Chapter 1
Team x reader
Notes; THIS IS TRIGGERING. THIS DOES REFERNCE SEVERE DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND THE ATTEMPTS TO TAKE YOUR OWN LIFE. IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING ANYTHING LIKE THIS CALL SOMEONE! CALL A HOTLINE, A LOVED ONE, ANYONE WHO CAN HELP YOU. IF YOU NEED ANYONE TO TALK TO, I AM AVALIBLE. IF YOU WANT SOMEONE TO TALK TO, I AM HERE, I AM NOT GOING TO SAY I UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH BECAUSE EVRYONE’S DEPRESSION IS DIFFERENT BUT I KNOW THE BASIS OF DEPRESSION BECAUSE I TOO GO THROUGH IT. SO I AM HERE AS AN EAR AND I WILL LISTEN.
Life was a bit of a bitch, you’d decided. Everyone said life was only this way to make you stronger. To prepare you for greater challenges later in your life. You’re still waiting for those greater challenges.
You’d been diagnosed with depression at the ripe old age of fifteen and you were nearly twenty-nine now. So, nearly thirteen years later and you were still waiting for the greater challenges. The challenges that were supposed to make everything else you’d suffered through seem minimal.
You’d suffered with this depression for so long that you usually could handle it. Usually, you could forget the fact you were broken and move forward like a normal person. Your depression could go one of two ways when it was bad, either you felt everything or you felt nothing at all. And after all these years, you were tired. You were so tired of living through this continual pattern of being okay and then being worse off than before.
It didn’t matter how many times you lived through this pattern, the second it came back it felt as if that was it. You were now going to be stuck feeling this way forever.
Everyone always told you to hold on so you could meet your soulmates, soulmates as in plural, because they would make it all better. But that sounded like a lie. Why should you hold on for people you might meet? And if you did, why would they make it better? They can’t fix you because this was who you are. No amount of love could really ever fix you because you can’t be fixed.
It would just come back again. Well not this time. It wouldn’t come back this time.
New York. The Big Apple. The City That Never Sleeps. It was also your home. You’d lived there ever since you were sixteen and your parents decided you needed a change of scenery. But it was the lights and the life this city held that made you stay when you moved out a year later.
You’d been alone since this decision. Your parents decided that they couldn’t deal with your depression anymore and asked if you could stay away until you got better. You hadn’t spoken to them in ten years.
It was the fact that you hadn’t spoken to them in so long, that made you not leave them a note. They didn’t care for you when you were living, if you can even call it that, why should they care that you died?
This was not a decision that you had made spontaneously. It also wasn’t some years in the making plan. You’d been thinking about it for weeks that was that. For the past few weeks, it was only a matter of finding a way.
Of course, the night you made the decision to finally do it, it was pouring down rain. Almost as if the universe saw your decision and wanted to match the mood. You didn’t bring a coat when you left the house, the simple notion didn’t even cross your mind as you rushed out of your apartment.
Your mind was scattered as you clutched your handbag tightly to your chest. You barely paid any attention to the people rushing around you or the blaring background noise of the bustling city. Things that normally brought you comfort on sleepless nights.
You were not paying any attention to your surroundings, until you collided into someone.
Your handbag fell from your hands as you almost fell to the ground, only being stopped by a set of hands on your forearms. Looking up you saw a red head holding to you as the man next to her picked up your bag.
“I am so sorry, I’m such a klutz, I wasn’t looking.” You apologised as the red head continued to hold your arms in her soft hands.
“It’s fine, no damage done.” She breathed with wide as the man next to her handed you your bag.
“Thank you. I’m sorry I have to go.” You said, snatching the bag and moving around the two.
“Wait! Wait, stop!” The man called as you began to run away from the two. The only thing on your mind was making it home. You didn’t even register that they had said some of the words written on your skin. You didn’t even register the fact the two were following after you.
Non-reader POV
“Why are we picking up pizza in this weather?” Clint whined as he held the umbrella over himself and one of his soul mates. “We could have just got it delivered.”
“We could have but I was going stir crazy in that tower.” Natasha said, looping their arms together. “Besides I love this weather.”
“You won’t when you get sick.” He said, pointing out her lack of warm layers. “Are you sure you don’t want my jacket?” He asked for a fourth time.
“Clint, I don’t get sick, you do. Keep your jacket on.” She rolled her eyes.
“Steve and Wanda are going to tell you off when they see you went out in the rain, in a freaking tank top.” He laughed as her nose crinkled.
“Why do you do this to me?” She whined. Before he could say anything, someone an around the corner and crashed into him and Natasha. Natasha reached out and held onto the petite woman by her arms as Clint leaned down to grab her dropped bag.
“I am so sorry, I’m such a klutz, I wasn’t looking.” She apologised; her eyes frantic looking as the both Natasha and Clint’s widened in shock. She’d said the last of Natasha’s words.
“It’s fine, no damage done.” Natasha breathed as Clint handed over the woman’s handbag. As she snatched it out of his hands, he caught a glimpse of what was inside.
“Thank you. I’m sorry I have to go.” She said before moving out of Natasha’s hold and rod the two shocked Avengers.
“Wait! Wait, stop!” Clint called, breaking out of his stupor, as the mysterious woman ran away. “Come on.” Clint said, grabbing Natasha’s hand and pulling her with him. “We’re following her, call the tower tell them we found her.”
“Clint, she ran.” Natasha said, tugging at Clint’s hold. “I think it’s clear that she doesn’t want us.”
“Nat, you saw her. We know better than anyone else what not okay looks like and that’s what she looked like.” Clint stated, continuing to pull Natasha through the crowded sidewalk. “I think she’s in trouble.”
“Why would she be in trouble, Clint?” Natasha asked as she pulled out her phone. “Clint!” She snapped when he didn’t answer.
“She had a gun in her bag, Tash.” He said without looking back at her. “I saw it when I picked it up.”
“Hurry up, Barton, I can still see her.” Natasha urged, spotting the H/C woman in the distance. The two moved as quickly as they could through the bustling street. Their soul mate continued to evade them as they called out for her.
“There!” Clint exclaimed as he saw her enter an apartment complex. It was in the grimier part of New York and there wasn’t even any security system at the door. As they hurried up the stairs, they could only catch glimpses of the damp H/C.
“Please stop!” Natasha begged as they hurried after her. Three flights of stairs later they lost sight of her but knew she was on the floor as they heard a door slam.
There were seven doors on this floor and Natasha and Clint would have had no idea which one their soul mate could have entered, had it not been for the muddy, wet, footprints that led to the door furthest from them.
The two shared a look before hurrying over to the plain wooden door. Through the thin wood they could hear the sound of loud sobbing that broke their hearts.
“Move.” Clint told her gruffly. Natasha did as he asked, well rather demanded, and watched as the door splintered after he kicked it twice. The two quickly ran into the apartment where the sounds of broken sobbing led them to a small bathroom.
There sat their soul mate, gun in hand, as she sat on the tile floor. It was clear she hadn’t heard the two enter as she did not turn towards them.
It was when she raised the small gun towards her lips that Natasha and Clint took action.
Reader POV
You had just raised the gun when it was yanked harshly out of your hands. Your head snapped up and through tear filled eyes you could see two people in your bathroom.
“Get rid of it.” A distinctly feminine voice ordered lowly and the other figure moved out of the bathroom. The woman sat on the ground next to you and pulled you into her arms. At the feeling of another person’s arms around you, you began to struggle.
Weakly you began to pound your fists against her chest as she pulled you closer.
“No, no, let me go.” You whimpered as she ran her fingers through your hair. “Please just let me go.”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that dorogoy.” The woman soothed.
“I just want to die. Please just let me die.” You begged, still trying to pull away from her strong hold.
“I’m not going to let you die, dorogoy.” She said firmly.
“Steve called, he wanted to know where we are and what the situations like.” The man said, re-entering the room. “I told him we had it under control but they shouldn’t come.”
“Good choice.” The woman commented as your sobs began to cease and your breathing began to even out. “Go to sleep, dorogoy, we’ll be here when you wake up.”
You didn’t even get to ask who these people were as you breathing evened out and you became dead to the world.
When you awoke the next morning, everything hurt. Your head was pounding, your eyes felt swollen and every part of your body felt heavy.
Climbing out of bed you saw someone had changed you into a pair of sweats and a loose sweatshirt. The smell of food cooking alerted you to the fact that whoever it was, was still here. Slowly, you walked out of your bedroom and into the kitchen where you saw the red headed woman and blonde man from yesterday in your kitchen.
“Who are you?” You questioned, standing in the doorway. Your voice sounded rough even to your ears.
“Ah you’re awake.” The man turned with a smile “Thought you were going to sleep the day away, sleeping beauty.”
“Who are you and why are you in my apartment?” You questioned again, crossing your arms over your chest.
“For someone who almost killed them self last night, you’re sounding particularly aggressive.” The woman commented, pulling out a chair at the table.
“Maybe it’s because the two of you broke into my apartment and interrupted said attempt. Now, who are you?” You questioned again, anger rising at the two before you.
“Well, I’m Clint and this is Nat and we’re your soul mates sweetheart.” The man, Clint, said.
You let out a long breathe before sinking into the chair Natasha pulled out for you. You rested your head in your hands as the two remained silent. It was several minutes before any of you spoke.
“I’m guessing you threw away my gun.”
“Of course we did.” Natasha spoke, almost harshly at the mention of said weapon. “And you won’t be seeing it again.”
“Why?” You asked. “Why did you stop me? You don’t even know my name.” You further questioned, finally looking up.
“Your name is Y/N L/N, you’re twenty-eight years old and an organ donor according to your driver’s license.” Natasha stated
“And because you’re our soulmate.” Clint said, placing plates onto the table. “Who needed help.”
“I needed it to stop.” You sighed, leaning back into your chair. “And me being your soulmate, that’s going to bite you in the ass.”
“Why would you say that?” Natasha questioned.
“Because I’m broken.” You shrugged. “Have been for years. I’m too much work, you’ll end up leaving or getting hurt in the end.”
“I don’t think so, dorogoy.” Natasha said, taking your hand in hers.
“We’re not going to leave.” Clint assured, placing the last of your plates on the table and sat on your other side.
“That’s what everyone says. And in the end, it’s always the same.” You said. “Everyone says I’m too broken to handle.”
“Yeah well, we’re not everyone.” Natasha said, making a plate of food and placing it in front of you. “And neither is everyone else.”
“Everyone else?”
“The rest of our soulmates.” Clint supplied, checking his phone. “Who all told me to call five minutes ago, hang on.” Clint said, pulling out his phone and moving into the small living room.
“They want to meet you, you know.” Natasha commented as you picked at your breakfast. “They all do.”
“I highly doubt that.” You mumbled, twirling your fork. “I’m not exactly someone people want to be around.”
“Trust me, we want you.” Natasha said, taking your hand in hers.
“You know this won’t fix me, right?” You asked. “Being my soul mate, it’s not going to fix me. In the end this might just hurt you.”
“Dorogoy, I’m going to be the first to tell you, you are not alone. Not in this. You are going to learn that all our soul mates are fucked in the head. None of us are sane or stable and we are the best equipped to help with your depression. We know, I know, that we can’t make this go away but we can be there for you.” She said, staring into your eyes and squeezing your hand tightly.
“Okay, don’t be mad at me.” Clint said meekly as he re-entered the room. “But that was Steve. He wanted to know how last night went as well as this morning. Tony overheard and he traced the call. Long story short, the team’s on their way over.”
“Jesus Clint.” Natasha sighed.
“I don’t know if I’m ready to meet them all just yet.” You said, your eyes now incredibly wide.
“Y/N, look at me.” Clint said, kneeling down next to you. “I know how this feels. I know it’s a lot but we want to be there for it. We know we can’t stop the dark days but we can help you through them. Please just give us a chance.” He begged imploringly.
Natasha watched as you and Clint stared each other down, after a few seconds you finally nodded.
“Okay.” You breathed, somewhat shakily. “Okay, I’ll do it but I have one condition.”
“Anything you want dorogoy.” Natasha agreed.
“I really want a shower.” You said, causing both Natasha and Clint to laugh.
“Yeah I think we can agree to that.” Clint chuckled, raising to a stand and quickly kissing your head. “Go shower, the others will be here in half hour.”
“Everyone’s here, med.” Natasha said, leaning against your doorframe. “Do you want to wait here for a few minutes? Or I can send them away if you’ve decided you can’t do this.” She suggested.
“No, I can, I can do this.” You nodded, releasing a breath you didn’t know you were holding in. “Let’s do it.”
“Come on then.” She said, offering her hand to you. You took her soft hand in your trembling one and allowed her to lead you into your living room.
There sat Clint and four other men who you assumed to be your soulmates.
“I suppose despite the circumstances, it’s nice to meet you.” You said, shifting awkwardly.
“Holy shit.”
“It’s nice to meet you too doll.”
“The pleasure is mine.”
“You as well.”
It had been two years since that fateful night/day. You still struggled with depression, this was something all your soul mates knew of but it was okay. Because as Natasha said, they knew how it felt.
With their help, along with a good prescription and a couple chats to a therapist a week, you were dealing much better. You weren’t exactly better, but you were no longer merely surviving.
You were actually beginning to live again.
Their love did not fix you, not in the slightest, but their love helped you see that this didn’t have to be the end. Their love made you see that you deserved to live and deserved to feel again.