Brother Bonding
A road trip
The first week of summer and Dean wanted to 'bond' with his brother, something Sam just didn't understand
So they'd gone camping much to the confusion of their boyfriends though both Cas and Gabriel agreed that it might be good for them since it'd been a year since they'd seen each other
Thankfully for Sam the last day of camping rolled around quickly and they packed their things piling them into the impala
It's not that he didn't like hanging out with his older brother but the whole trip he felt like there was a reason (other than the bullshit one Dean came up with) that he was taken on the trip
They'd reminisced about their childhoods and how every year since Sam turned eleven their dad them and Michael hunting
Just..a part of Sam was waiting for the other shoe to drop
And then it did
They were in the impala driving back home, when about an hour into the drive the impala stopped "No" Sam groaning "Oh c'mon!"
"Hey don't yell at her!" Dean exclaimed, "He didn't mean it baby" He stroked the wheel and Sam's eyes bugged "Dean!- we are stuck in the middle of the road!"
Dean rolled his eyes "We're not stuck okay?- I can fix her up in no time"
Sam rolled his eyes "Dean!" He eyed his brother, huffing loudly "Why did you have to make us go camping?- you hate camping!- you think it's for hippies!" He said frustratedly
"Because I wanted your blessing!" Dean exclaimed, "My blessing?" Sam repeated "What the hell are you talking about?" He deflated into the seat
Dean sighed..better now then never right? "...I'm dropping out of Stanford soon..I'm gonna join the army rangers boot camp"
Sam blinked slightly taken back "Oh..you were serious about that?"
Dean nodded "Yeah I was" Sam chewed his lip "I don't know what to say- I'm gonna miss you"
"I won't be gone for a while so you can miss me then"
"Do mom and dad know?" Sam asked quietly and Dean nodded "Yeah I told them last week...so does Cas...and Gabriel.."
"Gabriel knew?!" Sam exclaimed, "I didn't tell him he just kinda..found out"
"So basically everyone knew except for me?"
"Because Sammy I knew how hard it was gonna be to tell you" He said "You're my little brother..I might not be here for your graduation- and when you obviously pass the bar...I'm gonna miss it" He reached into his pocket pulling out the box he had the engagement ring inside and showing Sam the ring
Sam eyed it "Dean..are you about to propose to me?"
Dean rolled his eyes "It's for Cas" Sam blinked "Dean it's beautiful..you're gonna propose to him?"
Dean nodded "And when I get back I'm gonna marry him and I want you to be my bestman- y'know stop me from any dumbass doubt I might have"
"Of course I'll be your bestman" Sam said sincerely, and Dean sighed in relief sitting back in his seat "He's gonna say yes, y'know?- it's gonna suck being away from you but the whole year you and Gabe were gone Cas didn't even so much as look at another person the way he looks at you"
Dean grinned "I know"
They were both silent for a few moments when Sam spoke up "...De?"
Dean frowned Sam hadn't called him that in years- since they were just kids; when he was two Sam couldn't say Dean so he said 'De' the only person who still called him that was Gabriel as a stupid nickname "Yeah?"
"Can I..can tell you something, serious?"
Dean nodded "..what is it?"
"I..I got.." He took a moment "I was raped"
"What?" Dean's look darkened "What Sammy when-?" Sam sighed "Four years ago"
Dean did that math in his head "Four years..you were..fifteen Sam"
"Yeah..."
~
4 years ago
Sam walked into the party, not really sure what he was even doing there, his girlfriend Jess was out of town making him lonely and bored out of his mind so his friend Brady dragged him to a stupid party senior rich girl Toni Bevel was throwing because her parents were gone
His eyes wandered around the room watching the teens dance and raise their alcohol levels- it all seemed so cliché, he fought the urge to roll his eyes
"Dude!" Brady called "Un- pucker man- have some fun!"
Sam sighed "Brady this really isn't my scene-"
"Sam..- you're doing it agian" Brady said "Stop putting on the breaks just because Jess isn't here doesn't mean you can't have fun"
Sam scoffed wanting to argue but decided against it "..Fine" He muttered and Brady led him to the drinks
"Brady" A girl said walking up to them "I don't remember inviting you here" Sam noticed her accent and though he had never formally met her assumed she was Toni Bevel
Brady shrugged "Well, you know me- I'm a dare devil and all that" She rolled her eyes before raking them over Sam, "And who is this?"
"Sam- and he's off limits Bevel, so don't even-"
"Oh hush- Brady" She silenced him "I think your friend here needs a drink"
Sam shook his head in protest "Oh, I don't drink"
"Well there's always a time for firsts" She remarked, "Don't go anywhere, I'll grab the good stuff"
Brady chewed on his solo cup as he had a staring contest with a girl that was eyeing him suggestively across the room, he turned to Sam "You good bro because-"
Sam waved him off with a scoff "Just go"
Brady beamed with a quick smooch to Sam's cheek he was lost in the crowd
Sam waited patiently for Toni, it didn't take long before she came back- two red solo cups in hand she gave one to Sam "Thanks"
She carefully watched him take a sip "..So Brady mentioned that you're taken huh?"
Sam nodded "Yeah I have a girlfriend-she's not here right now though" Sam drank down some more of the stuff Toni gave him, it tasted weird but then again it was alcohol "- Hey it's a little loud in here don't you think?"
"Yeah it is"
"Let's go somewhere..more quiet" She suggested and Sam nodded letting her lead him past the herd of teens and up the stairs
Suddenly his head began to spin and he almost fell back on the steps "Woah you okay?"
He blinked a few times trying to regain consciousness "Yeah- I'm just a little dizzy, no big deal"
Toni shrugged hiding the smirk on her face "If you insist" She muttered and they continued to her room but when they got there he'd just felt worse
"Hey T-Toni I think I need to lay down- my head is spinning" He mumbled clutching his head, the room was blurry and so was she but he didn't miss the next few moments
"It's okay just sit down" She cooed and pushed him into a sitting position on her bed, she climed on top of him kissing his mouth and jawline he shook his head- no "Toni- stop, I don't- want, I have a girlfriend" He panted breathlessly
Toni did stop, she stood up and Sam thought she was leaving but she just closed the door shut and locked it "She won't ever know will she?"
Sam spluttered "-Stop!" He yelled but soon realised he words weren't coming out, he tried again but to no avail- she rid him of his pants and pulled down his boxers climbing on top of him
He wanted to scream- tell her to stop but his body wouldn't allow it, as she continued he didn't really feel much of anything just the tears that rolled down his face as she had her way with him
The rest came in bits and pieces mostly her moaning over his body, when she'd finally stopped he fell asleep and woke the next day fully clothed not knowing what the hell had happened
He got himself up off from the bed he had been sleeping on just as Toni pulled herself out from the bathroom she was half naked and Sam could only assume the worst "Did we-"
She chuckled softly- Sam was sure when they first met he'd never seen her laugh but it sounded so familiar "No- you crashed, we didn't do anything" She answered him as she pulled her blonde her into a bun
"Okay- sorry about that, I don't really know what happened"
"Alcohol can do that to you" She said "Your friend's probably passed out downstairs- a lot of people are"
She opened they door for him and Sam headed out- but not before she muttered "I had a great time last night, Sam Winchester for such a young kid you have impeccable stamina"
He frowned having no idea what that had mean't, he found Brady sprawled on the couch and yanked him up to get them home
-
A few days later Sam was asleep when these images flashed in his head, of him and Toni- her on top of him...
He woke abruptly sweating and panting hard- what the hell kind of dream was that?!
He shook it off and willed himself back to sleep, but they kept coming each one more vivid than the last- they didn't feel like dreams anymore but memories from the party he'd been to days earlier
When he slept it was like he was helpless again- all drugged up for that girl to use him as she pleased- soon he stopped sleeping and eventually eating, when Jess came back he couldn't- kiss or touch her, not like he used to
Eventually- his and Jess' relationship slowly started to fall apart- with her cheating on him repeatedly because he refused to have sex or tell her what was wrong
He never told anyone what happened- just kept his mouth shut and cried himself to sleep for months every night..
~
"When I was around you..mom..dad I kept it in..I didn't tell anyone" Sam shrugged tiredly "I know I should've told you- I should've.." Sam tried to get out "-I'm broken- she broke me..and I let her"
Dean searched for the right words to say "Sammy..it's not- you're not broken..."
"-Gabriel says it's not my fault..I want to believe that, I really do- but..I can't, not yet"
"..Gabriel knows?"
Sam nodded, "Yeah I told him when we were in highschool" He looked at his brother "Don't tell Michael- or mom and dad..please- it took me four years to tell you and I'm not even close to ready to telling them"
Dean nodded "I won't, I promise"
Sam sighed "I'm sorry I was such a jerk about this whole thing..if I'm being honest I guess I kind of needed it"
"Why?"
"Gabe told me what happened when we are apart and we're still trying to..figure everything out"
"Sam..look I wanted to tell you I did-"
"Dean it wasn't your secret to tell, really it's okay"
"I still feel like a dick though" He sighed "Well, c'mon let's go fix my baby"
"Let's?- no thank you"
Dean looked at his brother "Sam get your ass out the car" He said "If you're going to inherit my baby you need to know how to fix her"
"You're giving me your car?"
"First of all she has a name and second yes- well shared custody with Cas, I don't trust Gabe"
Sam caved "Fine"
So they drank beer while Sam tried to understand how to work the impala, and for the first time that whole trip he was actually having fun
"Hey Dean?" Sam asked sleepily as he layed against the window, when they were finally back on the road "Yeah, Sammy?"
"Can we do this again?..before you leave?- just the two of us?"
Dean nodded "Sure thing Sammy"
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