Prologue
March 7, 2016 Campus of the University of California, Los Angeles - elevation 200 - 250 ft (60 - 75 meters)
“Nothing prepares you for the feeling of standing on the top of the world, looking out over the horizon in front of you knowing that every other living creature on the planet is beneath you. It’s an intoxicating feeling. It gives you a high no drug could ever provide. In the moment, you feel as though you are a god amongst mankind. You have achieved what only a fraction of the population has achieved - you have survived climbing to the top of the world. The only problem - you have to survive the climb back down.” - Caitlyn Kiramman, “Something Happened on the Way to Heaven - A Story of Love and Death on Mount Everest”
In the twenty-eight years since she’d graduated, Caitlyn had never stepped foot back on the main campus of her alma mater. The years she’d spent at UCLA were laced with memories of the one woman who haunted her like a ghost. Every time she’d been in LA, she had thought it would be lovely to walk around and take in the updated venue, perhaps show her children where their mother had earned her degree. Yet, every time she found herself parked and ready to explore, her muscles wouldn’t allow her body to leave her vehicle.
The closest she could make herself get to returning was in 2006. She managed to attend one softball game at Easton Stadium. During the game, she’d found herself hiding at the top of the stands, watching as they honored the true love of her life with a spot on the outfield wall. Caitlyn remembered not being able to breathe when the tarp that had been hiding the image of her favorite catcher mid-throw during the 1988 national championship game fell to the ground. Unlike most of the others in the stadium, she had witnessed the play live, supporting her then girlfriend. When she closed her eyes, she could still see the throw to second and taste the after game celebration kiss on her lips.
Now, she headed towards some presentation hall preparing to present to any UCLA student on campus interested in her newly released book. One of her old journalism professors had contacted her when the book was released and it quickly had become a New York Times bestseller. After a few days of meditation and a wine fueled emotional spiral which her business partner had to save her from, she’d agreed to speak.
“Professor Heimerdinger, a pleasure to see you again,” Caitlyn warmly greeted the man who once told her the Atacama Desert in Chile was less dry than an article she had written for an assignment. Heimer had been her favorite teacher she’d had during her collegiate years. He was strict and held his students to the highest expectations, something that only pushed Caitlyn more to succeed.
“Caitlyn, it’s truly an honor to have you back on campus! I am thrilled you decided to accept our offer to speak to the students today. I know we have had quite the turnout this evening. I believe we have a full house.” He beamed with pride, causing Caitlyn to try to to decipher if it was the fact he had generated that large of a crowd for her or that Caitlyn had generated that large of a crowd for herself.
She attempted to offer a smile, but knew it most likely looked as fake as it felt. “That’s excellent, Professor. I hope that they enjoy what I have to offer.”
“I know my students are looking forward to hearing your story, but I think they are most excited to get a chance to interact with someone as successful as you, my dear.”
“It’s an honor to get to share this story here,” she replies.
The sentiment isn’t a lie. When she’d gotten the offer, Caitlyn had been shocked and touched that her old university program would consider inviting her to come speak to future professionals not quite ready to enter the world yet. Everest, and truly mountaineering as a whole, weren’t exactly big mainstream fascinations. Sure, a movie about the 1996 disaster had been released in 2015, but it hadn’t been very popular.
When the movie had been announced and Caitlyn had been contacted to be an advisor for it, she’d hoped it would be able to properly portray what it’s like to face death at 29,000 ft. She had wanted the audience to feel what it was like to have your brain struggling and begging for more oxygen because it was slowly dying. She wanted them to experience what it was like to climb and experience the warning of passing by the bodies of others who had fallen attempting to achieve the same goal you were trying to attend.
Caitlyn wanted to include more of the truth from that climb and felt her story would have most likely enticed at least somewhat of a larger audience. A queer woman being guided by another queer woman to the top of the world in a time when homosexuality was still rather taboo and at least Caitlyn’s true identity had been forced into a box and hidden away from the world to please society.
Even in the mid 2010s when the movie was in development, the idea of portraying such an intimate relationship between two women made people uncomfortable, so they removed it. The blow infuriated Caitlyn, so she opted to quit the project and instead tell her story through written literature. Thus, the idea for her book was born.
Years of being haunted by the events of those weeks on Everest had made it difficult to move on from the climb. Deep down Caitlyn knew even if she purged her memory with written word, she’d still spend the rest of her days being haunted by the apparitions of those they’d lost on the mountain, but at least their stories would be exposed to the whole world. Gert lying face down somewhere on the South Col. Loris, vanished and presumed to have plummeted off the South Summit at some point never to be seen again. Skye coughing up blood as she eventually succumbed to high-altitude pulmonary edema in their tent after she’d been rescued by Ekko and one of the sherpas from somewhere between the South Summit and South Col.
Eight people died on that ascent and all eight visited Caitlyn frequently, even twenty years later.
She wanted their stories to be told and to be told accurately and with the respect each of them had deserved. They deserved to be honored more accurately than they had been in some Hollywood half-assed attempt at trying to show what it’s like to survive while fighting for oxygen at the cruising altitude of a commercial jetliner.
“Caitlyn, I believe they are ready for you,” Heimerdinger cut through her inner monologue.
She nodded and tugged at her powder blue suit jacket, specifically chosen to honor the Bruin color scheme. As she often did, she closed her eyes, tilting her head to the sky at the same time and whispered, “Time to tell our story.”
The room wasn’t nearly as large as she feared it would be. Looking out over the crowd, Caitlyn surmised there were roughly forty students eagerly awaiting to hear her lecture. Heimerdinger hadn’t lied, every seat in the room was taken, causing a slight grin to curl her lips. At first, she had just paid attention to the numbers, but as she approaches the podium at the front of the room, she realizes each attendee is a woman.
A screen behind her flashed with a picture, causing her to take pause from surveying the room to turn and take in the sight. For years she avoided seeing the image as it was too painful of a reminder of the events that had occurred. Then around 2010, her daughter had been nineteen, working on a project for a research methods class at the University of Michigan when she came across an online archive with the photo. Lily called instantly, demanding answers.
“Who is the woman in this photo with you?”
“Violet Atlas.” Caitlyn had tried to remain collected, but internally she was screaming. So much of her life had been hidden for so long that she wasn’t sure she was ready to expose all of her secrets.
“Why have you never mentioned her?”
“It wasn’t my story to tell.” But it was.
“Seriously?” A pregnant pause had hung in the air as Caitlyn knew her daughter was trying to compose herself and ignore the fact her mother had just lied to her. “Did you love her?”
Caitlyn didn’t hesitate, “More than life itself.”
They didn’t speak for two months after the conversation. Her son kept telling her to give his sister time, but Caitlyn understood. Lily needed time to process the truth and once she did, they were able to finally have the open conversation Caitlyn had desperately wanted to have with her daughter for years.
“Greetings students. For those of you who do not know me, I am Professor Cecil Heimerdinger of the Department of Communication. Today I have a very special treat for you as you are about to experience adventure, love, and loss through a firsthand account from a fellow Bruin. A former student from my first days here at the university, Caitlyn Kiramman has grown into a magnificent storyteller throughout the years. Graduating in 1988 from UCLA with a journalism degree, she moved to Dallas, Texas where she began doing freelance work for the Dallas News, the New York Times, the Cleveland Plain Dealer, the Washington Post, and countless other news sources throughout the United States. Along with news reporting, Caitlyn has also contributed to such magazines as Vogue, Outside Magazine, Climbing Magazine, and dozens of others. Most recently she published her first book Something Happened on the Way to Heaven - A Story of Love and Death on Mount Everest, a New York Times bestseller which is what she is here today to discuss. Caitlyn currently resides in Seattle, Washington and is one of the owners of Atlas Adventures, a company that helps clients reach the highest peaks on all seven continents. She has two children, Lillianna and Alexander, and one grandchild, Kate. Please welcome back one of our favorite Bruins, Caitlyn Kiramman.”
It was all too much. The accolades, the compliments, the cheering from the students who legitimately looked eager to listen to her speak, all of it was too much. Yet she had to maintain her professional composure. She couldn’t let the emotions get to her until she was finished. Offering a slight wave, she let the moment wash over her like a wave she’d stood in on one of the many beach visits she’d made during her time at school. Even if survivor’s guilt still ravaged her soul, for a brief moment in time, she could enjoy the appreciation others had for her sharing the story.
“Professor, you are far too kind.” Her eyes slid across the room, taking in the faces of each woman that sat in front of her. The notes she’d written sat on the podium waiting to be brought to life by her voice.
“I’m not sure what exactly you all are expecting to experience today, but I am here to share with you my book and the reasons behind why I finally decided to put on paper what actually happened up on that mountain. Sure, years away from the experience had caused some things to fade, but fortunately there were enough of us up there that I was able to contact and interview them so we could try to piece things together. I want this to be as interactive as possible. I’m here for you all, not the other way around. If you have a question I want you to ask it.”
A hand went up almost immediately, shocking Caitlyn and making her ponder how many of them had come prepped and ready to quiz her. “Yes, you in the basketball hoodie.”
The girl rose, appearing ready to blast Caitlyn to kingdom come for something. “Why didn’t you include the reasoning behind leaving the Everest movie in your book?”
An uncomfortable chuckle released from Caitlyn’s throat. “My goal was to tell the stories of the men and women who were on the mountain that day, not to attack a Hollywood movie studio who was uncomfortable portraying a non-heterosexual relationship on the big screen. I wanted to honor those lost and share my experiences.”
“But doesn’t bending to them diminish part of your experience as a queer woman?”
I was not ready for this. Caitlyn internally chided herself, not realizing college kids these days were already light years ahead of where she’d been at that age. “Certainly, and I’m in no way trying to be an apologist for them. I simply wanted to focus on the overall experience of struggling to survive where no one can save you but yourself.”
The girl nods, seemingly satisfied with the response. “I wasn’t trying to chastise you with my question. I was genuinely curious as someone who spent many of her formative years hiding behind a veil.”
Another chuckle from Caitlyn, but this one presented much more comfortably, “It’s quite alright and quite fair. I know a good bit of the book focuses on my relationship with Violet, but there is also a great deal of information regarding the climbers, the process behind the climb, and the climb itself. I wanted the reader to be transported to the mountain while being able to share my story.”
“And that story is about a woman forced to live a life that was a lie,” the girl shot back.
Once again Caitlyn found her eyes searching the faces that stared at her. All of it clicked. “How many of you are here because you are interested in hearing about my book and how I wrote it?” Not a single hand raised.
“How many of you are here to hear about my mountaineering adventure to the top of the world?” Another round of no hands going up.
“How many of you are here because you want to hear about my relationship and how it was affected by the climb?” All the hands.
Fucking hell. “Well, this certainly makes this more interesting.” Caitlyn walked in front of the podium, pulling an office chair from the desk that sat adjacent to where she’d been standing. When she sat down, she could feel the shift in the room. The stuffiness seemed to fade away as the gesture demonstrated she was ready to just talk and not lecture. These kids were lectured all day long. They wanted to talk and experience something that was real. They wanted their stories to be real and they would feel that by listening to Caitlyn tell hers.