Selina enters the house and doesn't wait to look around, disrupting the flow of cats suddenly meowing around her to storm to her room.
She can still feel the big eyes staring at her as she slams the door. Practically feel them burning into her through the wood.
One of the cats, Diego, stares up at her.
Selina smiles, feeling him brush over her foot as she crosses the room, stripping as she goes. The sheets are pleasantly cool against bare skin, finally breathing out of the leather. Selina closes her eyes, absently petting Diego when he rubs her arm.
He's an easy favourite, who loves nothing more in the world than her and scraps of sushi.
And Selina, who craves touch like some crave Drops, loves nothing more than the simple pleasure of stroking his hair and feeling his warm fur soak up her hurts and loneliness.
"You like that?" Selina coos at him quietly when he purrs. "You missed me?"
Diego, vocal as ever, yowls something at her. She's been gone a lot more these days, stewing in anger.
And no matter how much she's trying to cloak it from coworkers, visitors to the Iceberg Lounge, to all the strays she draws in without even trying. it shows. Something in her bitten off smile and her hollow words.
Penguin even asked her earlier today if she was alright.
Selina scoffs, turning her face into the sheets. Her breath heats her face back up, dashing the desperate hopes of pressing her headache away.
He'd switched up from his previous romantic notions to something as close as respect a man like him could develop for a female employee.
Get it together, Selina reminds herself, just relieved she hadn't said anything.
No matter how nicely Penguin asked her, he was buddies with that fucker, Mitchell, with Carmine, with all the rest of them. If Selina made too much of a fuss, gave away just how much she knew...
He wouldn't even bother just breaking something, he'd take the easy way out and kill her.
That's how it worked.
That's how it had always worked. Selina had known it from the start, when Eve had taken her under her wing all those years ago, in the dressing room at the 44 Below. Selina had watched women put on makeup and straighten heels and hair, wiping away each other's tears and calling out warnings about customers or their bosses.
They don't want you to ask any questions. They just want to feel special. Eve had winked at her, whiling away time as she waited for Oz. And when they come after you, the story's over, then they just want you dead. Better just 'ta play nice, kitten.
Selina's throat burned with anger.
And that's what they all believed. What her mother believed when she swallowed back anger to sweet-talk some bastard over the phone. That's what Anni believed, that Selina couldn't do fuck all about her bashed up face or about Mitchell's attention sticking to her like a leech.
The day Selina had met Mayor Don Mitchell, she'd known. She'd seen the way his eyes cast casual ownership over everything. The way he had his wife's picture on the front of his phone, sitting right there on the table, glinting wedding band waving in the air. The way he sucked up to Carmine, and his stupid indignity about knowing that he was the weaker man at the 44 Below.
Selina had given him back the filthiest look she could muster.
But she wasn't able to warn Anni in time. And that bastard took one look at her shy friend, who'd only started working at the Iceberg Lounge because Selina had told her about it. Her friend, who struggled with English when she got nervous, fell for romantic ploys and Mitchell sunk in his claws.
That had been the first argument that Selina and Annika ever had. Selina told her it was too dangerous to get tangled up with Mitchell, no matter what his fucking smile looked like, and Annika shouted back at her about stealing from Oz's operation.
"You enjoy the profits." Selina snapped. "It's what I'm owed!"
"I don't want to listen to you!"
"You're acting like an idiot and it'll get you killed!"
"Then why you make eyes at him?" Anni had demanded, red in the face. "You stare after Carmine. Why?" Anni immediately seemed to realize she'd gone too far.
It took a few hours, but they ended it after Annika promised never to use Mitchell's money to pay for rent, and promised never to tell him where she lived. And when Anni looked hopeful, Selina chewed back her own hypocritical words to apologize.
But she still got bitter and sad every time Anni returned, ever more jaded, from a "date" or flowers or forced a laugh with Mitchell over the phone.
Because they always turned.
Selina has seen enough covered-up bruises. Enough of the staff at the Iceberg Lounge chugging down pineapple juice and slathering on arnica, to know they always turned on you.
She doesn't even need to know if Mitchell did it this time. The scrape from the wedding band was on Anni's face.
All Selina got out of Annika when she'd shown up, sobbing, terrified, was that someone said too much.
Diego murmured something, kneading into the mattress, tail flicking impatiently.
"You hungry?" Selina asks, running her knuckles down his head.
There was an answering mrow. As though it was her fault he was starving, when there was plenty of food available.
Selina pursed her lips. She didn't want to go out there. Not when the sight of Anni's face brought on murderous rage. Not when she had to feel guilty about her own words.
"I should've known better, huh?" Selina whispers to Diego, taking in his grumpy, wide eyes. She'd always gotten too close to people. Kids at the group home. Eve. Strays on streets. It had taken years of betrayals and hurts for her to finally guard her heart better.
The rules of survival, of what had hit the fan between Anni and the fucking Mayor of the city, meant Selina should cut and run. As soon as possible.
Selina bites her lip when her eyes sting, taking a sharp inhale to try to hold it back.
She could never leave her.
Moving in with Anni had been one of those easy, quick decisions, the results of the morning after, when they had breakfast, lunch, and snacks, and realized that they didn’t have to say goodbye.
Their thing just worked. On and off, the only way Selina knows how to be. There were days they pulled away and others where they got wound up together, trading kisses or the feeling of Anni's warmth on her, gently stroking her face.
Anni read her like a book, feeding her with a flood of touch and love that Selina was hopelessly unprepared for, after a lifetime of her skin crawling from both.
And in turn, it had been easy to make things work with Anni. Leave her notes in origami cats. Draw her baths or knead Anni's aching muscles. Put her makeup on, and then ruin it, while Annika batted her hands away and scolded her in Eesti keel.
Diego paws at Selina impatiently, then jumps off the bed, whining his whole, sorry way to the door.
Selina climbs off the bed, feeling her head spin a little. She pads after Diego, opening the door for him so he can scamper towards food.
Anni twists around on the couch to look at her, pretty face drawn up in wariness.
Their argument is loud and heavy in the air, echoing in the silence.
Selina swallows, not knowing all the words for a sincere apology, or how to promise Anni that she'll protect her.
Anni's shoulders sink with some mix of relief and exasperation. And she wordlessly makes room.
Selina can feel her eyes starting to water again. Drifts over to the couch, to the TV where some soft-plotted Midwest romance in a small town is playing out for the hundredth time.
Annika's got her nails freshly painted, the bottle's still on the table, half-closed with the brush on an angle. It annoys Selina to no end, especially when Anni insists that nail polish remover or something can revive it.
The male lead says something improbable and loving. The lead actress's eyes don't even soften, that's how bad the acting is. She just breathlessly blurts the next few lines.
"I can't believe you watch this stuff." Selina murmurs.
"You watch rom-coms," Anni replies. She likes pretending that cruelty is just here, in Gotham. That she picked the wrong spot to try and flower in.
"Those are funny at least, and the ridiculousness is the point. This is just serious. People think this stuff happens for real." Selina rants, before remembering she's supposed to be earning forgiveness or something.
"Mhmm. How horrible that people want to believe in something nice." Annika says, the hints of steel reminding Selina that she wasn't some innocent. She hadn't come here with her eyes closed. "It's so terrible that they lie to us this way on television and tell everyone it's all true. It should only be news, twenty-four-seven. Sad news."
"Okay, don't be dramatic." Selina presses into her ribs, making Annika squeal. "Baby this whole farm-fantasy shit has so many issues--"
"But the cows." Annika interrupts. "Purpose."
Selina rolls her eyes. "Storms and drugs and don't even get me started on what they don't show about--"
"No more." Annika warns and Selina shrugs.
She feels Anni carefully tilt sideways until her head's leaning on Selina's shoulder. Selina relaxes so that it's stable, comfortable.
"If you want a farm, just say so." Selina says, grinning a little. "I'll get us some cows and overalls, and tractors."
"Selina."
"I'm serious, we'd have cats everywhere. I'll wear a little hat and I'll till the fields."
Annika sighs deeply. "Please, you'd be one of those cute, polite little farm wives."
"Excuse me, what?"
"You'd pick up the accent fast too. Wear blue dresses and pink hair. And all of our neighbours would hate us for being gays. And good looking men would try to steal you away and I would fight them off."
"Okay fantasy's turned into a nightmare."
"I just don't want you to take this stuff like it's real." Annika lazily gestures at the TV. "You have to know the truth, it's miserable everywhere all the time."
"Just shut up."
Anni forces the words past giggles. "I'm telling you sweetheart, everywhere, sadness and criminals and drugs. Even the cows are evil. You're lucky you found me."
Selina wants to shove her off, but she's mindful of Anni's face. And it's too good to hear Annika snort and laugh her way into pleasant tiredness.
"Stay home tomorrow?" Selina asks carefully, squeezing Annika's hand, making sure not to nick her with the nails.
"Stay with me."
"I gotta go see Oz. But I'll come home quick." Selina says.
"Okay." Annika's voice is small.
They don't talk about it all, they just put on one movie after the other.