Opportunity

Essek awoke, no-longer a hand in his, sitting up he was once again alone in the room, he tried listening for the usual rumpus of the M9, he heard, slight murmurs downstairs, and heading down to investigate he found them all on the couch deep in a hushed conversation.
Immediately Essek felt as though he had walked in on something he shouldn't have, not sure whether to make his presence known or to stealth back upstairs till he was called, but before he could decide, Caduceuse had looked up "Oh, hey, you're awake"

Everyone turned to see him, "Oh, I hope I'm not interrupting, I can just... go back upstairs if-"
"No" Beau interrupted "We wanted to talk to you anyway, just waiting for you to... wake up", "We uh" Caleb began "We have an important meeting coming up, and we realised... We know you admitted to... giving away the beacons, and the basic reason for that, but we don't know the full story" his lips pushed into a straight line, looking for the right words to say, before continuing "We feel it would help us if we knew and asked a few questions?"

Hesitantly Essek walked over to the couch's and found a seat, "I suppose that would be fair for all you're doing for me, uh, is there anywhere, in particular, I should start?" Esseks whole body was tense, his back, shoulders, his legs would be shaking if he weren't putting some effort to muster some control over them
"Well," Fjord rested his elbows on his knees leaning in a little "the start wouldn't hurt, you said you were the only one to belive in your research,? how did all that start?"

Essek took a deep shaky breath, 'hold it together, you owe them too much to break now' he thought before he could start, or even think of how or were, a small halfling hand appeared in front of his face, with a small glass filled with a honey brown liquid in it, "Need a drink to take the edge off? it's no wine, its better, stronger", Glancing at her she seemed earnest, as though she spoke from experience, he took the glass, taking a sip, the bitter taste hitting his tongue and burning the back of his thought, warmth radiated thought his body and up to his head, coughing a bit, Beau couldn't help but chuckle a little, as Caduceuse patted his back "You were not lying about 'strong'" Essek's voice strained "Uhm, I guess starting from, well, my beginning would make the most sense"

With one more, shakey but easier breath, Essek statted " I, I was born a new soul in my Den, which, with my mother being the Umavi, was disappointing, my father seemed even more so disappointed, in my lack of physical capability, I mean it's not like I didn't try, but I found studies were more 'my thing', so I poured myself into that, trying for some other way to prove myself to them, to make them proud... it was a foolish endeavour.

I created the 'floating' spell to match the heights of other's around me, to... create an illusion I could keep myself up with the rest of them I suppose, hehe, it was weird, though my talents didn't go unnoticed, it still felt like I did, as though without my magic, I would just fade away from their mind, as though all I was to them, was, what I eventually became, 'The Shadowhand' a young drow protege, and after that, even more standers emerged, appearances to maintain, status to uphold, a facade to preform so long I was in public view... or even out of it to be honest."
"Yet, with all the recognition, with the rank, I had been given, I, MYSELF, Essek, not 'Theylss not Shadowhand, still went unseen."

Essek could feel himself losing control of his emotions, to finally be able to talk about this, without the scrutinization he would normally receive from his peers, snapped back, as a hand landed on his shoulder, for a second he thought he was going to be chastised, but looking up, he could see sympathy, and concern, even from Beau, who seemed to resonate with something, and Veth who gave him the look, not even his mother gave him, one of sadness and condolence, Caleb gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze, they all waited from him to continue.

"I pushed through, eventually turning my attention to the Luxon, this Beacon, our religion, I was never that religious so in, I really never paid it much attention, then I started to question... all of it? the book in the Marble Tombs had an entire section dedicated to the Luxon, but it just talked about worship, nothing about how it worked, no research was done on it, it merely existed and we worshipped it as a god or part of one, not much was said of how it was found, simply that is led our kind to salvation, from the spider queen.... yet we had no research on them... I found that puzzling, we dedicated to much to this Beacon, that gave us rebirth that gave us power, yet, no research had been done or was allowed, I tried putting in requests, made numerous reasons, explained my case, but I was denied, told it was out of my jurisdiction, and to focus on my own tasks..."
Essek slugged down the rest of the whiskey in his cup, Veth hadn't pour much, about a shot worth, the liquor immediately went to his head, he felt, lighter, relaxed, he could swear he was floating if it wasn't for Caleb's hand still on his shoulder,

"I didn't contact them.., the Assembly, they, somehow managed to place a letter in my home, my study, at first, I ignored it, but... I didn't, get rid of the letter, simply hid it in the back of my spellbook in my pocket dimension, I guess the temptation eventually got to me, and a month later, I replied...At first, things went well, we shared information, studies theories and one thing led to another and they convinced me to steal the beacon and hand it to them, after that... I hardly had any contact from them, only really to ensure I was covering up things on my end, not much about the research they had been doing, or about...I did not know they of the experiments Mr Yezza was brought into, I didn't learn of him till he arrived in Xhorhas, I did not know what had pulled liquid from the Beacon, till you shared that information over dinner, but it was too late to take it back, it had become too late, the moment the Beacon left my grip...."

Essek sighed, head now in his hands "I...I don't regret what I did, barely the consequences that followed... I understand your reasoning for saying I 'caused' this war, but... the tension between The Dynasty and Empire had been growing for a while, and while I admit, what I had dome had sped things up, I didn't cause anything that wasn't going to happen in the future, I'm not trying to, elevate what I have done, I know I betrayed my Dynasty, my people, my Den, there is no denying any of that, nor the lives I have ruined" he glanced at Veth, "I do want you all to know, I meant what I said, I have never felt a kinship to anyone as I have found in you, I am truly sorry you have all gotten caught up in this, and I humbly appreciate the kindness and trust you still show me"

For a while everyone was silent, Essek felt the knot in his stomach grow, waiting for their reply...minutes passed by, before "shit man" Beau sighed "I don't even know how to respond to all that, I mean" she tubbed her forehead "It doesn't make what you did right, but it does make it more understandable"
"I think, non of us, could honestly say what we would to, how we would react, in your situation" Caduceuse stated "To have so much expectation on you, and beginning from a very young age, you must have felt so alone"
'Oh, Essek" Jester wept kneeling and placing two hands over his " I'm so sorry you had to face all that, I can't imagine what it was like" her eyes were so full of love and compassion, "I have learned, or have been learning" Caleb started "That you have no control over your past, but, that you can still change, do better, move forward and hopefully, do enough to redeem yourself, I would not be here, I would not be thinking this if it weren't for the M9, I have discovered hope in this found family, and now, we are offering it to you"

Essek had accepted, no-one seemed to have many questions, Jester asked if he was ok, and he assured he would be, for the rest of the day, not much was said, everyone thought in their individual silence, Caduceus made some more fresh tea, which seemed to immensely helped everyone relax a bit more. Yezza and Luk had gon out for the day and didn't arrive till later, He and Veth, who had been quiet, but seemed less hostile, hanged down in the living room of this tower, Luk had been kept distracted with some new books he had, and eventually, Caleb had sat next to him, answering questions and seemingly enjoying the distraction of teaching, Fjord and Jester chatted, Jester's enthusiasm came back over time, Beau explored a few of the books, Essek sat, with Caduceus, after he handed out the tea, enjoying the quiet company, He felt a weight off his shoulders, one that had been sitting there for years.

A platter of fruits and cheese's were presented for dinner, it was far more pleasant than it had been for a while, and the M9, while anxious about the upcoming meeting, seemed more comfortable around him, and he found himself unconsciously smiling, " What's got you so bright?" Beau asked it giving him a curious smile, "I guess" He stated "I have not talked a lot about what I shared, and it felt good, to get it off my chest.... especially around friends" Immediately two blue arms wrapped around him with a bubbly giggle Jester replied "Just think Essekm if all goes well you could stay and travel with us, He could feel his smile widen, ' that was a very nice idea ' he thought.

After that, the days went on, Essek studied with Caleb a bit more, and Beau came to join them more often, Fjord, Caduceus and Yasha tended to the terrace garden more, and Jester had fun teaching Luk a few pranks and games, giving Veth and Yezza a break to talk, plan out schools, stay in Nicodranace a bit longer, it was nice to see them together, they seemed to truly value each other for their faults and benefits, Beau and Jester would often hang out as well, they talk a lot, about, about what each other wanter, was ready for, but they were both happy to just be with each other, Yussa was still distant, but he didn't have another unwanted encounter.

Then... the day finally came...