Is K-Mag The One True GOAT???

“Come on Kevin the monkeys are legit right over there” Logan softly calls out, veering off towards bear exhibits. Alex and Lily trail after him lost in their own world, while Zhou eagerly directs Valtteri in the opposite direction, leading the pair to the reptile exhibit.

Kevin glances at the multiple marketing teams questioningly, they don't have an answer for him. The group marketing trip appears to be falling apart right before their very eyes. He catches Nico’s eye, and nods to the neon green pair wandering further from the group. His teammate seems to understand the silent request, because he immediately starts making his way to them. Satisfied Kevin jogs to catch up to the Williams boys falling into step with the tall blonde. 

“How you feel’in bud?”

“Really good and getting better” Kevin shoots him a look “tired. I'm excited we’re doing this but I wish we could have slept more.” Logan admits after a moment.

“I get that. At least we're doing fun marketing instead of embarrassing marketing videos.

“You certainly know ALL about embarrassing videos.” Logan giggles.

Kevin just smiles, shaking his head in jest. Happy that Logan’s gotten a bit more outspoken since Australia. The kid deserves to feel comfortable with more drivers on the grid. 

He knows the moment the Stake boys are convinced to join the rest of the group, as the whole party lets out a silent sigh of relief. 

“So Guanyu, what are we seeing first?” Nico asks, breaking the silence. 

“Well I was thinking we go to the golden monkeys, then the elephants and kangaroos, the lions, pandas of course, and then I think we're scheduled to finish the day with otter petting.”

“We are going to be filming most of today's content out by the pond” A pink haired woman wearing a Stake shirt adds.

“Fantastic! Lead the way oh great tour guide” Kevin says, gesturing for Guanyu to get in front of them. As they walk Zhou tells the group funny anecdotes about the few school and family trips he's had to the zoo here.

 After a short amount of time they reach the golden monkeys. 

Nico immediately starts to imitate the monkeys, dancing around Valtteri trying his hardest to annoy him. 

“Hulk knock it off, you almost hit Lily!” Alex scolds. 

Nico does not knock it off. If anything the slight scolding causes him to turn his attention to Alex. Dancing around, he pretends to groom the taller tai man. Logan's giggles cause an offended look to spread over Alex’s face.

“I expected this from Nico. BUT et tu Logan? My own teammate is making fun of me” Alex laments, draping himself over his girlfriend in a dramatic foe faint. Logan's giggles just increase exponentially as his teammate becomes more and more dramatic. 

Eventually the group makes their way through the zoo, stopping occasionally to make jokes at each others expense. The older members can feel nothing but satisfaction as they watch the younger drivers (Sargeant and Zhou) relax more and more. 

A few hours later Nico and Kevin collapse, exhausted, in the back of “haas-nda” as Nico so terribly nicknamed the Honda van media uses. 

“Damn that was a lot.”

“You're telling me dude. How did Alex have the energy to pose 50 different ways in front of those stupid pandas?” Kevin whines chugging some water left in the van

“I don't know what was worse Zhou literally vibrating from excitement or Alex almost shoving Logan into the otter exhibit” 

“No clue dude no clue.”

It turns out that the media trip was the good luck charm Kevin, Alex, and Guanyu needed. Is the only thought that crosses Kevin’s mind as he crosses the finish line in 5th. He parks as quickly as he can before jumping out of his car and speed walking to the Tai driver in 10th.

Alex looks up and Kevin can see his eyes crinkle under his helmet as the Dane pulls him into a hug. 

“Nice job” Kevin pulls away and is immediately replaced by Lily squealing directly in her boyfriend's ear.

“I'm sorry about your front wing man.” Kevin says once he notices his teammate joining the little group they had created. 

“Its okay, I'm more disappointed by the fact that I was in 2nd until Carlos decided he and Charles needed that podium more and knocked me down to 11th” Nico shrugs “we live and we learn”

“That we do my friend, that we do.”

“Tifosi and Max will be happy at least”

Kevin shoots him a questioning look at that statement.

“I mean cause I think, if I'm doing the math correctly, this puts Charles as leading the WDC. With Max right behind him, I have a feeling this will be a crazy year”

“You got me there” 

A comfortable silence falls over the Hass drivers, as they turn to watch Zhou’s exhilarating joy at getting points in his home race. 

Later, under the blinding neon lights and pounding base of the club, Kevin finally finds the time to talk to Guanyu. 

“I'm so proud of you, kiddo!”

“Thanks bestie, you do good too” Zhou slurs tilting slightly to the side, his 5th drink of the night sloshing in the cup as he tries to sling an arm around Kevin. “I did it Kev, I got points for home” 

“I know buddy. You finished 7th in a tractor, and that's fantastic”

“I know. I try very hard and it works” Zhou squeals, and then he spies Lance, Logan, and Oscar (all three also a few drinks in) and toddles off to go talk to them.

Kevin chuckles and makes sure that he orders himself a soda, resigned to be the DD tonight. 

A few hours and one overstimulation headache later Kevin decides it is time to leave, after watching the group try to get Max and Charles to kiss.

Claiming repeatedly that "they don't know their straight until they try to kiss a homie" and “what better homie than one you're already in love with” as Logan likes to say. Kevin starts to meander through the packed crowd towards the three trouble makers and Oscar. Scratch that four troublemakers, he decides watching Oscar make the terrible decision to physically push the two into each other as if closing the distance between Charles and Max would make them fall in love. 

“Alright, we're done here” Kevin says as he pulls Oscar back by his collar with one hand, and steadies Lance with his other. “Let's all say goodbye Leclerc and Verstappen”

A chorus of dejected goodbyes sound out as Kevin smirks, a bit surprised by the compliance he gets. As they move towards the exit, the group picks up a few more wasted drivers, Alex, Yuki, Valtteri and his partner Tiffany. 

They have just gotten outside when Kevin has a terrifying realization, his car is not nearly big enough to fit eight idiots in. He racks his brain trying to remember if anyone in the club is sober enough to be in charge of some drivers. He vaguely remembers Pierre and Lando partying with sodas in hand, though that was very early in the night so their sobriety levels could have easily changed. Deciding it can't hurt to try, he gets most of them in his SUV. Lance claims a shotgun, everyone else slides into the back. Kevin grabs Oscar and Yuki before they could join the group, and moves them off to the side.

“Who can keep their hands on the car the longest” Kevin challenges the two, hoping that if it works for his three year old it'll work on the adults. (which it turns out is surprisingly sound logic) After taking a moment to ensure the command was actually working, Kevin turns his attention to the chaos inside the car. “Alright Alex sit down, Valtteri stop making-out with Tiffany, and Logan stop crying about being separated from Oscar you will literally see him tomorrow you both are sharing the same flight.”

Satisfied that the idiots in the car are working themselves out, he cracks the windows and locks them all inside the car. 

Kevin then turns his attention to the two still in a car holding competition. “Alright you both tie…Good job” The praise earns him two satisfied smiles. He then gently takes hold of both boys, leading them back to the club nodding to the bouncer as they pass. 

He ends up finding Pierre first, “Gasly takes him. You're in charge now” Pierre just sputters in shock as he gets an armful of drunk Yuki.

“The fuck Magnussin. Can’t you take him back to the hotel if you're leaving?”

“No. I already have an overloaded car. He's your buddy and you are semi sober. Call me if you both get into major trouble, but otherwise you'll be fine.” With that Kevin turns and drags Oscar behind him, on the hunt for Norris. 

It takes a good ten minutes until he finds him, drunk as a skunk, Lando is hanging off a slightly annoyed semi sober Carlos Sainz.

“Can you take care of Oscar and Norris?”

“Why in the hell would I do that? I'm celebrating tonight.” He asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Because I have more than enough drunk people to worry about and he's your friend's teammate.”

“I dont care.”

“What do you mean you dont care?” Kevin asks dumbfounded.

“I mean they are grown adults. They can take care of themselves.”

Kevin scoffs annoyed at the slightly taller man. “Fine. I'll take Lando off your hands then.” He turns to talk to Norris, but he has disappeared. Kevin sighs, tightening his grasp on Oscar so he doesn't lose him in the search for Norris.

“Hey Oscar bud, do you see Lando anywhere?” He asks gently, trying to direct the wandering man's attention to something helpful.

Oscar hums, clearly very distracted by the strobing lights. He tries to follow one of the beams, Kevin reels him back in asking the question again. Afterall he had been warned by a few that Oscar was an eloping drunk, so this behavior wasn't surprising. 

It takes the twenty-three year old a bit of time before he answers. 

“Over there.” He gestures vaguely towards the DJ booth.

Kevin curses under his breath. “Fuckin hell Norris. How am I supposed to get you down from there?”

It takes a good ten minutes of cursing, bargaining, and bribing but Kevin finally has a grasp on both Oscar and Lando. He makes quick use of the boy's arms, pulling them out the door and straight to the car. Kevin sighs, it appears all he managed to do was trade one troublesome boy for another. 

The moment he unlocks the car to get everyone in, Logan comes tumbling out landing in a heap on the pavement. 

“The fuck Logan?” Oscar screechs, breaking free and jogging to his friend's side. “You stupid idiot, the ground isn't your fuckin bed.”

“Alright you all, Norris in the back you go” He calls while shifting the seat forward so Lando can crawl into the back next to Albon and Zhou. “Unfortunately one of you needs to sit on someone's lap” He says addressing Oscar and Logan. 

“I'll do it” Logan offers from where he is still laying on the ground.

“Okay…Up you go” Kevin says pulling the younger man up from the group, he clearly pulled way too hard considering the man flew up at him way faster than expected. Offhandedly Kevin wonders if Logans always been that light or if he was just stronger than expected. Either way he shrugs it off and pushes Logan into the car, and Oscar's lap.

Kevin climbs into the driver's seat. “Everybody buckled?” he waits. Once it becomes clear to them that the car will not be moved until everyone responds in the affirmative. The drivers all quickly buckle narrating the action to ensure Kevin knows all of them are already buckled, or are actively buckling.

“Great. Oscar make sure to hold on tight to Logan, I don't want Jenson or Nico to come after me if he gets hurt."

With that he pulls away.

After about 10 minutes Kevin pulls into a parking spot. “Alright Valtteri, Tiffany, and Lance out of the car.” 

It takes a few minutes of shuffling but eventually those three are standing in front of him. Kevin immediately begins walking inside. He drops the Bottases off at their room, and drags Lance to the other side of the hotel. 

Kevin is so tempted to just knock on the door, leave Lance and run. But he doesn't, cause unfortunately he cares about the stupid Canadian. So he knocks, and faces Fernando’s wrath when the door is yanked open and a hissed “What.” is shot at him.

“Take your child.” Is all Kevin says as he shoves Lance through the door at the older man.

“Thank you.” Fernando says gruffly.

Kevin's bites back his shock at Fernando Alonso thanking him. Who would have guessed, certainly not Kevin.

He then makes his way back to the car, resigned to taking care of five idiots, drunk on points scored and friends' home race hypes. Guess they get to do that second driver sleepover Alex has been begging for.

Current 2024 World Driver Championship Standings:

Current 2024 World Constructors Championship Standings: