Years and Years

   Chapter 3

Beatrice didn’t understand a lot of things at seven years old. In her household, asking questions is not welcomed. Her choices were always "do as you’re told”, and nothing else. It was hard growing up with foreign feelings and sensations, and be told off when seeking an explanation. Most of the time, Katya is there to help figure some things out, teaching her things that she had learned from her loving parents.

Guilt.

Apologizing.

The dangers of talking to strangers.

There are so many concepts that she can’t quite comprehend, can’t even properly communicate, but with Katya, she can always rely on an honest answer without any trace of judgment. However, not all her how’s and why’s can be answered, especially if she doesn’t even know why she should ask them at all.

It started one Thursday afternoon.

She didn’t even notice it, but Beatrice has been spending less and less time with other kids around the block. Her young, bleak world started to fill with the boundless energy that is Katya. Walking home from classes, these moments are usually quiet for Beatrice, oftentimes letting her friends chat and buzz around her. She, herself, doesn’t know why, but somehow, she believes that she needs to reserve most of her excitement and energy, if not all of it, for when she sees Katya. The other blonde walks home with most of the kids while she attends after-school dance lessons at a studio nearby with Naomi, staying behind for at least another hour before she gets reunited with her best friend again.

 Naomi, the long-legged girl with a shy smile, told her about it as they were walking home from their lessons. She wasn’t mean in the slightest; the older girl merely mentioned how Beatrice makes a beeline for Katya every time they’re outside to play, and how she’d drag the Russian girl to her house come boredom.  It’s like nobody else exists in their own little bubble whenever they get to touch, it was just Beatrice and Katya. It was very obvious from the outside, evidently because even the children who’re way too busy picking fights and their noses noticed it too.

“Pearl is starting to like Jason because you’re always away.” The girl giggled at her.

It wasn’t even postulated as a question either, but she still thought it over a lot.  It’s not like she’s not friends with them anymore, they still all belonged in an overlapping circle of kids and tweens. Admittedly, she doesn’t know much about them as much as she does about her best friend, but Beatrice still believes that she knows enough to identify each and every one of them.

Pearl loves fruit roll-ups and naps. Naomi, about two years older than them, is kind and always helpful, but doesn’t hesitate to call others out when her “sisters” get bullied. Kim comes off as timid and awkward at first, but she likes to talk and draw dresses that she will apparently make for the girls once she becomes a designer. Jason likes skirts, the only thing that keeps him and Pearl from clawing each other when they disagree. Jaida and Sasha are the oldest of the brood. Sasha acts like some sort of a guiding force to the kids, and Jaida is the comfort blanket, a partnership matched perfectly. They’re just as playful but less rowdy.

  Then, of course, there’s Katya.  

Katy is fun; she can make the most mundane things exciting. Katya is selfless; she would go the extra mile to ensure that she gives Beatrice everything she can offer at her age, keeping her happy and content. Katya is caring, not a day goes by that she doesn’t ask Beatrice if she’s okay, if she’s taken care of, if she can still hold on. It was heartbreaking for Irina and Daniel to see their daughter being well-aware of her best friend’s living situation, especially when the girl would beat herself up about how little she can do to help her. (She heard her elders in church talking about it.)

There’s not much for Beatrice to worry about, at least on the surface. What do seven-year-olds care about anyway? Apart from her chores, all she ever does is study, play, go to dance classes, and piano lessons; all of which she enjoys wholeheartedly. But what does she do when she’s not doing all of this? Drawing with Katya, Practicing reading with Katya, looking for weird trinkets with Katya (which Jason stubbornly calls “tchotchkes”).  Basically, everything she ever does, for the past year has involved Katya.  She relished and appreciated all these moments that they have spent together.

Now, sitting here with Katya, the now-11-year-old helping her with her final project for the year, the question from months ago weighed heavy on her little mind, as it has been that one Thursday afternoon with Naomi.

The Russian girl animatedly told stories, laughing loudly even after multiple ssshhh from Aunt Linda. Still, Beatrice remained quiet as she hasn’t learned of that adult thing where you pretend to be interested in someone’s story while keeping your own thoughts at bay. She kept spacing out, looking at nothingness as Katya rambled on.

Katya knew Beatrice better than she knew anyone. She can tell when Trixie was bored; when she’s worried about something she didn’t understand.

She definitely knew that the girl wouldn’t want to talk about anything of that sort in front of Aunt Linda so when the old woman left the room to pick up the phone, Katya poked Beatrice’s arm until she looked at her.

“Bea,” she came up with the nickname after the pink rose apology, under the same tree where the girl tripped on a root. “Are you okay? Do you have questions?” Katya cocked her head to the side, waiting for Beatrice’s answer patiently.

The younger blonde sighed, slumping her shoulders forward.

“Why do we hang out so much?” She asked. Katya was taken aback, but scooted closer to Beatrice, one arm wrapping around her shoulders, pulling her close.

“Because we’re best friends and I like you.” She says quietly, just then, memories of their fight from the previous year flooded her mind, making her anxious.

“Are you mad at me again? Did I say something?” Her eyes brimmed with tears almost instantly.

Beatrice felt bad for her friend. She shook her head no immediately.

“No, I’m not. I like you too. I just don't know why we do it so much.” Katya smiled at this. That feeling is back, that prickly-warm feeling whenever she’s near Beatrice.

“I like hanging out with you. I want to do this forever. We’re best friends forever, right?”  Beatrice added quickly.  

Katya grinned and nodded excitedly. Beatrice smiled, wrapping her chubby little arms around the older girl. Katya’s hugs always brightened up her days, even the ones filled with yelling and Aunt Linda’s “you’re wasting too much time with that girl” in a harsh whisper.

“I’ll be here forever and ever, Bea.” Katya says softly, rubbing on Beatrice’s back lightly.

“Can we take a break? We’ve been working all day!” She pouted, batting her eyes at Katya.

“No, we only have to add some flower thingies. We can go rock hunting after.” Katya assures her. Yes, they go out and hunt for “suspicious-looking” rocks, only fueled when Katya’s Science classes dipped into Geology.   

The girls did finish Beatrice’s project eventually, and with a little time before sundown, set out on their quest to hunt weird rocks. It had been one of their favorite bonding, although Beatrice cannot comprehend why she always anticipates the part where they have to go home at the end of the day, Katya holding her hand as they walked in the darkening roads home. It was comforting, and Beatrice holds on to the last moments of calm and happiness just before she sets foot inside her house, under Aunt Linda’s scrutinizing gaze, then everything is sad, dark, and lifeless again. 

Katya is on her knees holding a tiny flashlight and a magnifying glass, scoring every surface of the land for pebbles that look out of ordinary, while Beatrice busied herself with whining and complaining that she was tired, clutching her “rock pouch” and “rock journal” by a tree.

Beatrice doesn’t like being outside, would rather sit by the window sill reading books (The Bible, if Aunt Linda catches her closing a book after it’s finished), preferably as Katya brushes her hair as they quietly enjoy each other’s company. Her thoughts were interrupted with an excited shout from Katya.

“Bea! Look!” She got up on her feet in record time, dragging her younger friend where she had just been kneeling. She looked at Katya for an explanation, not understanding what she’s supposed to be looking at. Impatient, Katya let go of her hand and picked it up, holding it proudly in front of her. 

“It’s pink! It’s for you!” She grinned, bouncing on her feet. Beatrice took the pebble with a smile, holding it up higher, “examining it. 

“It doesn’t look dangerous.” (She would say suspicious, but she’s not sure how to say it out loud correctly yet.)

“I know! But hey, we found it. I found it. You like pink. Maybe it means something.” Katya insisted. She may not listen attentively at Sunday school, but she did pick up bits and pieces about signs, both from the pastor and Kenny-dee, the lady who runs the costume shop down the street. She’s a woman, as Katya’s parents told her, but Miss Linda calls her a “drag queen”. 

“What?” Beatrice asks dumbfounded.

“Look, Bea. It’s a sign. I found this pink rock and I found you on the ground too. It means you’re important. It means I should take care of you.” Katya explains further. She does that thing where she flaps her hands around when she gets into whatever she’s saying like she’s swatting flies or something, Beatrice thinks.

“Maybe God is telling you that he hears you pray. What do you pray about?” is what Beatrice says instead. 

Katya scrunched her nose. “I think it’s creepy so I don’t do it much.” She shrugs, “But, I do wish that you’re always okay.” 

Beatrice didn’t understand much at seven, but she knew that Katya loves her, unconditionally.

Summer has become Beatrice’s favorite season for the past two years. For the little girl, it meant no school, lesser chores, no cold weather, and more time to play wither friends, particularly, Katya. The girl would be going to middle school the following school year, and as excited as she is, she also wanted to make sure that she would still have time to hang out with her little friend, but if she doesn’t she thought that spending all of summer together is the next best thing.

The sun sets a little later than usual, the longer days giving them more time to play, paint, or just sit around and watch the light disappear beyond the trees. Beatrice thanked God in her prayers for Aunt Linda loosens up a bit during the summer break, letting Katya stay over until after sunset. The days would always end with a hug, a lingering promise of affection that warms Beatrice’s heart, and just before walking away, Katya would softly utter words of assurance to Beatrice.

“I will make you happy forever.”

“You do look kind of foolish sitting by the doorsteps, Beatrice.” Aunt Linda commented from the living room. At eight years old, Beatrice often wished for a bigger house, a house with more rooms farther apart from each other just so she wouldn’t have to hear comments like this from her aging aunt, but then, she thought this was far more tolerable than her piercing, judgmental, dirty looks that had just gotten worse over time. The little girl sighed, folding her hands over her lap.

“I’m waiting for Katya, Aunt Linda.” She responds, powerless. She didn’t really know what else to say, not that they talk a lot apart from awkward questions about school that always ends on a litany about “Not turning out like your mother.” 

“It’s almost dinner time.” Her aunt reminded her, a code for ’Your friend is a messy eater and it’s one of the things I despise most about her, therefore I do not want her on my dining table.’

The little girl only sighed, her thoughts too occupied by her best friend.

Beatrice had been worried about the girl ever since school started again. On the first day of the school, they walked with the other kids laughing and joking with each other, ready to start the year. Despite the fact that Katya had to go to another school now, Trixie felt confident in navigating her way through third grade alone, with Pearl and Jason. The best friends parted ways with words of encouragement and a promise of stories after the day. 

 Third grade is looking good for Beatrice. She’d made more friends; she knew she would do well based on her teacher’s positive remarks. Pearl and Jason decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend in order to protect each other. (They’re kids, not every decision will make sense, okay?) The blonde was confused but nonetheless happy that her two friends are starting to get along after years of senseless bickering.

However, it was entirely different for Katya, the poor girl barely made it to Beatrice’s door when she slumped on the floor, on the verge of tears. Even Aunt Linda was concerned for a moment. 

“It’s gonna be so hard. We have so much classwork to do. Plus, I think PE is scary. I hate my new school.” She whined as Beatrice sat beside her on the floor. She nudged the younger girl a little bit so she could lean on her shoulder. 

“I’m sure it will get easier. You always say that.” She softly says, her hand grasping Katya’s. It was weird, in a way, how the tables have turned. Beatrice comforting Katya is something they’d never expected to happen but was a welcome change. After all, Katya IS a child too.

Now, a couple weeks in, nothing’s improved with Katya’s schedule. They still get to play, but it renders the girl almost drained of her energy so Beatrice takes pity and sometimes sends her home early to rest, but, just this week, Katya’s classes have been hectic and the girl is on the verge of breaking down all over again. 

Beatrice saw Katya’s slim, scrawny figure walking towards her a few minutes later. She looked exhausted, her sweaty forehead and disheveled hair making it even more apparent.

“I won’t stay long. I have to write a book review for Literature. I have so much stuff to read.” She sighs, sitting beside the girl on the steps. 

“But you love reading. You said reading is fun!” Beatrice stroked her arm in an attempt to somehow soothe her.

“I know! There’s just so much work that I don’t get to enjoy it anymore.” She sighs. The girls sat in silence for the next few minutes, Beatrice just letting Katya relax for a while. 

“I’m going home.”

Beatrice’s heart sank.

“Already?” She pouted, gripping Katya’s arm a little tighter. She knew her friend couldn’t stay for long, she tried to understand, but the child in her just couldn’t cope with the idea of spending less time with Katya.

“I know. Sorry. I will make it up I promise! Please don’t be mad-“Katya immediately explains, but the younger girl cuts her off with a wave.

“It’s not your fault. We can play more when you’re less busy, right?” It hurts. Beatrice is disappointed. But she’s a big girl, she can handle it, or at least she can try.  Katya is not going anywhere, is she?

“Yes! We can go bird watching when I have more time, how about that?” Katya proposed with a grin. Beatrice only nodded, returning her smile. With a lasting hug, the pair said their goodbyes for the night. In Beatrice’s mind, it’s temporary, Katya will be back to normal soon, back to her.

But, it doesn’t always work that way. Weeks passed, the visits still happen, but more rushed. They do manage to sneak in a few moments in the less busy weekends, but there is so much more that’s hindering a proper reunion between the two, other than their conflicting schedules.