"I just want to be normal!"
CHAPTER ONE
"I just want to be normal!"
‘It.. hurts..’
“Things change, Beast Boy.”
‘It hurts.. So much.’
“The girl you want me to be..”
‘No, please. Don’t say it! I can’t take it anymore!’
“..Is just a memory-”
“Terra!!” with his chest heaving violently, the young hero bolted upright on his bunk bed with a scream. Unable to avoid the ceiling directly above him, his head clashed against it. He groaned in pain, hunching over.
He blinked his eyes as the darkness of his bedroom came into focus. Right; another nightmare., just like the one prior. For a straight week, Beast Boy had been having the same recurring vision. His best friend, and first crush, stood in a school uniform looking at him with blatant uninterest and disregard as she told him that she wasn't the girl he knew anymore; that she was just a memory, one that couldn't be remembered.
Ever since that day, he couldn't figure it out. Was it really that she didn’t remember? And if she didn’t, why would Slade still be interested in her? Without remembering who she was, she wouldn't be able to use her superpowers to control earth with her mind anymore.
It had been a week since that day; a week of heartache and sorrow with the nights following those demoralizing days never giving the young teen the sanctuary he so desperately needed. Sleep eluded him ever since these nightmares invaded his dreamscape. The bags under his eyes showed just how deprived he was of sleep. Out of all the Titans, Beast Boy was always the best one at catching the ‘Z’s’, but not recently.
He held his palm to his forehead breathing a sigh. His emerald eyes casted over to the window next to his bed as the sun mockingly began to shine over the horizon. With annoyance, he threw his pillow at the window.
“Yeah, Yeah.” he threw himself off the bed and landed smoothly on the carpeted floor.
The room itself was chilly, even with his fluffy, blue pajamas covering his whole body. He cantered to the switch on the wall beside his door to turn up the heat and turn the lights on. With a soft hum, the heater started its work and the lights did as commanded to. Once again he turned to the window and stood there, staring.
How dare the world be so bright. For Beast Boy, nothing could be as bright as the sun was ever again. He knew it sounded dramatic, but that was what he truly felt.
As he stepped over the piles of clothes on the floor, he went to stand in front of the automated closet door. It opened to reveal his many jumpsuits and a few other assorted clothes for nonwork-related outings and lounging. He decided to pick his jumpsuit as per usual.
The chaningling unbuttoned the first four buttons of his PJ shirt and then slipped the covering over his head, letting it fall to the floor. Doing the same with his pants, he grabbed the suit. Beast Boy stepped inside the legs, pulled his arms through the sleeves, then zipped up the back to secure it. His belt laying carelessly on his messy desk found its way in his hands and he clipped the buckle into place. The next things were his socks and shoes. Those took the longest to find under all the pizza boxes and clothes lying around, but he finally found them under his bed.
Once they slipped on, Beast Boy tapped the toe of his shoes against the ground, then unconsciously glanced in the mirror. He paused. His eyes looked red and puffy and along the lower lid of his eyes were darker than before. His face fell ever so slightly as he curtly turned away.
“Whatever,” he muttered before stepping out of the automatic door to start the day.
The only ones who would be awake this hour would either be Robin, the team leader, or Raven, the magical witch of darkness. He tiptoed through the halls trying not to make a sound as he headed for the kitchen area. Luckily he had managed to slip by without anyone noticing.
Beast Boy tapped his chin with his index finger as his other hand held the fridge door ajar. He sighed, disheartened that most of the food he needed to make breakfast with was out or had gone bad.
“Damn, whose job was it to go shopping this week?” he asked himself.
He wasn’t expecting an answer, but a voice did just that directly behind him. “Your’s, dummy.” It was Raven. She was standing at the island table holding a book in her left hand with the other over her hip.
Beast Boy nearly leaped out of his skin as he jumped in the air landing with his hands over his head. After a moment, his heartbeat went back to normal and he heaved a breath of relief. Turning to the goth, he crossed his arms, shutting the fridge door with his elbow.
“Oh, really? My bad then,” he said dully. He grabbed a notepad from a magnet on the fridge then a pen and began to write down all the missing items. “I’ll get the stuff today. I’ll be out anyway.”
Raven watched him with soft worry casting over her violet eyes. “Hey..” she began. He didn't respond, only twitched his ears, “Why not I come with you? Don't want you to get lost in the city.”
“I’ll be fine, thanks,” he said curtly. That was the end of that.
He ripped the paper off of the pad and stuffed it into his pocket, then turned toward the exit. His foot barely tapped the first step to the door when his hand was grabbed from behind. Raven had come around the table and followed him to the staircase grabbing hold of him.
“Beast Boy, talk to me,” she said. Her uncharacteristically gentle voice caused his heart to swell.
“..I..” feeling his throat clench and burn he shook his head and slowly pulled his hand out of her grasp. Her slender fingers brushed over his thicker ones as he went up the stairs and stood over the living room space. He stopped and turned so his profile faced her. His expression looked happy enough, but she knew it wasn’t his true smile. “You shouldn’t play around like that, you know? People will start to see through your tough, goth exterior.”
“Beast Boy, I-” Raven took a half step toward him but he interrupted her.
“Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but there’s no need to worry, I’ll be fine,” he replied, trying to smile wider while holding a thumbs up.
She was rendered speechless as she pursed her lips slightly. She held her hand to her chest and gave a soft nod. He tilted his head with closed eyes trying to seem normal. He turned around and allowed his face to fall back to the blank expression he had been keeping hidden as he slipped his silver gloves over his green hands.
As the fabric fitted over his hand, he made it to the main entrance of the tower. The door opened as it sensed the movement of his presence.
“Beast Boy!” Raven called. He halted and turned to look at her. “..If you need us, we’re only a call away.”
“..Right.” For a single moment, he smiled genuinely, then, as quickly as it appeared, it vanished as his body morphed into a falcon soaring into the next hall and out the main door.
The doors slid closed and Raven was left there in the defining silence.
“..Beast Boy.”
“You should leave him alone.” a young male’s voice reverberated off the walls. Raven craned to look over her shoulder at the loner leader of their team, Robin, entering the living area from the left entrance.
“Leave him alone? Robin, he’s-”
“I know. He’s not himself. How can he be? It took him months to get over what happened to Terra. Now, with her resurrection reigniting that hope inside him only to be snuffed out by the fact she has amnesia and wants nothing to do with him; I'm sure he's devastated.”
Raven closed her eyes knowing all too well that Robin was right. “Well? How do we help him?” she asked impatiently.
“We Can’t. This is something only time can heal. We can be here for him, we can listen to him, and we can hold our arms open for him when he needs it. This is a wound he’s carried for a year now. Now that it's been reopened there’s nothing we could say that’ll close it.”
Raven crossed her arms over her body. The knowledge that there was nothing she could do to help Beast Boy really gnawed away at her. She loved him after all. As she gazed longingly out the windows the sun casted shadows into their home she sighed helplessly.
“Oh, Beast Boy.”
…..
"Alright, practice studying for your big exam on Friday!" The teacher loudly stated as she dismissed the class.
The bells of Murakami High School echoed across Jump city as it was time for students to be let go for the day. Dozens of teens were rushing out from their classes to lockers, friends, or on their way home.
A young, blond girl with eyes as deep as the ocean appeared from the crowded halls as she had gathered her belongings from her locker on her way out. Her orbs focused on her destination as she noticed a reflection in a nearby mirror of that green Titan again, echoing like a ghost;
"You’re Terra; you’re a Teen Titan!"
She still felt a bit taken by his words. Even though it had been two months since she had last seen the boy, she felt conflicted about his reasoning for even approaching her. She had no idea if he was telling the truth or not. A part of her felt like she knew he was right. A lie was felt inside of her growing. Was all this just make-believe?
Then female voices around her snapped Tara out of her inner thoughts. She looked upon her female companions, Amber and Dionne, as they had met her at the entrance.
"Hey, Tara! We're going to a pizza parlor to celebrate summer coming up!"
"Yeah! Do you wanna come with us?"
"Oh, uhm, that sounds like a lot of fun! But, I gotta go home and study for that exam. Mom would kill me if I didn't. "
“Aaww, lame.” pouted Amber. “We Haven't hung out since you ran into that creepy Titan boy.”
“Oh yeah! He was such a weirdo, calling you by the wrong name and stalking you like some perv.” Dionne stuck out her tongue with a grossed out noise.
Tara shook her head and squeezed her books to her chest. “No, you’re wrong, he wasn’t a perv. He just..” she paused, glancing to the side looking through the fence of the school perimeter.
For a brief moment, her heart fluttered thinking she saw the young man standing there, but when the boy came into focus she realized it was just someone with the same hair-do and had dyed their hair green. She turned back to her friends and resumed smiling.
“Anyway, I’ll see ya around!” with that she began to walk down the concrete path toward home.
Her parents were a kind, older couple who had adopted her. They had told her she was discovered in some bushes on the side of the street. The person who found her called the ambulance and she was taken to the hospital. She arrived with a suit that had been connected to her nervous system and had to be operated on to remove it.
When Tara had woken a few days after the surgery, the doctors discovered she had retrograde amnesia; unable to remember anything before being found. Only one thing remained from her previous life. She could remember someone calling out to her. She thought they were saying her name perhaps but when the doctors tried to look her up they couldn't find any information with that name and her blood samples. She decided to keep the name though. Tara Marcov.
It didn't leave her feeling angsty or bitter about not remembering much of her previous life. She just enjoyed her current one, even building up new memories to fill the gap. But, she noticed that "T" tower across the sea on that small island, watching over the citizens from where she stood. She had no idea why but she felt drawn to it. Tara knew it was silly of her to consider Beast Boy's words yet again, but they bothered her.
“You’re a Teen Titan.”
It couldn't be true. Someone like her didn't belong in that world.
The blond female continued on her walk home as she was determined to study for her big exam. Even though she would rather be playing sports or hanging out with her friends, it was a huge deal to her parents if she didn't get at least a decent grade.
It was then an explosion had burst somewhere close by. The tail of smoke spiraled into the air as panicked civilians screamed and began to pour into the streets in all directions. Tara gasped out in fear, unaware of what the cause was, but in this crazy city, anything was possible. She dropped her bag and books bolting in the opposite direction.
As she ran, she felt a gust of wind knock her over from above. The sound of the wind being disturbed reverberated a similar sound to that of a jet plane. She yelped almost tripping before she stopped and covered her head. Her blond locks whipped around her face before she was able to look up at what had caused it. Starfire was flying with her Titan partner Raven just above her. Their combined flight was what almost knocked her over. It was then Tara had a new panic rush through her. The other Titans and Beast Boy were sure to follow. If she really did look like their long, lost friend then they might mistake her too. And Beast Boy.. what would he say this time?
‘No! I can’t let him find me! He makes me feel like everything is wrong and I just want to be normal!' she cried to herself as she ran for it even faster than before.
Her thoughts ran crazy in her mind aided by the pounding of her heart. The clicking of her heels could be heard as she continued to get away. But as she turned a corner, she tripped on a crack on the road and tumbled down the slope till she collided into a public mailbox. Her knees and hands and left temple were scraped with dirt and blood as she clenched her teeth together to take the pain in with a soft hiss. As people rushed by in a blind panic the sounds of the fight started to range closer. She pulled herself up slowly, listening to the ringing in her ears as muffled screams and blasts were heard somewhere around her. She held her chest feeling the pain that resided there now and trudged forward.
“Gotta, make it--!” she breathed through her teeth.
Tara knew she had to find a nearby place to rest, then she recalled the central park that was a couple of blocks from where she stood. And with that, she slowly made her way there as she pushed herself with all she had to get there. Finally arriving, she reached a bench that was nearest to her gripping hold on it as she sat down. Her body ached but she felt somewhat safe now in a more open area.
That was until a large piece of asphalt was hurled her way. She barely had time to notice it before screaming and holding out her hands instinctively over her head. This was it. This was how she would die. She could only think of her parents who had been so kind to her, taking in someone like her when she had no one else, her wonderful friends that cared about her so much, and then she thought of Beast Boy.. he was also kind to her. Maybe if he was able to get past his old friendship with the girl he mistook her for, things would have been different.
Perhaps, they could have even been friends?
She felt hot stinging in her eyes as tears fell down her cheeks. It was then she realized that she wasn't hurt beyond what she had already suffered. She hesitantly peaked open her right eye and realized the rock had stopped directly in front of her almost nose-to-nose with her. She gasped aloud and stepped back in shock. As she stared closer at the rock she noticed it was glowing a warm color of yellow.
Before she could reach out and touch it, she heard a young child screaming for help in the distance. Distracted she spun to the direction of the screaming and a loud thud was heard in the place of the rock. She flinched, leaping to the side further away before realizing something.
“It was.. floating there?” she muttered dazed.
She heard screaming once again and she glanced between the rock and the direction of the cries. She knew she had to go. If only she had taken that communicator when Beast Boy had offered it! How could she save that child, wherever they were? She needed a hero, and she just wasn't one.
“Please! Help me!! Waaaa! Mama! Where are you, Mama!?”
“I’m coming!” Tara yelled.
She gasped out in pain as she took one step. She had forgotten her injuries but it didn’t matter now! Her only objective was to save the kid. With her strong resolve, Tara started to run, limping all the while until she came to where the small child was crouched over under a slide. She almost fell as she stopped running to kneel down.
She suddenly worried that she wouldn't be able to pick up the poor thing in her current condition and she had lost her phone somewhere along the way. Calling for help wasn’t an option..Brushing those thoughts aside, for now, Tara crawled on her arms to the kid underneath the slide.
“H-Hey, you’re safe. I-I’ve got you!” she reached the little one and softly cradled her.
The child, who looked to be around six years old, painfully glanced up at Tara. she continued to cry but clung tightly to her. Tara soothingly shushed her while rubbing soft circles on her back. “You’re okay.. I’ve got you,” she whispered.
The child had just started to calm down when suddenly the playset had been lifted from the ground taking away their hiding spot. Tara screamed alarmed as a massive, bulky, cinder block humanoid towered above them lifting what remained of the playset in his colossal hands and threw it several yards from where the two girls were.
Cinderblock screeched in such a vociferous way that it vibrated the air around him. Both Tara and the child cried out with horror. She held the young girl close to her and turned her back to the creature hoping to at least shield her from the impending blow they were preparing for. However, the blow never came. A second roar had entered the fray, only this time it was completely animal and almost unbelievable to Tara’s ears.
A massive, green T-Rex came charging from behind Cinderblock and knocked him away with more force than a car crash. Tara watched mystified as the creature was sent flying back into a grove of trees and the gigantic reptile went brawling after him. Tara tried to take the opportunity to run, but with the combined terror, the weight of the child, and her wounds, she wasn't going anywhere. Even her adrenaline rush was not enough to save her life. Knowing she couldn’t do a thing she pushed the child to her feet and shoved her.
“Run! Run away and get out of here!!” she desperately shouted.
The child shook her head sobbing but Tara didn’t give up. She sat herself up on her arms and smiled as best she could. “You’ll be safe, but you have to run for it. Go!” the girl hesitantly stood there, shaking. Her little pink dress was ripped and she had a few minor cuts. She glanced between Tara and the fight between the villain and T-Rex. Feeling as if she had no choice, the child fled, crying all the while.
Tara felt a string of relief before the commotions of the battle behind her brought back the dread. She strained as she tried to pull herself along the ground with her arms. Her legs felt like needles were sticking her every time she moved them, they became dead-weight in her conquest to salvation. She was so focused on getting to safety she didn't even notice the tremors beneath her. She couldn't see the glow on her hands start to flicker with each pull of her arms. She didn't even notice the dirt floating around her body like a small dust storm beginning to form. All she knew was that if she stayed there, she could die. But as her vision began to blur and her strength declined, Tara feared she truly wouldn't make it.
It was when she finally collapsed that she felt the dirt around her shower her already dusty body and she looked at her hand extended in front of her on the ground flickering back to normal.
“Wh-What?..” she coughed out.
As her vision hazed she felt her body limply lifting into someone’s arms. They were muscular but scrawny. They felt like a boy’s. She could hear a boy’s voice muffled under the sea of darkness. She couldn’t quite make out what he said. Was he calling her?
‘..Tara!......Tara!?’
It sounded like her name. It was so familiar. For a brief moment, she felt something etching in the back of her mind. Something was brewing, wanting to burst open. She wanted to peel back that layer, but as her senses became clearer she heard something else.
“It’s okay, Terra! I’m here! You’re gonna be okay! Say something!”
Desperation, fear, anxiety. All the emotions she had just experienced were coming from this person's lips. She felt guilty for making anyone worry about her. With all her might, Tara lifted her hand up. She didn't know where it would go but she felt something soft touch her fingertips. Skin. Soft skin. And then fingers wrapped through her hands.
“Terra!”
He sounded excited, like he was relieved and also shocked. She tried harder to open her eyes. At first, the light stung her and she yelped, but as she continued to blink, her eyes began to focus on a figure of a head with pointed ears. The figure was shadowed by the sun behind him, but as her mind began to clear she recognized him.
“..B-Bea..st.. Bo..y..” she struggled. A faint smile came over her lips. “You.. Saved .. me.”
“Shh, you’re okay. Don’t move, okay? You’re safe.” he lifted her in his arms as he stood up.
“Wait! Th- The little girl! Sh- She needs h-help!” Tara struggled to point where the girl had gone but Beast Boy only smiled.
“Don’t worry, She’s reunited with her mom now.”
Feeling relief wash over her, Tara felt her body grow limp. She fully relaxed against Beast Boy with a grin over her features. “Thank goodness.. She's… alright..” with that, Tara lost consciousness.
