In your hands

The world was a place full of miracles.

Ava knew them first hand. She had received many in her life. Granted she would have never called them such until recently. Her life had felt like the pits of hell itself at times and she knew she had grown hard and built herself out of the pieces left behind.

And then she had died; had been murdered for no other reason than for her age and simple existence in an orphanage that held no regard for her ability to function on her own. She hadn't been an easy person; she’d fought against everyone and everything. She’d fought to the end as well but her spirit could not match her physical presence and the bone chilling hands holding the needle, delivering her to death. 

She’d lived then; without knowing why, or for what reason, she’d been given another chance and she was going to make the most of every moment, she was going to do all the things she had never been able to do. 

Now, as her battered hands feathered over the warm skin of the woman beneath her, she knew without impunity that miracles did indeed exist. Even if she didn’t fully accept where they had come from, she was going to worship this hallowed ground for as long as she still breathing. Her lungs would burn with want and her mind would know nothing else of the world but in this moment and many more she hoped to have, it didn’t matter.

Gentle fingers scratched at her scalp as her lips pressed delicately against the soft expanse of Beatrice’s torso and ribs. Lifting her head at the urging of the hand in her hair, Ava’s eyes locked with the brown orbs above her and she could have sworn time itself stopped for a moment and everything that she’d ever felt exploded in her mind. Tears sprang to her eyes and she blinked furiously to stop them from falling onto the canvas below her; she didn’t want anything she did to ruin the masterpiece that was Beatrice. She swallowed thickly and shook the fog from her mind that had threatened to ruin everything; she needed to focus. 

“Are you okay?”

The musical notes played melodiously into her ears and Ava wanted nothing more than to hear that voice forever. 

Ava nodded every so slightly. “Yeah.”

It was breathy and laden and wanton; and all she could muster.

The pair continued to look into each other eyes for a few more moments, content in the exploration of soul beneath. 

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Beatrice had found Ava sitting alone in a darkened training room, knuckles bloodied and bruised, tear tracks on her cheeks. Once she had sat down beside her, the tide had changed and Beatrice knew that everything Mary had said had been true and she had needed to live for more than the order and by god did she want to. She had tossed her fears to the wind and let her emotions take her where they needed to. She had kissed Ava then, trying to breathe every little bit of herself into the woman, to try and heal what she knew she had a hand in breaking. 

Ava had been so gentle with her. Even after everything Beatrice had put her through, she was still so wiling to forgive, to allow her back into her existence. But why had she thought it would be any different? All along Ava had been this person who had held her hand, had made her feel like the world would be okay, even if she took a moment for herself; that everything wasn’t going to fall apart if Beatrice just let herself feel. 

It had been a searing reconnection that had sent electricity screaming through her veins and ignited every nerve ending in her body. She was on fire and would let herself burn up in the flames if it meant Ava knew how sorry she was for everything. She had tried to say as much when their lips had parted but Ava had stopped her.

She had then rose to her feet, standing over Beatrice, whose heart hammered painfully at the loss of the connection and at the inevitability that Ava was going to walk away from her in that very moment and out of her life forever. But Ava had extended a hand down to her and helped her to her feet. She had smiled at her, a knowing look in her eyes. Beatrice then let herself be lead through the scarcely lit corridors, arriving at her room. Ava had stopped at the door frame, hesitation visible in taught shoulders and the slight parting of her lips as she sucked in a deep breath. Beatrice had tightened her grip on Ava’s hand and stepped around her into the room. 

This room wasn't new territory for them. The walls had seen many things no one else could have claimed to and for beatrice that meant safety. It meant that while she was there only things she wished to happen would, all the things she wished to experience and explore were ones she could, without judgement. It was where she could blend her two worlds, where she could mend her soul with a balm made just for her. 

Ava’s hands slipping underneath the hem of her shirt, finding purchase on her hips, definitely felt like a painkiller she didn’t know she wanted to take. A warmth spread through her, igniting wildly in her chest. Beatrice closed her eyes and breathed in the moment around them. She could feel Ava’s breaths rise and fall with her own, their bodies barely an inch apart; her own hands having migrated to rest on either side of Ava’s neck, her thumbs caressing the soft skin of her defined jaw line. It took her a few prayers to get herself together enough to open her eyes, to hope that the image in front of her was still there and wasn't some mirage or devils deceit thrust upon her for her worldly sins.

As the world fluttered back into view, the gaze placed upon her by Ava’s adoring eyes brought only joy to her soul. Ava smiled at her through glassy eyes and the levy broke inside of her. It was a short distance between them and as soon as their lips melted together, they were the same person, with the same wants and hopes and desires. 

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Ava felt her mind explode into sparks of bright white light as beatrice’s lips melded with her own. This wasn't the first time she’d felt this glory but in that moment it felt different; it felt like she was home. She’d been alone for so much of her life, and had pushed so many people away, but Beatrice had been the key that had unlocked the person she was supposed to be, the one who would do anything for anyone, who would sacrifice herself to the evils of the world for those who had devoted their lives to its betterment. She had made it out of the dark and the woman in her arms, painting masterpieces against her lips, was made of the light and Ava was going to bask in it forever. 

She squeezed at Beatrice’s hips and gently manoeuvred them further into the room; into their safety. It took all of Ava’s strength to hold her composure.. She wanted nothing more than to show Beatrice just how much she meant to her, but knew that this was new territory and they were both exploring it for the first time, together. Being intimate with another person wasn't new to either of them but Ava knew this was how it was supposed to be, not how it had been in that dingy storage closet on a ferry; the way her muscles were on fire already and they hadn't even done more than kiss, the way her mind had stilled and became clearer than it ever had and the way she didn't to feel it with anyone else.

Their bodies flushed together as the backs of Beatrice’s knees bumped into the small bed in the room. Ava cupped Beatrice’s cheeks with both hands, long slender fingers mingling into soft hair at her neck, foreheads resting together. 

“I-..”

The words stuck in her throat thick and hard. Swallowing hard, she willed the words to free themselves, to make themselves known but nothing would budge. Her eyes had been screwed shut, trying to get herself together, to not ruin yet another moment with the woman standing in her arms, and as Beatrice shifted in their embrace, pulling herself away from Ava did she open them; fear crashing over her like a wave.

But like the ocean, her fear ebbed and flowed away as Beatrice placed a delicate kiss to her forehead and then without further word had gripped the bottom her own shirt and pulled it free over her head. Ava could only watch as the fabric eased its way off of perfect skin and find its new home on the floor, revealing strong biceps and well defined abs. A few thin white scars peppered her torso just above the hem of her sweat pants and Ava had to stop herself from letting her anger of those who had done such things to Beatrice overcome the beauty before her. 

Ava knew she was staring. There was no way that she couldn’t and no way that Beatrice didn’t she her blatantly doing it. Her mind was a swirling wanton mess that just couldn't seem to focus for a second so that she could regain control of her motor functions. By yet another pure miracle, or just by want, Ava found her hands butterflying across the perfect expanse that Beatrice had unearthed to her. She could feel Beatrice’s deep breaths echo through her as her hands found their home on her sides and just as if they had been made to, Ava’s fingers slipped perfectly into the spaces of her ribs. 

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It wasn’t something she had thought about. Beatrice had definitely not had a moment to think about her actions as she had been swept up into the mesmerising presence that was Ava; the softness of her skin, the gentle nature of her touch and as she found her lost for words, Beatrice knew that words wouldn’t do right now. So just like she always did, she made her position known by actions. 

This was both new to them but Beatrice didn’t want it to stall and just be something that almost happened. She was ready to take a step forward. Even the smallest of ones, if it meant that she could show Ava that this, whatever it was between them was worth it and that nothing should stop them now. So there she stood, grey sweat pants clinging to her hips, hair tussled, her bra the only keeper of further secrets, with Ava’s hands holding her together. 

It always struck her just how much they could communicate without words. She did know that they would have to talk eventually and that it would have to become a regular part of whatever they made of the situation they found themselves in. It had been building within both of them since the moment they had met; a force Beatrice didn’t want to fall into, she wanted no part in deviating from the path that held her sisters together. But what she hadn't realised until very recently, was that she would be doing more harm than good, if she kept everything inside, blocking out what she had always known. She took a deep breath and looked directly into Ava’s eyes; finding curious and disbelieving orbs looking back at her.

“ I want you to know…I’ve always felt safe in your hands.”

Beatrice felt her chest wrack with relief as the words fell from her lips. She had never known how to tell Ava that from the moment they met, a sense of knowing had washed over her. It had been a troubling thought at first, given Ava’s tendency to not think about her actions before pursuing them, but as soon as Beatrice had let herself discover the truth that lay beneath, the force that surged through Ava’s soul, the one that Ava herself was unearthing at the same time, she knew that there was an invisible string that tethered them together and no matter it would never cease. 

“And I can only hope, that you can find that in mine.”

Before another thought reached her lips, Beatrice felt Ava’s form against hers. A light flashed behind her eyes and struck a flint in her chest, sparking into ravenous flames as she shifted her hands to slide up under Ava’s shirt; her fingers ghosting the edge of the Halo’s mark. 

She felt Ava’s breath hitch slightly and Beatrice pulled back from their kiss, resting her forehead against Ava’s own. They stood intertwined for a few moments until Bea felt a force pull her to lay on her bed, bringing Ava with her. She shifted so that Ava was laying on her side, curled into her; her hand splayed across Bea’s stomach. 

And there they lay for how long they both didn’t care to know. Just being together was enough for now; these moments of calm and serenity where they both could exist just for each other, without the impending doom they both knew resided just outside the stone walls of the cats cradle. 

Every so often Ava placed a gentle kiss to Beatrice’s delicate skin along her rib cage. 

“Are you okay?”

The musical notes played melodiously into her ears and Ava wanted nothing more than to hear that voice forever. 

Ava nodded every so slightly. “Yeah.”

It was breathy and laden and wanton; and all she could muster.

The pair continued to look into each other eyes for a few more moments, content in the exploration of soul beneath. 

“I am okay. I’m safe… in your hands.”