I reach the depth of the night, descending through the streets, trembling in this cold universe that freezes my breath for moments. -When I think about the future, I see your face over and over and over again.
My voice danced behind the curtain that opened completely, admitting the dominance of your image in my mind.
-It's a very beautiful face. You said it in a naughty and emphatic way. (with that lovely Russian accent).
I smile at the nudity that made me vulnerable and threw me whole away from the woman I thought I was. Away from Eve.
I stop at a place where I can see the bridge. My palpitations are intense as I relive the beauty of your eyes by confirming that I could not continue walking to never look back. There are no longer places where I can hide who I am. I can go slow now. I will no longer run after you. I will no longer devour your essence, to sink into it. But I need a haven where I can contain myself.
My soliloquy is interrupted by the ringing of the phone. It's Carolyn.
-Eve, we don't have time for you to ask me how I am, so don't feel like you should. -But Carolyn ... -Is Villanelle with you? -I have no idea where she is. I left Paul's house and didn't want to turn back. I was so upset. -She's going to look for you, as always. Or you to her, remember that we have already removed our masks going “cold turkey”. Listen to me well: it is time for you to understand that from tomorrow I will not be able to be in touch with you because I'm sure you understand circumstances are changing... -What are you talking about? Are you going to jail?
Eve please, don't be absurd. I'm going to hide. Only you eventually will know where I am. KGB style you already know me. But for no reason look for Villanelle. I don't want to alarm you, but this chaos has reached inconceivable limits, and now more than ever you must be aware of the danger you are in, that we run together. -My God, Carolyn. You don't want to alarm me, but I don't have anywhere to go or where to hide, I'm not ... You -Of course, you must remain safe, however. I will need you.
Just because you're going to need me. -You sound like my daughter, Geraldine. -What are you talking about? -Eve, pay attention. I will send somebody to you. Let's do this simple. You cannot stay in London. -It's okay. I hope it is not one of your friends from the 80s who comes to me.
Get over it, Eve, you have your own thing going on. Starting today you will not know about me in while until I need your help. I have nothing more to tell you at the moment .But You'll be fine.
London. Moscow. Paris. Rome. London again and again. These cities that I have traveled, with an almost electric drive through my skin. All my senses awake, all my being. Each of those cities has a special perfume, which attracts me as a passionate lover. Your perfume.
Great! Now Carolyn says I can't stay in London because of the danger, which has risen untouchable peaks of power.
How could I not have stopped to think that since the day I started this epic search for a dangerous, glamorous, international murderer, my life would not be the same? I know I thought about it, but I didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to speak it with any human being. Not even with myself. The destruction that has happened and the destruction that I caused.The furious inertia of feeling alive when chasing that extraordinary being that one night invaded my old house, to have dinner with me, trying to manipulate and dominate me. That beautiful face I constantly think about was inches from me. I felt the zipper of my dress go down, which she wet when she cornered me in my bathtub, to calm me by her intrusion. My body was completely wet. The fear, the excitement, the anger, but also the deep sweetness that I felt when he slid his face towards my neck, threatening, and seducing. Come to think of it, if Niko hadn't arrived just now, I would have a mark of pain caused by Oksana on my skin. Right here between my neck and my shoulders, sinking its edge, leaving a little wound ...
My God! I must stop this train of thought.
A very elegant man drives while I lean on the back seat. His name is Oscar and he doesn't look like any of Carolyn's close friends, he is much kinder.
I am here to take you to spend tonight and tomorrow in Brighton. You will have everything you need.
-Thank you, Oscar.
-Wait, Oscar, why Brighton? It is a tourist site. I thought Carolyn would hide me with a friend like Julia or one of her morgue contacts and I'll eat hamburgers for the rest of my life.
Remember that it will only be a couple of days, it will help you to breathe fresh air, and you need it.
-Something you tell me indicates that you already have information about me.
I know you. I've been part of some operations close to yours.
-Okay. I think at the moment I don't want to know more.
-Don't worry, as I said, you will have everything you need. I have thought of every detail.
Oscar keeps talking and I just think how far I get away from everything I don't want to say goodbye to. I give up.
We arrive at an apartment, from my bed I can directly see the coast, and hear the waves break in a rhythm that invites me to sink into the night and finally sleep.
The sun sails lightly between my sheets, I don't want to open my eyes yet. It is incredible how your memory, your voice, and your laughter intermingle in my dream, how you invade it, you enter and you stay there, restless, exciting me… awakening my desires, ending with the tranquility of my unconsciousness. I wake up hot, I do not know if it is the warm dawn or your vivid memory. I'm wide awake, and I look for you, my white sheets are wrinkled, it seems that I was not alone tonight, I feel that you have been here.
I go through a tunnel in my mind, full of doubts. Is this excitement real? I wonder if I kissed you if I drew your name with the tip of my tongue on your back if I adored every inch of your skin, of your white skin that upsets my senses. Did I really do it?
Tell me if it was real or was it a dream when my lips played on your breasts if you sneaked into this place and drank avidly from your pinkish nipples; I kissed, licked, and sucked relentlessly, always eager for you ... tell me if the brightness of your gaze while I loved you was a dream ... Tell me if the image I have of your penetrating eyes and your exciting gaze was a dream. I still have the sensation of your right leg between my legs, and your wet thigh. Oh my God! Tell me it wasn't a dream.
The sun illuminates this room on fire, and my body explodes in absolute loneliness.
I keep thinking of you Oksana. I keep thinking about you in a sexual, romantic, and even loving way and you know it's driving me crazy.