The Lovely Derek Morgan
“Spencer. Spencer! SPENCER!” He was startled awake by a hand shaking his shoulders, and a concerned look on the other man’s face. “Are you ok?” He asked worriedly.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Spencer tried not to sound sleepy. “I everything ok? Did something happen? Did I hurt you?!” It was his turn to be concerned now, and Morgan shook his head ‘no’ at him.
“No, nothing like that, pretty boy,” he brought his long sleeve to cover the palm of his hand. “It’s just...” he trailed off thinking of the right words. “You were crying in your sleep, baby, and I got concerned that’s all...” he said after a short period of silence had filled the room.
“Sorry...” Spencer trailed off as he sat up, and noticed how sweaty his body was. “Is the air conditioner broken or something?” He asked, and Morgan was thankful the dim lighting from the window hid his panicky expression.
“Uh, no...” once again, he stopped at a loss of words, although this time it was different. This time it was like he was coming up with an excuse, but Spencer was too sleepy to notice. “You were clamped up to me, and you were wrapped in the covers, so your body must’ve gotten really heated with that.” Derek explained, and it sounded convincing enough for Spencer not to say much.
“Ok, well... I need to take a shower...” Spencer groaned, “do you have a shirt, or somethin’ I can borrow?” He asked shyly and sleepily.
“Yeah, just gimme a sec,” Morgan said, and moved to his closet grabbing a plain, white, short sleeved, and Spencer wandered off to the bathroom.
*********
It’s calming, and peaceful. The water drips off your hands onto the floor of you boyfriend’s shower. Boyfriend? Is he your boyfriend? Maybe you’re reading too much into this, moving too fast? All these thoughts, are they worth it? Worth the pain and heart ache? What if he regrets it? What if you weren’t good enough? What if you’ll never be good enough for him? What if these “abilities” are just a means to an end? The end of a friendship, and possible relationship with the man in the other room? What if you become too much of a burden? A burden he didn’t ask for? Everything leaves. Even the water drops that shatter as they fall lifelessly upon your skin. It’s only a matter of time before he leaves too. You’re so helpless. Hopeless. Is it worth it? What if it was a mistake? What if he grows to hate you more than you already hate yourself? What if you don’t make it without him? Is it worth it? Is it even worth trying? You’ve always been strange, but this? This tops it off. This why he’ll leave. Along with everyone else. Along with Rossi, Garcia, Prentiss, Hotch, JJ... This is why they’ll leave you. All of them. So tell me... Is. It. Worth. It?
Spencer sits on the shower floor, and holds his head in his hands, elbows on his knees that are clamped up to his chest. The water burns your skin, but it’s worth it. It’s real. It’s not some dream—some fantasy—of a perfect family. Hotch and Rossi, the perfect overprotective parents. Garcia and JJ the sisters that’re always there. Prentiss the best friend you can complain to, and the movie nights where you cuddle on her couch, and end up having a breakdown. With her comforting you through every second, even when it turns into a panic attack. And Morgan— Derek— the perfect boyfriend. Are you gonna throw it all away? Or are they worth fighting for? Even if you lose yourself in the process...
He muffled his cries onto his hands, and stayed in silent for a long, long time. Once he got out of the shower, Derek was already back asleep, looking so peaceful. Is it worth it? The words kept repeating over, and over, in his head. Is he worth it? Is Derek worth it? He moved to the other side of the bed, getting inside the covers, and watching Derek in awe as he slept.
Definitely!