“Adora, you got this. You got this. You fought ships in space, you destroyed hundreds of bots, you rebelled against your destiny, you almost blew yourself up to save the planet. You got this too.”
Adora did not got this at all. She had been wandering around her room for at least twenty minutes, with a burden on her stomach, or actually in her pocket.
Panicking, the savior of the galaxy reached for it with both hands, the golden pin was still there “I got this” but she sounded less and less convincing the more she repeated it.
“How hard can it be! Hey Catra, I know you and I have been through a lot, you know, growing up together, becoming sworn enemies, almost killing each other but hey! We made up, we saved the galaxy and now we are together, wanna get married?”
Adora let out a nervous laugh and dropped herself on the bed “I am never going to make it” she whined burying her face into the pillow.
After crying for herself for a good half an hour she finally stood up, sighed loudly and reached one more time for her pocket to make sure for the eleventh time that her pin was, in fact, still there.
Of course it’s still there, where would it even go? It’s not like it can run, not like me anyway.
It was really silly of her, after everything she had been through, proposing to her girlfriend should have been the easiest thing in the world. Except that it wasn’t, it was terrifying.
“What if she says no? What if she says yes?” Adora was truly freaking out, that’s how She-Ra princess of power would be defeated, by a freaking proposal. Not that she didn’t want to do it, not at all, there was nothing more that she wished for, but she was so scared.
Of what. What am I afraid of?
The rejection? No Catra loved her, she loved her very much and wanted to spend her life with Adora, she knew that. Then what, what was the thing that just made Adora freeze at the mere thought of proposing to the love of her life?
I want it to be perfect. I want us to never forget it. I want it to be one of the happiest moments of our lives. Because we have suffered enough, now we deserve to be blissfully stupidly happy.
The truth was that she had never thought about marriage, not really, because at first, she didn’t even know what it was, it’s not like that in the Horde there were a lot of them, or love was promoted in any way.
Adora had learned when she arrived at Bright Moon, but at the time she didn’t really consider that kind of information, she was a soldier, a weapon, raised to learn and take advantage from her surroundings, exploit weaknesses.
How important marriage could be, it wasn’t something useful that helped winning a war, but she understood the importance of bonds, family, friendship, love, so she could see that it had some deeper meaning. She just didn’t need that in that particular moment.
She was busy saving Etheria, being She-Ra, Adora didn’t have time to think about marriage, about what she wanted. Or actually who. She just couldn’t, she had a responsibility, a destiny. Also it didn’t help that those kind of wishes just brought her pain and sorrow.
Netossa and Spinnerella were the first real embodiment of marriage, because of them, Adora soon learned the basics: you love each other, you exchange objects with one another as a sign that you belong together. The two of them in fact wore the other’s necklace all the time, and Adora thought it was sweet, but still she couldn’t make up her mind around the point of being married.
What was the difference between a couple that decided to be together and one that also wanted to get married? What step was marriage that some couldn’t resist to make?
The answer was none, marriage, had realized Adora, was actually a sort of label that many decided to put on themselves to testify their love, some did it, others didn’t, it was okay either way, it was up to the individual’s choice.
“It’s a promise” had explained Spinnerella “A promise to love each other, to stay together forever no matter what. It seems silly or expected, after all, why would you even be with that person if it wasn’t already implied? But we all need reassurances, reminders that love exists, we need this kind of promises. Maybe making that promise just makes it more real in your eyes, maybe that’s the reason why we do it. Not that being married makes your love more real than someone who isn’t, but something about saying your vows and sharing that moment, your love, with the people you care about is just…”
Adora was listening greedily, but Spinnerella never finished that thought, marriage probably was something so complex to fully grasp, not just for her.
And then Catra happened. Or actually she came back and Adora’s world changed again, this time for the better.
They slowly learned to be together again, to love each other without hurting each other, but most of all they fought for each other and stubbornly refused to be parted again, everything else be damned.
And ended up saving the universe, pretty epic for a love story.
In the end the thing that really struck Adora was Bow and Glimmer’s wedding.
When Glimmer proposed, handing Bow one of her mother’s earrings, Bow soon was crying, and clutching Glimmer’s hand as he said yes over and over again.
At that sight Adora couldn’t help but smile, happy for her best friends, and then look at Catra, who was standing a few feet away and was staring at the scene before her with a frown that was a mix of confusion and curiosity. Locking her eyes with her girlfriend’s, Adora’s heart leapt, something similar to hope and yearning awakening in her.
At the actual ceremony Bow and Glimmer made their vows in front of everyone, a promise of forever, and Adora was finally sure, as she held Catra’s hand like a lifeline, and thought I want this too.
And there she was now, desperately stroking her golden pin, her head was spinning, but her mind had never been clearer.
She shook it, scolding herself for being afraid for absolutely no reason, worrying was pointless, they loved each other fiercely and that was more than enough.
It doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be us.
Adora started walking steadier.
It happened in a quiet moment, it was almost dinner time, Catra was sitting by the window staring at the view when Adora opened the door of their room and entered in a swift movement.
She took a breath, she was sure yes, but still nervous, she hoped not to stutter.
Her girlfriend noticed her right away, her eyes lighting up.
“Hey Adora.”
Adora relaxed at the sound and just smiled, she got this. And then she did the most Adora thing she could have done in that moment, she just blurted out without thinking: “Do you wanna get married?”
**********************************************************
How do you tell if a person’s heart has stopped beating?
Adora didn’t know, but she guessed that what was happening to her girlfriend in that moment was probably pretty close. She couldn’t even feel Catra breathe, she was just standing there, wide eyes, tail and ears so up that could have easily reached the ceiling if it was actually possible.
Oh my god I broke my girlfriend.
“Catra?” she tried to call her “babe, are you okay? It’s fine, you don’t have to-”
“What did you just say?”
Okay she was talking, talking meant breathing, breathing meant that she was okay, at least for the time being. Adora felt better, until she fully registered the question and saw Catra’s ear twitch.
Oh. Abort mission. Abort.
“Pfff nothing, absolutely nothing, everything is great. Actually, we should get to dinner!” Adora tried to change the subject and she was almost at the door when the other’s voice made her stop on her tracks.
“Adora, what did you say?” the first time her tone had been high pitched, the second sounded softer, almost scared.
Adora turned slowly, trying not to focus on the fact that maybe a “no” was an actual possibility, Catra wouldn’t leave her for sure, but she couldn’t deny the sting in her heart, and mentally prepared herself to the rejection.
It’s okay, it’s fine. I was wrong. I just scared her.
Adora tried not to show her palpable disappointment, she didn’t want to upset Catra more than she already did, but it was painful trying to suppress it all.
She obviously wasn’t doing a good job at hiding it, because Catra was pretty much sprinting towards her and already cupping her face.
“Adora? What’s happening? Are you having a stroke?”
“What? No!” that snapped her out of her head “I am not having a stroke!”
“Then why are you looking at me like you are about to pass out?”
“It’s not… I’m not… Catra I said I’m fine” she took her wrists and slowly lowered them, but Catra was having none of it “Then tell me, again, what you said earlier.”
“It doesn’t matter, it was dumb, nothing to worry about.”
“If it really was dumb, then say it again.”
“Why are you making this so hard. I told you to let it go!” Adora was probably whining, and also very close to full crying, but she couldn’t afford to do that.
Then Catra’s hands were on her cheeks again, she closed the distance between them, resting her forehead on Adora’s.
“Adora…” hearing Catra saying her name like that made her stomach flutter “what did we say about explicitly stating what we want?”
“That it’s a good thing and we should do that more often” Adora rambled along.
She took a deep breath. She was trying, really trying, but dismissing her wants and desires for the sake of others was a habit she still struggled to get rid of.
My feelings matter, what I want matter.
Having Catra so close made her heart race, but it also calmed her in a way that she couldn’t explain, she just felt more centered, but she still couldn’t open her mouth.
“Did you mean what you said?” it was barely a whisper, but they were practically breathing each other’s air, it would have been impossible not to hear it.
And at those words Adora felt her hope rise again.
“Look you don’t have to… I just thought-”
“Adora.”
“Yeah yeah, I know. Say what you want… okay” she inhaled “but you made a face, I was worried I had freaked you out!”
“Adora, for fuck’s sake just ask me to marry you so I can say yes and then I can you punch you so hard for being a bloody idiot!”
That made Adora’s eyes shot wide open, she shook her head in disbelief “You want to marry me?”
“Why are you the one surprised? You asked me!” Catra snorted, the situation was getting ridiculous
“But I thought you wanted to say no!”
“Why would I say no!”
“I don’t know, I thought you were having a heart attack when I said it!”
“Because you can’t just come in, casually drop a freaking bomb like that, and not expect me to be surprised!” Catra stepped away from her girlfriend “oh my god this is giving me a headache…”
“No, no, no” Adora started chanting like a child and approached her again, a laugh on the back of her throat, she took her hand and smiled widely “Okay now I am serious, deadly serious, I’m ready. I am gonna say it.”
“You better be, you thick idiot.” she was annoyed but nonetheless amused
“Hey, don’t be a brat” the blonde teased her “I am trying to propose!”
“You have been trying for the past fifteen minutes, but sure whatever, do your thing.”
They couldn’t take it anymore, they just started laughing, because of course that was happening, they were insufferable and dumb, and everything was always dramatic with them. When they finally calmed down, they were still holding hands, Adora looked at their fingers intertwined in pure awe.
“Catra… I really really love you” she lifted her head to look at her, meeting a face that was practically on fire “I want to be with you, for the rest of my life, and I know you want that too. So, you dramatic brat…”
“Hey!”
“…will you marry me?”
Catra was failing spectacularly at hiding her emotions, they were written all over her face, but she was also tired of holding back, so why bother?
“Yes, I will marry you” then shook her head “You are such an idiot…”
Adora was beaming “Yeah, but I am your idiot… foreveeeer.”
“You did not just say that.”
“So, what if I did” she was so smug, Catra hated (loved) that face
“I swear to god, Adora, I am gonna break up with you” she was really trying to act tough and was already sprinting towards the door, trying being the key word, because her stupid buff girlfriend jumped on her and made them both fall to the ground
“Ow!”
“No, you are not. You are gonna marry me” Adora just couldn’t stop repeating it, she was giggling non-stop, and Catra couldn’t really stay mad at her and finally gave in “Fine.”
“Say it.”
“I am not gonna say it.”
Adora raised an eyebrow “What did we say about expressing our feelings, Catra?”
That little…
Catra snorted, Adora had even the audacity to move, pinning her to the ground, so she was caged under the weight of her stupid cheesy girlfriend, or fiancée now, whatever.
She wasn’t really putting too much weight, because Catra managed to shot up in a sitting position and Adora slid on her legs, but not really backing down.
They were few inches apart, they could have bumped noses if they wanted to, the magicat’s gaze softened at the sight of the love of her life, a giant blonde full of kindness and dumbassery, and the idea of what was happening finally settled in her.
“Looks like we are getting married, Adora. You are finally going to be stuck with me for good.”
Adora rested her forehead on hers “I can’t wait.”
“I love you.”
“I know” and she just kissed her.
*******************************************************
"Oh” remembered Adora reaching for her pocket and taking out her golden wing pin “this is for you.” Catra held it in her hand and kept staring at it, like it was a grenade and was gonna blow up sooner or later.
“I wanted to give you something meaningful, that pin is actually the real first decision I took on my own.” Adora took a long breath “When I changed from my Horde attire, I felt naked, I needed to recognize myself in some way, but to also embrace the new me. That pin was the very first thing I chose, the sword was just thrusted upon me. But this” she touched the small object with some sort of reverence “was simply me.”
She looked lost in her thoughts, reminiscing that time still made Catra’s heart clench, Adora leaving had really messed her up, it had taken a long time for her to understand that she wasn’t really leaving her.
They had really come a long way from the two reckless kids who run around the Fright Zone.
She closed her hand around both the pin and Adora’s own hand “I am gonna take care of it” she replied “like I am gonna take care of you.” Catra booped her fiancée’s forehead succeeding to making her smile.
“I know you will.”
“Wanna help me put it on?” she didn’t have to ask twice, Adora took the pin from her hand and quickly scanned her body for a place to settle it, lingering here and there.
“Enjoying the view?”
Adora smirked, clearly amused “Always.”
That was unexpected.
“Wow, Adora, smooth. Even for you.”
“Shut up.”
And slightly slapped her on the arm, then she finally decided to slip it on a spot on Catra’s shirt, right above the heart. That made her laugh “You are such a sap.”
“You love it.”
“You know, maybe I do.”
It was Adora’s turn to blush because of the smugness. Suddenly the laugh died in Catra’s throat and that made the blonde shot her head up, concern on her face “What is it?”
“It’s just…” her ears twitched “I don’t really have something to give you.”
Adora put her hand on her shoulder to comfort her “You don’t have to give me anything, you have already given me everything I’ve ever wanted. The fact that you are here, with me, it’s enough, more than enough.”
Catra frowned “You know what I mean, I want to be able to give you something” she wrinkled her nose teasing “So maybe all the people we meet will also stop drooling over you.”
Adora couldn’t help but chuckle “That’s what this is about? Wanna mark your territory, babe?”
Every time she used the word babe Catra just automatically rolled her eyes “It’s not just that.”
“I know what you mean.” she gently began stroking her hand refusing to look at her in the eyes when she continued “Not like you would actually need to do that, we are not exactly subtle with each other.”
“Aren’t we?” Catra raised both her eyebrows knowingly, but the joke went above Adora’s head, she had the face when she was overthinking about something, and her lover knew better than to interrupt her train of thoughts.
“Besides” Adora replied almost immediately “it’s not entirely true.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Well, actually, you gave me something of yours. Just not…willingly?”
“Okay that sounded bad, really bad.”
“It’s not like that” Adora rushed completely flustered and hid her face behind her hands.
Catra was pretty sure she was going to combust of embarrassment “I know, you idiot, I am just messing with you” she bumped her shoulder against hers, but Adora was still in that weird position.
Then she suddenly stood up “You remember when we were on Horde Prime ship, and I…” she stopped her rambling, afraid of bringing back bad memories, but Catra didn’t show any sign of discomfort other than a quick movement of her tail.
“When you saved me? Yeah, Adora I remember.”
“You were brainwashed and then unconscious…” she started walking back and forth.
“I was there, I get the point, go on.”
“You were hurt when I transformed for the first time without the sword” she stopped on her tracks “you were dying, and I was terrified.”
Catra held her gaze.
It’s okay, I’m safe now. We both are.
“I was terrified and it just… happened. I realized after.”
“What? What happened?”
“It’s better if I show you.”
Adora was in front of her, next thing she knew, She-Ra appeared before her eyes in all her sparkly white-gold-eight-foot-tall-huge-biceps self.
Catra didn’t understand what Adora was trying to tell her, not really, then she saw She-Ra bringing one of her hands to her own temple, tracing the mask that framed her face. Catra’s eyes blinked on the thing that she had always dismissed, but that now she couldn’t just ignore.
How did I not see that?
The mask resembled so much the one that Catra used to wear.
A moment later She-Ra was gone and Adora was herself again, she moved closer to her almost shy.
“So technically…” she shrugged “I already have something of yours…”
Then Catra did something unexpected, she hit her forehead with her hand, the thud was loud enough to startle Adora “Oh my god…”
“What? What is it?”
“I was so…stupid” she groaned “All this time. And you! Oh my god you!”
“What did I do?” Adora was puzzled.
“I thought that I was a pining mess, when actually you were just as hopeless as I was. Oh my god I can’t believe it. All that time wasted.”
It finally hit Adora and she just started laughing out loud, like a maniac “That’s what’s bothering you? The fact that you were so oblivious that you didn’t realize that I was madly in love with you?”
“Stop laughing, Adora, this is serious. If I had noticed sooner, I would have jumped your bones years ago” her rant stopped abruptly, because Adora had no intention whatsoever to stop laughing her ass off, trying to make her stop, Catra just leapt at her bringing them both tumbling to the floor “Stop laughing, you dumbass!”
“Never.” she had even tears in her eyes and her stomach hurt, she also didn’t seem slightly bothered by the weight of her girlfriend on top of her “Well but now we know.”
“Yeah” admitted Catra defeated, resting her head on Adora’s shoulder “Now we know.”
“And we both have each other’s object, so now we are clear. Everything is perfect.”
Catra could feel the smile on Adora’s lips when she said that, even without looking, “Hey.”
“What?” she mumbled in the other’s shoulder.
“Are you okay?” it was a simple question, Adora had asked with a tone so soft that made her heart flutter, Catra turned her head so that she was still resting on her lover’s shoulder but she was now facing her, she blinked slowly “I’m okay” a beat “I love you.”
Adora shifted so her head was now resting on top of Catra’s “I love you too.”
They stayed like that for a while, dinner long forgotten.