"She was my best friend."
CHAPTER FIVE
"She was my best friend."
“Beast Boy…”
It was like the world shattered. He flinched, timidly turning his head to gaze into those large, bluebell eyes of hers that he had loved so much. He felt his heart clench in his chest and panic rushed through him.
The silence would’ve been unbearable had it not been for those birds chirping away in the trees lining the sidewalk. The rustle of the wind shaking the leaves also helped break the quiet. For several seconds Beast Boy remained trapped under her gaze like a terrified mouse afraid of being devoured alive.
“Uh.. Hello?” Tara waved her hand softly in front of his face. The trance had been broken.
“Uh!” with a grunt he blinked heavily, then pursed his lips with embarrassment. Without saying a word, Beast Boy ducked his head and hurriedly turned away, treading in the opposite direction.
Tara’s brows furrowed with a stupefied noise. “Huh? Beast Boy!”
She called after him, but his legs continued to pick up speed, moving faster with every step he heard the girl behind him take to stop him.
“Beast Boy! Beast Boy, stop! Aren't you even going to talk to me?” she felt herself cringe as her voice carried in the same way, and words she had heard Terra say in that video. She shook it off as she continued after him.
“I can't! It- it's too confusing to be around you! Besides, you said you didn’t want me around! You said to leave you alone, didn’t you?”
“Yeah, but I also said things change!”, hurriedly Tara replied, now jogging to catch up, “Will you just listen to me for five seconds!”
Tara reached out her hand and snatched his shoulder, yanking him back. With a startled yelp, Beast Boy tripped over his own feet and fell backward, knocking Tara down with him. Now sitting a few inches apart, Tara and Beast Boy rubbed their heads.
“Are you okay?” Beast Boy blurted. His eyes were wide with apprehension as he held out his hand to her but thought better of it. With his ears diving low, he shuffled to his feet and rolled his lips into his mouth, unable to make eye contact with her.
“I’m fine,” she replied, dusting her skirt as she stood on her own. Her disheveled hair hung between her eyes and even as she pulled the strands to the side they continued to invade her face. “What's the matter with you? First, you stalk me like a lunatic and now you’re too scared to talk to me?” with annoyance piercing the air, Tara stomped her foot.
“I’m sorry, okay? But as I said, you told me to leave you alone!” pointing his green finger at her, Beast Boy frowned.
“Do you think I wanted to talk to you??”
“Then why are you? What do you want from me!?” with a voice of desperate frustration, Beast Boy yelled back at her repeating the same question she had posed to him all that time ago.
Tara’s face fell from fury to regret as her eyes could sense the pain behind his own. She felt torn now. Maybe she should’ve just left well enough alone. It was too late now, though. She had to see this through. Tara groaned and ran her hands over her forehead and then hair, pulling the locks of sun into her palms like a ponytail, then let them fall with a breath.
“I need some answers; answers I think only you can give me. I have nowhere else to turn.”
“Answers? About what?” he asked, taking a step back from her. He couldn't be near her, it was almost palpable.
“About her. About Terra.”
“..I can't help you.” he turned away but Tara grasped hold of his clenched fist and yanked him back.
“..Please..” Tara’s voice broke slightly. Her face was beet red as she felt the embarrassment of the situation overpower her.
“Huh?” he turned quickly to face her. She was now kneeling on the ground with her hair covering her face as she gripped tightly to his hand.
“Please, Beast Boy. I know what I said. I’m sorry, okay? Please, I’m begging you to tell me.”
Suddenly, her arms were pulled up with two strong hands. On her feet now, she saw the expression of agony on his features replaced with a stranger one. He was blushing with his ears lower than before, but his eyes were focused to the side with intense sharpness. He looked totally conflicted and unsure of what to do. All he knew was no matter how hard he tried he couldn't look her in the eye.
“Don’t do that. Geez..” he sputtered. “..I’m sorry too.” he let go of her limp hands and put his own in his pockets swiftly turning to face the sea. “I was being selfish before. It’s just..” it was like being struck by lightning when those emerald orbs finally found hers, piercing right through her. She felt frozen stiff, yet her knees wobbled like jelly. “It’s just.. When I look at you, it reminds me of her. It’s really hard. She meant a lot to me, and my friends..” now he faced the bustling water again as the salty wind brushed their hair to the side.
“..That’s kind of why I’m here. You told me how she was amazing, and how she was a hero, stuff like that.”
“She was,” he replied matter-of-factly
“But.. she wasn’t always.”
For a moment, an air of shock crossed his features, then he closed his eyes with a soft huff. “We should sit down,” he sighed, giving his usual smile. She looked puzzled for a time, yet Beast Boy remained hospitable. He shrugged, “What? Didn’t you want answers or something?” he turned and waved his hand for her to follow him to a bench, “Come on.”
“Oh, right!” snapped from her stupor, Tara trotted behind and caught up to him once he reached the wooden bench surrounded by rustling trees and soft, luscious grass. They sat together on that bench at arm's length.
Tara rested her bag in her lap, playing with a loose strand around the zipper. Her eyes darted between the boy next to her and her slender fingers twisting the thread. Her heart was pounding being next to him. She wasn’t sure why this was. She thought, perhaps, the nervousness of being alone with him was to blame, or maybe it was the answers to her questions that made her afraid. A little voice inside told her to leave and go back to a normal life. But Tara’s life hasn't been normal at all and she wanted to stop pretending like everything was fine. But it wasn't her that spoke first. The tenner of the others' voice resonated right down to her core and she felt her stomach flutter oddly.
“It’s such a nice day,” he said, leaning back with his arms behind his head. His eyes were focused on the glistening sea but he wouldn’t ignore the girl next to him. “So, what changed your mind?”
“About what, exactly?” Tara replied.
“You know. Wanting to know about Terra. Before you were so distant about what I showed you.”
Tara followed his tantalizing gaze and stared off into the horizon. Her voice was distant-sounding as she spoke, “I was so sure that you were mistaken. Me and her.. We couldn’t possibly look that similar.” she tightly pulled at the string, suddenly yanking it off her bag. She paused and took a calming breath. There was silence before she spoke again. “But we actually do; uncannily so. And then, when I found out she was actually a terrible person; that she betrayed the city, and you along with it, it made me even angrier to be her twin. I don’t want her label as a monster.”
Beast Boy didn’t stir, but he felt the twinge of sorrow in his gut twist him like a knife. He casted his eyes to her and pursed his lips. He understood why people would think that, he really did. There was a brief moment when he too thought that. When he thought she was the scum of the earth, but later he came to terms with it, even forgave her as he realized why and put aside his own emotions.
“I guess, I just need to know why.”
“..If you know the full story, what will you do? Would it even matter in the end? You’re not Terra, right? So why should it matter why she was the way she was? You’re your own person. Whether you look like her or not.” he stretched with a loud yawn as she tried to interject with an argument he cut her off, “But I’ll tell you this, she wasn’t a monster. She was a regular girl that just so happened to be one of the most powerful people to ever live.” that caused Tara to retract herself and she pulled closer to him with intently devoted attention to him.
“Who was she?” she lightly asked.
“..She was my best friend. An insecure, lonely girl that only wanted to be a hero, but her tremendous powers caused her to be shunned by everyone she tried to protect. But she was always so hopeful despite that.” His words had an air of unobtrusiveness as he recalled the days when things were better than they had ever been for him. The way his eyes lit up as he spoke of his beloved friend made Tara swallow all the pride she had before.
“Terra had been in trouble since the day we met her. We wanted her to stay with us and become a Titan. But when I found out she had trouble controlling her powers, she swore me to secrecy. She was afraid if the others found out, she would be cast away, like before. It did get out though, and she figured I was to blame since I was the only one that knew… so she left, and fell into the hands of our arch-enemy, Slade. He promised to help her gain control of her powers, in exchange, she was to help him take the Titans down.” Beast Boy wrung his hands together and leaned forward on his knees. The memory was sending chills down his spine. He could still hear the hurt in her voice, he could still picture the way her eyes glistened as she cried out to him, terrified of what she was becoming. He shivered and craned his neck to look back to the sea.
“Terra was angry at us… at me.. Slade convinced her that we were the enemy and that we betrayed her. In the end, she realized what had happened and how Slade tricked her. She turned against him and brought him down… but paid the ultimate price for it. Raven and Cyborg tried to use every resource they could to bring her back, but nothing ever worked and she remained a statue.”
Tara was speechless. Truly, she couldn’t think of any words to say as she stared at the green teenager beside her. She had never thought her story would be this heart-wrenching. She had no idea at all. Yet after everything that happened, Beast Boy was still on her side, and so were the others it seemed. They all missed her and respected her memory. They loved her like family despite her shortcomings.
“..I must seem like a total jerk.” unconsciously, Tara relayed this with a sting in her voice. “I pushed you away, didn’t even care about what you were telling me when we first met. I just found your quest to bring my memory back as humorous and lead you on. And then, when I got fed up with it.. I said such awful things.”
She lifted her hands up. Her fingers twitched as her throat burned with the thirst to cry. Her vision blurred as tears came and dripped from her lids into her palms. “I’m the one who's a monster.”
Like the way the waves crashed against the beaches of the coast, two arms embraced her without hesitation. She felt long, slender fingers glide through her hair, cradling her head against his shoulder, pulling her in. She could smell the scent of lavender on him. It was so familiar, so intoxicating, that it eased her. Unable to hold back, tears spilled from her round eyes as she trembled in his embrace. She tried to speak but her throat only allowed broken syllables to escape. He shushed her and urged her closer to him.
“You’re not a monster. You’re my friend.”
Tara sobbed, grasping desperately onto his shirt as she threw her arms around him. Her shoulders shook with each hiccup and her salty tears stained his shirt, yet Beast Boy was motionless. He held her tight, softly stroking her hair, and allowed her the time she needed. It was time he needed as well, he was definitely sure that if he moved away he would lose his own tears that had been gathering behind his lids as he clenched them shut.
It was dusk before Tara’s cries faded into the crickets choir. Beast Boy continued to hold her and pet her head. He felt the burn of his cheeks as he realized he wasn't sure what to say and he felt embarrassed.
“Beast Boy.” the young blonde’s hoarse voice broke the silence, startling Beast Boy. He squealed and pulled away with an anxious chuckle.
“Uhm, yes?”
“..Can I see you.. Sometime again?”
His puzzled expression along with the glowing redness dusting his features made the girl giggle. Seeing her smile, he found himself relaxing and shared in her enjoyment with his own. “Of course you can,” he replied. “Oh!” with an idea striking him, Beast Boy’s ears twitched. He fumbled around his pockets with his tongue poking from between his lips before finally tearing out a round object and placing it in her palm. He closed her fingers over it as if to subconsciously tell her not to refuse it before letting go. “I hope you accept it this time.” his voice was almost too unbearably cute for Tara’s comfort. She felt her own cheeks coloring before she quickly glanced down at the object in question.
A yellow and black device with a big, white ‘T’ on it. “Your communicator..” she breathed.
“It's yours now." he replied with a definitive nod, "You can call me anytime you want with it. Whenever you’re sad, or lonely, or even when something good happens and you want to share it with me. With this bad boy, I’m just one call away.”
“..I don’t know what to say.”
“..You don’t have to say anything, Tara. It’s yours, and I’m not taking ‘no’ as an answer this time.” he winked, wiggling his brow. She smirked.
“Okay, you win. How can I say ‘no’ to that face?” she teased, placing the communicator against her chest with a tender simper. “I’ll treasure it… uh! Wait, how did you know my name?”
Beast Boy sucked his lips into his mouth as the question left him feeling totally exposed. He shyly poked his fingers together and felt sweat run down his head. “Uhm! Well, you see, I, uh..” stumbling over his words, Tara watched him with an adorable tilt of her head.
“..What?”
“..Uhm, when I saved you from Cinderblock.. The only reason I knew you were in danger was because .. I found your bag and kinda, maybe, on accident, purposefully went through it and found your school ID card..?” clenching his teeth, Beast Boy pulled his head away, sure she was going to yell at him or maybe even slap him, but she never did. Instead, he was greeted by her hardy laughter.
“How could you have figured that? Hahahah!” she clutched her sides leaning over on her knees.
Beast Boy shot up from the bench and widely shook his arms with an embarrassed squeal, “Well, why else would you have left your bag??” His words spewed out like vomit but the laughter from her pretty smile was enough to make him feel at ease and all he could do was sigh at himself for being ridiculous.
After a while, Tara stood up and grasped her bag strap in her hand. She had a look of shyness as she pulled hair to rest behind her ear. “Well, I should probably get going now. My mom will be worried if I’m home late. Heck, she’s probably worried already.”
“Do you mind me walking you home? I wouldn’t feel right if you went by yourself so close to dark.”
Tara glanced to the side seemingly mulling it over, then turned to him with a smile, “Sure! As long as you don’t stalk me at my house.”
Beast Boy chuckled mildly as they walked side by side down the lamp-lit path of the park leading to the heart of Jump City.
…
Drip…... Drip...
The cold and stale air salted by the occasional droplets of water falling from the rafters above clouded heavily around Slade. His calculating fingers tapping against the railing beside him mirrored the water falling from above him.
He watched with a pleased smirk hidden behind his full face mask as the television screen before him played the scene of a blonde girl and green boy talking on a bench and hugging each other.
“Everything is going smoothly,” he said with a step back. His heel reverberated as he did so. “You did excellent work bringing them together. But we mustn't be hasty.” Slade turned to face behind as an overpowering silhouette stood there obediently in its prison. A second humanoid figure stood beside the creature's cage. He was silent, only hanging his head. Speaking directly to the being, Slade continued, “Once it is completed for testing, it’ll be your turn to have some fun. But don’t get carried away like Cinderblock and get captured.”
Turning back to face the screen, the villain clenched his fists. “..There's still so much to do...
…
“You’re home late.” a raspy voice spoke from the living room as Beast Boy sauntered in with a skip in his step.
The living room was cleaner than usual. The small kitchen area was a bit messy after Cyborg’s cooking, but everywhere else was spotless. Cyborg wasn’t present, however, Robin, Raven, and Starfire were all there instead, sitting on the semicircle couch as they watched a movie on the large TV screen. When the door opened they turned at once seeing the green Titan enter with a certain glow about him making the others glance at each other with puzzled expressions.
“What are you, my mom?” Beast Boy replied to Raven with a sly smirk. Raven raised her brows behind her hood as her dark eyes watched him humming while he stepped lively with his own beat.
“Uh, Beast Boy, you .. uh.. Doing okay?” Robin asked with a pinch of shock as he turned around in his seat fully, shutting off the tv with the remote in his hand without looking at it.
“Yes, you seem...uhm... Different.” Starfire added with her hands collapsed together as she floated from her seat next to Robin and over to Beast Boy who was digging through the fridge, swaying side to side. She wore a positive smile while also airing on the side of caution hoping not to push his boundaries.
Once the beast boy’s slender hand clasped around what he wanted, he stood erect and bumped the fridge door with his hip. He reached down and picked open the lid to the can of his favorite soda and then took a sip while meeting the eyes of the others in a confused way.
“I’m fine, seriously, you guys don’t need to worry about me. I told you that I'd be back to normal.”
“Yes, but you just.. Seem so changed.” Starfire relayed as she glanced around the room tapping her fingers together. “And so quickly. Just this morning you seemed like a Wogglius on Glamport Day.”
“..I’m not even going to pretend I know what you’re talking about.” Beast Boy remarked, shaking his head, taking another sip.
“I think what she’s trying to say is that it seems sudden. Did something happen to brighten your mood while you were out?” Robin asked.
Beast Boy stood silent as a warm smile spread over his lips, even his eyes seemed to color brighter than before. Raven sensed it and it made her tense up. “It was just a nice day,” he responded with an adorable shrug. He gulped down the rest of the soda with a loud, satisfied sigh and tossed it into the almost overflowed trash can. Continuing to hum, the young teen strode out of the living room, and the automatic doors shutting behind him left the three of his friends unable to say a word.
A flutter was tickling his stomach as he sped walked through the halls of the tower. Beast Boy hadn’t felt so giddy since he became a Teen Titan, or even since he met Terra. He felt like a breath of fresh air had been gifted to him. He still needed to come to grips with Terra’s loss and he knew that it would still be difficult to be around Tara.
The similarities would have him constantly comparing them at first, but he knew he could control his mind if he worked hard enough. He just had to be aware. He could do it. He could be her friend.
They can work things out.
She can make him feel better.
Everything will be back to the way it was.
His feet suddenly halted mid-step as he passed by a certain door that seemed to pulsate a heavy field of emotion. His head slowly turned to stare at the nameplate plastered to the door.
“TERRA”
He breathed deeply and slowly raised his hand to caress the metal frame. To his surprise, the door slid open automatically, making him wince with a squeal. A brush of icy air spilled into the atmosphere along with the darkness inside.
Beast Boy stood at the prosopis between the light and dark as his emerald orbs peered inside. When she left, the power had been shut off completely in her room, including the door, but when he brought Tara to the tower and showed her Terra’s room he turned the power back on.
“I must have forgotten to turn it off,” he mumbled to himself.
He sighed vacantly, rubbing the palms of his hands with their respective fingers as he felt his heart beating loudly in his chest. Unable to stop himself he stepped inside and reached to the left turning on the lights. The room illuminated with several lights littered above like stars casting over the muted orange carpet. The door shut behind him as he stood there motionless for a moment.
He felt a sense of silliness overcome him. He shook his head trying to laugh it off. “Why did I even come in here? I’m fine.” he reminded himself, turning back around to face the door, wanting to leave. But just as he did so, he heard something faintly behind him.
‘You guys did all this.. For me ?’
He gasped, leaping from his place, and turned sharply around only to see his terrified expression reflected in the window overlooking the horizon of the city back at him. He could have sworn he heard a voice directly in his ear. Her voice. But he knew it wasn’t. It was just a memory.
“...Damn.” he clicked his tongue. His brows lowered over his eyes as frustration burned in his chest.
As if by instinct, Beast Boy carried himself over to a small, white stand with a single drawer. He opened it and revealed a silver heart-shaped box so shiny it reflected his disgusting, tired face back at him. He paused, staring into his own eyes before snapping and grabbing the box wanting to fling it against the wall as hard as he possibly could.
But..he remembered something.
"Beast Boy, what are you doing??"
“What does it matter? Just leave me alone!” With rage in his voice and malice in his eyes, Beast Boy threw the box as hard as he could against the wall only for it to come to a sudden halt with a black orb engulfing it mere moments from shattering.
He paused, processing what just happened. Slowly, he turned his cold eyes to face Raven with her hand illuminating the same glow of darkness. She carefully walked up to the box, still suspended in mid-air, and clasped her free hand over it. As soon as her hands grasped hold of its metal frame, the magic disappeared into thin air.
“Don’t do that,” she said, her bangs covering her eyes.
“What does it matter what I do?! I can destroy anything of her’s I want!!” throwing his hand around her room he stepped back, shaking.
“Beast Boy--” she was interrupted.
“There isn't a moment where I don't think about it! I can't stop seeing her face. I can't stop hearing her voice. I can't stop remembering the times we laughed, cried, talked, and lived together and yet she feels nothing at all! She doesn't care about any of that! She LIED to me!!” he whirled around with tears wheeling in his eyes. She gasped inaudibly and stepped closer to him but he jerked away before she could touch him. “No one can understand! No one can possibly understand what I feel! So stop trying!”
“I do understand..” she replied, taking another step.
“You couldn't understand!- I trusted her with everything I had!! I loved her!” hurt. Betrayal. Heartbreak. All were present in his unbridled, raging voice. Raven hardly recognized him. Yet she understood him. Deep down he knew that. He knew she felt angry and broken about Terra’s betrayal. He knew. But he couldn't stop.
“..You can't destroy any of this. I won't let you.” he breathed ready to argue with her, but she continued, “Because,” with a tart glint of grief in her eyes. Beast Boy softly gasped hearing the emotion in her voice and even seeing it on her face. His throat burned as he finally could see everything he was feeling in her eyes.
He realized what he had become, and that hurt even more. “I know you’d regret it later, and I don’t want you to feel any worse than you do.’’ pressing her lips together, Raven gently took his hand in hers and placed the box into his possession.
Beast Boy didn’t take his intense gaze away from her. He couldn't. The emotions wheeling up inside forced uncontrollable tears to pour from his green eyes like a storm. He cried out in agony then clenched his teeth hoping to stop himself. He lost the feeling in his legs, falling to the floor, the box falling with him.
Yet before he touched the ground, two arms engulfed him. Raven held him tightly forcing her eyes to blink away her own tears as she kept her emotion in check in fear of her power. It didn’t stop Beast Boy. He clung to her desperately. Sobbing was the only sound from him for a long while as Raven held him tightly, never letting him go.
...
That memory from so long ago caused Beast Boy to grimace. He felt like an idiot.
Beast Boy held the heart-shaped box in his hands, caressing the brim of it with his thumb as his eyes trembled. He blinked, cradling the box to his chest as he dragged his feet over to her bed, taking a seat, then letting himself fall back onto the sheets matching the art of the desert on her wall. He rested one arm over his eyes with a deep breath in while the other tightened around the only thing left of her that wasn’t so cold.
“It’s okay… It’s okay..”
It’s okay.
...
“You can't control your powers, so what?”
“Promise you won’t tell anyone!”
“Sure--”
“Swear it!!”
“Okay! Okay! I promise! But really it’s no big deal. If my friends knew they’d still like you.”
“...You just don’t understand..” her own words woke her as Tara tossed her head, unable to stop her lids from rising. A cold burst of thunder rang outside along with a flash of bright light through her red curtains.
The young lady sat up in bed pulling the covers around her shoulders with a sleepy sniff. She glanced around her dimly lit room expecting to see someone there next to her but none were there. She glanced at her clock on the nightstand seeing the time was 5:38 AM. Placing her fingertips over her forehead she grimaced feeling pressure in her head as rain padded against the windows and roof.
"Ugh.. Again?" She grumbled. "What is going on with me lately?" Laying carefully back down, Tara snuggled into the covers to catch more sleep before her alarm rang. But the thought of someone talking to her so clearly still ran through her mind, bothering her.
"...What were we ..talking about.. anyway..?" She muttered as sleep finally found her.