3
Jan had been an early riser from the age of seven, there was always so much to get done, and a 5am alarm ensured she’d be able to complete everything to perfection. Today she awoke at 6am, an hour after she usually would, with a throbbing headache and a throat that felt like it was burning. This left her feeling disoriented, and, being a singer, very stressed. She sighed to herself, she was running late, and would already have to miss out on today’s morning workout, but feeling a tiny bit under the weather couldn’t stop her. Jan decided to power through the day, but the moment she stood up and reached for the clothes she’d chosen to wear (a matching lilac top and skirt combo), she found herself running to the bathroom and wrenching the lid of the toilet open. Her petite figure shook aggressively as she began to throw up. Once she’d confirmed there wasn’t anything left inside of her to puke up, she wiped her mouth on a piece of toilet roll, quickly flushing away all evidence of her struggles in the odd chance her mother hadn’t yet left for the day and made her stay home. She took a few tiny steps to the mirror, attempting to regain her stability as she stared at her paler than usual complexion in the mirror. She brushed her hair into a neat half up half down style before splashing her face with cold water. It made her shudder slightly, but it did the job, and she looked slightly more alive. Her phone buzzed louder than she would have liked it to, but she reached for it carefully, trying to ignore the pulsing pain in her head.
TheGigiGoode: Good morning, Campers!
JaidaEHall: There’s no basketball practice today so we can walk with y’all, Gigi.
If that's cool with you, J?
CrystalMethyd: i’ll meet before school and come with you guys !!
TheNickyDoll: Crystal, you live nowhere near us.
HeidiNCloset: She just wants to talk to our Miss Gigi for longer
CrystalMethyd: is there really such a problem with a girl wanting to spend more time with her best friends?
But Geege, I DO have an amazing idea you’ll definitely like !!!
HeidiNCloset: What did I tell y’all? We’ve all been replaced by the new girl
JackieCox: Hey, I literally feel like shit right now, so I don’t think I’ll be meeting you all early. See you girls at school though!
This panicked Jan. Despite the weak state she was in, she momentarily forgot her own pain and needed to know what was up with her best friend. She and Jackie had been close since the day they met, which had been over a decade ago.
JanJanJan: What’s wrong Jacks?
Are you gonna be okay?
Is there anything I can do?
Did something serious happen?
JaidaEHall: Omg Janice, I don’t think the girls dying
JackieCox: Jan ily but it’s just a cold type thing, I think I’m okay, I’m just gonna take it easy today.
Jan sat on her bed, trying to preserve all of her energy before she had to leave the house. She figured her and Jackie had come down with the same thing (they were bound to with all the time they spent together) but for some reason all her worries were for Jackie and not for herself. Jackie was her best friend, and she’d genuinely do anything for her. Jan was usually treated as the baby of the friendship group, but she wanted that to change today. She wanted to be the one looking after Jackie, because if anything happened to that girl, god knows what she would do.
Jan thought she might have drifted off, because next thing she knew, Jaida’s car had pulled up outside, and she was getting an abundance of texts from her friends telling her to hurry up and come downstairs. Any other day, she would have questioned the safety, and legality, of the travel arrangement in front of her, but she felt like she could throw up again at any moment, so all she could feel was grateful she had been saved a seat and hadn’t been forced to lie down in the boot - a position Heidi had already assumed as the shortest. Jan had been seated next to Gigi and Crystal, who, yet again were sharing fruit snacks. In her delicate state, she couldn’t stand the sweet stench, so resulted to leaning her head against the widow. It was cold, and somewhat relieving.
“Are you alright Jan?” Jaida frowned affectionately, glancing at the blonde girl in the rear view mirror.
“She’s probably got whatever Jackie has,” Heidi shouted from the boot. The whole car agreed, but at Jan’s protests that she was perfectly fine, none of them mentioned it further and just decided to keep a closer eye on her. The journey went quickly and was a blur for Jan, the only things on her mind were Jackie and her pounding head. Jackie had arrived earlier to school than expected (or the girls were just later than they thought), so they found her sitting on a bench, wrapped in a fleece and nursing a pack of tissues. Jan carefully stepped out of the car, trying as hard as she could to keep her balance. Nicky quickly tapped Jan on the arm, instantly frowning in worry at the heat radiating off of the younger girl’s body.
“Go easy on yourself today, mon chérie.” She whispered, receiving a nod from Jan who was just itching to talk to Jackie.
“Jackie!!” Jan exclaimed, almost falling onto the other girl. Jackie looked almost as rough as Jan did, but she still pulled Jan up onto the bench beside her, and the two girls wouldn’t break their touch. The unity was comforting for both of them.
Nicky walked towards Jan and Jackie, bored of standing on the edge of Crystal and Gigi’s conversation about god-knows-what. Never in a million years did she think kooky, alternative Crystal Methyd would have such a connection with her cousin of all people. Nicky was wearing a fitted black blazer, dark tights and not much else - a combination that would not be suitable school attire for anyone other than her (and Jaida on days when she was feeling especially fancy).
“You’re not feeling too good, huh?” She squeezed Jackie’s arm.
“I’ve definitely been better,” Jackie croaked, smiling at Nicky.
At the sound of Jackie’s struggling voice, Jan snuggled closer to Jackie. She tried her hardest to hide her own weak state while still receiving the comfort she could only get from Jackie when she felt like this.
“Are you okay, Janny?” Jackie whispered. Her best friend had pretty much put all of her weight on her, and while she’d never mind having Jan close to her, she wasn’t sure if she had the energy to keep her upright right then.
“I’m okay, I was just so worried about you,” the smaller girl hummed.
It wasn't a complete lie, Jan had been overtaken with worry - she’d known Jackie for over 10 years. Not that she hadn’t known the others, aside from Gigi of course, for that long as well but her relationship with Jackie had always been different. This was especially apparent today, as she fussed over Jackie as much as she could, even though she was almost positive she had a fever herself. She knew Nicky had told her to look after herself today and she noticed the pitiful, disapproving stares, but she couldn’t help herself, she couldn’t bear the idea of her friend struggling in any way. She was often anxious about showing her affection towards Jackie, terrified people would think she had a thing for her, which she didn’t. Just because her friendship group was full of sapphics didn’t mean she was one too. However, today was different, she felt like shit and she needed comfort and evidently so did Jackie.
Lunch came slowly for Jan, who kept looking at the clock every two seconds. She could hardly stand upright as she padded towards the lunch table. She sat down next to Nicky, who was ranting to Heidi and Jaida about Gigi and Crystal’s whereabouts. Jackie wasn’t in sight yet, so Jan decided to take this as an opportunity to rest. She put her head down on the table, trying to block out the loud, bright lunch room. She felt someone carding their fingers through her hair, and managed to trace it back to Jaida, due to the short nails. She groaned, sitting up to look at her friends who’s concerned faces almost caused her to burst into tears.
“J,” Jaida said, checking the smaller girl for a temperature, “let me take you home.”
“But Jackie…” Jan was crying now. She bit her lip in an attempt to halt her tears, but it just made them fall faster.
“But Jackie what?” Jan could recognise Jackie’s voice from a mile away, even when it was sparse and nasally. She looked up, meeting eyes with her friend.
“Our girl Jan here is burning up and won’t let Jaida drive her home,” Heidi said, always the one to explain the situation.
“Janny!” Jackie exclaimed rushing to her side, “Why didn’t you say anything, baby?”
An immense feeling of guilt came over Jackie then. Who was she kidding? Jan shouldn’t have had to tell her, looking at the girl now it was obvious she was ill.
“I didn’t want to bother you when you weren’t feeling well.” Jan weeped
.
“God, Jan, don’t be silly. Look at me, I’m a big girl with a tiny cold, I’ll be okay” Jackie said between sniffs, “You on the other hand… you look like you’re gonna pass out at any moment.”
Jaqueline Cox fell in love with Jan at the age of five. Of course, she didn’t understand what her feelings towards the blonde actually were until the age of ten, but they’d always been there nonetheless. At 15, Jackie had come to terms with the fact that those feelings never would be reciprocated, that she had to move on before she was destined to become a stereotype - the lesbian pining over her beautiful straight best friend. All too often would she grasp on to little things and create made up signs, like how Jan would hold her hand when she was anxious, how she’d always first look for her in a crowded room and go to her for help. Every time Jan expressed how much she loved her she’d be filled with so much joy, but then bitterness would creep up behind her, and the longing for something more between them would overtake her mind. It was freshman year and the girls were at their first ever high school party. It was hosted by Naomi, a senior and it was then that they were exposed to drinking for the first time. Ever the responsible one, Jackie hadn’t had any more than a paper cup of echo falls, meaning she wasn’t even tipsy. She instead spent the majority of the night watching over Jan, who drunkenly babbled to Jackie about her future. She told her how she wanted to move to New York and get on Broadway.
“And I want you to be there with me, Jacks.” she went on, wide brown eyes looking up at Jackie.
“You don’t mean that,” Jackie said calmly, avoiding the fact that her mind was running in circles.
“Sure do,” Jan giggled, before noticing that Nicky and Heidi were beginning to sing karaoke just outside the kitchen in the living room, “I’m sorry, this is my calling.” Jan planted a kiss on Jackie’s cheek, so close to where the edges of her lips began. Jackie sat speechless, watching the blonde skip towards her friends, just radiating positivity. She knew Jan didn’t mean what she’d said, not in the way Jackie had wanted it to be meant.
Jaida ended up driving Jan, and Jackie (at Jan’s insistence) home. Jackie had finally managed to get Jan into a relaxed position, and was feeling a lot better herself, so she managed to make small talk with Jaida most of the journey.
“You going to Nicky’s party on Saturday?” Jaida asked, glancing at Jackie in the rearview mirror.
“Well, you and Crystal will definitely be in attendance, so it makes sense for us all to come.” Jackie said, matter of factly.
“Why specifically me and Crystal?” Jaida’s tone was pointed, but she was well aware of the answer that would be coming her way.
“Come on Jaida, the two of you have literally been pining over the girls of that house,” she laughed, but her cackles turned into a coughing fit, which promptly woke up Jan.
“Not sure what you’re implying there,” Jaida started, huffing exaggeratedly, “Crystal and Gigi? Sure, that's obvious, but me and Nicky? It’s not like that.” Jackie, Jaida and Jan all knew it exactly was like that. Jaida had always found Nicky hot (hadn’t everyone at some point?) but it was only this year that actual feelings had begun to blossom from the initial attraction. Nicky was never easy to read, so it was hard to tell whether she liked Jaida back or not. It was hard to tell whether she liked anyone.
“I think you and Nicky would be cute together,” Jan sighed sleepily, “you’re both beautiful and terrifying.”
“Excuse me Jannifer, I thought you were meant to be resting,” Jaida smiled smugly, quickly changing the conversation topic to what lessons they were missing to take Jan home. Jan was missing science, which she was very stressed about seeing as it was what she was performing worst in, and Jaida and Jackie had english.
“It’s all good,” Jaida started, “Heidi can catch us up on what we missed.”
“Please, Heidi barely passed last semester, what makes you think she’ll be able to teach us Shakespeare?.”
“Nicky then,” Jaida shrugged, pulling over in Jan’s driveway.
“And wouldn’t you like that.” Jackie smirked as she carefully lifted Jan off of her and unbuckled her seatbelt.
“Jaqueline I swear to god, just because the two of you are unwell doesn’t mean I can’t remember what you’re saying and be annoyed at you later.” Jaida smiled.
Jackie helped Jan into her room, before launching into another coughing fit. This sent Jan into another state of panic, Jackie had done so much for her, she must’ve been so annoyed. Feeling guilty for being an inconvenience, Jan invited Jackie to lay down beside her and rest. It had been a long day, and she felt they both deserved a break from everything.
“Okay, my sweet, give me a second to take my shoes off.” Jackie smiled at the blonde. She tried to keep her voice as soft and comforting as she could, not wanting to bring more pain to Jan’s head and her own throat.
My sweet. Jan couldn’t work out what it was about two simple words that could make her feel so alive, so awake. Terms of endearment from Jackie always made her flush bright red and inject an overwhelming sense of passion into her veins. It was a peculiar feeling, one she had never experienced with anyone else. She was about to ponder the feeling further, sending her tired mind into an endless spiral of confusion, when Jackie crawled next to her under the covers, pulling her close. The gesture made Jan’s heart explode and melt all at once, and she decided maybe now wasn’t the time to have a battle with the conflicting feelings in her head. Now was the time to rest, to focus on getting better, and feeling nothing but grateful for her best friend.
Jan wasn’t drunk, at least she didn’t think she was. Sure, a bit tipsy but not blackout drunk. She’d had a concoction of different spirits and juices that Nicky claimed was a “french delicacy,” but Jan was pretty sure she and Jaida had just mixed a bit of everything Naomi had laid out on her kitchen counter into a shot glass. Rolling her eyes, Jan took the shot, feeling the burn of the sticky sweet mixture trickling down the back of her throat. It made her giggly at most, more confident maybe, but she was still aware of her surroundings, her vision still intact. Her friends had walked off, offering their newly invented cocktail to Crystal, who poured herself a cup after trying it. Jan scanned the crowd for Jackie, she realised she hadn’t seen her since they entered the house. After exploring, excitedly asking anyone who’d listen whether they’d seen her friend, she found her back where she’d started, in the kitchen. A strange tingling sensation had come over her, tickling her stomach as she almost ran towards Jackie.
“Hi Jacks!” she giggled, grabbing her best friend’s hands and spinning her around. She sat down next to her, grinning. Jackie seemed to be feeling especially protective of her today, giving a stern look to any senior boys that even smiled at her. Jan found it comforting, and it thrilled her to have someone looking over her. She gushed to Jackie about her future dreams, reciting her plans like a song. Jan could feel her friend’s warm breath on her face as she responded, the way she was so engaged in what Jan was saying sent excited chills down her spine. She didn’t know whether it was the intimacy that came with finally being heard, or the confidence that came with everyone assuming you’re drunk, but she felt an urge to kiss Jackie. Her mind was chanting at her to lean forward, and she listened to it, placing an almost triumphant kiss on Jackie’s cheek. Close enough to the lips to satisfy her urges, yet not so much so that it would give the wrong impression, at least Jan hoped so. Buzzing with adrenaline, Jan felt like she was spinning. Completely ignoring the “oohs” from senior boys who had overseen the moment, and an “oh my god” from Crystal (who had returned in search of more of Nicky and Jaida’s “cocktail”). Jan skipped out of the room as fast as she could. Her blonde hair flying behind her, leaving Jackie speechless.