I didn’t regret a thing. Not as I ran into battle, Ares cabin trailing behind weapons blazing. Not as my eyes caught Percy’s and he started connecting the dots. Not as the drakon spit his poison in my face. Even as Clarisse came running to my side and my heart broke at the sight of the pain on her face, I regretted nothing.
I was wrong. I chose the wrong side, I chose to help Luke. Deep down I knew he was using me, I had to have known, but I still chose to help him. So I had to make it right. And I did. Even if it cost me my life, I made it right.
I felt the world start to fade around me and Clarisse took me in her arms. I felt her tears drip down onto my face. She never let anyone see her cry, so why didn’t she care now?
“What were you thinking?” My head was in her lap now. I tried to smile at her but I could tell it didn’t work.
“Wouldn’t… Listen,” I tried to get out, but I found speaking to be harder than I imagined. “Cabin would… only follow you.”
Clarisse said something to her siblings behind her but I couldn’t hear over the ringing in my ears.
I warned her not to blame them, they wanted it to be her. We all did, she was the one who could save us.
“You stupid Aphrodite girl,” her tears increased as she sobbed, “You charged a drakon? Why?”
How was I supposed to tell them it was all my fault? That I’m the reason everyone we care about is in danger. That I’m the reason her best friend has to take over as head camper for the Apollo cabin at thirteen. I muttered something about the Drakon and Charlie, about it being my fault. The tears that were pooling in my eyes began to spill over. They would all hate me now, she would hate me.
“Stop it,” Clarisse let out between sobs, “That’s not true.”
‘Oh but it is’, I thought bitterly. I did the only thing that would convince them, I opened my hand and showed them the bracelet Luke gave me. I swear I could see Clarisse’s trust break.
“You were the spy,” Percy said. I had forgotten he was even there.
I nodded. I tried to explain myself, but I knew she’d never forgive me. I was going to die with her hating me. I tried to tell them about how Luke manipulated me, how when I wanted to stop helping he threatened to tell, how he promised me everyone would be okay, that I was saving them. I told them how he lied to me.
The tears streaming down my face began to mix with the poison, burning more. I refused to let them see how bad it hurt. Clarisse never showed when she was hurt, she wouldn’t want me to either. She told her siblings to go fight and locked eyes with Percy and Annabeth.
“Go,” She said, her eyes looked back into mine, “I got her.”
She pushed my hair out of my face and tried to force a smile that didn’t reach her tear-soaked eyes. “Does it hurt?”
Then I knew she didn’t see me as weak, she was concerned. I tried to nod but winced from the pain.
“I’m sorry.” I barely got the words out, choking up a bit of blood in the middle.
“Don’t be. It’ll be okay, I promise.” She continued stroking my face as I melted into her touch. She kept repeating her words, over and over, promising it would be okay. But we both knew it wouldn’t. It seemed as if she was trying to convince herself more than me.
There was so much I needed to tell her, so much I wanted to say, but so little time. I felt myself going cold, the world growing darker. I was fading. Looking into her beautiful tear-filled eyes I decided I had to tell her. Those eyes were the last thing I would see, I knew it.
“Clarisse, I-”
Then it all went black.