astonishment in his eyes. ‘How are you able to do that??’
“Heheh. I don’t know yet. I just know I can. The Titans are helping me to train my powers. I still have a long way to go.”
‘That is amazing, sweetheart, but I’m concerned about you pushing yourself.’ her mother held a cautious smile, Tara expected that from her mom. She was always a worrier.
“Don't worry mom, I’m not going to do anything crazy. '' Tara sighed, hinting sarcasm in her tone.
‘You’d better not; listen to your mother.’ her dad replied with a fake sternness.
Her mother playfully slapped his shoulder, ‘We just want you to be safe.’
“I am safe. Besides Fort Knox, I’m pretty sure this is the most secure place in the world, and not only that, I’m being protected by some of the greatest heroes in the world. Everything will be fine.”
‘You’re right. You’re right.’ relenting, her mom waved her hand to dismiss the matter altogether. ‘So, speaking of the Titans, are you getting along with them?’
Tara felt her mind grow blank as the remembrance of that teased (almost?) kiss colored her cheeks a bit. She was thankful it didn’t show on her communicator. Oh, she was getting along alright.. About to get a heart attack from her unstable emotions.
‘Tara?’
“Oh! Yeah! Everyone’s been super helpful and I’ve become friends with them.” getting snapped from her daydream forced Tara to bite her lip in frustration.
‘No,’ she grimaced, ‘He wouldn’t do that. He only admitted his feelings so he could get over them. After all, I caused him nothing but heartbreak. There’s no way he could still feel that way so I can’t let myself fall for him.. I can’t.’
But maybe that was what she deserved. That was her karma after the way she treated him. It’s only fair she should be tortured like he was. Regardless, Tara smiled as she continued to talk to her parents until time for training had arrived once again.
“Huha!” Tara belted as she punched out her fist. The boulder they had teased her with at the beginning of her training was now perfectly resting all the way on the other side of the field with no problem at all on her part. Without any delay, Tara breathed and waved her hands then, jerked her elbows inward. The glow in her palms intensified for a moment as the boulder was suddenly jerked back all the way to where it had been sitting for the past two weeks, perfectly laying back on the starting line.
Tara breathed out calmly, the power in her hands faded to nothing as she pulled her goggles up and over her forehead. She turned to Beast Boy who was excitedly clapping.
“That was awesome!”
“Thanks!”
“Very impressive.” Robin sauntered up to stand just behind the giddy teens with a hand on his hip, “I think you’re ready for the second phase of your training.”
Elated, Tara’s smile almost broke her jaw, “Seriously??”
“Yep, but don’t get too excited. This won’t be easy.” The fearless leader calmly came to her side and placed his hand over the side of the dusty boulder. “You’ve been progressing at an astonishing rate, but this is only scratching the surface of your potential.”
“So, what do I need to do?” Tara regained her training position, “I’m ready for anything!”
“You are going to start training to shape the earth to your will.” her confused expression etched a smirk on his lips, “Using your training stones, I want you to morph the rock into a totally different shape. You should start simple, like basic shapes, that way you won’t be overworking yourself and it gives your body time to get used to this new form of power.”
Now standing, Tara rubbed her arm unsurely. “Can I really do something like that?”
“Girl, I saw you create stone golems before, “ Butted Cyborg, “You can do it.”
Tara blinked her eyes in shock, but at this point, she shouldn’t have let anything surprise her. She reached into the pouch of her belt and pulled the three stones into her hand. She inhaled sharply hoping to not disappoint them. She was able to move the rocks on the first try, albeit just barely. Surely she could somewhat do the same for this task.
Tara placed the rocks in a line and sat criss-cross on the dirt with her hands over her knees. She clamped her eyes shut, trying to visualize what a cube looked like. She held her hand over the rock in the middle and her hand flickered that golden color. The Titans watched in bated breath as there was a sudden pulse of blinding light. When they all turned back assuming she had already completed the task, what they were met with was the exact scene as they’d left.
“What??” Tara blurted, leaning forward confoundedly. “But I felt the connection!” she quickly stated like a child thinking they had disappointed their parents.
“It is alright!” Starfire intervened, “You will just need more practice.”
“She’s right, we didn’t expect you to make it your first try,” Cyborg added.
Raven remained silent as she watched on from a distance. She crossed her arms and shook her head as Beast Boy knelt down. “It’s okay.” he said, “Don’t let one fail ruin the progress you’ve already made. This is way more complicated than just tossing some rocks around.”
He was right, but it still bothered her that nothing happened at all. Even her first try to move these same stones were somewhat successful. How could she not feel like an idiot or like she was wasting their time?
“Maybe I should try a different type of rock.” she hastily replied hoping that was the issue.
The others casted glances at each other. Robin nodded at Cyborg giving him permission. “Alright, I think I still have some metamorphic samples in my lab you could try.”
While she was grateful to them, Tara was still unable to bend the rocks to any shape at all, no matter how many different ones she tried.
Now limply sitting on her bed, Tara stared emptily at the dozens of rocks littered all over her floor with her hands holding her cheeks. “Hopeless..”
'I know you'll do great things..'
Unlike the majority of memories Tara had uncovered, this memory did not fill her with regret or sadness, but it also bothered her to no end. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't picture the face of that gentle voice. All she knew was that it was a male voice, young, maybe as young as she is. However, she didn't know how far back this memory went, so he might actually be older than her.
Tara focused intensely on the butterfly comb that triggered this snippet of the past. She held it firmly until her hands turned white. With a frustrated groan, Tara stood up, surrounded by her failed attempts. None of the stones had worked. They were all a bust. Or maybe it was her that was busted. Tara lightly beat the side of her head, moaning helplessly.
"Pull yourself together!" She commanded. "One more time!"
...
"She's pushing too hard," Raven remarked as Robin passed by her to get something in their fridge. Sitting next to the kitchen table, Raven passed a sideways glance to the leader.
She had her nose stuck in a book, yet her eyes were elsewhere, focused on the blonde beauty sitting a ways away on their couch. Robin sighed, knowing full well she was right, yet he turned to her with a low voice.
"I know. I've tried to convince her to stop for now so she doesn't exhaust herself, but she's dead set on learning. Honestly, if I had known she'd be like this, I would never have started her on the next phase. I guess I was just excited about her progress.”
"Clearly." Raven sighed as he rubbed the back of his head with his left hand while taking a sip from his soda in the other. Raven frowned, turning curtly away from the troubled girl on the couch. "Well, she's the only one who can convince herself she isn't ready for this yet. All we can do is hope she realizes." Nodding her head in finality, Raven shut her book and placed it under her arm before walking up the stairs. The doors slid ajar just as she was about to leave. The redhead princess immediately smiled, her arms neatly behind her back.
"Oh! Raven! Perfect, I have been searching for you. You were not in your room."
"Sorry, did I forget a mall trip?" Raven replied in her own dull way.
Starfire beamed, "Not at all! I was hoping you could give me some advice.."
Now speaking in quieter tones, the two girls conversed on the far-off stairwell as Tara vacantly stared at the rock she had set on the coffee table. By this point, she barely even registered there was a rock there at all. She was lost in space, trying to figure out her issue.
'Maybe there's something wrong with me.. ' She grimaced, hugging her legs defensively as her eyes just barely peaked over her knotted knees, 'Maybe all that time in the obsidian messed with me in a way besides my memory loss. Is that why I'm so useless? If I can't bend the rock to my will, then what? Is that all I'll be able to do is push one rock to another place? I'm so pathetic!' '
"Tch!" Dumping her head on her knees, Tara spat at herself.
That was when a gentle hand tapped her shoulder. "Uhm, excuse me?"
Tara instantly met those strange, alien eyes of the princess of Tamaran with bewilderment. She quickly put on her brave face.
"Hey, Starfire. Wassup?"
"Nothing is the up. I was wondering if perhaps you had a spare moment?"
By this point, Raven and Robin had left the living area. All that remained in the vast space was Tara and Star.
The way she was standing, Tara could tell the much taller girl was in distress. She was fidgeting behind her back with the most awkward smile she had seen on her lips. Tara grew concerned as the seconds ticked by.
"First of all, I would like to apologize to you." She began, "Out of our other friends, I am the least helpful in your quest to regain your precious life. Raven can relate to you with your powers, Robin is skilled at creating plans and training, Cyborg has been most helpful in providing further safety measures, and Beast Boy..” she seemed to trail off before smiling sheepishly, "..he ultimately brought you back to us. I, however, have not been as useful as they have."
"Star.."
"All I seem to be good for is.. Well.. Fixing your hair before your training commences." Shrugging her shoulders, Starfire averted her eyes.
"No, that's not true. You were the only other Titan that trusted me fully after Beast Boy brought me. You've been listening to me complain every time you fix my hair and you really listen to me! .. I know Beast Boy would listen, but he's done too much for me already. Besides, it's nice to have a girl I can talk to besides my mom.” Twirling her long blonde locks between her fingers, Tara also avoided eye contact feeling a rush of embarrassment.
"Oh, wonderful! I am happy to know that I have been somehow useful." Tara watched carefully as Starfire gently took what she had been hiding behind her back and showed it to Tara. "I am hopeful that this will be useful to you as well."
"What is it?" Tara puzzled.
Starfire held out a clear canister with a floating rock inside. It was colored a dark shade of pink. It mystified Tara as she stared at it through the glass
"This is a piece of land from my homeworld, Tamaran."
"It's pretty."
"And it is also yours,'' Starfire warmly smiled, handing the container to Tara who blindly took it as she stared at Starfire in shock.
"I can't take this!" She insisted.
Starfire shook her head, "I want you to have it." She clasped her hands in front of her, "You see, my homeland has a much lighter soil than that of earth. It's easier to break apart and form. I was thinking you would be able to use this for your training until you are able to bend the earth to your will."
"Starfire.."
"-Please, take it. Let me be useful to you."
Tara let her reply fall from her thoughts as she slowly glanced down at the rock in her hands. She felt her throat burn along with her nose, turning the white in her eyes to shimmer. She tightly squeezed the glass and nodded, hugging it to her breast.
"Thank you, Starfire. So much.."
Starfire hummed softly with an adorable smile. Tara breathed in to calm her emotions and twisted off the top of the lid. The rock continued to free float in the container until Tara activated her powers and pulled it to rest in her palm. Gently setting the canister on the cushions, Tara stared at the rock intensely. Starfire sacrificed the only thing she had to remind her of her homeworld just for her. She wouldn't let that be for nothing.
She clamped her bluebells shut tightly, scrunching her nose. She tried to visualize what Robin told her to.
'Just think of basic shapes. '
"Basic shapes,'' she repeated to herself, "But what is the easiest shape?" The Tamaranian rock unsteadily staggered to fly above her palms. Starfire's lips perked with intrigue, then something extraordinary happened, "A cube?" The rock twitched forcefully, morphing into the specified shape, "Sphear?" Once again, the stone gargled into a smooth spear, Starfire gasped, "Or maybe he meant to flatten the rock and make one-dimensional shapes, like circles and triangles."
"Uhm, Tara." Starfire barely raised her voice as she was entranced by the once three-dimensional sphere flatting instantaneously, switching between every basic shape Tara addressed like magic.
"..It's not working, I don't feel anything.. What am I doing wrong?"
"Tara!" Starfire timidly yelped, unsure what to do. The door to the living room slid open and the duo, Beast Boy and Cyborg, casually laughed during their conversation while they walked inside. They abruptly stopped to hear Starfire cry out.
"What's going on?" Cyborg hurriedly asked as he and Beast Boy came to either side of Starfire who was hunched nervously in front of Tara.
"I-I do not know!"
Beast Boy raised his brows in awe. "Tara?" He breathed.
"I need it to work!" Incoherently muttering to herself, Tara was unaware of her surroundings anymore as her hair started to spiral and her body became aglow with yellow light. The atmosphere wasn't dire but Beast Boy worried if this kept up, they could have a similar situation to that of when Tara first lost control at dinner on their hands.
Tara scrunched her face until she heard that voice again. 'I know you'll do great things.. ' It made her think of her butterfly comb that sparked that vague memory. She gasped silently, her mind that had been like a dank, decrepit fog suddenly blew out in a cleansing white, revealing a cool mist of satin as one thought prevailed.
'I want to make that. .' She wished, 'But I'm too weak. I'll never get there at this rate .'
But little did she know, she already had. Laying perfectly in the palm of her hands was an intricately shaped butterfly. As she thought about how she wanted it to look, the butterfly softly spread its pink wings then closed them again. The Titans that surrounded Tara were shocked, to say the least. They couldn't believe it. What came next truly set them off.
"..I want to see it fly.." Tara whispered absently, like wishing on a star.
The butterfly expanded its wings as a beautiful, sparkling orb surrounded it and it began to flutter around the room.
"Whoa!" Cyborg belted in disbelief. He stared with mouth agape and his palm slapped against his head.
"Magnificent!" Starfire instantly flew to follow the butterfly around, enthralled.
Beast Boy was also very impressed, but his worry for the untamed girl pushed him over the edge. He knelt down, placed his hands on her shoulders, and said, "Tara!"
Her eyes shot open widely. She gasped, glancing around as her hair fell back over her shoulders messily. Beast Boy grinned, sliding her locks of sunshine over her ear.
"..Gar?" Tara blinked her eyes, "Wh-What's going on?"
"You tell me." He pointed up.
Tara raised a brow before following his command and realized what he meant. "What??" She staggered up, furiously glancing between the butterfly and her hands as if she needed more proof this was her doing, but just like the butterfly, her hands were adorned in that signature color of hers. "H..How?"
"Because you're amazing!"
Tara felt a flurry of red come over her cheeks as she shyly smiled. The moment screeched to a stop when Cyborg's exclamation echoed in the vast living room.
"Uh, Team!? You all need to see this!" He was pressed up against the window with a huge grin on his face.
Beast Boy hurriedly leaped to his side, gasping with a huge grin when he saw it too. He whirled on his feet grabbing hold of Tara's wrist, yanking her up. She squealed from the sudden brashness as she stumbled to keep up with him while he tugged her along.
"What are you doing??" she sputtered, but was abruptly hushed by his enthusiasm.
"Whatever it is you're doing, don't stop!" He replied vaguely.
"Huh???"
"Just trust me!"
The two of them burst from the main hall's doors now standing on the dirt of their island. Going from the dimly lit hallway to the bright sunset of the coast of Jump City caused the girl being dragged to shield her eyes until they adjusted. When the young woman did lower her arm, she was totally and utterly flabbergasted.
There in the sky, as if straight out of a fairy tale, at least a hundred butterflies were dancing in the air. However, these butterflies were no ordinary insect, they were all just like the Tamaranian rock Tara had bent to her desire. They were all made of rocks from the island by her geoforce ability. The rocks shaped like butterflies slithered in the air, all adorning a glow of sparkling aura resembling stars.
“Wow.. I.. it’s .. it’s-!”
“-Beautiful.” finishing her sentence, Raven had her eyes locked on the scene before her. Her violet orbs wide with an emotion Tara couldn't understand. She stood beside Tara, but even though they were almost the same height, for some reason, Tara noticed, Raven seemed smaller than her. Raven turned her head carefully to look Tara directly in her bluebell eyes, confounded, “How.. did you do this?”
Tara was still unable to breathe. The way Raven was looking at her, made her heart jump a beat. She jumped, nervously holding her hands up, “I don't know! I-I just wanted to see butterflies and..” she averted her eyes, “I made them.. Somehow.”
“Well, I think, it’s amazing,” Robin interjects just a few feet below them. Tara hadn’t even noticed that he was there as he held out his hand gingerly. One of the butterflies gracefully landed on his extended index, softly flapping its heavy wings. Examining it, Robin continued, “This is amazingly complex. All the butterflies are acting like a real flock. It’s remarkable.”
“I knew she could do it.” Beast Boy placed his hand on her right shoulder. Immediately she felt her whole body tense up and a flustered blush tainted her cheeks. She hurriedly averted her eyes, shyly smiling. “You just needed to believe you could too.”
“Yeah,” Tara replied with a small grin. The grin soon fell however as she blinked her eyes at the scene around her.
Garfield and the others faced her from where they were, sensing her mood change. They all stood puzzled as she bawled her glowing fists. “..But if I can’t make them stop, then there’s no point in celebrating. I need to control my powers, not marvel at them.”
Exchanging glances amongst themselves, the Titans all smirked at her confidently. The green changeling laced his fingers into her own with an optimistic quirk of his lips. This gesture boosted her own confidence and it only increased as the others showed their unyielding support.
“There’s no need to be afraid.” Raven stepped beside Tara, slithering her feminine fingers through her other hand, provoking a startled glint in the blond’s eyes, “If you can't stop them, I can.”
“So can I!” Starfire beamed, rising into the air with her fists up.
“We gotcha back!” Cyborg leaned to the side, holding his arm that was shaped into a sonic cannon.
“We trust you. We believe in you, and we are here for you. You have everything you need to control your power.” Robin was calm, not even breaking out his signature bo staff or batarangs. He simply crossed his arms and nodded.
Tara breathed deeply, lulling her nerves. She closed her eyes, focusing on that thread in her mind that she used as a visualization of her powers. The thread was practically overflowing with aura, bright as the sun. Tara needed to close the amount she was releasing unintentionally. There needed to be a lid.
Keeping her eyes closed, Tara walked forward, her hands still aglow as they slipped away from Beast Boy and Raven’s grasps. They all held their breath as anticipation filled their core. Now several feet down the hill Tara raised her hand. “Okay, time to go,” she stated, dreamily. There was silence, then chaos.
The butterflies abruptly swarmed Tara, engulfing her in a tornado-like cylinder. Her blonde hair spiraled erect, her clothes swaying uncontrollably around her body. Robin, Starfire, Cyborg, and Beast Boy grunted in alarm, but it was Raven who silenced them with a swift move of her hand.
“She's got this.”
That statement eased their panic as well as the gentle giggling coming from Tara herself. The butterflies meant her no harm at all. It was more like they were saying goodbye as they lightly brushed their wings all over her, almost simulating a kiss.
“It’s like.. They’re alive.” In disbelief, Cyborg stated this aloud mostly to himself, but the others agreed.
“Heheh.. Come on, now.” Tara joyfully chirped, “It’s time to rest.”
Like an explosion of magic, the sentient rocks bursted in all directions, fluttering by the Titans in a whirlwind of sparkling gold that blew their clothes in the direction they went. Filling the slots of earth they had come from, each butterfly laid to rest one by one, fusing back with the ground they originated from.
The last butterfly left was the original Tamaranian stone. Tara held out her hand allowing this slowly dying butterfly to land safely in her palm. With a final flap of its wings, the butterfly’s glow disrupted and was left a normal stone once more. Caressing the brim of its wing, Tara slipped her other hand over the butterfly, crushed it with her power, and formed it into a sphere once it lifted. Her eyes sparkled with elation. Once again crushing it and revealing a star, then a triangle, then a cube, then a regular stone.
“You did it!” Starfire beamed, flittering to her side.
“I did!” she turned to Beast Boy who was hurriedly trotting down the hill to meet her, “Did you see that?? I did-” her next sentence was cut off as his whole body weight was forced on her, toppling them over as he embraced her, laughing all the while.
“I’m so proud of you!” he rubbed his cheek against her excitedly. While Tara’s cheeks reddened, she couldn't help the laughter that came from her own lips.Another goal had been achieved.
As the other’s dogpiled Tara one after the other, Raven stood away, her arms lightly hugging her waist. She stood at the top of the island hill just in front of the door, and while she was happy things were going well, she still felt anger bubbling in her stomach. “Is this what we missed?” she said, not particularly to anyone, as she held her right hand over her chest, she bitterly pursed her lips. “..This feeling.. Is what I missed.” she curtly turned her body away, her cape fluttering with a lonely whale as she treaded into the tower. “I’m such a fool.”