let me stay in the stars
Max paces around her room as the contents of her wardrobe lay on her bed. She has literally no idea what to pack. Back in California, she didn’t have many friends and with the party, she just shows up.
This? This is a big deal. Getting invited to a sleepover with the girl she loves, Mike Wheeler’s totally badass older sister and her… lesbian aunt?
Max doesn’t know exactly what to call Robin. Friend is weird for someone whose house she lives in and who drives her everywhere and who rants to her about Nancy Wheeler in the middle of the night. But, sister is… sister is too soon. It reminds her so much of Billy that she had to sit down the first time Robin called her “sis” like it didn’t mean anything.
She still has dreams about him. Not the bad ones, where she watches him die. Those went away once she left the house he used to blast his music in. Good ones, where they’re on a beach out in California and splashing each other and collecting seashells.
Max knows those aren’t memories, just like she knows that her not-brother was… was complicated, to say the least. But, she wishes they were and that’s what matters.
Sure, she’s been at the Buckley household for about three months now. The first one, her mother tried to track her down and she’d float from house to house every night until the Wheelers though she and Mike were dating (she choked on her mashed potatoes when Karen asked and Nancy didn’t stop laughing for about twenty minutes straight), Ms. Henderson started to ask questions and the Sinclairs offered to kick Neil’s ass for her. Again.
But, Max always ended up at the Byers house, no matter how far away she was.
It’s like the thing she read about sea turtles- they always return to their home shore. And El, with her warm smile that makes Max feel alive and her bright eyes that are the eighth wonder of the world and kisses that make her stomach drop while her heart soars… El is Max’s home.
For some reason, she’s gotten lucky enough so that this wonderful, radiant human being feels the same way about her.
Max is still a little confused about that- what Eleven Hopper would want with her. El is every song she’s heard in her dreams, every constellation she sees in the sky, everything in the stories she reads. Max is reckless and a coward and fiery and she doesn’t deserve a fallen piece of heaven. But, she’s so damn glad that she got it and if it’s up to her, she’d never let go.
She blinks out of it when Robin sticks her head into Max’s room and asks, “You almost ready?”
“I don’t know what to pack,” Max mumbles and gestures at her bed.
“I can see that,” Robin laughs, “Your striped shirt is cute.”
Max looks down at the bed again and back at the shirt. Before she can stop herself, she smiles, remembering El’s hand in hers and the victory she felt when El told Mike I dump your ass. That was a perfect day.
“We’re leaving in ten, ok?”
With that, her sister friend“lesbian aunt” turns and leaves the room to go pack for herself. Max sighs and runs a hand through her hair, wondering what the hell she’s gonna do.
Approximately twelve minutes later, she’s packed her striped shirt and jeans, some more Wonder Woman comics for El and toiletries. The Buckleys have been saints buying her toothpaste and things that she didn’t think to grab from her house the day Robin drove her over to get her stuff.
She’s been practically harassing Joyce for a job so that she can pay them back, even though Robin keeps telling her not to worry about it. Her not-sister meets her in the hallway and they walk in comfortable silence to the front door.
After throwing their suitcases in the trunk, Max climbs into the passenger seat of Robin’s navy blue pickup truck, dubbed “Dolly” by Dustin and Erica who like to sit in the bed. Steve always freaks out when he catches them though, because it’s illegal and that’s really dangerous and back in my day… but, everyone just laughs and replies “ok, Mom”.
As they drive, they blast I’m Coming Out and scream along to the lyrics, headbanging and cackling in time.
At a stoplight, Robin reaches a hand dramatically towards the windshield and croons, “I want the world to know… gotta let it show!” and Max can’t stop laughing. She hasn’t felt this happy since… since the day at the mall when she thought she would live forever.
Her and El, together, eating ice cream and racing each other towards infinity for the rest of time.
They pull into the Byers driveway and Max’s not-sister reaches over to squeeze her hand, “Hey, we’re going to have a great time tonight, ok?”
“Yeah,” Max grins and she means it.
They share another smile, Robin turns the engine off and they lug their suitcases inside. As Max is about to knock on the door, it’s flung open and El is standing there, beaming like Max is everything she wants, a dream come true.
Max knows that’s impossible, but she lets herself believe it as she looks into those big, brown eyes.
Just for a minute, let me stay in the stars. Then, I’ll come back to reality, she tells herself.
“Mike and Nancy aren’t here yet,” Joyce informs them after grabbing the girls’ suitcases and ushering them in.
“Mike’s coming to the sleepover?” Max gasps.
Sure, they don’t hate each other anymore, but how is she supposed to steal kisses from his ex right in front of him? And also, paint his nails, play truth or dare, read Wonder Woman… girly stuff? After she thinks about it, she figures that Wonder Woman would probably do him some good, Will would pass out if Mike got a manicure and she can’t wait to make him spill his secrets.
El laughs, “Mike is coming for Will.”
Well, that makes more sense. They should still paint his nails though and watch as El’s kind-of-brother has a heart attack. It’d be good entertainment.
Like he heard his name, Will comes out from his room and asks, “Mike?! Is he here yet?!”
“Not yet,” El shouts back and he sighs before going back into his room and shutting the door. Max thinks she can faintly hear him playing Open Arms by Journey through the door and she smiles.
The three girls head to the kitchen and Robin gives Max and El terrible advice about passing freshman year, which is coming up in a few months. Max sees Joyce tense when El asks what Hawkins High is like and whether the teachers are nice. Something in her chest squeezes a little as she imagines walking those halls without the girl she loves beside her.
She knows they can’t exactly be out and proud at school. Just the other day, someone literally threw a soda on Will and called him the f slur. Lucas and Dustin could barely hold Mike back and the only thing stopping Max from murdering the dude was El’s hand on her wrist.
But, she can still have the brushing hands in the hallways, secret smiles in class, sitting too close in the cafeteria because “there’s no room”, stolen stares at school dances…
That’ll be enough for her.
The doorbell rings again and before Joyce can get up to open it, Will’s flying out of his room and throwing it open, smiling like his face is breaking in half.
“Mike!” he shouts and grins, pulling the taller boy into a hug.
Well, that’s new. Mike freezes for a moment and then puts his arms around the shorter boy and smiles into his shoulders. El and Max exchange a knowing look and Robin looks at them with a question in her eyes. Then, Nancy Wheeler walks in, carrying a basket of nail polish and Max’s not-sister gapes.
Whenever Max tries to ask her about Nancy, she always deflects by teasing about El or mutters something like she’s nice while hiding a blush. Hopefully, something big happens tonight so she doesn’t have to keep worrying about Robin’s love life.
“I love you,” El whispers in her ear and she blinks.
She still hasn’t gotten used to the way the girl says it every few minutes, like she’s afraid Max will disappear.
I’m here and I will be here until you get tired of me or we both die, and then I will follow you into the afterlife and be by your side for eternity. I will cross oceans and mountains to find you and I will tear the world apart if you ask me to.
At least, that’s what she wants to say. All she can do is place a soft kiss on the side of El’s forehead and hope she gets the message.
Will finally pulls away from Mike after a solid minute and Mike is bright red again. Max practically cackles when he then grabs the black-haired boy’s hand and drags him towards his room, shutting the door behind them.
Wheeler is so gone, she thinks and then looks over at El, realizing that she isn’t much better.
Nancy calls from the living room, “I brought nail polish!” as if it wasn’t obvious.
El’s face breaks into a wide grin and she sprints towards the couch, holding her fingers out. She’s never gotten her nails painted before and she’s been looking forward to it all week. Max caught her girlfriend true love better half sighing dreamily about it when she should’ve been paying attention to the D&D campaign Lucas was running about zombies or some shit.
Max wasn’t really listening either, but then again, she had better excuses. Like El.
When Nancy smiles shyly at Robin and offers to paint her nails a blue that will “bring out her beautiful eyes”, Max thinks her not-sister will combust out of sheer proximity to Mike’s sister.
A few minutes later, Max is swiping bright green paint all over El’s nails as the girl stares at them in wonder and smiles. After she finishes the right hand, Max places a gentle kiss on it and El blushes a little bit.
She loves this girl so much that she thinks she might explode, in a good way.
Robin is still bright red while Nancy hums along to an ABBA song that Will’s blasting and uses the blue that Robin just grunt-squealed in agreement to when she suggested it.
When El’s nails are drying, she and Max sit on the couch together as close together as possible and whisper stupid things that make both of them crack up and dissolve into tears. Joyce pokes her head into the room and gives a soft smile to all four of them flaunting their colored nails.
“Who wants dinner?” she asks and Max blinks out of her El is right here and she loves me haze.
“What?!” Will shouts from his room.
Joyce screams over the love song playing, “Dinner!”
He opens the door and sprints into the kitchen while Nancy mutters boys and Mike follows after him, stumbling like he’s just woken up from a dream and blushing his ass off. El elbows Max and laughs like she always does when they watch the two dance around each other
“What’s for dinner?” Robin asks, after they wander into the kitchen.
“Breakfast,” Will replies through a mouthful of scrambled eggs.
“Where’s Jonathan?” Nancy pipes up and Robin’s face falls a little bit, even though she soon replaces the disappointment with a fake smile.
“Probably at Steve’s,” Joyce replies and Will rolls his eyes lovingly.
As soon as they sit down at the table, El’s already devoured two of her own waffles and half of Max’s. At first, she was shocked when she found out Max didn’t like them, but now, she’s realized it’s a positive- double the waffles!
“I love you,” she tells Max through a mouthful of food, crumbs dripping out onto her chin.
Max smiles and says, “Love you too,” and leans over to wipe them off her cheek.
“No PDA at the dinner table,” Mike chucks a balled up napkin at her “People are trying to eat here, Mayfield.”
Instead of responding, she just raises an eyebrow to the way he and Will are practically sitting on each other’s chairs and he blushes again. Will doesn’t seem to notice though, happily stuffing his face with waffles drenched in ungodly amounts of syrup.
Max wonders whether they’re actually together yet or if Mike’s just pulling another Mike, like always. It’s practically become its own verb by now.
Meanwhile, Robin, Nancy and Joyce are talking about politics, which basically consists of them all trashing Reagan and ranting about what a dick he is. Well, mostly, Nancy’s in the middle of an impassioned speech with her fists clenched and eyes blazing and Robin’s staring at her with hearts in her eyes while Joyce is applauding.
Will turns to El and whispers dramatically, “Who do you think you are, Ronald?!”
The two start laughing hysterically- El snorts and chokes on her orange juice while he throws his head back and giggles. Max and Mike make eye contact, shrug and then go back to staring at both of them.
El is so beautiful when she laughs and Max wishes that she took pictures like Jonathan, so she could capture it forever. But, she’s not… she’s not good at anything like that.
She’s good at zooming and running away and that’s pretty much it.
But, skateboards are useless when it comes to holding onto the best things in your life. And reaching for the horizon… well, that isn’t something she wants to brag about to the girl she loves more than life itself, the one person that fills the hole in her chest, the radiant being who makes her feel so damn alive that it hurts sometimes.
“It’s something Jonathan likes to scream at the tv,” Will leans over to explain to Mike, “Me and El like to make fun of him for it.”
Mike looks like he’s going to turn almost as red as Dustin was when he fell asleep by Cerebro while talking to Suzie. El snorts into her orange juice and he sends her a glare while Will looks at Max, confused.
So, they’re not together yet? Now Max has two oblivious gay disaster couples dancing around each other to worry about.
After dinner, the girls go back to the living room and Nancy puts a movie in the VHS.
Max curls up into El’s side on the floor while Robin and Nancy sit on the couch. She doesn’t pay attention to the movie- the one with the pink ladies that Robin likes to sing along to around the house. Instead, she’s listening to the way her girlfriend soulmate better half breathes and bounces her foot in time along to the music.
When the credits are rolling, Nancy hops to her feet, rifles through her suitcase and comes out with a hairbrush.
Before Max knows what’s happening, she and El are jumping over all the furniture and belting out the lyrics to You’re the One that I Want.The brown eyed girl shimmies her hips, giggles and points at Max when singing, “but the power you’re supplying, it’s electrifying” and Max throws her head back, laughing until she can’t breathe.
Soon, she’s dancing along, getting pulled in by Nancy and feeling on top of the world as she half-sings to songs she barely knows the words to.
El and Robin attempt to do the twist while screaming the lyrics at the top of their lungs.
Once they’ve collapsed onto the floor with El’s head on Max’s chest and her hands in Max’s hair, Max takes a deep breath and smiles, feeling like she could do anything with the girl in her arms. (in her arms- she is so damn lucky, it’s not even funny).
“I love you,” El whispers and she says it back, holding her tight.
Nancy sits up after a few minutes and shouts, “Let’s play truth or dare!”
“What’s that?” El’s voice is muffled by Max’s shirt.
“You have to either tell the truth about something or do a dare,” Robin explains, “Like, truth would be to tell everyone who you have a crush on and dare would be to tell Mike he’s an idiot.”
“I’d do that for free,” Max mutters.
“Well, me too, but I couldn’t think of a better example.”
So, Max begrudgingly sits up and the four girls form a circle on the floor before Nancy asks Robin, “truth or dare?”
“Truth,” Max’s not-sister says.
“Are there any cute boys you’re interested in?” Nancy asks.
Robin bites her lip as she replies, “I’m not… I don’t like guys.”
“Any cute girls?” Max asks and her not-sister glares at her.
“Olivia Newton-John’s not bad looking,” she mutters after a minute.
“Huh. Rizzo’s more my type,” Nancy shrugs and twists a piece of hair around her index finger.
“What?!” Robin squeaks after a minute, “I mean… I mean… what?!”
“I’m bisexual. You didn’t know that?”
Robin mutters something unintelligible and then stares at her feet for a moment before asking Max, “truth or dare?”
“Dare,” Max responds and tries to look brave for El, who’s beaming at her.
“I dare you… to go sneak up on the boys,” she says and Max grins mischievously.
When she stands up, El follows her and they tiptoe down the hall to Will’s room where the door is cracked open. She peeks through to see the boys sitting cross legged on the bed and Mike’s back is to her. He’s talking about something and gesturing wildly while Will stares at him dreamily.
The girls slip through the door and Max thanks the lord that Will is way too in love to notice when she steps on one of the drawings on the floor and the paper crinkles.
She gets to behind Mike and grabs his shoulders before screaming, “Who do you think you are, Michael?!”
He screeches and practically jumps into Will’s arms as she and El cackle at them.
“What the hell?!” he shouts after a minute. Max notices that he hasn’t moved from burying himself in Will’s shoulder.
“We’re playing truth or dare,” El claps her hands and grins, “It’s very fun.”
Will grins, “Mike, you should’ve seen your face. It was adorable.”
“Adorable?” Mike’s voice cracks and Max watches as he realizes that he’s like two inches away from his best friend.
“Yep. Adorable,” the other boy repeats and then smiles shyly at him while Mike blushes (again).
“Now, kiss!” Robin yells from the doorway and Max drags El out of the room while they both giggle. She hears Mike shouting something after them, but ignores it as they sprint back to the living room where Nancy’s leaning against the couch and grinning up at them.
“Are they married yet?” she asks.
“Unfortunately not,” Robin sighs, “But we’re working on it.”
The three girls sit down next to her again and continue where they left off. Max asks El truth or dare and when El picks dare, she spends about two minutes thinking of something to choose before telling her to go to Jonathan’s room and leave a note saying, “steve + jonathan 4ever”.
When her girlfriend soulmate love of her life better half comes back grinning wildly, Max smiles back despite herself and lets herself go.
The rest of the game, she can’t stop beaming even when her cheeks hurt.
She wishes every day could be like this- her, El, her best friend sister lesbian aunt Robin and Nancy Wheeler sitting on the floor of the Byers house, eating popcorn that Joyce made with plenty of butter and laughing like they rule the world.
“Truth or dare?” El asks through giggles once they’ve been playing for a few rounds.
“Truth,” Nancy responds.
“Who do you like?” the brown eyed girl says before reaching over to steal from Max’s popcorn bowl. In payment, Max pulls her in for a quick peck on the cheek.
“Like? Ummm…” Nancy suddenly sounds nervous, “That’s a good question. I like a lot of people. But, if you mean, like-like… well, we have to consider the options and evaluate the characteristics of each potential candidate…”
“I don’t know what that means,” El says.
Nancy sighs and then mumbles something that sounds kind of like Robin if Max strains to hear it.
“Sorry?” the girl herself asks.
“You. I like you.”
“Oh,” Robin says and then blinks, “Wait, what?!”
Max looks at El and El looks back at her. Without speaking, they both stand up, grab hands and walk into Will’s room, where the boys have shifted to both laying on their elbows and squished together. When El creaks the door open, they both look up and this time, Will is blushing too.
“Robin and Nancy are…” Max trails off and gestures a little bit.
“Oh, thank God,” Mike groans, “If I have to hear my sister saying she’s so gorgeous and I just want to kiss her and I love her, but she doesn’t love me… one more time, I’ll actually die.”
Will raises an eyebrow, “You’ll die?”
“Oh, absolutely. It’s kind of disgusting.”
“Hypocrite,” El coughs under her breath and Max gives herself a pat on the back for teaching her both the trick and the word. Mike narrows his eyes at her and she smirks back.
Max loves that smirk.
Well, she loves everything about this girl, but specifically, the way her eyes shine when she gives people hell. It’s quite beautiful to see El glow in any way. Max has loved all of them that she’s seen and she’s made it her goal to memorize the rest too.
The two girls sit cross-legged on the floor and Will leans down to whisper something to El that makes her snort. Max is torn between jealousy and adoration for a minute, before Mike throws a pillow at her. She picks it up and attempts to chuck it back, but she’s always had terrible aim, so she ends up hitting Will instead. He bounces it to El and they’re playing a mix of hot potato and whack each other senseless.
Soon, El’s grabbed pillows from Jonathan’s room and the four teens are having a full-on pillow war. It’s Max and Will versus El and Mike- Will has coined their team “disaster gays”, which Max is fully on board with.
The brown-eyed girl’s dancing around Max with a pillow raised and Max is giggling so hard that tears are falling and she can’t see straight, grinning so hard her cheeks hurt. Then, El lunges and they fall to the ground, cracking up and rolling around, hitting each other with pillows and tickling where they can reach.
Suddenly, Will and Mike’s terrible trash talk has stopped, so Max looks up to see that the taller boy has cornered El’s brother against the wall and they’re both staring at each other intensely.
“Geez,” El mutters, “Get a room.”
Mike whips his head back around to look at her and the moment’s broken.
“El!” he hisses.
“You’re the one who taught me the word,” she shrugs innocently and then gives Max a devious smile that says she knew exactly what she was doing.
Then, because Will is still gaping at Wheeler like it’s the first time he’s really seen him, Max grabs her soulmate girlfriend true loveEl’s hand and drags her out of the room. Of course, Robin and Nancy are sitting pressed together on the couch, not kissing but with such love in their eyes that it makes her heart melt.
So, she walks into the kitchen where Joyce is sipping a cup of tea.
“What’s going on, kiddo?” Ms. Byers asks.
“Everyone’s getting their shit together,” El replies and Max starts to choke on her own saliva. That’s the first time she’s ever heard the brown eyed girl curse and not that she’s complaining, but… it’s just new.
“Good to know,” Joyce smiles peacefully.
They wander out to the porch and El places her head on Max’s shoulder before whispering, “I love you,” as the two girls watch the sunset.
“I love you more,” Max whispers back and she means it with every part of her being.
I will fight for you, I will kill for you, I will die for you, I will live for you (and sometimes, that’s harder). I will find you a thousand times over because you are my home in every sense of the word and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
That’s what she wants to say, but I love you says it better.