The Kissing Theory

Elphaba did not sleep well.

She tossed and turned, her mind replaying every single moment of the night before like a broken record.

Glinda’s voice teasing her, dripping with playful innuendo.
Glinda’s giggles echoing in her ears.
Glinda’s lips on hers, not once, not twice, but too many times.

And worst of all—Glinda’s soft goodnight, lingering like a whispered promise.

Elphaba groaned, pressing her pillow over her face.

She needed a reset. A full system reboot.

Unfortunately, her body had other plans.

A loud yawn slipped from her lips, her muscles aching from the lack of rest. She peeked out from beneath the pillow, only to find the dorm bathed in soft morning light.

And then she saw her.

Glinda stood in front of the mirror, brushing out her golden curls with practiced ease. Her silk nightgown clung delicately to her form, shimmering with every slight movement. She hummed softly, her voice light, carefree.

Unlike Elphaba, who felt like she was about to combust.

How was Glinda so unaffected?

Elphaba forced herself upright, rubbing her tired eyes. "Morning," she muttered.

Glinda turned to her, beaming. "Morning, Elphie!"

Elphaba braced herself.

This was it.

This was when Glinda would surely say something about the absolute humiliation of last night. The blushing. The flustered stammering. The—

"Did you sleep well?" Glinda asked sweetly.

Elphaba blinked.

That was it?

No teasing? No lingering smirk?

"...Fine," Elphaba lied, stretching stiffly.

Glinda nodded, returning to her reflection. "Good, good. We have a long day ahead."

Elphaba squinted.

Something felt... off.

Glinda was too calm.

Too at ease.

And then, realization hit.

Glinda was confident.

Elphaba could see it in her posture, the way she glowed with self-assurance.

It wasn’t just that last night hadn’t shaken Glinda.

It had made her stronger.

Because, in Glinda’s mind, Elphaba had proved herself to be the best friend in the world.

The kind of friend who was willing to help with anything.

Even if that anything involved making out with her for scientific purposes.

Elphaba was doomed.

*

Later that morning – Classroom, Shiz University

Elphaba sat at her usual desk, her quill gripped way too tightly between her fingers.

She hadn’t spoken much during breakfast.

Glinda, on the other hand, had been perfectly chatty, fluttering around like nothing had happened.

But Elphaba was not fooled.

No, she knew Glinda.

And Glinda always had a plan.

The classroom was lively, students chatting while the professor gathered his materials. Glinda sat beside her, twirling a stray curl around her finger, perfectly at ease.

Elphaba, however, was a wreck.

She wasn’t sure why she was still so wound up.

Maybe it was the way Glinda had looked at her before they left the dorm.

Maybe it was the lingering heat from the last kiss they’d shared.

Or maybe—just maybe—it was the fact that Elphaba hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it.

About her.

"Elphie," Glinda whispered, nudging her.

Elphaba jolted. "What?"

Glinda giggled. "Relax. You look like you're about to burst into flames."

Elphaba groaned. "I feel like it."

"Well, maybe if you weren’t so dramatic, you’d—"

"Glinda, please," Elphaba hissed.

Glinda rolled her eyes, but her smile never faded.

Just as Elphaba thought she was safe, the professor called for silence.

Class began.

For the first time that day, Elphaba thought she might have a break from the madness that was Glinda Upland.

She was wrong.

About halfway through the lecture, Glinda leaned in slightly, whispering, "Elphie, do you think—"

"Shh," Elphaba said quickly.

Glinda pouted. "But—"

"Shh!"

The professor's voice droned on in the background.

Glinda tapped her fingers lightly on the desk, then murmured, "We never actually set a time for our final practice session."

Elphaba's entire body went rigid.

She turned her head, slowly, cautiously.

Glinda gave her a completely innocent smile.

A muscle in Elphaba’s jaw twitched.

"Glinda," she muttered under her breath, "not now."

Glinda’s grin widened.

Elphaba inhaled sharply, trying to focus on anything else.

But Glinda had a talent for distraction.

"You know," Glinda whispered, "technically speaking, our experiment is almost over."

Elphaba clenched her jaw. "Technically speaking, I would love for you to stop talking."

Glinda giggled softly. "Oh, Elphie, you’re so tense."

Elphaba gripped her quill tighter.

Then—

A silence fell over the classroom.

The professor had stopped speaking.

Elphaba hadn't realized how loud her whispering had become.

And then, before she could stop herself, she blurted:

"What now, Glinda, you will ask me to have sex with you in the name of your science?!"

Dead silence.

The entire class turned to stare.

Elphaba froze.

Her eyes went wide.

Her brain short-circuited.

And then, she wanted to die.

Glinda stared at her for a moment, blinking slowly.

A slow, devilish smile curled at the edges of her lips.

The tension was unbearable.

Then—

"Elphie!" Glinda gasped dramatically, clutching her chest. "Not in public!"

A few students snorted. Someone actually choked.

The professor sighed, rubbing his temples. "Ladies, please keep personal matters out of my classroom."

Elphaba turned a shade of green that should not have been possible.

Glinda, however, just beamed at her.

Elphaba hated everything.

She sank into her seat, pressing her forehead against the desk.

Glinda patted her back sympathetically. "Oh, Elphie," she whispered, amusement thick in her voice.

"I loathe you," Elphaba muttered into the desk.

Glinda giggled. "No, you don’t."

Elphaba groaned.

This was getting dangerous.