when rue turns up at lexi’s doorstep at 11pm at night she murmurs only five words.
“please can you hold me?”
lexi says yes - of course she says yes! it’s rue! and helps her inside quietly. her mom is passed out on the couch again and cassie’s out, but either way she’s trying to be quiet because that’s what she thinks rue needs right now.
lexi used to think that letting rue speak when she was ready was the way to go when she turned up like this, but she’s learnt by now that if she waits, it will never happen. in saying that, though, she’s gonna wait until they’re in a comfier position.
“do you want anything?” she asks softly as they pass the kitchen, her soft hand holding rue’s close. the other girl shakes her head silently.
lexi nods, grabs a bottle of water just in case, and leads her along, up the hallway and the few stairs to her room.
when they get there, rue sits quietly on the end of the bed as lexi quickly packs away her homework, which she had been doing previously. rue’s foot taps anxiously against the carpeted floor, eyes downcast as she picks at her nail polish.
“rue?” lexi’s voice is soft. she’s laid lengthways along her bed, arms open and welcoming. “come here.”
the taller girl doesn’t move, eyes flickering anxiously. “im sorry,” she whispers, biting her lip. “i shouldn’t have come here, i- i’ll leave you alone, im sorry, lex, i’ll go now-“
“come here, idiot,” lexi says gently, grabbing her hand and pulling her to lay horizontally next to her. rue’s breath catches, her hand suddenly gripping tighter to lexi’s as the other girl holds it tight.
“wanna tell me what’s going on?” lexi’s voice is gentle. “you don’t have to.”
rue shakes her head, breath catching in her throat as she looks sadly at lexi. “i just want a cuddle.”
she can’t explain it. the overwhelming guilt that would come with telling lexi that she got so panicked, laying in bed at home, convincing herself that lexi hated her and only put up with her out of pity, telling herself over and over again that she was a fucking burden and everything lex had ever said was a lie, that no one could ever love her and that if they said they did they were lying lying lying-
normally, she wouldn’t have had the courage to just... up and come over like that. but lexi had made her promise last time - last time she’d rung rue for help with theatre homework at 10pm and picked up the phone to “i understand that you don’t wanna talk to me ever again so here’s a goodbye i loved you lexi i really did and im so sorry im so fucking sorry” - yeah, she’s made rue promise that next time it got that bad, she’d walk the 500 meters to her house or at the very least call lexi to come pick her up, to let her help.
it’s better, when lexi’s here, because rue is starting to see that as the shorter girl’s hand cups her face, as her fingers stroke carefully across her arm in a way rue’s scared to admit feels fucking wonderful a she’s starting to realise that lexi does care, she’s not lying, it’s all gonna be okay. it’s easier when she has the proof in front of her rather than texts that for all she knows could have been sent with an eye roll or a scoff from the person on the other end.
but now - now, lexi’s slotting herself against rue’s front, letting the taller girl curl up against her and fold her arms tight around lexi’s waist. lexi grabs rue’s hand again, smoothing her thumb gently over the clenched fingers, encouraging them to loosen up a bit.
rue focusses on the feeling of lexi in her arms, the sweet smell of her soft skin, the way her lips hit lexi’s bare shoulder as she starts to breathe, starts to realise that it’s okay.
lexi brings rue’s hand up under her chin, pulls her closer, rubs it gently before pressing a soft kiss to the back of her hand.
“cuddles are underrated,” rue whispers, and lexi lets out this tiny, breathless laugh that has rue clutching tighter to her.
“they are indeed,” she agrees, still giggling. “are you okay?”
“am now,” rue grins, and then of course she’s invaded with fucking thoughts because god rue that was too fucking forward you’ve just fucked up everything she didn’t want that lexi’s gonna hate you now and you can’t just say shit like that and -
“rue,” lexi says. “it’s okay.”
it’s okay. everything’s okay and -
“i love you.”
fuck. she didn’t mean to say that, fuck, lexi’s gonna fucking kill her, that was WAY too much -
“i love you too, dummy, go to sleep. you’ll feel better in the morning, im staying right here.”
and though there’s a tiny doubt at the back of rue’s mind, she chooses to trust lexi. which, yknow, might be a bad decision, in the long run - and there’ll be times when she doesn’t, of course, times when her brain gets the best of her and she can’t believe anything once more - but right now, cuddled up together, she chooses to trust.
turns out to be a good choice, really, because lexi twists her head around carefully and pecks rue quickly on the lips before pressing closer to her and whispering reassuringly.
“close your eyes, rue rue. im right here and im not going anywhere. get some rest. i love you.”
rue whines softly, slightly surprised - though she shouldn’t be, at this point - that lexi knows exactly what she needs to hear. “i love you too,” she whispers, eyes fluttering shut. “thank you.”
“no need to thank me,” lexi murmurs, still stroking rue’s hand softly. “just get some rest.”
and god, cuddles really are underrated, because rue - insomniac, never sleeps, awake-at-three-am rue bennett - she falls asleep within seconds.